22 Ways To Kill Paige

Chapter The Tenth

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed or anything associated with Brad Kern or the really wrinkly old guy whose daughter was on his other show, you know the one that they made Prue leave, that was about teenagers and had hot Jason Priestley on it? Yeah, that one.

A/N~~~ Now kiddies, I doubt anyone reads MY pathetic A/Ns, but say I tell you a, um, fictional story. Now this. . . fictional story is real. It happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of mine. AND it happened to a friend of a friend. And it happened to a friend of mine aswell. So, there was a girl called. . . . Lora and a guy called Leam. They met at a party and um, made out some. Then she liked him. Then he said he liked her. So Lora was all 'the party, rocked!" And then Leam was all "Yeah, it was okay." Then the next day @ the skate park, Leam was all "So, Cathryn, should I ask Lora out?" Cathryn, Lora's friend was all "Yeah!" So Leam sent Lora a text message saying. . ."Hey baby, wanna come to the skate park now?" Lora was all "Soz, I can't right now."

NEXT DAY. . . Leam asked out a girl called Monika. Deelwin and Dwayne (Leam's friends) told their girlfriends, Cate and Cathryn (Lora's friends) that as Lora was short, Leam had made a bet with one of his friends that he could get with someone shorter than HIM at Hamiche's party! So he went out with Monika, who he had liked for awhile, and left Lora feeling, well, BAD. Even her friends couldn't cheer her up. (It's a sad thought.) Then two weeks later Leam talks to Lora on msn, and through Deelwin and Dwayne, we all learn that Leam broke up with Monika. He thought she was fugly! That ain't very nice. Anyhoo then he asked out Lora, saying she was his FIRST choice only, she washis first choice AFTER Monika obviously.

Does anybody agree that Lora should dump the cheating, lying, mean arse, rude, evil Leam ? Cos he's mean and . . . . . . some people don't want their friends going out with a mean arse like that. Cos there's more.

Leam called Lora on the phone twice a week. They talk a bit and then he always says he has to go. Something more urgent to do. Then one day, Dwayne's school plays rugby against Cate, Cathryn, and Lora's school. Cathryn had broken up with Deelwin earlier that day, as he lied about having multiple girlfriends when he hadn't and APPERENTLY he'd had sex, and he hadn't. So Leam came too, as Cate and Cathryn and Lora and 3 of their friends, 2 of who had met all 3 guys, and 1, Ittzel, hadn't. Leam was the first to greet them, with a "Lora, why did Cathryn dump Deelwin?" Cathryn, Cate and the two others answered him and he was all "So. . . . "!!!!

Leam didn't talk to Lora much during the game, preferring to just lean over her whenever he felt like it and make out, instead of talking or anything. All he wants is the physical side of the relationship, instead of liking Lora for WHO she is, he just likes her for her tongue. Ew.

Please review if you think Lora should break up with Leam. Please review if you think Lora should go out with Leam. Please review if you think they are young and allowed to have mindless dates. Please review if you really don't care. Please review if you don't care, but agree that Liam should like Laura for Laura. That's right, our heroine's true name has been revealed. But anyway, this IS a fictional story.

So Laura can't sue me. . . . I hope.

Okey dokey, that was a bunch of nothing. Many of you probably skipped through the entire thing but it IS something I would love your help with and I respect everyone's opinions, and would love to hear them. So thanks.

Bounty Blues

Paige was on a beautiful old pirate's ship, singing along to her favourite song "I never believed this could happen to me, cos something like this only happenes to dumb girls-"

"PAIGE! You ARE a dumb girl!" Pheobe yelled at her from the stern of the ship. Paige pouted and then climbed up to the crow's nest, loving the view. She noticed a seagull fly and land on the top of it, and smiled at it as she called hello. It responded by dropping someone long, orange and sticky on her from it's rear end. Piper laughed.

"It's orange bird crap!" Everyone cheered for the bird as Leo chased it around, trying to get it to play dollies with him. He was in the middle of tying a white bonnet on it when suddenly a huge storm struck up, lightning crashing into the side of their pirate ship, thunder rumbling in the large grey sky, as it opened up, letting out huge sheets of rain that fell upon the Charmed Ones, Cole and Leo as they all screamed like young girls, and ran for the cover of the galley a.k.a the kitchen.

They all screamed once again from beneath their drenched clothes, as the boat shook, tilting over almost to one side and then the other.

"Help us God!" Screamed Cole. "I'm too young to die!"

"Cole! You're a hundred and seventeen!" Pheobe yelled at him.

"I know!" He yelled back sadly. The two lovers cuddled close as the end seemed near, the sky as dark as the Source's heart on a good day, rain seeping through the crack's like Paige on a toilet. Leo hid cowardly under the table, holding Piper's hand in case she was scared. He would protect to the ends of the earth. As long as it didn't mess up his hairstyle of course.

Paige suddenly stood up bravely, donning a blue and red jumpsuit with a bright red 'S' pinned to the chest. "I'm Supergirl!" She yelled loudly.

"I'm Piper!" Yelled Piper excitedly.

"I'm gay!" Yelled Leo, grinning as he joined Paige and Piper standing proudly on the table.

"I'm blonde!" Yelled Pheobe, jumping on to the table. Piper pushed her away and she toppled off, falling flat on her face.

"You're not blonde! Dumbass!"

Pheobe shied her head sadly. "I just wanted to fit in."

Piper scoffed. "Never gonna happen! Now let's get our mouldy asses outta this boat."

Paige smiled valiantly. "I will save you!" She walked bravely up the stairs and out the door, as the wind howled loudly and the rain flooded over her. "Aaah!" She screamed, in pain. No one cared. For a change . Paige always tried to be brave, so she smiled encouragingly, but she just couldn't help crying a bit. 'I wish I had friends.' She thought sadly. 'All well. I'll be a superwoman. . . . girl, and THEN they'll love me! All of them. Even Hebee! Oops, I mean Phoebe. No, Pheobe. That ex-blonde freak who doesn't know how to spell her name.' Paige cackled as Piper and Cole, who were peering out the kitchen door, gave her patronising looks. "Okay," she thought as she was lifted into the air by a skinny figure in green.

"Hey! You're Peter Pan! Wow!" Paige yelled excitedly, squirming in his grasp.

"Wow!" Peter mocked, changing positions so that he could hold Paige by her disgustingly contrasting orange and blue jumper that looked as though the sewing machine had thrown up on it.

Peter and Paige flew over a few hundred mountains, a few seas, a couple of rivers, some streams, a pond, maybe a lake, and an ocean I think.

****SOMEWHERE IN NEVER LAND****

"Oooooh! Never Never Land!" Paige yelled, jumping up and down within her jumper, which she fell out of as Peter lost his grip and she fell through the air, Peter not caring about her enough to catch her. She fell into crocodile-infested waters with a splash as Peter smiled wickedly. He had been asked to make the drop, and he had killed her completely unintentionally. He was very, very, VERY evil. Peter was such a mean boy, and he'd killed an innocent pale woman! Peter was hella proud of himself, he'd never been so mean! Now he was ever so masculine, for killing someone!

"Peter!" Called a high pitched voice.

"Coming dear, oh Wendy sweetheart!"

Piper paced around the kitchen of the ship impatiently. "Do you think she's dead yet?" She asked frustratingly.

"She could be. Or maybe Peter took her off to have his way with her. He might have raped her first! Which wasn't in the deal!" Cole yelled, outraged.

"No!" Leo yelled, equally as outraged. "But I wanted to have my way with him! Those sexy tights, not leaving anything at all to the imagination, due to the transparent material!" Leo grinned suggestingly.

"I'm worried." Piper said, still pacing, periodically stepping over Pheobe's head as Pheobe was in her way of her pacing across the room. "I'm still worried!" Piper told them all loudly, a minute later.

Leo smiled encouragingly. "It's okay Piper. It's alright to be a homosexual."

Piper glared at him. "I'm scared that Paige isn't dead yet! I mean, do you think the orange bird shit was enough to disable her powers?"

"It is every other time!" Pheobe said smartly.

"Shuddup moron! I was asking myself! I'm the only one that ever has the right answer!" Piper yelled angrily.

Pheobe whimpered under the table as Cole and Leo laughed. Of course she was right. But that wasn't why they were laughing. OR why Pheobe was crying. They were playing. . . . uh, 'footsie' under the table, in plain sight of Pheobe. NAUGHTY.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Never Land, Paige was being eaten by a crocodile.

END

Okay, so please review to the author's note cos I would love any input!