Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Arthur Miller wrote "The Crucible". Don't sue me - I own nothing. I do have a cardboard cut out of Frodo that I'm pretty proud of, but no one's getting that...
ACT 2
Proctor: Hello Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: Hello John.
Proctor: STOP JUDGING ME! Not since I had sex with Abigail seven months ago have I had no sex with her since…mmm I felt like a wild stallion, neigh neigh neigh …oh sorry. I succumbed to lust. I'm a man, I need sex. Lots of it.
Elizabeth: I cannot trust you, John. You went behind my back, John. You dirtied yourself with that whore, John. Therefore, John, I cannot trust you. John.
Proctor: So, no sex tonight then? Oh look, there's Mary Warren.
Mary: I made you a poppet, Goody Proctor. I am extremely important because I get to go to the court. I'm a big girl now.
Proctor: No, you're not allowed. I FORBID IT!
Mary: I'm a voice of God, y'know. You shouldn't be yelling at the voice of God. Anyway, lots of exciting things are happening. 37 people have been accused. Goody Osburn was. She won't confess so she's gonna hang. Then there's Goody Good,
but sadly, she won't hang.Proctor: …erm…why's that then?
Mary: She confessed! And also she's pregnant. And she's nearly 60. Who would be that desperate? [Proctor looks nervous] But if it wasn't for me Elizabeth might be arrested [everyone looks shocked]. Whoops.
Proctor: It was Abby wasn't it? Manipulative bitch. Go away Mary, you annoy me.
Mary leaves.
Elizabeth: You are swearing an awful lot, John.
Proctor: I'm a farmer – I'm allowed. Look here's Hale! You can't take my wife!
Hale: Nah I just want to get to know her.
Proctor: I didn't know you were that kind of priest.
Hale: What? Anyway… a sure way to test whether ones love's God or not is reciting the commandments, because we all no reciting lines are very important in being a Christian. I read it, it must be true. So, go on then.
Proctor: Don't steal, don't like other gods, don't say my name, take Saturdays off, blah, blah, blah…
Elizabeth: what about adultery? John.
Proctor: Oh pish. What kind of commandment is that? I bet most of the people in the bible were begat from adultery. What about poor Joseph. I know how he feels. His bloody wife wouldn't put out …
Hale: Tisk Tisk
Proctor: Well, Abigail told me that it wasn't witchcraft!
Hale: That's nice! Oh look, here's Cheever!
Cheever: Is there any poppets here? Oh look, there's one!
Hale: Yes it is, isn't it?
Cheever: No! It's no plain poppet, it's a voodoo! Just tonight, Abigail had a
needle mysteriously stuck into her stomach. And if we lift up her dress…
Everyone: She's got no knickers on!
Proctor: Yes, Abby likes to go commando.
Cheever: … But look! [aghast] Goody Proctor! Satan's bitch! This poppet is evidence. Arghh, she is looking at me with her stony eyes! No, spare me, witch, spare me!
Proctor: Mary Warren! You will go to court with me tomorrow and tell the truth.
Mary: Oh! Abby won't like that!
Proctor: I don't care what Abby likes….although I used to care, and I gave it to her willingly….but ANYWAY, you're coming with me.
THE METAPHORICAL CURTAIN METAPHORICALLY FALLS
