Author's Notes: This part is not yet the one your are all waiting for.
This one deals with some of the more technical aspects of the storyline.
The medical jargon should be close to accurate. I figured I might as well
put my psychology degree to use for something! So yeah, basic storyline
development here. The next part will be B/A!
AN2: Thanks and appreciation go out to *checks list*: Christine, Lauren, Jo, Lana, Kendra, Northern Star, lexie, TK, and Tariq. You guys are awesome, thank you so much for the feedback!!!
AN3: Not beta'd, mistakes are mine!
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Part 8 - Anticipation
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Only fifteen minutes later, Buffy awoke abruptly from her sleep. Her mind was racing, but as she tried to grasp at the thoughts they slipped away. Running a hand through her hair, she noticed the layer of perspiration coating her forehead. What had caused her to wake up? And why had she broken into a sweat during the little bit of sleep she had gotten?
Buffy lay in her bed, eyes closed, mind absorbing everything that had occurred only a short while ago. As she had earlier, she tried to make sense of it all. Attacked.coma.nine months.missing memory.at least three years of missing memory.
Tears formed in her eyes as she thought about all these things. Nothing felt real, she didn't feel real. She searched through her memories for anything that could tell her something, but there was nothing. It was like the world ended at a certain point during her freshmen year in college, and nothing happened after that.
As Buffy continued to lay there processing all that she knew, her mind went back to Willow and not exactly what she had told her, but the way she had told her. If there was one thing Buffy remembered without a doubt, it was the personality of her best friend. There had been something in Willow's eyes when she had talked to her. She couldn't quite place it, but it seemed like there was so much emotion hidden in them. She felt as though there was something big that Willow hadn't told her, and it didn't quite feel like a good thing.
The pounding in her head was ever increasing with all the confusing thoughts floating around. The only thing she wanted was for all this to go away. For everything to be back to the way it used to be when she was happy, carefree, and possessed all her memories. She wrapped her arms around herself and began to cry, wishing heavily that it would all just not be real...and she wished, just for a moment, that *he* was there to hold her.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Two hours later Buffy's closest family and friends were seated in the Giles' family room. Xander and Cordy on the loveseat, their hands clasped, Willow and Oz stood behind them, Joyce was seated in one chair, and Giles in another. The only person missing was Angel. Willow had called him but gotten his voicemail so she just left him a message to give her a call when he got back. She'd tried to make the message sound casual so he wouldn't panic. And now they were all waiting for the doctor to come downstairs and talk to them. He'd arrived a half hour earlier and went straight up to check over Buffy and talk to her.
Finally, he arrived in the family room and began to brief them on Buffy's condition. "It appears as though Willow's assumption is correct. She has no recollection of any event after the early part of her freshmen year of college, which was approximately three and a half years ago. This really shouldn't come as a surprise since I suggested it may occur. But there's no reason to believe she won't regain her memories," he explained and then glanced around the room. After seeing that they were all listening intently, he continued.
"I have to admit, the length of the missing period of time is rather distressing. Usually in cases of severe trauma such as this, the memory loss surrounds the event, but Buffy's goes back much further. This could be the result of the coma and injury to the brain.or considering what you've told me about the past few years of her life, she could be unconsciously repressing it all. It's possible she's regressed to a point when her life wasn't so traumatic, so to speak," enlightened the doctor in as comforting a voice as he could muster. These types of situations were never easy to deal with.
"Repressing? You mean she's intentionally forgetting it all?" questioned Joyce, her brow furrowed slight as she expressed the same thought that the others had.
"I wouldn't say intentionally. It's a coping mechanism for the brain. When the mind becomes overwhelmed it finds ways to 'work around' the distressing information. In Buffy's case, it's blocking access to four or so years worth of memories. That is, if it is indeed a case of repression. As I said, it's also possible that the injuries themselves have destroyed the memories. Unfortunately there's not much I, or any of you, can do other than just wait and see," the doctor clarified.
"What do we do in the mean time, or more precisely, how are we to act around her?" requested Giles, his heart aching for his step daughter. She'd been through so much already, and now this.
"The most important thing to do, is *not* to sit down and explain to her everything that's happened in the last four years. For it to feel real to her it's best to try and let her remember. There's obviously going to be a lot of things you have to tell her, but it's best if you only reveal more mundane facts such as what your jobs are or trips you've taken. Items that are more specifically related to her you shouldn't just come out and tell her," he stated somewhat forcefully so that they would understand the importance of his words.
"If she's going to remember, it will most likely start as little flashes or images she can't place but feels a familiarity to. These can often be triggered by something currently going on around her. Hopefully as she heals the memories will come back, but as I said, I can not guarantee that," he added knowing that there were no guarantees that their loved one would ever regain all of her lost memories.
"What are the chances that she will get them back?" Willow questioned as she held tightly onto Oz's hand. They'd all known that memory loss was a possibility, but having it actually occur was completely different.
"I can't say for sure since we don't know for sure the true cause of the loss. Memory loss and brain injuries are still such an unknown subject in the medical community," the doctor sighed, wishing he could tell them something more definite.
"The good news though, is that other than the memory loss, her physical condition is quite well. I would like her to continue to see her physical therapist to rebuild her muscle strength and coordination. It's best to keep her from being too active for time being until she's recovered a bit more. I would also suggest having her see a psychologist. She's going to be very frustrated and will likely lash out because of her lack of memory. A therapist will help her deal with the situation, and also if the traumatic memories start to return, he or she will be valuable in her recovery from the events," finished the doctor as he glanced at his watch and saw that he must leave.
"Of course doctor. We will do anything required of us in order to ensure her recovery," Giles answered firmly. Buffy's medical bills were already astronomical, but neither he nor Joyce cared, just as long as she got better.
The doctor then said his good-byes to the assembled group and was accompanied to the door by Mrs. Giles. The others remained in the living room digesting all that the doctor had told them. If there was one thing they knew for sure, the coming weeks, maybe months, were going to be very had and stressful.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Angel's meeting finally ended, unfortunately it had lasted a couple hours. Of course he didn't really remember much after he felt something going on with Buffy. He was torn between getting up and running out of the meeting, and cowering in a corner somewhere afraid to hear the news, whatever it was. As soon as the meeting ended though, his need got the best of him and he dashed out to his car, not even returning to his office to gather his things or to check his messages.
The only thing on Angel's mind was Buffy, and whether or not she was all right. Something inside him was saying that she was fine, that he would have felt something different if the unacceptable had happened. This didn't calm his nerves though. What if she woke up and was severely brain damaged? What if she was paralyzed? Numerous possibilities ran through his head on the journey to the Giles' residence.
As he pulled into the driveway he saw several cars stationed in front of the house, a sure sign that his feeling that something had changed was indeed correct. He prayed to whatever high power existed that everything was all right, that his beloved would once again be able to find happiness.
Finally Angel managed to pull himself out of his car make his way into the house. Upon entering he heard quiet voices coming from the family room. He approached slowly, remaining a few feet from the entrance. Inside he saw that *everyone* was there. They seemed to be deeply engrossed in conversation with expressions that were a mix of worry and happiness upon their faces. Not realizing it, Angel just stood there for what seemed like hours, but was really only a few minutes.
Angel snapped out of his daze when he heard Willow calling his name and found that she was standing right in front of him.
"What's going on Willow?" queried Angel worriedly.
Willow sighed and quietly led Angel into the room where the others were seated. After looking around at her friends and surrogate family, she realized they expected her to break the news to Angel. So that's what she did. She told him all that had happened that afternoon, and all that the doctor had told them, leaving nothing out. During the whole explanation Angel remained seated, his gaze directed downwards at his hands, not saying a word.
The silence hung in the room for a few minutes after Willow finished speaking. All eyes were focused on Angel, who had still yet to say anything. Each member of the group knew, that despite his past actions, the man before them still loved Buffy deeply. They would have had to have been blind not to see it.
Inside Angel's head he was trying to put everything he'd heard together. Honestly, he wasn't even sure he'd taken in most of it. As soon as the words 'she's awake' had come out of Willow's mouth he zoned out. The phrase just kept repeating over and over in his head and his heart soared with the news. She was awake, she was going to be okay.
His thoughts finally turned to the other things what Willow had said.memory loss. It shouldn't have surprised him, they'd all been warned it could happen, but still it was a shock to hear. Especially the extent of the loss. Despite all this, there was only one thing that he wanted to do at the moment.
"Can I see her?" Angel at last choked out.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Quietly, Willow entered Buffy's room. She didn't want to wake her if she was asleep since the doctor had said she needed as much rest as possible. However, when she walked into the room she found Buffy not in her bed, but sitting knees to chest on the window seat, staring out at the night.
"Hey, you ok?" questioned Willow softly.
"Huh? Oh, hey Willow. Yeah, I'm fine. It's just all.overwhelming, ya know?" Buffy responded, not removing her eyes from their gaze outdoors.
"I can imagine. I wish there was more I could do for you," said Willow sympathetically.
"It's okay, just having you here helps," Buffy said in a near whisper. The confusion in her head had not lessened at all. All she wanted was for things to be the way they used to be.
"Is there anything you need.food?...magazines?...a hug?" the red head smiled sheepishly. There had to be something she could do to help her friend.
"Not really hungry and I don't think my brain could handle even mindless reading right now, but I wouldn't say now to a hug," shrugged Buffy. Really, all she wanted was to be left alone. Maybe then she'd be able to find answers to all the questions in her head if she thought about them long enough.
Willow smiled at her sadly. It was obvious how much pain her friend was in, and it wasn't even physical pain, it was all emotional. The kind she couldn't really do much to help ease, and that's what annoyed her the most, that there wasn't really anything that she could do.
Instead she just had to be there for Buffy, and support her no matter what. And if that included lots and lots of hugs, then that's just what she would do. So she strode over to where Buffy was sitting and embraced her warmly, hoping that in some small way it eased her pain.
"Thanks Will, I don't know what I'd do without you here," Buffy said in response.
"Anytime, I'll be your personal hug machine," answered Willow with a grin.
"I might just take ya up on that," chuckled Buffy sadly before returning her eyes to where they had been watching out the window.
Both girls remained silent for a few minutes, not knowing what to say to each other, mostly just enjoying each other's presence.
"Are you up for a visitor," Willow spoke.
"Sure," replied Buffy without much thought, her mind still focused on her internal thoughts and staring off into the night. It was probably just one of the gang anyway. They'd all been in earlier, but they probably wanted to see her again.
"Ok, if you're sure. I'll send him in," Willow replied somewhat nervously. She had no idea how Buffy was going to react to her visitor.
Him? Buffy thought to herself, must be Xander. He was the only *him* she knew other than Giles. So when she heard the door open she didn't bother to look away from the window, figuring he'd just come over and plop down next to her. It wasn't until she heard the voice say 'Buffy' that she snapped her head around to stare into the eyes of the man who had spoken her name.
"Angel?" she whispered, tears already cascading down her cheeks.
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TBC.feedback is always welcome!
AN2: Thanks and appreciation go out to *checks list*: Christine, Lauren, Jo, Lana, Kendra, Northern Star, lexie, TK, and Tariq. You guys are awesome, thank you so much for the feedback!!!
AN3: Not beta'd, mistakes are mine!
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Part 8 - Anticipation
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Only fifteen minutes later, Buffy awoke abruptly from her sleep. Her mind was racing, but as she tried to grasp at the thoughts they slipped away. Running a hand through her hair, she noticed the layer of perspiration coating her forehead. What had caused her to wake up? And why had she broken into a sweat during the little bit of sleep she had gotten?
Buffy lay in her bed, eyes closed, mind absorbing everything that had occurred only a short while ago. As she had earlier, she tried to make sense of it all. Attacked.coma.nine months.missing memory.at least three years of missing memory.
Tears formed in her eyes as she thought about all these things. Nothing felt real, she didn't feel real. She searched through her memories for anything that could tell her something, but there was nothing. It was like the world ended at a certain point during her freshmen year in college, and nothing happened after that.
As Buffy continued to lay there processing all that she knew, her mind went back to Willow and not exactly what she had told her, but the way she had told her. If there was one thing Buffy remembered without a doubt, it was the personality of her best friend. There had been something in Willow's eyes when she had talked to her. She couldn't quite place it, but it seemed like there was so much emotion hidden in them. She felt as though there was something big that Willow hadn't told her, and it didn't quite feel like a good thing.
The pounding in her head was ever increasing with all the confusing thoughts floating around. The only thing she wanted was for all this to go away. For everything to be back to the way it used to be when she was happy, carefree, and possessed all her memories. She wrapped her arms around herself and began to cry, wishing heavily that it would all just not be real...and she wished, just for a moment, that *he* was there to hold her.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Two hours later Buffy's closest family and friends were seated in the Giles' family room. Xander and Cordy on the loveseat, their hands clasped, Willow and Oz stood behind them, Joyce was seated in one chair, and Giles in another. The only person missing was Angel. Willow had called him but gotten his voicemail so she just left him a message to give her a call when he got back. She'd tried to make the message sound casual so he wouldn't panic. And now they were all waiting for the doctor to come downstairs and talk to them. He'd arrived a half hour earlier and went straight up to check over Buffy and talk to her.
Finally, he arrived in the family room and began to brief them on Buffy's condition. "It appears as though Willow's assumption is correct. She has no recollection of any event after the early part of her freshmen year of college, which was approximately three and a half years ago. This really shouldn't come as a surprise since I suggested it may occur. But there's no reason to believe she won't regain her memories," he explained and then glanced around the room. After seeing that they were all listening intently, he continued.
"I have to admit, the length of the missing period of time is rather distressing. Usually in cases of severe trauma such as this, the memory loss surrounds the event, but Buffy's goes back much further. This could be the result of the coma and injury to the brain.or considering what you've told me about the past few years of her life, she could be unconsciously repressing it all. It's possible she's regressed to a point when her life wasn't so traumatic, so to speak," enlightened the doctor in as comforting a voice as he could muster. These types of situations were never easy to deal with.
"Repressing? You mean she's intentionally forgetting it all?" questioned Joyce, her brow furrowed slight as she expressed the same thought that the others had.
"I wouldn't say intentionally. It's a coping mechanism for the brain. When the mind becomes overwhelmed it finds ways to 'work around' the distressing information. In Buffy's case, it's blocking access to four or so years worth of memories. That is, if it is indeed a case of repression. As I said, it's also possible that the injuries themselves have destroyed the memories. Unfortunately there's not much I, or any of you, can do other than just wait and see," the doctor clarified.
"What do we do in the mean time, or more precisely, how are we to act around her?" requested Giles, his heart aching for his step daughter. She'd been through so much already, and now this.
"The most important thing to do, is *not* to sit down and explain to her everything that's happened in the last four years. For it to feel real to her it's best to try and let her remember. There's obviously going to be a lot of things you have to tell her, but it's best if you only reveal more mundane facts such as what your jobs are or trips you've taken. Items that are more specifically related to her you shouldn't just come out and tell her," he stated somewhat forcefully so that they would understand the importance of his words.
"If she's going to remember, it will most likely start as little flashes or images she can't place but feels a familiarity to. These can often be triggered by something currently going on around her. Hopefully as she heals the memories will come back, but as I said, I can not guarantee that," he added knowing that there were no guarantees that their loved one would ever regain all of her lost memories.
"What are the chances that she will get them back?" Willow questioned as she held tightly onto Oz's hand. They'd all known that memory loss was a possibility, but having it actually occur was completely different.
"I can't say for sure since we don't know for sure the true cause of the loss. Memory loss and brain injuries are still such an unknown subject in the medical community," the doctor sighed, wishing he could tell them something more definite.
"The good news though, is that other than the memory loss, her physical condition is quite well. I would like her to continue to see her physical therapist to rebuild her muscle strength and coordination. It's best to keep her from being too active for time being until she's recovered a bit more. I would also suggest having her see a psychologist. She's going to be very frustrated and will likely lash out because of her lack of memory. A therapist will help her deal with the situation, and also if the traumatic memories start to return, he or she will be valuable in her recovery from the events," finished the doctor as he glanced at his watch and saw that he must leave.
"Of course doctor. We will do anything required of us in order to ensure her recovery," Giles answered firmly. Buffy's medical bills were already astronomical, but neither he nor Joyce cared, just as long as she got better.
The doctor then said his good-byes to the assembled group and was accompanied to the door by Mrs. Giles. The others remained in the living room digesting all that the doctor had told them. If there was one thing they knew for sure, the coming weeks, maybe months, were going to be very had and stressful.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Angel's meeting finally ended, unfortunately it had lasted a couple hours. Of course he didn't really remember much after he felt something going on with Buffy. He was torn between getting up and running out of the meeting, and cowering in a corner somewhere afraid to hear the news, whatever it was. As soon as the meeting ended though, his need got the best of him and he dashed out to his car, not even returning to his office to gather his things or to check his messages.
The only thing on Angel's mind was Buffy, and whether or not she was all right. Something inside him was saying that she was fine, that he would have felt something different if the unacceptable had happened. This didn't calm his nerves though. What if she woke up and was severely brain damaged? What if she was paralyzed? Numerous possibilities ran through his head on the journey to the Giles' residence.
As he pulled into the driveway he saw several cars stationed in front of the house, a sure sign that his feeling that something had changed was indeed correct. He prayed to whatever high power existed that everything was all right, that his beloved would once again be able to find happiness.
Finally Angel managed to pull himself out of his car make his way into the house. Upon entering he heard quiet voices coming from the family room. He approached slowly, remaining a few feet from the entrance. Inside he saw that *everyone* was there. They seemed to be deeply engrossed in conversation with expressions that were a mix of worry and happiness upon their faces. Not realizing it, Angel just stood there for what seemed like hours, but was really only a few minutes.
Angel snapped out of his daze when he heard Willow calling his name and found that she was standing right in front of him.
"What's going on Willow?" queried Angel worriedly.
Willow sighed and quietly led Angel into the room where the others were seated. After looking around at her friends and surrogate family, she realized they expected her to break the news to Angel. So that's what she did. She told him all that had happened that afternoon, and all that the doctor had told them, leaving nothing out. During the whole explanation Angel remained seated, his gaze directed downwards at his hands, not saying a word.
The silence hung in the room for a few minutes after Willow finished speaking. All eyes were focused on Angel, who had still yet to say anything. Each member of the group knew, that despite his past actions, the man before them still loved Buffy deeply. They would have had to have been blind not to see it.
Inside Angel's head he was trying to put everything he'd heard together. Honestly, he wasn't even sure he'd taken in most of it. As soon as the words 'she's awake' had come out of Willow's mouth he zoned out. The phrase just kept repeating over and over in his head and his heart soared with the news. She was awake, she was going to be okay.
His thoughts finally turned to the other things what Willow had said.memory loss. It shouldn't have surprised him, they'd all been warned it could happen, but still it was a shock to hear. Especially the extent of the loss. Despite all this, there was only one thing that he wanted to do at the moment.
"Can I see her?" Angel at last choked out.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Quietly, Willow entered Buffy's room. She didn't want to wake her if she was asleep since the doctor had said she needed as much rest as possible. However, when she walked into the room she found Buffy not in her bed, but sitting knees to chest on the window seat, staring out at the night.
"Hey, you ok?" questioned Willow softly.
"Huh? Oh, hey Willow. Yeah, I'm fine. It's just all.overwhelming, ya know?" Buffy responded, not removing her eyes from their gaze outdoors.
"I can imagine. I wish there was more I could do for you," said Willow sympathetically.
"It's okay, just having you here helps," Buffy said in a near whisper. The confusion in her head had not lessened at all. All she wanted was for things to be the way they used to be.
"Is there anything you need.food?...magazines?...a hug?" the red head smiled sheepishly. There had to be something she could do to help her friend.
"Not really hungry and I don't think my brain could handle even mindless reading right now, but I wouldn't say now to a hug," shrugged Buffy. Really, all she wanted was to be left alone. Maybe then she'd be able to find answers to all the questions in her head if she thought about them long enough.
Willow smiled at her sadly. It was obvious how much pain her friend was in, and it wasn't even physical pain, it was all emotional. The kind she couldn't really do much to help ease, and that's what annoyed her the most, that there wasn't really anything that she could do.
Instead she just had to be there for Buffy, and support her no matter what. And if that included lots and lots of hugs, then that's just what she would do. So she strode over to where Buffy was sitting and embraced her warmly, hoping that in some small way it eased her pain.
"Thanks Will, I don't know what I'd do without you here," Buffy said in response.
"Anytime, I'll be your personal hug machine," answered Willow with a grin.
"I might just take ya up on that," chuckled Buffy sadly before returning her eyes to where they had been watching out the window.
Both girls remained silent for a few minutes, not knowing what to say to each other, mostly just enjoying each other's presence.
"Are you up for a visitor," Willow spoke.
"Sure," replied Buffy without much thought, her mind still focused on her internal thoughts and staring off into the night. It was probably just one of the gang anyway. They'd all been in earlier, but they probably wanted to see her again.
"Ok, if you're sure. I'll send him in," Willow replied somewhat nervously. She had no idea how Buffy was going to react to her visitor.
Him? Buffy thought to herself, must be Xander. He was the only *him* she knew other than Giles. So when she heard the door open she didn't bother to look away from the window, figuring he'd just come over and plop down next to her. It wasn't until she heard the voice say 'Buffy' that she snapped her head around to stare into the eyes of the man who had spoken her name.
"Angel?" she whispered, tears already cascading down her cheeks.
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TBC.feedback is always welcome!
