Author's Notes: A quick note, I wrote Cordy a little out of character, but I wanted her to be nicer. Just thought I'd mention that since someone is bound to say that Cordy wouldn't have said the things she said in this part.

AN2: Thank you to: August528, Lauren, Jelly Baby, Christine, clules4eva, Courtenay, shahid, Tariq, TK, Slayer88, Wendy, and Emma for the feedback on Part 12. You guys are awesome!

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Part 13 - Forgive and Forget?

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How long had she been sitting there staring at Angel's letter, Buffy wondered when she finally snapped back to reality. Looking down at herself she could see the many dark spots on her shirt where her tears had fallen. She knew her eyes must be puffy and red as well.

Her eyes drifted back to the letter. Was everything in it true? Did he really still love her? Did it even matter to her if he did? She honestly didn't know the answer to that question.

The memories of their breakup were still so vivid in her mind. Every aching second of that night was forever scorched into her memory. How could she just push that aside like it didn't matter? Buffy didn't think she could.

Angel had shattered her innocent belief in true love that night. He'd taken every dream she'd ever had and slashed a metaphorical knife right through them, tearing her heart into shreds in the process. Nothing would ever take away the pain that he'd caused her that night. Nothing would make her forget the sight of him walking away from her and their love.

Did it matter that he'd only thought he was doing what was best for her? That is if everything he'd written was the truth. What's that old saying? She wondered. The road to Hell is paved with the best of intentions? Or something like that?

Well, Angel certainly paved our way to Hell then, she thought with a sarcastic internal laugh. It didn't sound like his life had been all that great the last five years. And hers, well, the six months or so she could remember from after Angel left had royally sucked, and then, of course, she'd somehow ended up in a coma. So her life, obviously, had been lousy. Yeah, he sure paved the way to Hell.

Buffy sighed and fell back against her pillows. What was she supposed to do now? Did he expect her to just say 'you're forgiven' and fall back into his arms? As much as she wanted to return to his loving embrace, she just didn't know if she could. The pain was just still to strong in her heart.

As she laid there thinking about Angel, her eyes started drifting closed. She was emotionally exhausted from the revelations in the letter and her brooding session afterwards that left her no closer to knowing what to do. But as she began to fall asleep, she couldn't help but wish that Angel was there to hold her.

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For most of the early evening, Angel found himself sitting in his apartment staring at his phone. Every minute that passed without anything happening sent his hopes further spiraling downwards. Had he really expected that she would call him? No, not really. But part of him still had the useless expectation that she would.

He knew that she must have received the letter by now. Xander had said that he was going over to the Giles' right after lunch. So Angel knew that she had it. Whether or not she had read it, he didn't know. He wouldn't have been surprised if she had torn it into little pieces and flushed them down the toilet.

But, still, there was that small part of him, somewhere in the back of his mind, that had thought she would call. The phone stayed silent, however. He'd been staring at the damned thing all night and it had done nothing but just sit there.

Had she read the letter? Had she not accepted it? Had she destroyed it? Angel just wanted to know something, anything. The not knowing was killing him

A sudden noise snapped Angel out of his internal thoughts. When the noise repeated itself, he realized that someone was knocking on his door. Jumping off the couch, he practically ran to the door. His heart seemed to be in his throat. Was it possible she had come to see him? He could only hope.

Taking a deep breath, he pulled the door open. To his dismay, it wasn't Buffy who he found on the other side.

"Xander," he spoke, disappointment obvious in his voice.

"Gee, what a welcome," joked Xander with a shake of his head.

"Sorry, I was just.," started Angel, swiftly looking away from his friend.

"You were just hoping that I was Buffy, I know," Xander stated, reading Angel's thoughts.

Angel just shrugged and moved back from the door, motioning for Xander to come in. The two walked into Angel's small living room where Xander sat on a chair and Angel on the couch.

"I figured you'd want to know how she reacted," Xander finally said when Angel made no attempt to say anything.

"She didn't want it, did she?" replied Angel, knowing it was probably true.

"No, she didn't it. She wasn't going to take it from me, but I convinced her too," he explained gently. He hated being in middle of his friends problems.

"Do.do you know if she read it," Angel asked softly, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

"I don't know. She took the letter and set it aside. I didn't stay very long and she didn't read it while I was there," Xander answered, wishing he had something better to tell Angel.

"Oh." Angel looked down at his hands, not wanting Xander to see the pain in his eyes. He understood Buffy's reluctance to even accept a letter, but it still hurt.

"I'm sure she will, Angel. Maybe not today, or tomorrow. But she will eventually. She just needs to cool down a little bit. You know the temper and stubborn streak she has," offered Xander in consolation.

"Yeah," responded Angel, although he couldn't help but feel like he'd already lost her for good.

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Buffy was not happy. Not only was it nine in the morning, after a night during which she had slept restlessly, but she was also being forced to exercise. Well, not quite exercise in the strictest sense. Technically, she was doing her physical therapy but it felt more like exercise to her and they'd been at it for the last hour.

At seven that morning her Mom had come in to wake her and tell her that she was to have her first 'post-coma' session with her physical therapist. Willow had told her how the therapist had worked with her while she was in the coma and that now that she was out he'd help her get back into shape. It made sense, really it did. But that didn't mean she liked the fact that he had to come at eight in the morning.

And, of course, there was also the fact that some simple stretching and weight lifting were utterly exhausting. After nine months in a coma her muscles were severely under-used and therefore protested violently to the strains.

"One more set," the man, now known as Riley, told her as she lay on the mat in the gym in the basement of the house.

She groaned inside her head at the order, but complied and began doing ten more raises per leg. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched this Riley person. She didn't know why, but he bugged her. All through their workout he kept asking her questions. And she had caught him staring at her more than once. It was rather creepy, but she pushed it aside.

"Ok, that's all for today. You did really well, Buffy," spoke Riley, flashing her a smile.

"Thanks," Buffy mumbled as she picked up her towel.

"Don't try to do too much, your body isn't ready for it yet," he advised her.

"Ok, I won't," she half-heartedly promised.

"So I'll see you in two days then," he told her while packing up his bag.

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Later that day, Buffy finally managed to get some time to herself. After her physical therapy session her Mother had wanted to spend some 'quality time' together. So they ate lunch together and then attempted to have a conversation, but it was more like uncomfortable small talk.

Then after that she'd met her psychologist for the first time, a man named Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. He was nice, but a little on the stiff side. The whole session had been spent with Buffy telling him about her situation and what memories she did possess. It was more of an information gathering session versus actual therapy.

So now Buffy was finally alone. Instead of going back to her room, she went out into the gardens and found a nice patch of grass to sit on under the sun. After a long day she was enjoying the just sitting there doing nothing in the peaceful quiet of the gardens.

Of course, her mind was anything but peaceful at the moment. She still couldn't get her thoughts off of Angel. The words in his letter kept running through her head. As much as she told her self she didn't care, she couldn't stop wondering if what he had said was true. And if they were true, then what did she want to do?

Sighing, she lay back in the grass, staring up at the blue sky. She watched as the clouds shifted shape and floated across the sky. Unconsciously, her thoughts drifted back to a picnic on the beach Angel had taken her on the summer before their senior year of high school. They'd spent the whole day together laughing and enjoying themselves. It had been perfect.

She had so many memories like that of them together. Not even the images of their breakup could block out all the good times. She hated to admit it, but she missed those days.and she missed Angel. She missed the way he could always seem to read her mind, she missed the way his arms held her, she missed the peace he brought to her soul. There was no doubt in her mind, now, that she still had feelings for him. Maybe she even still loved him. But the bigger question was whether she could get past the broken heart he'd been the cause of.

"Let me guess. You're thinking about.hmmm.Angel?" a new voice spoke from behind her.

Internally, Buffy groaned at having her alone time interrupted. It always seemed to happen. Nobody seemed to be able to leave her on her own for too long. Begrudgingly, she opened her eyes and tilted her head so she could see who had spoken.

"Hey Cordy," she greeted after seeing that it was one of her friends.

"Hey," Cordy answered back before taking a seat on the grass next to Buffy. "You didn't answer my question."

"What questioned was that?" Buffy feigned in ignorance to what the brunette was referring to.

"Were you thinking about Angel?" she repeated with a knowing look.

"Maybe," grumbled Buffy, unhappy that her thoughts had apparently been so transparent.

"Thought so," smirked Cordelia. "So how are you doing?"

"I'm okay," shrugged Buffy, feeling anything but okay.

"Xander told me about the letter Angel sent you," the brunette blurted out, causing Buffy to turn and glare at her.

"So?" Buffy questioned angrily.

"So.did you read it?" Cordelia wanted to know.

Buffy stared at her for a few seconds before answering. "Yes, I did."

"And?" prodded Cordy, wanting to know what was going on with her friends.

"An what? I read it. But it doesn't change anything," Buffy snipped out, not happy about having to discuss Angel when he was already constantly on her mind.

"Uh huh," replied Cordy with a pointed look at Buffy. "You can say that, but I know you are thinking differently. It's gotta mean something to know why he left.

Buffy sat up from her spot on the ground and stared at her hands. Did it mean anything to know Angel's reasons? She still didn't know the answer to that.

"I don't know, Cordy," sighed Buffy, looking up at one of her long-time friends. "I mean, yeah, it's nice to know that he didn't just up and dump me because he didn't love me anymore. But at the same time, it doesn't change that he still left me."

"No, it doesn't," conceded Cordy. She'd never been in a situation like Buffy's, but she could understand how it would be hard to get past what had happened with Angel. Still, she wanted to see them get back together. She wanted to see Buffy happy like she had been years ago. "So what are you going do?"

"Maybe nothing. Maybe.I," Buffy ran a hand through her hair and then continued. "He hurt me so badly, Cordy. That's just not something I can forget. But at the same time, I wish he was here. This is all so hard to deal with, the coma, the memory loss. And sometimes I just wish he was here to make me forget about it all."

Cordelia watched her friend as she spoke. It was obvious how much pain Buffy was in because of everything going on, and not just Angel. She couldn't imagine how hard it must be to have lost four years of memories. However, it was quite easy to figure out that Angel was Buffy's biggest problem at the moment.

Taking a minute to think, Cordelia smoothed out the wrinkles in her skirt. She was trying to think of something she could say to help Buffy.

"Do you remember the summer after graduation when I started dating Xander and how everyone reacted?" she asked and when Buffy nodded she went on. "My parents were horrified, and all the other supposed 'society princess' thought I'd gone insane. They treated my horribly."

"You almost broke up with him," Buffy stated wondering why Cordy was talking about this.

"Uh huh. I avoided him for almost two weeks," the brunette remembered. "I let everything they said get to me. I wondered if they were right, that he was just a loser. But eventually, I got over it."

"Is there a reason you're telling me all this?" Buffy asked while looking at Cordy oddly.

"Do you know what made me make up my mind?" Cordy replied and when she didn't receive and answer she explained. "I know Xander and I hadn't been together long, but there was just something that felt so right about it. When I would think of five or ten years from then, I could see myself still with him, and happy."

Cordy noticed that Buffy was still staring at her, not understanding what she was trying to say.

"My point being, is that I didn't want to lose out on a chance to be happy because of things that I couldn't change like the fact that he was poor or could be a bit of a spazz," Cordelia let out a slight growl-like sound. "I'm not saying this right. What I want to ask you is, do you want to give up the chance for a future with Angel because of what happened in the past? He can't change what he did, but you guys can still have a chance to be happy. When I look back now, I'm so glad that I didn't let the things I couldn't change ruin my relationship with Xander. If I had I wouldn't be as happy as I am now."

"It's not that simple, Cordy," Buffy answered hesitantly. "I can't just forget what he did to me."

"No, you can't. And I wouldn't expect you to. I'm sure he doesn't either," agreed Cordy. "But the question is, can you get past it?"

"I don't know. I just.I honestly don't know. I've been asking myself that all day" Buffy said sadly. Could she get past it? As she told Cordy, she just didn't know if she could.

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TBC.feedback appreciated :)