and then some for you

As soon as Rory got into her car she let out a long sigh. She had finally seen him. That went well.

Yeah, right.

She laid her head and arms on the steering wheel. Don't cry, don't cry. Please, please don't cry.

Rory jumped when her cell phone rang. Shaking, she searched for it frantically in her purse and finally found it at the bottom.

"Hello?" She said warily.

"How'd it go?" Lorelai's voice rang through.

"Okay." Rory answered. Far from okay.

"Was he upset?"

"Yeah, I think he was." That makes two of us, she thought.

"You're doing the right thing sweetie."

Rory wanted to yell and scream at Lorelai over the phone. No I'm not! I'm making the biggest mistake of my life! "Yeah, I know." She answered instead.

"You're sure your okay? Want me to stop over?" Lorelai asked concerned.

"No, I'm going to Lane's anyway." Rory sighed, "I'm fine, don't worry."

"Alright, see you later hon."

"Bye." Rory snapped her phone shut and leaned back in her seat. Memories of Jess came flooding into her mind. She smiled as she thought of one.



*Flashback*

Rory jammed the key into their apartment. It got stuck again.

"Stupid door!" She murmured to herself and then she kicked it. "Never works."

She was about to kick the door again when it opened, she looked up surprised.

"Are you talking to the door again Rory?" Jess stood in the doorway with a smirk on his face.

"Jess!" Rory threw herself into his arms, "What are you doing home so early?" She asked.

"I thought I'd surprise you." He kissed her cheek.

Rory smiled, "Oh, you're so sweet."

"I know." Jess led her into their apartment. "I ordered Thai from the Plum Garden."

Rory was puzzled, "But you don't like Thai food."

"But you do." He sat down on their dingy couch in the TV room.

"You're in a good mood." She sat down beside him and then a thought occurred to her, "Should we really be ordering out now? I mean, we've been so tight on money lately . . ." She trailed off.

"We're celebrating." Jess announced.

"We are?"

"I got that job at Saint Mary's, English teacher." Jess grinned from ear to ear. "It doesn't pay much, but it's a teaching job! No more subbing."

"Ahh!" Rory rained kisses all over his face, "I'm soooo happy!"

Jess laughed, "Me too." He brought her lips to his, they shared a long savoring kiss.

"Mmm, at least one of us is moving on up." Rory said.

Jess kissed the top of her head, "You'll get that job soon, I know it."

Rory jumped up out of his arms, "Let's not talk about that." She twirled around, "Let's dance! We have to celebrate!" She put a cd in their small stereo, a jazz song mingled into the room.

"You know I don't dance." Jess sat on the couch unmoving.

"Well, you do today." Rory unsuccessfully tried to pull him up. When it didn't work she glared at him, "If you don't dance with me right now we just won't celebrate later on tonight."

Jess quickly stood up, "Just one song."

"I knew you couldn't resist me." Rory kicked off her shoes and opened her arms.

They slow danced to the steady jazz music.

"You should have gotten Chinese food tonight." Rory interrupted the silence making Jess jump.

"What?" He asked confused.

"Chinese Food. We're celebrating for you, not me. You should have gotten Chinese food. That's what you like." Rory declared.

"But you like Thai." Jess argued.

"But we're celebrating for YOU." Rory repeated.

Jess brought her closer to him, "But I like to make you smile."

Rory smiled, "I love you."

"See? I made you smile." He grinned.

Rory rolled her eyes and then laid her head on his shoulder.

They danced in silence until Jess finally asked a question he'd been wanting to ask for a long time.

"Are you happy here?" He said gently into her ear.

"What?" She pulled away confused.

"Are you happy here?" He asked again.

Rory was astonished. "How can you even ask me that?"

Jess shrugged, "Well, are you?"

"I've never been happier in my life." Rory's eyes held truth. She shook her head, "Why do you ask?"

"Because your mother hasn't called since Christmas, because we barely have enough money to scrape by, because you don't have the job you want, because we live in an apartment where cockroaches are our friends. I could go on and on, Rory." Jess sighed, "I just wish I could give you more."

They had stopped dancing, Rory looked deep into his eyes. "Jess, you're all I need. You're enough for me, you always have been. How could you think otherwise?"

"But you're mom . . ."

Rory cut him off, "That's her fault. If she doesn't accept us then so be it. It's her loss. And my having the job I don't want has nothing to do with you and you know that." She grinned, "Besides, I like cockroaches."

Jess laughed and dipped her, "I thought we were dancing."

Rory laughed too, "I like dancing with you."

"I love it."

*Present*

Rory shoved her key into the ignition, why did she even bother thinking of him? She had Ryan now.

She smiled when she thought of Ryan. No, she didn't love him, but he made her happy and she needed that right now. He was a good man.

How many times a day did she tell herself that?

Too many.

But now she could put Jess in the past. He would send the papers and that would be that.

Somehow Rory knew it wasn't going to be that simple.

* * *

After Rory left, Jess closed the door and leaned against it.

How could she do this to him?

He slid down the door until he fell to a sitting position. He banged his head against the door. He had gone three years without letting her torment him. And now she was back, and now he had to sign papers.

Those damn papers. He'd been dreading them for the last three years and now they were here. He saw them sitting on his kitchen table, he wished he could rip them up and then burn them.

But, oh yeah, Rory was getting married. It had to be legal.

But those damn papers made it all the more real.

For the past three years it had seemed that Rory and him were just taking a vacation from each other. But now it was real, once he signed those she would be gone from his life forever.

He wanted her to be in his life forever. Isn't that what marriage meant? Until death, do us part? So much for that. He banged his head against the door again. Here he was, thirty-three years old and hadn't had a date for three years until tonight. How could she have that effect on him? She always had though. Ever since he was seventeen.

You would he think he'd hate her, after what she did to him. He had tried, oh how he had tried! He had scorned her and cursed her, but the thing was he didn't have any feelings of hatred at all toward her. It seemed to be the exact opposite.

Damn papers. Fuck them.

Jess thought back to when the word 'divorce' was first mentioned.

As Rory smiled through her memory, Jess cried through his.

*Flashback*

Jess bounded into their apartment, he had had a great day! He had been named teacher of the year by student vote. It was his first year at St. Mary's and he already had an award. He felt wonderful!

He came in to see Rory sitting on the couch, blankly staring at the TV.

His day suddenly turned sour.

"Hey Rory, how was your day?" He hung his coat in the closet.

She turned to look at him, "Fine." Her voice sounded detached.

He waited for her to ask the same question, it had become their daily ritual. It never came.

"Mine was great. Thanks for asking." He became sarcastic all of a sudden. When had she lost her zest for life?

"Jess, not now." Rory leaned back and closed her eyes.

"Why? Why not now?" Jess fumed. He had bottled up his rage for weeks and now it was all coming out. "You never want to talk! You never want to touch me! You never want to look at me!"

Rory put her head in her hands, "Please Jess."

"No, I want you to listen to me Rory." He grabbed her by the shoulders and made her look at him. "I love you and I don't want to lose you. Do you know that?"

When she didn't answer he shook her, "Do you know that?" He yelled.

She pulled away from him, "Stop it, stop it. Stop yelling, I hate it when you yell!" Rory cried.

"What did I do wrong?" He asked suddenly quiet.

"Nothing, you did nothing wrong." Tears formed in her eyes, "It's me, it's me."

Jess embraced her, "Please tell me. Tell me what went wrong."

A single tear fell, "I can't, I can't."

"Oh, Rory. Don't do this, please. Just tell me what's wrong." He needed to know so he could fix it. So things could go back to the way they were. He held her until her tears stop coming.

She pulled away from him and made herself stop crying. She sucked in a deep breath, "I want a break." Her voice was unsteady.

Jess stared at her uncertainly, "What do you mean a break?" She didn't mean . . . no she couldn't. Right?

"I want a divorce." Her hands were shaking.

Jess forgot to breathe, "You WHAT?!!!" Where the fuck did that come from?

"I want a divorce."

Jess felt his insides twist, he was going to throw up any second now. He had to calm down. He said, "There's a difference between divorce and break Rory. Which is it?" He could feel the bile rising in his throat. His mouth was watering and so were his eyes.

"Divorce, it's divorce." Now she was shaking all over.

"Divorce?" He said weakly. Divorce? No, oh God no. Oh shit.

"I don't love you anymore Jess." Rory looked at the ground.

"Fuck that!" Jess yelled. "Don't lie to me Rory!"

"I don't!" She finally looked him in the eye.

He couldn't read her this time. Her eyes were blank and clouded. He fell onto the couch.

"I want a divorce Jess." Rory declared, this time her voice was steady and true.

He didn't answer, his energy was draining away from him. He just couldn't fight it anymore.

His life fell apart at that moment.

*Present*



Jess still didn't understand how that happened to them. In a matter of one month they had gone from a fun loving couple to two separate people who didn't understand each other at all.

It was like it had happened over night. Rory just stopped responding to him. He wiped his face on his sleeve.

But after they had separated, the word divorce had never been mentioned between them again. Perhaps it was because Jess was to furious and completely broken hearted to even look at her. Or maybe it was because neither of them could bare to make it official. Divorce had seemed like going way to far.

Sudden, it had happened so sudden. He was never ready for it.

Jess had ended up doing most of the talking toward the end of their marriage, which wasn't exactly normal for him. She wouldn't let him touch her, they barely even kissed, much less made love.

Something had happened to Rory. But he never found out what that was.

At first he thought she had been cheating on him, but Rory would never do that. He knew that now.

So what happened? He had yet to figure it out. He probably never would.

The only other person that probably knew was Lane Kim. She had refused to tell him.

They had separate lives now, Jess thought, its not like it matters.

But it did.

* * *

It was ten o'clock when Rory parked her car in the driveway and turned off the engine. She was finally here.

Rory walked up to the front door and softly knocked. She didn't want to wake up the kids.

Lane opened the door, "Hey."

Rory forced a smile, "Hi."

Lane stepped aside to let Rory in, "How'd it go?"

Rory shook her head and bit her lip, "Not so good."

"You okay?" Lane opened up her arms and they hugged.

"No, I don't think I am." Rory squeezed her eyes shut and hugged her best friend tighter.

"I'm sorry Rory." Lane wished she knew something better to say.

"Oh, God Lane. I forgot how hard it was." Rory pulled away and sighed. "I'd forgotten how much I loved him."

Lane put an arm around her shoulder and led her into the kitchen, "You can tell me about it over a cup of coffee. I just put some on."

Rory smiled, a real one this time. "You're so good to me."

"Don't mention it."

They sat down at the kitchen table and Rory told her everything that happened. She didn't leave out any details.

Lane knew everything anyhow. She knew why they were divorcing, she was the only one. Rory didn't tell anyone else.



* * *

"Hey Lorelai." Rory said as she entered the kitchen of her house. Her house was an old fashioned one in the middle of Hartford. It was small with only two bedrooms but was perfect for Rory. It had a big front yard where she did all of her gardening from tulips to brightly covered vines crawling up the side of the brick house. Inside the kitchen it was warm and smelled like coffee, Rory was definitely home. Finally.

"Hey, thought I'd stop by." Lorelai took a sip of her coffee which she had taken from Rory's coffee machine.

"Oh." Rory threw her purse onto the table. She sat down in one of the kitchen chairs.

"You look tired." Lorelai declared.

Rory nodded, "I am. Lane and I were up almost the whole night talking." She yawned, "I thought I'd take a nap."

"Oh." Lorelai said disappointed.

"What?" Rory asked noticing her response.

"Well . . ." Lorelai said, "I kinda told Ryan we'd all go out for brunch."

"Lorelai!" Rory practically whined, "Why didn't you ask me first, you knew I was staying at Lane's"

"I know, but I thought it'd be fun. We'll go to Luke's!" Lorelai suggested.

Rory knitted her eyebrows. "I don't want to go to Luke's, I want to sleep."

Lorelai crossed her arms, "You're no fun anymore."

"I'm just not in the mood, okay?" Rory stood up.

"Fine, then you call Ryan and cancel our fun plans."

Rory rolled her eyes, "You're the one who made them, why don't you do it?"

"Don't get sharp with me!" Lorelai suddenly snapped. The wrinkles from narrowing her eyes too often around her eyes more noticeable then ever.

"Lorelai!" Rory whirled on her. "I just had a really bad night, okay? I had to tell the man I once loved to sign the divorce papers! I had to dig up the past last night! And I hated it! Christ, just leave me alone!" She shouted, her cheeks red with rage.

Lorelai backed down, "I'm sorry. I didn't know it was that hard on you." She said softly, "You said on the phone last night that you were okay."

"Yeah, well I lied." Rory made her way up the stairs. "Make sure you call Ryan because I'm going to bed."

Rory almost slammed the door to her room but caught herself. She was seventeen anymore.

She remembered having fights with Lorelai then, mostly about Jess come to think of it.

But it had always been about Jess. Frankly, her mother hated his guts. When they had gotten married she and Lorelai had barely spoken.

She hadn't even come to her daughter's own wedding.

Only after the separation had they made up.

Lorelai still thought it was Jess's fault they were getting divorced. But it wasn't, it was hers.

As Rory curled up in bed she was racked with guilt. She was the one causing Jess pain. Again. She thought that by getting divorced she would make his life better, away from her.

But she wasn't so sure of that anymore. She wasn't sure of anything.

AN: More coming soon, hope you like it!! REVIEW!!!!!!