*
I watch amusedly as Lana drops the full tray of coffees, spilling scolding brown liquid in every which direction. People in the Talon don't even bother turning around anymore since this is an everyday occurrence. It's no secret that the girl isn't very good at managing a café. I mean, how difficult is it to remember French vanilla cappuccino, not mocha latte?
The only difference today is there's a reason for Lana's accident. She doesn't even bother cleaning up the mess, just simply stares at me all wide-eyed. I begin a countdown in my head, bracing myself for the shriek. Five, four, three, two, one…
"You what?"
And there it is. I never cease to amaze myself. "You heard me." I say while sipping my unordered latte. I cringe at the taste, but drink it anyway. Hey, at least it's free.
"But, you -- you… I mean… what?"
I roll my eyes and sigh rather dramatically. "Spit it out Lana."
"YOU WERE LOCKED IN LEX LUTHOR'S CLOSET?!" Lana yells loudly, and I swear there's an echo resounding all throughout Smallville.
"Okay, okay, nothing to see here people. Show's over!" I tell customers who've stopped dead in their tracks to stare at us. Lana just seems oblivious to all the attention and continues to stare at me, her mouth agape.
Eventually things go back to normal, or at least as normal as things here can get. Lana's shock seems to have worn off and she's now rolling on the coffee-drenched floor, laughing hysterically.
Just then Pete walks in and makes his way over. He sits down in the chair opposite me while looking at Lana and shoots me a quizzical look.
"The pink has spread to her brain. Doctors don't know if she'll recover." I state matter-of-factly while shaking my head.
"A tragedy." Pete adds, nodding in mock-understanding while Lana finally plies herself off the floor, wiping tears from her eyes.
"Chloe. Closet. Locked. Lex's. Inquisitor. Last night!" She attempts to explain coherently, but fails miserably.
"Uh, oh-kay. I'll think I'll just have what Chloe's drinking. What ever you've drunk might be hazardous to my health." Pete replies and Lana trots off with the order. A few minutes later she returns with a French vanilla cappuccino. When she's not looking, Pete and I casually exchange our drinks and he leaves with a pathetic excuse about doing "homework" as to not be around Lana any more than necessary. Homework. Yeah, right. It's not even September yet.
Lana returns after cleaning up the earlier mess and jumps into the chair beside me, leaning in like our conversation was all of a sudden a deep dark secret, and not one she had just broadcasted to the entire state of Kansas. "So tell me the rest of the story! What happened after Lex found you in his closet?"
"Um… in order for this story to continue, I think I just might need a drink." I say half-jokingly.
I'm surprised when Lana nods in agreement and disappears behind the counter for a few minutes before resurfacing triumphantly with a large bottle of tequila. She hands it to me and sits back down.
"Lana? Aren't you forgetting something?" I ask bemusedly.
She scrunches up her face in what I think is deep thought and shrugs her shoulders. "Like what?"
"Aren't you going to card me?"
"Oh, yeah, right. Can I see some ID miss?"
I reach in my pockets pretending to search for my nonexistent ID. "I, um, must have forgotten it at home."
"Well, are you 21?"
"Uh… yes?"
"Good enough for me. Here you go." And she pours the tequila into a shot glass that seems to have appeared out of nowhere and hands it to me. I look around the Talon and, seeing it nearly empty, happily take the drink. It's like getting permission to get plastered. Granted the permission is coming from another minor, but still.
"Now continue the rest of the story!" Lana whines, and surprisingly I don't cringe. She actually went up a few notches in my book after providing me with free alcohol.
"What story?" I ask innocently, downing my second shot smoothly. She raises an eyebrow.
"Oh, well, in that case, I'll just tell you the story about my dead parents and how I'm all alone in Small—"
"Okay, okay! Let's not resort to torture here."
"I have to get it out of you somehow, and if liquor doesn't work, then extreme measures have to be taken." Lana grins smugly.
Pouring myself a third shot, I continue the story. "After Lex found me, I decided to get even."
"Enter Plan B." Lana interrupts.
"Right. So, anyway, he's all," I change my voice to a low pitch to sound like Lex. " 'Cecile, baby, daddy needs to take over some more companies' and she's all," I change my voice again, this time to a high pitched one. " 'Okay, I'll just be off on my slutty way and do what sluts do best.' "
"Careful or someone might think you're jealous." Lana teases.
"Jealous? Me? As if." And with that, I down my fourth shot. By this time things are staring to spin a little.
"So what happened after you did Plan B? You know, getting him all hot n' bothered before saying all you wanted was an interview?"
" 'Hot n' bothered' Lana?" I shake my head while giggling. Since when did I giggle? And while we're on this subject, since when did I confide in Lana? Definitely must be the alcohol.
Watching Lana turn a slight shade of pink to match her pink shirt, I decided to have some fun. "I bet you'd like to get Clark all hot n' bothered, huh?"
Her eyes widen and she takes the bottle of tequila from me. I groan in protest, thinking she's cut me off, but to my surprise she takes a swig.
When she doesn't say anything, I decide to cut her some slack and just finish my story. "Anyway, Lex got all pissy and locked me back in the closet. The nice cleaning lady opened the door in the morning after she heard me banging to get out. Thankfully I didn't have to explain since she didn't seem to understand any English."
Lana bursts out laughing, sputtering the liquid in her mouth all over me and the table. "I can't believe he locked you in there all night! Did you sniff his boxers?"
"Okay, you know what? No more tequila for you." I grab the bottle away from her and am surprised to find it already half-empty. Pouring another shot for myself, I try to stifle laughter at the mental image of Lana sniffing Clark's boxers. I wonder if they're pink to remind him of Lana. Knowing Clark, they probably are.
"Hey! I have an idea!" Lana announces to the now-empty Talon while jolting up out of her seat. She is unsuccessful in keeping her balance and ends up sprawled out on the floor. "Let's get even with Lex! We'll call it 'Plan C'. What do ya think?"
"What do you have in mind? TP-ing his mansion? 'Cause, ya know, that could be fun…"
"No! I'm thinking somethin' bigger. How 'bout we spike his coffee? Ev'ry mornin' he comes in for one!" Lana smirks evilly.
"Oh yeah, that's so much bigger. Wait, I got it! There's an office party at the Inquisitor tomorrow night! Someone retired or got promoted or whatever. Anyway, that could be the perfect time for Plan C!"
Lana and I both give evil laughs before finishing off the tequila and closing the Talon for the night. Stumbling home while singing "I'm A Slave 4 U", the details of the plan are mapped out. A particular bald billionaire has no idea who he is messing with.
