leave me

Lorelai was becoming increasingly frustrated. Where was her daughter?

She had tried calling work, her cell, home, and Lane's. She was nowhere to be found.

She was upset with Rory, she had missed her dinner date with Ryan. He had called, asking Lorelai if she had any idea where Rory was. He had tried all the necessary numbers also and come up fruitless just as Lorelai had.

This wasn't like Rory, she never forgot about people like this. But then again she had been acting strangely lately.

Ever since she had gone to see Jess that is.

Lorelai did NOT like that man. He was completely wrong for her daughter. She should know, she had been best friends with Rory. At last until Jess had shown up.

Things had never been the same between her and Rory. Even now. That's why she detested him so much.

Lorelai sighed as she poured herself another cup of coffee. How did she end up like this? Single and bitter. She still lived in the same house, at least she had the inn. She and Sookie finally had an inn of their own. It was the one good thing in her life.

Lorelai stepped into her family room with a coffee mug in her hand. She inserted a movie into the VCR, memories of the time before flooded into her mind as she watched 'Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.'

For seventeen sweet years it had just been mother and daughter, Rory and Lorelai. Best friends. Soul sisters. Kindred spirits. Together forever.

All that had changed when Jess came along. After that it had all gone downhill.

And it was her fault.



*Flashback*

Lorelai walked up the steps of her house in a huff, it had been a long day at the inn and she was dying for coffee and a warm bed. She wished that she could invite Luke over, but they had broken up a month ago because they had gotten into a tremendous altercation over Jess and Rory.

She walked into the house and headed for the kitchen, her heart lifted when she saw her daughter sitting at the table.

"Rory?" She said uncertainly.

"Hey Mom." Rory stood up quickly.

"What are you doing here?" She searched her daughters face, it was flushed pink and full of happiness but she stared at her mother doubtfully.

"I missed Stars Hollow."

Rory hadn't been back from New York, where she lived with Jess, in quite awhile, mostly because every time she came home they had screaming fights over how she was leading her life. With Jess that is.

There was an uncomfortable silence in the room and Lorelai finally asked, "Do you want something to eat?"

"No, I ate at Luke's with Jess." Rory said.

"Oh, Jess is here?" Lorelai said stiffening.

Rory looked at her sharply, "Yes, he is. He's staying at Luke's though."

Lorelai nodded, glad that she wouldn't have to see him tonight.

"Mom, the real reason I came here was because I have to tell you something." Rory was smiling happily, but she appeared to be somewhat nervous and agitated.

"What is it?" Lorelai said turning to her.

Rory bit her lip, she knew her mom was going to flip. And not in a good way. "We're getting married, Jess and I." Her eyes were twinkling with love and hope.

Lorelai stared at her, this couldn't be happening, not to her sweet little girl. She forced her rage down and answered Rory calmly, "Aren't you a little young for that?"

Rory raised her eyebrows, "Mom, I'm twenty four, I'm old enough to drink."

"So now you're drinking?"

Rory balled her fists in frustration, "No, mother I'm not."

"Probably another nasty habit you picked up from him." Lorelai turned away from her daughter, why did she say things like that?

"You know that's so like you!" Rory practically shouted. "To take something so amazing and turn it into shit!"

Lorelai whirled around, "Well it is shit!"

"No it isn't! I love him Mom!" Rory's cheeks were dotted red with rage.

"Love is not always enough!"

"It is for me!!"

"He's a good for nothing nobody who will never amount to anything!"

"You don't know him at all, you've never even tried!!! You're so predictable."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I knew you'd do this. You could at least pretend to be happy for me, I've never been happier in my entire life." Rory said softly.

"I'm not going to pretend to be something that I'm not, Rory."

"You're just jealous." Rory said.

"I'm what?" Lorelai glared at Rory.

"You're jealous that I didn't get pregnant at sixteen, jealous that I'll make something of my life, jealous that I've found someone to spend the rest of my life with while you're still alone. Dad left you and then Luke because you couldn't except the fact that Jess was apart of his life and mine. So now you're alone and bitter with your thoughts." Rory spat the words out.

Lorelai's eyes widened, all color drained from her face. "He's going to ruin you and I can't wait for the day when you come crying home to me."

"Get a life Lorelai, and stop trying to live mine." Rory began to walk out of the room.

"You were a mistake you know." Lorelai said with venom between her teeth. She watched as Rory slowly turned around. "I hope you know that I would've had an abortion, except I was too far along when I found out about the worthless thing growing inside of me." She regretted the words as soon as they spilled from her mouth. They weren't even true. They weren't even true . . .!

Rory didn't say anything, she just stared at her mother. And then she picked up her bags and left.

*Present*



That was the last time Rory had ever called her mom. She missed being called that.

Too many bitter words had been said for things to ever be the same again.

Lorelai hadn't gone to the wedding. She hadn't helped them find an apartment. She hadn't been there at all. She had only called once on Christmas, even then it was just to gloat because they didn't have much money at the time.

She was a cold hearted bitch.

She could admit that now.

Gone was the mother and daughter that shared everything with each other, gone were the best friends. All that was left were two people trying to stand one another's company. Even now the air was frigid between them. Somehow she had become her own mother.

Lorelai hated it.

It had happened the moment Jess entered their life. Lorelai had once blamed him, but now she knew that it was entirely her fault.

She regretted that she didn't make amends with Rory until after the separation. She regretted a lot of things. She had seen the way Rory lost all hope for life after the separation. It was like her whole life had drained away. It had taken two whole years to get her back on her feet. Lorelai knew now that they had been truly in love. That Rory had loved him with everything that she was worth.

Maybe she still did.

****************************************************

The pebble hit the water with a small plop, it created ripples cascading across the water. The ripples continued until they reached her feet which were dangling in the cool water.

She knew she was supposed to be somewhere, but she just didn't feel much like going.

She tossed another pebble into the water and watched it sinking, the murk of the water closed around it and swallowed it whole.

She remembered sneaking out here in the light of the moon and laughing as he skipped rocks across the water. She had never been able to make the skip, so she just tossed them. He called it a waste of good skipping rocks.

Smiling she threw another one into the water.

Her head snapped up as she heard footsteps behind her, making the bridge vibrate with anticipation. Suddenly she was seventeen again waiting for him to arrive, tossing pebbles into the water.

She turned around. It was Ryan. The weight of the world dropped again onto her shoulders once again. Or at least it felt like it.

"Hey." He said as he sat down beside her.

"Hi." Another pebble plunked into the water.

"Where were you tonight?"

"Here."

"I waited for an hour and you never showed." Ryan turned to her with his eyebrows raised in annoyance.

Rory shrugged, "I forgot."

"That's not like you Rory." He watched as she threw pebbles into the water. Is this what she come here to do? Throw rocks?

"I'm sorry." She reached for another pebble but her supply had run out.

But it didn't sound like she was sorry at all. It seemed like that she had meant to come here, meant to skip their date, meant to leave him hanging.

"You had me worried. I didn't know where you were."

Rory stared at her empty hands wishing she had something to fill them. But there was nothing. "I'm sorry." She repeated.

He wanted her to look at him, but she wouldn't. Her blue eyes just stared across the pond searching. For what? He didn't know.

For what he couldn't give her.

"Your mother was worried too."

She finally turned to face him, her eyes surprised. "Who, Lorelai?"

"Yes." Ryan stood up, "Listen, if you're just going to sit there like you don't have a care in the world then that's just fine. But I'm leaving."

She wished she didn't have a care in the world.

Rory stood up quickly as he began to walk away, "Wait!" She caught up with him. "I'm sorry Ry. I really am." She took his hands and held them in hers.

"Why didn't you come?" He stared steadily down at her.

She hated to be looked down upon, "I just needed to be alone and I completely zoned out. I'm sorry, truly." Her voice held remorse.

Ryan finally smiled, "Just don't do that again."

Rory smiled too, relieved. "I won't, promise."

They walked away together, their hands entwined.

But for some reason Rory's hands still felt completely empty. Or maybe it was just her heart.

AN: PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!