J O N N Y D o n' t t o u c h t h e g i r l
I was sitting on the floor tossing the ball for Bandit when Race came in. I knew. It was the shoulders, the eyes downcast. I knew.
Tonight the world had stopped. Maybe it stopped around dinnertime or maybe earlier in the afternoon. But sometime today it did stop.
Jessie was absorbed in The New Yorker. Her long red hair was hiding her face. She didn't see Race and how he entered so s h e n e v e r s a w i t c o m i n g.
"Jess, Jonny, I have bad news. They found a body. It's Claire's. She was murdered."
Punch to the gut. A fist the size of my entire chest blindsided me. I looked over to Jessie. Her brow creased slightly and her eyes wandered the carpet. Puzzle pieces were being forced together. There was no way to mistake what Race had said.
I looked over to Race. He quietly walked to Jessie's side leaned down next to her. I shook my head. Don't touch the girl.
I knew how this worked. I'd been here before when dad told my about mom. It's okay as long as you sit very still and don't do anything but breathe. The world can stand still for you. As long as there are no outside forces, you can be safe and the world still has all of the important people in it.
Race put his hand on her shoulder and the world crumbled. Jessie dropped to the floor. A rag doll.
I knew this part too.
Her heart was breaking into a thousand pieces and scattered across invisible plains. You can't get all the pieces back. I know.
I wanted to t o u c h her. She looked over to me. Her eyes needed me to respond but I couldn't. I realized at that moment the punch to gut had turned into a hole. A quiet place without sound and I was drowning in it. Up until this moment, I reserved this place for my mother and tucked it away.
This I did not know. I did not know it could ever hurt so deeply that my mother's ghost would have company.
I stood up and walked past Race and Jessie. I went to the study and picked up the phone.
"Yes, I need to speak to Hadji, tell him it's his brother. Just tell him he needs to come home."
When I hung up the phone, I realized I was still holding on to Bandit's ball, my knuckles were white and my fingers were numb like ice
