AN : Here's the next chapter, finally! Sorry guys! I know I haven't updated in ages but I'm still so busy with school that it's been hard to sit down and work on this lit at all. I also apologize for this chapter being so short, but I promise to update another very soon. So enjoy!

~Kay

never let go

"I mean, sure I like the guy and all! But I like Jess better!" Lane cried as she paced their room.

Mathew was lying on the bed on his back, in only boxers, "We all like Jess better, but does she?"

Lane stopped and starred at him, "Well, duh! She loves Jess!" She resumed her pacing, "She sure as hell doesn't love him!"

"Ryan! Ry-an. His name is Ryan." Mathew rolled his eyes, "You never call him by his name. I mean he is a nice guy after all."

Lane threw up her hands, "I know that!" She scowled, "I just don't know what to do. I can't tell her not to marry him."

"Why can't she marry him?" Mathew asked placing his hands under his head.

This time Lane rolled her eyes, "BECAUSE she loves Jess!"

"Ohh, right." Mathew raised his eyebrows, "I still think everything will turn out alright."

Lane sat down on the end of the bed, defeated. "How can you be so easy going about this? I mean even Lorelai is concerned, she called me."

Mathew shrugged, "If they're meant to be together then they will be."

"I hope so." Lane said but she frowned, deep in thought. She then turned her head and glared at him, "YOU want them to be together, right?" She asked expecting no other answer.

"Of course. I mean Ryan's alright." Mathew saw the look of venom on Lane's voice and quickly added, "But I like Jess better, we're buds, have been for twelve tears or something." He then paused for a moment and said, "Does Jess still love her now that he knows her big secret that I still don't know BY THE WAY." Mathew rambled, shooting Lane a look of his own.

"Well, of course Jess still loves her. Everyone knows that but Rory." Lane turned to him, "And you know I can't tell you, I can't break her trust." Lane sighed and wrapped her arms around her ever growing stomach, "It's nothing to be taken lightly anyway."

Mathew sighed too, "I know." He sat up and reached out to Lane bringing her to him, "But she'll never know!" He whispered in her ear, chuckling slightly, rubbing her stomach.

Lane rolled her eyes and slapped his chest lightly, "I will never break the best friends code!"

"But I'm your best friend!"

"Nope you're my best friend with BENEFITS." Lane paused thoughtfully. "And my husband."

"Isn't there a code where you have to tell your ever loving husband everything?"

"Nope."

"Well, shit. There should be."

Lane laughed and ran her hand across his scratchy chin, "You need to shave."

"But I thought it made me look dashing." Mathew grinned.

"You're always dashing."

"Why thank you my dutiful spouse that won't tall me anything at all." He leaned in a kissed her sweetly.

"Mmm."

"Are the kids asleep?" He whispered in her ear.

"Sound."

"Smashing."

****************************************************

Rory sat in front of her computer, tapping her fingers lightly against the keys. What to write, what to write . . . Lately writing her column hadn't come as easily to Rory, lately she has had to rip the words from her head. Even her boss remarked on her slump, but Rory just made up some lousy excuse of being sick.

Obviously that was not the reason. She just couldn't get her mind off of him. Actually either one of them. Why, oh why, was life so very complicated?

The phone rang next to her computer and she promptly picked it up, "Hello?" She said.

"Hey Rory."

"Lane! How's it going?"

"You sound perky."

"I'm really not, I was just glad you called so I get away from work for a second."

Lane chuckled, "What are you doing this Saturday?"

"Barbecue for Melanie's birthday?" Rory asked already knowing.

"You got it. Be there at four."

"I'll pen you into my calendar right away."

"Great." Lane said and then she hesitated. "How would you feel if I invited Jess?" She sounded very apprehensive.

"Jess?" Rory leaned back in her chair and bit her lip. Her knuckles turned white as she clutched the phone tighter.

"Yeah, I wanted you both to be there this time. You're her godparents." Lane said. "But I won't if it's not okay with you."

There was a pounding in Rory's temple as the blood rushed through her head. "Okay." She said finally.

"Okay?"

"Yes."

"Great. Mathew and the kids have really missed seeing him as they much as they used to."

"Yes, I suppose they would."

"Alright, well I gotta pick Kimmy up from practice. But will you come at three? Help me set up?"

"Yeah sure."

"Good, see you Saturday then."

"Bye."

The cradle made a loud clicking sound as it was replaced in its receiver. Rory felt like her world was closing in around her, nothing would go her way. Nothing. She cared for Ryan, she was so absolutely sure of that. And he made her feel loved. But was she in love was the real question.

Was she in love with Jess still? Yes. She must be. But he was not in love with her. And how could she know that if he was she wouldn't feel the same guilt she had felt before? Her life was a series of endless questions that gradually became more complicated.

What would it be like seeing Jess this weekend? Would he even come knowing she would be there? Had he ever loved anyone else in their three years apart?

She had to stop thinking about it.

*Flashback*

She stared at him hard. He was fumbling over his own words, fidgeting with his hands. He wouldn't even look her in the eye. What was going on?

"Rory," he said finally, looking up at her, "We've been together a long time now right?"

She nodded and said promptly, "Four years and eight months, not counting that time we took a break." Her mouth went immediately dry. That was it!! He was going to break up with her again! It had happened once four years ago during her first year at Harvard, they had been apart for five months. It had been the worst five months of her entire life. Holy Jesus.

"Well, our relationship seems to have come to a stand still . . ." Jess trailed off looking away from her again.

Rory felt a tingle of panic spreading throughout her whole body. He could not break up with her. No. Not now. Her throat tightened. He was going to break up with her again and leave her all alone! She wouldn't be able to handle it.

"And we've been together so much lately." Jess paused to find more words. "The forty five minute drive between our apartments is just a killer."

She wasn't even listening to what he was saying any more. She couldn't find her voice. He just continued to ramble on and on about nothing. Couldn't he come out and say it already? He did not want her anymore!

"I mean you practically live at my apartment . . ." Once again he trailed off losing his train of though out of nervousness.

This is what happened the last time he broke up with her. He stuttered over all of his words and could never complete a sentence. Sadness bubbled up inside of her. The bastard, couldn't he just spit it out?! "Jess! Just get it out already!" She nearly yelled. "If you want to break up with me just say it! I'll live!" No she wouldn't.

Jess stared back at her blankly and then surprise quickly shot across his face. "Rory," he managed through his astonishment, "I don't want to break up with you. I'm asking you to move in with me."

Her mouth fell and her face went blank. She knew she probably looked like an idiot but it didn't bother her at all. "You are?" She asked meekly.

"Yes!" He said exasperated.

"Oh." She hung her head ashamed to think that he didn't love her as much as he constantly said.

He lifted her chin, "So will you?"

Comprehension finally dawned across her face. She grinned, "Yes!" She jumped into his arms and held him tight, laughing giddily. "Oh! I was hoping you would ask me!"

He chuckled into her hair, "You thought I was going to break up with you?"

"Well, you were stuttering." She pulled away to look at him and give him a quick kiss. "The last time you stuttered you broke up with me."

"Oh." Now it was his turn to be ashamed. He always regretted that moment of time they had been apart. "I just wasn't sure how you would feel about it. You know . . ."

Rory's grin widened. "I am so happy! No more forty minute drives!" She kissed him. "I hate that apartment, I like yours much better."

"Oh yeah?" Jess asked with his eyebrows raised. "Why's that?"

"Because you're there of course." And she kissed him again.

*Present*

How upset she had been when she'd thought he was breaking up with her!

How upset she had been when they finally did . . .

Rory sighed and rubbed her temples, she listened to the rain falling softly on her roof. It was October now and this rain had come unexpectedly today. She had been planning on reading outside on her porch this evening, but that wasn't happening. Roy again turned to her computer and prepared to write when the doorbell rang. Surprised she stood up and walked quickly to the door as it rang again.

"Okay, I'm coming!" She yelled as she ran down the stairs and hurried to the door.

She found Lorelai standing at the doorway looking incredibly cold and wet, "Lorelai?" She asked curiously. The rain dripped over her eyelashes, making them bluer then ever, her hair was plastered to the side of her face and her cheeks despite the cold, seemed fuller and pinker then they had in years.

Rory felt taken aback, she looked . . . well younger. She looked like the mother she once knew.

Lorelai's face full of grief, let out a dry sob, "Please, will you call me Mom?"

Rory felt tears well in her eyes, when was the last time she had uttered that word aloud to anyone?

All of a sudden she remembered what it was like to have her mother- her very best friend. The games they used to play together, the laughter they shared, the fun and love that had always been between them until college. It had been much too long since she had called her mom. She bit her lip, and felt her face contort painfully. "Mom?" She whispered.

With open arms Lorelai stepped over the threshold and pulled her daughter into her embrace, "Oh, God Rory, how can you ever forgive me?" She began to weep into her shoulder.

"I already have." Rory said softly, wrapping her arms tightly around her mother.

Tears continued to stream down Lorelai's face, "I love you baby. I love you so much."

Sobs escaped from Rory, "I love you too."

They rocked back and forth in each other's arms as the cold rain puttered outside on the soft ground. But standing in the doorway it was warm with love where a mother has finally found her daughter.

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