Disclaimer: I own nothing except Kimi and the idea to make the 50 ways to annoy Voldemort into a story. Monique owns Sabrina and Deshi owns Becky. enjoy! I also own not the songs that are to be sung throughout the course of the insanity.

Voldemort had a hard time getting to sleep that night, as three particular death eaters were having a go at "Knock-and-Run" on his door into the wee hours of the morning. As a result, none of them got to bed until around 3 in the morning, but when they did, they slept well.

Voldemort was having a lovely dream. He had finally killed that Potter boy and was laughing triumphantly over his dead body, when something odd happened. He looked down and Harry and saw him moving to get up.

"What are you doing?" he asked. "You're supposed to be dead!"

Harry opened his mouth and began, "At first I was afraid, I was petrified."

"Of course you were, I'm a friggin Dark Lord for crying out loud!" Voldemortcried.

"Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side." Harry continued.

"Boy." Voldemort said, a little nervously. " What is wrong with you?"

"But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong," here, Harry got up and began to belt like a diva:

"But I grew strong, and I learned how to get along!
And so you're back! From outer space!
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face. I should have changed those stupid locks; I should have made you leave your
key,
If I'd have known for just one second, you'd be back to bother me!"

Here, Voldemort opened his eyes, and sat up violently in his bed. He was greeted by Becky Quiddle, singing her heart out as she cleaned his room.

"Go on now go! Walk out the door!
Just turn around now, cause you're not welcome anymore!
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?
Didja think I'd crumble? Didja think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no not I! I will survive!
Oh as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive,
I've got all my life to live; I've got all my love to give,
I'll survive, I will survive,
Hey, Hey!

"OH GOD!" Voldemort cried. "SHUT UP!"

"Master!" she sang out cheerfully. "You're up! Oh joyous day! C'mon, wake up! Sabrina made pancakes!"

Becky violently grabbed his arm and dragged him into the kitchen. It was full of the wonderful aroma of pancakes, bacon, eggs, and grits being cooked, and all the happy sounds a kitchen should have. It gave Voldemort a massive headache.

He slapped his forehead and ran it down his face; this was not how an evil lord's kitchen was meant to look.

"My sir," Kimi said sarcastically, looking up from reading the comics in the Daily Prophet. "You look particularly menacing today."

"Shut up Vanderbilt, and get me some coffee," he said, already massaging his temples. He could sense a long day coming on.

"Aye, aye sir!" Kimi said, and went to fix him some coffee.

"Ah, here we are, Oh Dark One!" Sabrina said cheerfully, handing him a plate of pancakes, eggs, bacon, and grits. As she leaned over to put the plate down, she sniffed.

"EWWWWW!" she cried, immediately jumping back and holding her nose. "When's the last time you took a bath sir?"

Voldemort made an angry face at her. He couldn't really think of a comeback, because she did have a point; he hadn't bathed in a while. He hurriedly wolfed down his breakfast, guzzled his coffee (which resulted in a severly burned mouth) and ran to the bathroom to shower.

After he had gotten out and put some clothes on, he went to the mirror to check his reflection.

"YOU STUPID MORONS!"

"Well," Sabrina said. "Guess he found our little surprise."

Shortly, a very angry Voldemort came storming into the kitchen, pointing to his face. There were magic marker Harry Potter styled glasses drawn on his face.

"Aren't they wonderful?" Deshi asked. "Kimi wanted to draw a scar so you wouldn't have the scar envy thing, but I told her no."

"They really look quite becoming on you, Voldie, dear," Kimi said.

"I hate you!" He yelled. "Get this off of my face!"

"No can do, Voldie-poo," Kimi said. "you see, its magic marker. PERMANENT magic marker. no spell yet can get them off."

"So you mean to tell me that these are gonna be stuck on me, forever!?" Voldemort demanded.

Becky nodded happily.

Voldemort had many false starts in which various profane words were spewed out, but eventually, he said: "Why did you do that?"

"Well," Sabrina said. "You see, we all have this ugly Dark Mark tattoo thing. You don't have one, we figured you needed something for us to know you by."

"You live with me everyday!" Voldemort exclaimed. "I look like a snake for Merlin's sake!"

"You never know when one of us may suffer instant amnesia and forget who you are! That would be very helpful in helping us to know." Becky explained.

"And I don't know what you're carrying on about," Kimi said. "Glasses are more socially acceptable than this Dark Mark thing."

"Yeah," Sabrina agreed. "Everyone gets all twitchy and nervous when they see these things."

"Oh leave me in peace!" Voldemort cried out, and ran into the bathroom to try and remove the glasses.