Chapter 15

"Gandalf?" Merry's voice was full of mockery. "The old wizard who

usually drops by Bag End and has a smoke or two?" He let go off

Frodo's hair. Frodo said nothing but listened intently. He was still

gasping. He tried not to panic while darkness still engulfed him.

"I think Bilbo and you like this Gandalf very much, right?" Frodo was

wondering where this conversation was leading. Merry spoke -

strangely - soft.

"And Gandalf likes both of you, too," Merry continued on, steering

Frodo's mind.

"Yes," replied Frodo, almost in a whisper. Realization dawned on him

that he, in fact, was missing Gandalf terribly.

"I think he loves you, Frodo, as his little boy."

Frodo closed his eyes in anguish behind his blindfold and shuttered.

The image of Gandalf played in his mind. Gandalf talking to him,

Gandalf smiling at him, and even singing for him - oh, how perfect

everything was at that time! How he wished ---

"I know what you're thinking, Frodo," Merry interrupted Frodo's train

of thoughts coldly, making Frodo tilt his head to Merry's direction

subconsciously.

"You are longing for him. You want him to be here with you. But you

know what, Frodo?" Merry's voice changed into a crueler tone. "He's

not here! In fact, he even left you to carry on the quest alone. He

left you alone! You have to admit that as the truth. He left you so

that you had to face your own danger and peril by yourself. Do you

still consider him a friend, Frodo, or even mentor? If you ask my

opinion, I will say that he's nothing but a bloody old coward!

Frodo gasped to hear such harsh words.

"No, no," he choked. "Gandalf is not like that at all. He won't do

any such thing! He would not let me face the danger alone-Not if he

could help it! He went away because ---"

"But he went away, right?!" Merry cut him off. "Just like Bilbo did."

Frodo jerked in his chair at the sound of his dear uncle's name.

"B - Bilbo?" asked Frodo hoarsely.

"Yes, your rich uncle. Mmm, that makes me wonder."

Frodo heard the sound of Merry standing up and walking back and

forth. He didn't want to guess what was in his cousin's mind.

"Cousin," Merry stopped walking and turned around. "There must be

something wrong with you. It seems strange to see how Uncle Bilbo

left just like that. I know you have come to your adulthood, but

still, someone needs to look after you, to give you guidance."

Frodo swallowed. He remembered Bilbo and his birthday some time ago,

and how Bilbo left directly in the birthday night, even before the

party was over. He knew his uncle wanted to experience another

journey before he was too old to have one. He also knew that age had

finally begun to creep up on the dear old hobbit. And Frodo knew what

the hateful ring had done to his uncle. Those were the reasons why

Bilbo had to leave. And those reasons were of course TRUE. Frodo

couldn't imagine if there was any other reason for Bilbo's departure.

So, he didn't understand at all the doubts that were proposed by

Merry.

"Merry," Frodo tried to compose himself, though his voice began to

quiver. "All the things you are saying are lies. Bilbo loves me and

he wouldn't leave me unless he had very strong reasons for doing so."

"There were no strong reasons, Frodo. He didn't have to go on those

journeys. He had already encountered more than enough adventures when

he was young. He could have just stayed at Bag End during his winter

days, but he wouldn't. Why, Frodo, why? Are you sure you don't know

the answer?"

//Because he was tired of me, a lazybones who always spent his time

reading, reading, and reading. Because in the past he was made to

take me to Bag End. And why was that? Because nobody wanted me to

stay in Buckland, at Brandy Hall//That was Merry's family home, not

mine//I was an orphan, a burden!// Nobody wanted me//Everyone left me

behind// I am abandoned, rudderless, lost!//

Frodo could not see Merry's sadistic grin through his blindfold as he

began to cry. Merry remained silent for a several endless minutes to

let the dark thoughts fully penetrate Frodo's heart and mind. He

remained silent as Frodo's fragile whimpers exploded into wracking

sobs. Merry waited, and he smiled.

Merry paused until Frodo's tears had subsided before administering

the second dose of verbal poison. Frodo had begun to crack. Soon

Merry would break him completely. He felt it in his bones. He'd never

felt so powerful than standing over this pitiful creature. Finally,

Merry broke the silence.

"How about your parents? Why did they have to die?"

Frodo arched his head back in despair. Please, please not his

parents ---

"Why did they have to die that pitiful way, drowned?" chased

Merry. 'What were they doing on the river anyway?"

How would Frodo know the answer? He was just twelve! He didn't even

notice their disappearance until their lifeless bodies were drudged

from the river. They'd been found in the morning. Why had they gone

to the river the night before? Why had they gone at night at all?

"You want to know what I heard about this?" Given the choice between

yes and no, Frodo shook his head hard. But a stinging slap stopped

him. It seemed that Merry didn't really intend for Frodo to answer.

"According to my parents, Drogo and Primula, your father and mother,

didn't really like to live at Brandy Hall. They wanted to return to

Hobbiton-where they once lived. But --- they didn't want to bring you

along. So they left at night, secretly, by the river so that nobody

would hear them going, leaving you behind with the Brandybucks."

Frodo couldn't tell if the story was true or not. He so wanted not to

believe Merry's terrible words- but the way Merry recounted the story

was so --- convincing.

Frodo tried to shift in his chair but failed. He was restrained too

tightly.

"So you see, love," Merry carried on. "You are alone. UTTERLY ALONE.

Nobody wanted you then, and nobody wants you now. You're a queer

little fellow. A Freak."

The claustrophobic feeling flooded back, Frodo threw his head back

while panting heavily. When the fit finally passed, he turned his

face to Merry's direction, demanding.something.

"Why am I still here?" he asked desperately. "Why don't you just kill

me now?"

Merry looked at Frodo with a diabolical combination of amazement and

amusement. It actually worked --- his plan had worked. Merry's once

proud cousin had been literally broken, emotionally stripped, and

hollowed out like a rotten gourd. Frodo's porcelain heart had been

shattered to pieces.

Now the real work would begin.

TBC