Chapter 15
"Gandalf?" Merry's voice was full of mockery. "The old wizard who
usually drops by Bag End and has a smoke or two?" He let go off
Frodo's hair. Frodo said nothing but listened intently. He was still
gasping. He tried not to panic while darkness still engulfed him.
"I think Bilbo and you like this Gandalf very much, right?" Frodo was
wondering where this conversation was leading. Merry spoke -
strangely - soft.
"And Gandalf likes both of you, too," Merry continued on, steering
Frodo's mind.
"Yes," replied Frodo, almost in a whisper. Realization dawned on him
that he, in fact, was missing Gandalf terribly.
"I think he loves you, Frodo, as his little boy."
Frodo closed his eyes in anguish behind his blindfold and shuttered.
The image of Gandalf played in his mind. Gandalf talking to him,
Gandalf smiling at him, and even singing for him - oh, how perfect
everything was at that time! How he wished ---
"I know what you're thinking, Frodo," Merry interrupted Frodo's train
of thoughts coldly, making Frodo tilt his head to Merry's direction
subconsciously.
"You are longing for him. You want him to be here with you. But you
know what, Frodo?" Merry's voice changed into a crueler tone. "He's
not here! In fact, he even left you to carry on the quest alone. He
left you alone! You have to admit that as the truth. He left you so
that you had to face your own danger and peril by yourself. Do you
still consider him a friend, Frodo, or even mentor? If you ask my
opinion, I will say that he's nothing but a bloody old coward!
Frodo gasped to hear such harsh words.
"No, no," he choked. "Gandalf is not like that at all. He won't do
any such thing! He would not let me face the danger alone-Not if he
could help it! He went away because ---"
"But he went away, right?!" Merry cut him off. "Just like Bilbo did."
Frodo jerked in his chair at the sound of his dear uncle's name.
"B - Bilbo?" asked Frodo hoarsely.
"Yes, your rich uncle. Mmm, that makes me wonder."
Frodo heard the sound of Merry standing up and walking back and
forth. He didn't want to guess what was in his cousin's mind.
"Cousin," Merry stopped walking and turned around. "There must be
something wrong with you. It seems strange to see how Uncle Bilbo
left just like that. I know you have come to your adulthood, but
still, someone needs to look after you, to give you guidance."
Frodo swallowed. He remembered Bilbo and his birthday some time ago,
and how Bilbo left directly in the birthday night, even before the
party was over. He knew his uncle wanted to experience another
journey before he was too old to have one. He also knew that age had
finally begun to creep up on the dear old hobbit. And Frodo knew what
the hateful ring had done to his uncle. Those were the reasons why
Bilbo had to leave. And those reasons were of course TRUE. Frodo
couldn't imagine if there was any other reason for Bilbo's departure.
So, he didn't understand at all the doubts that were proposed by
Merry.
"Merry," Frodo tried to compose himself, though his voice began to
quiver. "All the things you are saying are lies. Bilbo loves me and
he wouldn't leave me unless he had very strong reasons for doing so."
"There were no strong reasons, Frodo. He didn't have to go on those
journeys. He had already encountered more than enough adventures when
he was young. He could have just stayed at Bag End during his winter
days, but he wouldn't. Why, Frodo, why? Are you sure you don't know
the answer?"
//Because he was tired of me, a lazybones who always spent his time
reading, reading, and reading. Because in the past he was made to
take me to Bag End. And why was that? Because nobody wanted me to
stay in Buckland, at Brandy Hall//That was Merry's family home, not
mine//I was an orphan, a burden!// Nobody wanted me//Everyone left me
behind// I am abandoned, rudderless, lost!//
Frodo could not see Merry's sadistic grin through his blindfold as he
began to cry. Merry remained silent for a several endless minutes to
let the dark thoughts fully penetrate Frodo's heart and mind. He
remained silent as Frodo's fragile whimpers exploded into wracking
sobs. Merry waited, and he smiled.
Merry paused until Frodo's tears had subsided before administering
the second dose of verbal poison. Frodo had begun to crack. Soon
Merry would break him completely. He felt it in his bones. He'd never
felt so powerful than standing over this pitiful creature. Finally,
Merry broke the silence.
"How about your parents? Why did they have to die?"
Frodo arched his head back in despair. Please, please not his
parents ---
"Why did they have to die that pitiful way, drowned?" chased
Merry. 'What were they doing on the river anyway?"
How would Frodo know the answer? He was just twelve! He didn't even
notice their disappearance until their lifeless bodies were drudged
from the river. They'd been found in the morning. Why had they gone
to the river the night before? Why had they gone at night at all?
"You want to know what I heard about this?" Given the choice between
yes and no, Frodo shook his head hard. But a stinging slap stopped
him. It seemed that Merry didn't really intend for Frodo to answer.
"According to my parents, Drogo and Primula, your father and mother,
didn't really like to live at Brandy Hall. They wanted to return to
Hobbiton-where they once lived. But --- they didn't want to bring you
along. So they left at night, secretly, by the river so that nobody
would hear them going, leaving you behind with the Brandybucks."
Frodo couldn't tell if the story was true or not. He so wanted not to
believe Merry's terrible words- but the way Merry recounted the story
was so --- convincing.
Frodo tried to shift in his chair but failed. He was restrained too
tightly.
"So you see, love," Merry carried on. "You are alone. UTTERLY ALONE.
Nobody wanted you then, and nobody wants you now. You're a queer
little fellow. A Freak."
The claustrophobic feeling flooded back, Frodo threw his head back
while panting heavily. When the fit finally passed, he turned his
face to Merry's direction, demanding.something.
"Why am I still here?" he asked desperately. "Why don't you just kill
me now?"
Merry looked at Frodo with a diabolical combination of amazement and
amusement. It actually worked --- his plan had worked. Merry's once
proud cousin had been literally broken, emotionally stripped, and
hollowed out like a rotten gourd. Frodo's porcelain heart had been
shattered to pieces.
Now the real work would begin.
TBC
"Gandalf?" Merry's voice was full of mockery. "The old wizard who
usually drops by Bag End and has a smoke or two?" He let go off
Frodo's hair. Frodo said nothing but listened intently. He was still
gasping. He tried not to panic while darkness still engulfed him.
"I think Bilbo and you like this Gandalf very much, right?" Frodo was
wondering where this conversation was leading. Merry spoke -
strangely - soft.
"And Gandalf likes both of you, too," Merry continued on, steering
Frodo's mind.
"Yes," replied Frodo, almost in a whisper. Realization dawned on him
that he, in fact, was missing Gandalf terribly.
"I think he loves you, Frodo, as his little boy."
Frodo closed his eyes in anguish behind his blindfold and shuttered.
The image of Gandalf played in his mind. Gandalf talking to him,
Gandalf smiling at him, and even singing for him - oh, how perfect
everything was at that time! How he wished ---
"I know what you're thinking, Frodo," Merry interrupted Frodo's train
of thoughts coldly, making Frodo tilt his head to Merry's direction
subconsciously.
"You are longing for him. You want him to be here with you. But you
know what, Frodo?" Merry's voice changed into a crueler tone. "He's
not here! In fact, he even left you to carry on the quest alone. He
left you alone! You have to admit that as the truth. He left you so
that you had to face your own danger and peril by yourself. Do you
still consider him a friend, Frodo, or even mentor? If you ask my
opinion, I will say that he's nothing but a bloody old coward!
Frodo gasped to hear such harsh words.
"No, no," he choked. "Gandalf is not like that at all. He won't do
any such thing! He would not let me face the danger alone-Not if he
could help it! He went away because ---"
"But he went away, right?!" Merry cut him off. "Just like Bilbo did."
Frodo jerked in his chair at the sound of his dear uncle's name.
"B - Bilbo?" asked Frodo hoarsely.
"Yes, your rich uncle. Mmm, that makes me wonder."
Frodo heard the sound of Merry standing up and walking back and
forth. He didn't want to guess what was in his cousin's mind.
"Cousin," Merry stopped walking and turned around. "There must be
something wrong with you. It seems strange to see how Uncle Bilbo
left just like that. I know you have come to your adulthood, but
still, someone needs to look after you, to give you guidance."
Frodo swallowed. He remembered Bilbo and his birthday some time ago,
and how Bilbo left directly in the birthday night, even before the
party was over. He knew his uncle wanted to experience another
journey before he was too old to have one. He also knew that age had
finally begun to creep up on the dear old hobbit. And Frodo knew what
the hateful ring had done to his uncle. Those were the reasons why
Bilbo had to leave. And those reasons were of course TRUE. Frodo
couldn't imagine if there was any other reason for Bilbo's departure.
So, he didn't understand at all the doubts that were proposed by
Merry.
"Merry," Frodo tried to compose himself, though his voice began to
quiver. "All the things you are saying are lies. Bilbo loves me and
he wouldn't leave me unless he had very strong reasons for doing so."
"There were no strong reasons, Frodo. He didn't have to go on those
journeys. He had already encountered more than enough adventures when
he was young. He could have just stayed at Bag End during his winter
days, but he wouldn't. Why, Frodo, why? Are you sure you don't know
the answer?"
//Because he was tired of me, a lazybones who always spent his time
reading, reading, and reading. Because in the past he was made to
take me to Bag End. And why was that? Because nobody wanted me to
stay in Buckland, at Brandy Hall//That was Merry's family home, not
mine//I was an orphan, a burden!// Nobody wanted me//Everyone left me
behind// I am abandoned, rudderless, lost!//
Frodo could not see Merry's sadistic grin through his blindfold as he
began to cry. Merry remained silent for a several endless minutes to
let the dark thoughts fully penetrate Frodo's heart and mind. He
remained silent as Frodo's fragile whimpers exploded into wracking
sobs. Merry waited, and he smiled.
Merry paused until Frodo's tears had subsided before administering
the second dose of verbal poison. Frodo had begun to crack. Soon
Merry would break him completely. He felt it in his bones. He'd never
felt so powerful than standing over this pitiful creature. Finally,
Merry broke the silence.
"How about your parents? Why did they have to die?"
Frodo arched his head back in despair. Please, please not his
parents ---
"Why did they have to die that pitiful way, drowned?" chased
Merry. 'What were they doing on the river anyway?"
How would Frodo know the answer? He was just twelve! He didn't even
notice their disappearance until their lifeless bodies were drudged
from the river. They'd been found in the morning. Why had they gone
to the river the night before? Why had they gone at night at all?
"You want to know what I heard about this?" Given the choice between
yes and no, Frodo shook his head hard. But a stinging slap stopped
him. It seemed that Merry didn't really intend for Frodo to answer.
"According to my parents, Drogo and Primula, your father and mother,
didn't really like to live at Brandy Hall. They wanted to return to
Hobbiton-where they once lived. But --- they didn't want to bring you
along. So they left at night, secretly, by the river so that nobody
would hear them going, leaving you behind with the Brandybucks."
Frodo couldn't tell if the story was true or not. He so wanted not to
believe Merry's terrible words- but the way Merry recounted the story
was so --- convincing.
Frodo tried to shift in his chair but failed. He was restrained too
tightly.
"So you see, love," Merry carried on. "You are alone. UTTERLY ALONE.
Nobody wanted you then, and nobody wants you now. You're a queer
little fellow. A Freak."
The claustrophobic feeling flooded back, Frodo threw his head back
while panting heavily. When the fit finally passed, he turned his
face to Merry's direction, demanding.something.
"Why am I still here?" he asked desperately. "Why don't you just kill
me now?"
Merry looked at Frodo with a diabolical combination of amazement and
amusement. It actually worked --- his plan had worked. Merry's once
proud cousin had been literally broken, emotionally stripped, and
hollowed out like a rotten gourd. Frodo's porcelain heart had been
shattered to pieces.
Now the real work would begin.
TBC
