Well, minna, this is the last you will see of Of Moonlight & Honor. I hope you all have enjoyed the journey. And let me say, lest you blast me, that there is a sequel plot bunny around. But he won't be attended to until I finish with one or two others first. My deepest thanks to all who have reviewed; you keep me going.
Ladymage Samiko ^_~ (9/3/03)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Of Moonlight & Honor
Part Thirteen

The funeral ceremony was small and simple, in accordance with what Sesshoumaru felt would be Tsukiyo's wishes, and her ashes buried under a granite slab engraved with the name "Inu no Tsukiyo." Less than a week later, the servants began to clear her rooms, separating the items that would be saved for the young mistress to inherit and those that were so personal that they would be burned. During the flurry of activity, there were a few items found that caused confusion and were brought to Sesshoumaru's attention.

The first was Tsukiyo's naginata. That she would have had a weapon at all was a revelation to Sesshoumaru; Tsukiyo had been so quiet and gentle that the very idea would have seemed absurd had he himself not seen her wield it. As it was, his respect for her had grown and he wished he could have seen her truly fight with it. Yumemi had admitted that her mother had been training her since she was old enough to hold a practice weapon and that her mother had been awe-inspiring when she danced the katas. Sesshoumaru regarded the weapon, still stained with youkai blood, for a long, silent moment, then decreed that the staff only--not the blade--should be cleaned. It would then be hung with the family swords in the audience chamber, as a reminder that even the humans of the Inu clan were formidable warriors.

The second of these items was a small book, found hidden underneath mounds of clothing in a lacquered chest. As the servant who found it could not read, she brought it to the Taiyoukai for his judgment. He took one glance at it and dismissed the woman back to her task. Once alone, he took it up carefully, indulging the curiousity he had felt when he saw the title scrawled on the cover: "Tsukiyo no makura no soushi." Tsukiyo's Pillow Book. He turned to a random page and glanced through the tiny, neat script until something caught his eye. An entry from when she was about ten years old.

Fifth month, day 16
I saw him again. Sesshoumaru-sama. He is the bravest, most skilled warrior I have ever seen. And he is so very beautiful. His hair streams out behind him, like spun snow, and his eyes are fierce and golden. And he fights so effortlessly and gracefully, it is like watching the lethal dance of a god. I wonder if I can ever be that good. Ruri-san says it is disgraceful for me to have such a love of weaponry. She won't teach me anymore. I don't care. As long as otou-sama will teach me, I will learn. Maybe one day I can challenge her and beat her. Then she won't say anything anymore. Besides, I am good at the naginata. I just wish otou-sama would let me learn the sword. But I've been forbidden to touch them. I might pollute them. It is because I am a girl.
Oh, yes, and today, I wore the rose-colored uchikake with the silver kimono with sakura embroidered on it and the blue obi.

Fifth month, day 17
I think I am in love with Sesshoumaru-sama. I feel odd whenever I see him. I have started sneaking out of the castle so I can watch the fighting. I am not afraid for him, because I know Sesshoumaru-sama will win. I wish I could marry him when I grow up. But I think that this will be impossible, because I know I am ugly. The other women tell me so at least once a day. But maybe I will become beautiful when I grow up. Or maybe otou-sama could offer Sesshoumaru-sama enough in dowry for him to marry me. Or perhaps I will meet with a kami who will give me beauty. But I know I will not become a nun. Ruri-san says that a convent is where I belong, so I can at least be useful praying for the family. If they force me to, I will run away. And I know that I will never pray for her soul, anyway. I hope she does burn in hell. She gave me five more bruises today. But I did not say anything. I did not even cry, because I want to be a warrior like Sesshoumaru-sama. I cannot fight Ruri-san because she is so much stronger than I am, but I bet Sesshoumaru-sama doesn't even flinch when he gets hurt. If he gets hurt.
Today, it was the rose one again, with the green kimono and the violet obi.

Tired of the little girl maunderings, he flipped forward.

Tenth month, day 2
It was my thirteenth birthday yesterday. I hated it. If it wasn't for Ruri-san and all of her cronies, I think I would have thrown a tantrum or started crying. Also, I didn't want to embarrass my father, though I hated him, too. He allows Ruri-san to influence him in everything, especially in how he deals with me. She's convinced him that he has indulged me too much and that my care is to now be given entirely into her hands. I know that I am too ugly to attract good marriage prospects, but according to Ruri-san, I am also too fat, too muscular, and too willful. She's going to try her best to turn me into a lady, she says, though she doesn't have much hope. I don't, either. I am not a lady, nor do I want to be one. I want to be a warrior like Sesshoumaru-sama. I wonder where he is now. If only he could come and take me away from all of this.
And if all a lady writes in her pillow book is what she wears, I won't do that anymore.

Tenth month, day 6
I know I have not recorded events faithfully, but I have been forced to move this book from one hiding place to another. Ruri-san has been searching my rooms to find everything that she thinks I shouldn't have. Every time she finds something--an old toy, a discarded tsuba--she hits me again. Nearly everything I own is now gone. The bitch even took my naginata away, saying I knew perfectly well what I was doing with it and practice was no longer necessary. All I have left are my clothes, really. Even the ink I am writing with now is stolen from my father's desk. I know he would allow me to have it, but if I asked, Ruri-san would find out and take it away. Then she would tear the castle apart until she found my book. As it is, I have been hiding it under the extra rooftiles upstairs. Nobody thinks it is odd that I go up to the roof for moon-viewing. It is a lady-like activity. I just have to avoid people when I do it. And I know I will have to find a better place once winter truly sets in. And I have to find out what Ruri-san did with my naginata.

Tenth month, day 13
I cannot write long; I feel dizzy and I ache all over. I know I said I wouldn't complain. I do want to be like Sesshoumaru-sama, but I guess I am too weak. Ruri-san keeps hitting me. Yesterday, I tried to hit her back, but after a week of only a little rice each day, I didn't have the strength to get her before she got me. So it only made her mad and then she hit me some more. She says that since everything else has failed, she needs to beat some sense into me. I wonder what 'everything else' was. I don't know anymore. All I know is that I want to curl up into a corner and make everybody go away and leave me alone.

Two years later.

Seventh month, day 1
I am going to die soon. Perhaps I should commit seppuku first, but getting a knife will be almost impossible. Ruri-san keeps me cloistered here in the women's quarters or else I am followed by one of her maids. I can barely come here to write my book, save that I sneak out at night and write by the moonlight. And I could never get past my father's guards long enough to find a weapon. But I know I am going to die. Ruri-san says that they have entered into negotiations with Kasai-sama for my marriage to him. I know that his first wife died a few years ago. She was pregnant and he beat her and she died. I don't have the strength to fight him anymore. I pray now every day for the gods to take my spirit from this hell. I know no one else will.

Eighth Month, day 14
The gods have not deigned to take the life I have offered them, but they have given me something else: a plan. The wedding negotiations have proceeded apace; there is no longer any doubt but that I will marry Kasai-sama. I have no hope for the future, but I have determined that I shall take all that I can before I am given up. I cannot do much, but a tiny piece of the Shikon jewel has been procured by my father. I intend to steal it and use it to find Sesshoumaru-sama. I know I have not mentioned him these many years, but I thought it best. If Ruri-san found this book, she would use every piece of knowledge against me, including that one. So though he has been absent from these pages, he has not been absent from my thoughts. I can think of three things that might occur. The first is that he will kill me outright, in which case I will die a happy woman for having him as the last thing to fill my sight and to be free from this wretched existance. The second is that he will take me, in which case I will deny Kasai of being the first to know me and bear one last happy memory to see me through however much time is left to me. The third, and least desired, is that he will ignore me altogether, in which case, I shall have nothing. But at least I shall have the knowledge that I tried. That I risked everything I am to fulfill the only dream I have left in my life.

The Taiyoukai wondered briefly what Tsukiyo would have been like if the woman he had seen in that single instant of battle--that fierce, steadfast creature--had been allowed to nurture that strength.

And he wished he could have been allowed to know that woman.

"Otou-sama!" Yumemi called from beyond the door. "It is time for practice."

"A good swordswoman has patience, Yumemi," he answered back, his voice dry. "Go to the dojo; I will be there shortly."

"Hai, otou-sama!" As the footsteps retreated, he took one more glance at the book in his hands, closed it carefully and slipped it into one of his scroll chests. He himself would keep it, as a reminder. Of the woman who was and who she ought to have been. And of the care he must take in fulfilling his promise to her, in raising Yumemi to all that she could be. He opened the door to his chamber and began to make his own way to the dojo.

Owari

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cultural Notes (skip 'em if you like)

Inu no Tsukiyo: lit. Tsukiyo of the Inu. Sesshoumaru is claiming her as a clan member.

Tsukiyo no makura no soushi: I believe this is the correct translation, but I'm not sure. In any case, pillow books were used to record the events of the court, including what people were wearing, who was having an affair with whom, etc.

tsuba: The guard on a Japanese-style sword. They can be very ornately decorated and are collected today just for themselves.

seppuku: ritual suicide