Summary – Tea parties suck.

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Mad as a Ranger

Tommy

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Storming along the path, I try to get my breathing under control. I'm tired, my feet hurt, I'm thirsty, and hot in this heavy material. Not to mention dragging Jason along for nearly half an hour didn't help things. At least he's walking calmly beside me and not arguing any more.

"Are you alight?" Gazing over at me, as I'm sure he can hear my ragged breathing, he looks much more concerned now. Yeah, I'm just peachy.

"Tired." Not to mention lost, I think. We left the flower garden like an hour ago and have been in this forest it seems for two. I have no idea where we are and Jason hasn't said anything concerning our location.

Reaching down I pull off my black shoes. No wonder my feet hurt, they're those little girl shoes with the shiny black material and buckle over the top. Was so concerned with the dress didn't even notice the shoes I guess. Tossing the things to the ground I decide to walk it bare foot…okay so stocking covered foot, the stupid white tights go all the way and cover my feet too. You know what, I'm suddenly very glad Jase has no idea who I am; I don't think I'd ever be able to live this down.

"Well the Hatter's place is just up and around the bend. Do you think you can make it there?" The Hatter…Zack! Yes, thank god, finally we can get another Ranger and get out of here. Maybe Zack isn't as far gone as Jase, maybe he still remembers what we have to do.

"Yes! Let's go." Grabbing his wrist, I begin running in the direction he pointed. Hey, with the prospect of someone else having a clue, I have enough energy to run. Taken by surprise, I barely notice as Jason struggles and staggers to keep up with me.

Upon reaching the edge of a clearing, I feel the waves of relief flood me at being out of that forest. Suddenly felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, you know right before the flying monkeys came and tried to kill um all in the forest. Both of us walking into the clearing, I'm a little take back when I see the large oddly shaped house in the distance. Weird, looks like something Picasso would design.

Pointing away from the house and to the left, Jason draws my attention. "There's the Hatter. He's quite mad you know. But then we-"

"Yes, yes, we all are, I get it." Gazing where he is, I see the large table, which by all rights looks like ten tables put together. There are dishes stacked in impossible ways, teacups and pots all over the place, on the table and under, out of the fifteen chairs there I doubt if any of them match. But who cares, it's a chance to sit down and have something to drink.

Crossing the space, I smile as I see Zack chatting with Kim at the far end of the table. Yes, two for one! "Hi guys!" Bounding over to them, I grab a chair and watch as Jase simply stands off to my side. Fine don't sit.

Barely turning to acknowledge me, Kim gives me a look. "It wasn't very polite of you to sit without being invited." Taking a cup from the array in front of her, she takes a loud sip and tosses it to the ground. I'm not polite, look how you're behaving.

Giving her a look back, I dismiss it rather quickly. "I'm sorry, I didn't know it was a private party. Listen Zack, we need to go to th-"

Before I can even finish Zack cuts me off. "Private parties are never private and if they were they'd be rather crowded." Riiiight. Okay, yeah, I'm going with Jase now, they are all mad here. "You should cut your hair, it's quiet unbecoming for a young lady to have such proper hair." I'd hurl a teapot at him if I didn't think he'd enjoy it.

"It's very rude to make remarks like that, not to mention call young men young ladies." Teeth clenched, I try to bear in mind that he doesn't know who he really is, and this is just how the character is in the story.

Picking up a teapot, Zack pours a large amount of the brown liquid onto the butter in the butter dish. "It's very rude for young men to wear dresses when young ladies have none to wear." I'm going home, forget all of them, I'm just going to find the stupid end of the story and go home. "Tell me do you sing?"

Rubbing my eyes, as I feel a migraine coming, I try to keep up best I can. "No, I don't sing. I need to get to the Red Queen. Can you tell me how to get to the Red Queen?" You'll notice I'm no longer inviting people to come with. Well hopefully if I can get out I can just bring them out. It'll be much safer for them to stay here where I won't be tempted to kill them on the trip anywho.

"I sang for the queen once. I'll sing it to you." Before I an even begin to protest he's begun. (1)"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you're at! Up above the world you fly! Like a teapot in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle-"

"For the love of my sanity stop." Groaning, I lay my head down in my hands. I don't want to be the only sane one in this world. Why can't I have gotten an easy job of insanity like everyone else?

"Sanity, you want us to love your sanity? How peculiar. I knew a mouse who was full of sanity once…oh wait that was vanity…switch places!" Before I can even begin to understand that mess, Kim and Zack both get up and move chairs, each sliding one over to the left, so Zack now has a clean spot and Kim is in his old one. Suddenly both go very quiet and look at me. Oh brother.

Sliding over into Kim's abandoned spot, just so they don't throw something at me, I sulk in the uncomfortable chair. "Never been to such a stupid tea party in my life." Muttering bitterly, I mentally remind myself that I've never actually been to a tea party aside from this one. But then I think it's safe to say this is still going to be the stupidest one I'll attend in my life.

"How dare you say such a thing on my unbirthday. How rude you are." Picking up a cup of sugar, Kim dumps the whole thing in her large purple teacup. Your unbirthday? What the hell is an unbi-

"It's your unbirthday!? Why it's mine too!" When Kim gasps a truly shocked and pleased 'no' they both jump up and climb on the table. Oh for the love of god. (2) "A very merry unbirthday to you! To me! To you! A very merry unbirthday to you! To me! Throw up you're hat, drink some tea, a very merry unbirthday to me! To you!" That's it I'm out of here.

Getting up I quickly grab Jason's arm and steer him away from the table. Thankfully he comes with me without a protest. Once we're far enough away that I can only hear the faint unbirthday song in the distance do I breath a small sigh of relief. "That was ridiculously horrible."

"I told he was mad." Voice soft, but not smug, he gazes over at me. Yeah you told me. I guess maybe I should listen to you from now on, even if you're not much better off then Zack back there.

"I know." Walking on, I stare intently at the ground. I just want to go home.

After a few minutes of tense silence, he finally breaks it up. "Did they truly upset you that much?" Sigh, no. I mean it was frustrating, but I know they can't help it. I just want normal friends and a normal life and this hardly constitutes either of those. I knew I wasn't cut out to be a Ranger. I can't even handle a simple fairy tale crisis like this, how am I gonna handle really big things?

"No…I just want my friends back and to know everything's gonna be okay." Cuz what if I can't make it okay? What if me getting to the Red Queen does absolutely nothing? We could be stuck here forever.

Remaining silent and perhaps deep down trying to find himself under the character, Jason finally responds in a way that makes me feel a hundred times better. Moving closer to me, he wraps his arm around me shoulders and pulls me close to him as we walk. "It'll be alright, bro. I'll help you find the Queen." He did the brotherly hug gesture and called me bro. Thank you god. At least I know he's still Jason, whatever spell or deal this place has on him, he's still Jason inside, which means that Kim, and Zack, and Billy, and Trini are all there too.

"Thanks Jase." Leaning into him a little, I finally feel a tad better.

"Sure…Want some tea now?" Holding up a red teacup with his free hand, he gives me that grin again. We're doomed.

To be continued…..

(1)

"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!

How I wonder what you're at!

Up above the world you fly,

Like a teapot in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle-"

The Mad Hatter recited this during the tea party in 'Alice in Wonderland'

(2) A very merry unbirthday, was a song the Hatter sang to the white rabbit in the Disney version of 'Alice in Wonderland'.