Summary – More poems?
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This is Egg-hausting
Tommy
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"So what exactly were you planning on doing that got you thrown in jail?" Quickly walking away from Trini's white castle-like home/jail, we head off again.
Keeping pace with me, Jase seems to be feeling better now that he's out of there. For a minute I was a little worried I'd have to leave him. "The crimes we do, the loves we love, Passion is a crime for you, my little dress wearing dove." Not this rhyming crap again. I thought that'd all been knocked out of him. Did he just call me a dove?
"Forget I asked." We're never going to get out of this, I just know it. There's probably not even a Red Queen here, probably no palace, no queen, no way home, no-"Hey look!" Reaching the top of the hill we're currently drudging up, we can now clearly see another palace in the distance. It may be surrounded by a huge wall, but glory be, it's red!
"You're easily impressed, aren't you?" Shut up. "Hmm, well I suppose we should find the gate keeper to let us onto the grounds so we can get to the palace…unless of course you'd like to do that backwards instead of forwards, but for that to happened we'd have to go to the end then back to the middle and finally the beginning." Shut up.
Giving him a look, I vow to just remain quiet until we at least get past the huge wall that's standing between us and our ticket out of here. That does look like a pretty big wall though, even from way back here. "Lets go."
-ooooooooo-
(2 rhymes, 2 death threats, and 1 hour later)
"So, where is this gate keeper guy who'll let us in?" Examining the brick wall before us, I'm a bit surprised by how thin it seems. No doubt it's definitely too high to climb over, but it's so thin maybe we can find a really weak point and use something to break through it. Hey we are Power Rangers here, I think a little morphing here, a little blasting there and we can go through this thing.
"Hmm, he's supposed to be around here somewhere." Walking a little ways away from me, Jase scans the top of the barrier critically. What, he's like in a tower or something? I didn't see any guard towers when we walked up. Come to think of it I don't recall any guard towers in the story either. "Found him!"
Looking way down the wall, I see Jase standing a few feet back and staring intently at some large white object on the top of it. What is that? Jogging over to him, I only realize what the thing is when I get right to them. An egg. No, no, not just an egg, the egg. Humpty Dumpty himself. "Of course."
"Who are you?" Wait a second…Mrs. Applebee? No way! Okay now Bulk and Skull, all right, I can accept that, but Mrs. Applebee was defiantly not with us when we first started this little trip through the nuthouse!
"I'm the Cheshire Cat and this is Thomas." Yeah, you just talk for me there Jase while I try to get a grip on myself here. This isn't right! I want to talk to the writer here.
"That's a rather idiotic name. What does it mean?" Looking at me, she seems to be waiting for a response. Um, I don't have one. Why is my name the dumb one? He's called Cheshire, that doesn't out weird Thomas?
"Does it have to mean anything? It's just a name. It's just what I'm called. And for that matter, like Humpty Dumpty's such a great name." Am I really standing her arguing the point of names with my egg teacher?...well I guess that sort of makes sense though, teacher, egghead…alright I need a nap or something. Gee what great use of time when I'm so close to getting to the Red Queen.
"It is indeed." Huffing, and I think glaring at me, she goes on in a very livid tone. "It describes who I am and my shape. With a name like Thomas, why you could be any shape at all." Yeah, well we'll see what shape yer in when you fall off that damn wall.
"Well at least I know better then to be sitting on walls that I could easily fall off of." When she gives me another look, I launch into the stupid poem before I can catch myself. "(1)Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the King's horses and all the King's men, couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again." So there.
"How ridiculous. Not to mention completely inaccurate." Oh really. "Just for your information, I'll have you know that the King has promised me that if I were to fall, I won't, but if I were to, he had promised to send all his horses and men to help me." I'll bet.
"Alright so he sends them, that doesn't mean they'll be able to do anything to help you. The horses'll probably lick you up before the men can even think of some way to put you together again. I mean how would horses be able to help you anyway?" Duh. They'd probably stand around and make scrambled eggs. Okay ick factor there.
"Of all the insolence, why on Earth should I listen to you? You who can't even make up your mind whether you're a boy or girl." That's it she's going down! Why don't you lean over sister and shake my hand, hmm? Just lean way, way over now…
"Um, yes well." Cutting me off, before I can speak again, Jase grins at her. "Uh, you see we didn't actually come here to have a discussion, we actually need a way into the palace if you please." Well I would complain, but he's actually acting sensible and like Jase here, so I guess I'll just be quiet.
"The palace you say. Well now why should I direct you to the palace when your companion is so deeply offensive? The queen would take his head off she would." Yeah especially after I knock you off that damn wall and step on your head. Okay, now probably isn't the best time to start snickering. "I'll make you a deal though." Oh let me try and contain my rapture.
"Alright, what would you like?" I really don't think we should be making deals with this egghead, Jase. She gave me a D on my math quiz last week, me and her aren't exactly on the best terms right now.
Looking remotely thoughtful, she remains silent for a good two minutes before finally coming back to life. "I'll tell you where the doors are located if you perform a minor task." Right, how minor are we talken here?
"How minor." Though I do try, I just can't keep the bite out of my voice. She's ticking me off, she could just tell us where the damn doors are you know.
"Do a little dance." Excuse you? When I give her a look, she remains completely serious. "Do a dance to amuse me and then perhaps I will tell you how to get into the palace courtyard." How about I just pull you off the wall and then use your smashed head to boost me up and over the wall?
"What dance does he have to do?" Jason!? Who's side are you one here? Geez. When he sees my shocked and outraged look, he shrugs. "What? You want to get into the palace or not?" Oh now he wants to be all logical.
"It all depends." Great, what now? "Where you born a Unicorn, Vedgar, Rature, or Sagita?" I don't even want to know…nope not gonna ask at all. When I shrug, she sighs in irritation. Well excuse me ever so much for not speaken the language of the mentally insane. "Well then what's it say on your undergarments?" Like I'd know wh-hey! Okay total breech of etiquette here!
"I don't know and I'm certainly not checking, so you can just forget it! I'll just find my own way into the palace. So th-HEY!" Jumping away from the hands that have suddenly yanked the skirt of my dress up, I whip around and glare at Jason. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?"
Looking seriously back at Mrs. Applebee, he doesn't seem the least bit remorseful. "They're bunnies, now will you tell him what to do so he doesn't have a conniption?" You are so getting left here…I do not have bunny underwear!
Grumbling, I grab Jason and put him in front of me, his back to me. "Hold yer coat out." Grabbing his coat and pulling it to the sides while I bark the order, I hope that's good enough to block her view of me. When he grabs his coat and keeps it in place as I'd instructed, I quickly lift up the damn dress enough to see my underwear, which show through the white tights easily. I'll be damned, they do have bunnies on them. Well ain't that great.
"Are you done yet?" Yeah, yeah, you can just stand there, bunnies or not you shouldn't have done that.
Grumbling, I smooth the dress back out and step back around Jase. "Tell us how to get in the palace now. I think getting to see my underwear should be enough of a trade off. Hell I think seeing me in a dress should be enough of a trade off!" There how can you argue with that?
"No dance, no deal." Damn it. "Since you're wearing bunny panties though, I've decided on a different dance. You do the 'Bunny Hop' for five minutes and then I'll tell you how to get into the palace." I am not doing any Bunny Hop dance. Nope, this is right where I draw the line.
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(1 Bunny Hop dance and several swear words not suitable for children later)
"Very good! I must say I've seen better, but it was most amusing. You'll find the doors a ways down the wall in that direction. Knock three times for them to open." Clapping and cheering in amusement, she is so asking me to give her a good hard shov-oh boy. I didn't do it. As she suddenly begins swaying unsteadily, Jase and I don't have time to react before she quickly topples over the opposite side of the wall. The squishy smack and crack sound that follows makes both of us cringe. Um, maybe she's okay?
"She's not coming back is she?" Well I certainly hope not. Serves her right. I warned her not to sit on the all, I told her the stupid poem about what would happen, and what'd she give me for all my trouble? Do a dance, strip, sing the song. Well really serves her right.
"Nope." Moving down the wall, I breathe a tired sigh as the large wooden doors come into view. We are getting the hell out of here and I mean now. Knocking three times, I scream in frustration as the doors open and the palace is in clear view, right behind the seventy achers of rose buses and animal shaped plants. Heading straight for the rose garden in front of me, I don't even wait for Jase to comment. "I hate this place."
Following closely behind, Jase has to jog to keep up with me. "You have cute underwear...do you always wear the ones with the bunnies on them?" Death to everyone.
To be continued…….
(1)
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men,
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again.
Alice recites this to Humpty Dumpty in the story 'Alice Through the Looking Glass' and to herself in the movie 'Through the Looking Glass'.
So very VERY close to the end, just two more parts I think. Yep, and next part they reach the queen. YAY!
"You shouldn't tease them like this. You're gonna have some veeery angry people if you don't deliver soon, kitten." Laying back in the tub and relaxing in his bubble bath, Jason splashes Tommy with a bit of water.
"Hey! If you don't cut that out, I'm coming in there to get you." Tommy growls and moves over on the vanity, still playing with Kitty's fingernail polish bottles.
"Promises, promises." Jase casually splashes him again.
"That's it!" Tommy hops off the counter nearly toppling the bottle of contact solution. Striping quickly, Tommy practically throws himself into the tub and onto Jason.
"You two stop that! Geez can't even put on my eyeliner in peace." Kitty grumbles and tries for the third time to apply the black makeup.
"Hey get out!" Trying to shove Tommy out of the tub, Jase is getting water everywhere.
"Guys I'm warning yo-OW!"
Tommy and Jase cringe and both quickly climb out of the tub and race out the door. Once safe in the other room they exchange looks. "She's going to kill us when she can see out of that eye again."
Jason nods. "That'll teach her to put a sharp object by her eye when we're in the same room though."
