BROKEN WINGS
A FFVIII Fan Fiction
Chapter 10
Knight of the Damned

After many hours of travel, I have arrived at Dr. Odine's desert laboratory, drenched by rain and weary from my long walk. My heart pounds in my chest as though a tiny minion were using it as a bass drum and I fear what I might find inside the lab. She might be dead, or worse, permanently changed, someone I don't know anymore and someone who doesn't know me. I don't know which would be worse; her death or her not knowing me and not caring to.

I push the front door open and peer around, fearful there might be guards to deal with. The foyer is empty, not a soul anywhere to be seen. At the other end is a set of double doors. I know what lies behind these doors. Odine once held Ellone there to study her powers of time travel as a child. I once saw it through Laguna's eyes, via said powers. I know it is here I will find Rinoa, and probably Adel. I know I may have to fight one or both of them, but it is only Adel that I will attack. Rinoa means too much to me to injure her, and I don't think I could bring myself to touch her in a way that might cause harm.

"Rinoa?" I call. The only response I receive is the sound of my own voice coming back to me.

Through the double doors before me, there is the sound of a girlish giggle. It sounds like Rinoa's laugh, yet completely unlike her. While the giggle sounds innocent and sweet enough, it has a note of falseness to it. It's as if someone were imitating her.

Cautiously, I push on one of the doors and feel it give easily under my weight. The girlish giggle comes louder, clearer now, and even as I peer in, I know it is Rinoa without a doubt. But, as she comes into my view, I know it is not Rinoa. On the outside, she looks like Rinoa, but her eyes tell me Rinoa is long gone.

She is dressed in strange clothing, in something like a ball gown with a corset that cinches her already diminutive waist even smaller. Her hair is pulled back into a high, tight pony tail that spills down her back to her waist. The tattoo like marks on her face have grown darker, more defined, and they resemble dark feathers that cup her cheeks. I stand in awe of her, unable to move or speak. I have never seen her look so beautiful. Nor so hideous.

Upon her back are a pair of the most glorious wings I've ever seen. They glow with an energy of their own and spill opaque, fiery light across the walls and floor. The feathers themselves are black, yet the light makes them seem almost heavenly, as if the traditional depiction of angel wings has been thus far incorrect. I can't picture an angel wearing anything but these wings.

"I've been expecting you, Squall." she says. The lights reflect in her eyes, making them swim with whorls of color. The corners of her lips turn up in a most wicked smile, one that should make me cringe, yet I step forward, drawn to her, longing to be near her.

"What happened to you?" I ask in a half whisper.

Slowly she approaches, her skirt swishing about with each step. Something about her careful step seems terribly erotic, and all the while as innocent as a child. "I've become, my dear," she says and takes my hand. "And you shall serve as my knight."

When I told her I'd be her knight, that I'd do anything for her, I hadn't expected this profound a change in her. I had no idea that she'd actually become something so powerful or so menacing. I hadn't expected her to be missing from her own body. The eyes that peer from her face do not belong to the girl I know and love.

I am speechless as her hands cup my face. Her touch is enchanting, almost paralyzing. "Should you serve me well, I will give your heart's desire. What is it that you wish for?"

Chilled from the cold, I shudder. What do I wish for? I wish for her to be as she used to be. I wish to take everything back and undo the damage I've done. I want things to be right between us.

"My only wish is to have you back, the way you were before," I tell her, my eyes downcast. Somehow, it seems each time I look her in the eye, I fall more and more under her spell. If I stared into her eyes long enough, I might be willing to do anything she asks. I understand how it was so easy for Edea to lure Seifer into her service.

But I know that whatever she might ask of me would not be for Rinoa because this isn't Rinoa. It's her body, her face, her hands, but wherever Rinoa is, she isn't here.

"Oh, Squall," she says, giggling like a child. "You big meanie. I'm still me. Just more powerful."

I shake my head. "That's a lie."

Her eyes flash with anger, and I feel her wrath coming on, a fury she will rain upon me should she be provoked, though the waters appear to be still. "You don't love me anymore?"

She's pushing my buttons. She always did know how to manipulate me into doing her will. Still, this is not Rinoa before me. I came here to serve her, to help her defeat whatever has her in its grip. I don't want to serve a shell that looks like her but isn't her at all. This is someone, something using her body to do it's will, not my Rinoa. I'm certain of it.

"I love Rinoa, not you," I say, an icy edge in my voice as I attempt to step back, away from her. Except my feet refuse to move. She's done something to keep me here, against my will.

"But Squall, I am Rinoa. Just a different version of her. I am what she would have eventually become. I am what she would have been driven to be if she'd not had the strength to leave you. Had she stayed, her bitterness would have eventually driven her mad," she hisses, her hands now tangled in my hair, "Just a different version, Squall."

She presses her lips against mine, and I become swept up in the eroticism of the moment. I can think of nothing else but her lips and her hands that caress and seek to control me. I want her in the worst way, yet I'm repelled by her touch and her taste. Everything about this is wrong. This is not Rinoa.

I shove her away, my senses returning. "Don't," I warn.

"That hurts, Squall," she says as tears form in her eyes. "You don't want me anymore?"

"Stop, please stop this," I beg, placing my hands to my head. Somehow, I must figure this out. I must find a way to get her back. I don't want this thing that stands before me, the thing that looks and sounds like Rinoa but isn't. I want Rinoa, not some demented shell that looks like her and acts like Adel.

"There's no turning back, now Squall. Either you will be my Knight, or I shall have to kill you." The threat in her voice is much more than an empty one. There's danger in each word, that violence I sensed in the Training Center, and later in Deling. She truly means to kill me if I don't agree to serve her. And if Rinoa's gone, would it matter so much if she did?

"I don't want to fight you," I say.

"You won't have to," a voice says behind me. Rinoa and I both turn our faces to the door to see Seifer standing there, tall and confident. "So how about it, hero boy? How about a second round?"

"Go to hell," I spit at him.

He smirks. "Are you turning chicken-wuss too?"

"Fuck you," I swear. Please let my back up be here soon.

Wait. I have no back-up. I'm no longer a SeeD.

Seifer laughs and runs at me, his gunblade in the air, ready to cut me down. I am already exhausted and unprepared for battle. I don't feel up to fighting him, and I don't care if he kills me.

His blade comes down hard upon my shoulder, an icy heat blazes through my upper body as the sharp edge of the sword cuts into my skin. I can feel my face blanche and my body shudder from the pain.

"Why aren't you fighting back, Squall? Did your precious sorceress break your heart?" Seifer taunts.

"I concede," I say and drop my gunblade to the floor. It lands with a clatter at my feet. I raise my hands in defeat, my will to fight him gone. "I won't fight you."

Until now, I had nursed a childish hope of somehow winning Rinoa back. The woman that stands on the sidelines, cheering Seifer on, is not the woman I came for. I don't know where Rinoa, the real one, has gone, but I long to be with her, wherever she is. I'd rather die than assist Adel in her destruction.

At this moment, I feel exactly as I did when I became lost in the time compressed world. Confused. Unable to decide which way to turn, losing hope of getting back what it was that I came for. Everything about this is wrong and I don't know how to change it.

"Come on, fight me, coward," Seifer bellows. "Where's your honor?"

"I have none," I say, looking at the floor where my gunblade rests.

"Damn it, Squall. You know how to ruin a good fight." Seifer says then lunges at me, the ragged tip of his blade catches me across the knee, the one I injured in Deling City, and I let out a yelp of pain. My knee buckles and I fall to the ground. He will surely kill me now, and I don't care.

"Rinoa, I love you. I always will," I say, looking up at the Sorceress in Rinoa's body. "If you're in there somewhere and you can hear me, remember that. I'll fight for you and only you."

Seifer laughs and brings his blade down a third time, opening up a large wound on my cheek. I feel blood course down the side of my face and neck.

"Withdraw your attack, Seifer," the fake Rinoa commands.

"Not on your life," he says with a snicker.

"Seifer," her voice calls out, harsh and demanding. "Stop your attacks. Now."

He halts in his tracks and turns to face her, gunblade still poised to do more damage.

Rinoa comes to my side and kneels where I lay. Her expression is indescribable, a mixture of fear, concern, rage and pride. She places her hand on my shoulder, covering the wound, and heals what damage has been done. She does the same with my knee, which aches and burns under her touch.

Finally, her hand rests on my cheek, and the wound there heals immediately. She cups my face once more, taking my chin between her hands. Gently, her lips touch mine, a sweet kiss, but ever so brief. "She is still here in this body you know," she whispers in my ear. "She is weak, while I am strong. She knows you are here, seeking to save her. I hear her voice calling for you."

She pulls away and glances at Seifer. His gunblade now rests against his side and he looks annoyed that Adel has taken his chance to destroy me.

"And because she once loved you, Squall," she continues, "I will spare you this time."









Due to the weather, we have been unavoidably detained in a small, dirty hotel on the edge of Esthar. We tried to make it to the Presidential Residence tonight to meet with Laguna, but the winds became so strong we could barely walk, the rain came down so hard, we could barely see. None of us wanted to waste time by stopping, but we didn't have much of a choice. But we are all exhausted and it's terribly late. As much as we'd like to continue, we all agree it wouldn't be a wise decision on our part. Laguna, Squall, Rinoa and Adel will all have to wait till morning, like it or not. I hope the storm clears before then.

I lie awake beside Selphie, exhausted but unable to sleep. Things really aren't looking good for us, any way you look at it. Our nerves are wearing thin and we're losing sight of what we came here for. I think more about Squall and Rinoa than I do about the awakening of Sorceress Adel. It's hard to maintain focused an objective that might entail killing two of your dearest friends in the world. I don't know how I'd be able to face a situation like that.

But it might happen. We might have to face the two of them. And what then? Do we kill them? Back down? It's too confusing to think about, and frankly, I'm sick of thinking about it. There's no easy solution, and I'm not going to find one tonight. Hell, maybe there is no solution here. All I know is that I don't want to lose my friends, especially not this way.

Beside me, Selphie whimpers in her sleep. I stroke her hair for a moment and watch her sweet face as she slumbers, thinking to myself how lucky I am to have her. If I were to lose her . . .

Stop thinking that way, Irvine.

She whimpers again and tosses restlessly. I sit up, concern lining my face. She calms down, though I watch her closely for a few long seconds, taking in the distressed look she now has, even in sleep. Must be having a nightmare.

I am no stranger to nightmares. I get them when I'm stressed, so tonight, I lay awake, certain that if I sleep, I too will have some twisted, vicious night images that will stay with me for the better part of the day. Not exactly what I need on the a day where I may have to eighty-six my dear friends.

From across the room, I hear Jilly mumble and whimper in her sleep. Hyne, what is this, group nightmare time?

Suddenly, Selphie sits upright, eyes wide and a choked scream caught in her throat. She gasps for air and her forehead is covered in beads of sweat.

"Shh," I whisper, taking her into my arms. "Just a dream."

She sobs against my chest, making choking sounds as she tries to draw in her breath.

"It's ok," I try and comfort her. Nothing's ok, really, but without some semblance of confidence in myself, I can't expect these three women to believe in me too, least of all my own girlfriend.

"It was terrible Irvie," she hisses in the darkness, still sucking air, but without those wrenching sobs from before. "Everyone died. All of us. It was terrible."

I stroke her hair and kiss her face a dozen times or more, trying hard to give her the comfort she needs. "It's ok, baby. Was just a dream."

Damn, I wish we had a private room. There's nothing that cures restlessness better for me than a little hanky-panky in a rented bed with the woman who I hope will be my wife one day. Knowing Selphie, she'd be easily distracted by a little carnality in the middle of the night, too.

Speaking of . . .

I purchased a ring while in FH, right before we left. It was hard to keep Selphie away, but I managed. Now, I just wait for the right time.

"Were you sleepin'? she asks, adding a yawn to the end of the question.

"Nah," I reply and lean back against the pillow. "You go back to sleep though."

"Don't want to," she says and leans her head against my chest. Her hand moves to the left side of my body, and I know she's feeling for my heartbeat. She does this sometimes, and maybe it's a comfort for her, I don't know. But, it's a comfort for me right now.

It would be so easy for us to run away. It would be selfish, but we could.

Maybe there is no right time to propose to her. Now seems a good a time as any. I reach for my coat and fumble around in the pocket for the small box hidden there.

"Irvie, what are you doing?" she asks.

"You'll see," I tell her and pull the box out, concealing it in my hand as I turn away from her and slip the ring from it's slot inside. I hide the tiny ring in the palm of my hand, mentally going over what I want to say to her. I lay back against the pillow again and pull her to me, and once more her head rests against my chest and her hand settles upon my left side again. I wonder if she does this consciously or not.

"You should get some sleep, Irvie," she whispers and sighs deeply.

Here goes nothing.

I take her tiny hand and slip the ring on her finger. "Spend the rest of your life with me, Selphie," I whisper in her ear.

She doesn't seem to know what I'm talking about for a moment. Then, she sits up and gazes down at her finger. "Irvie," she sighs and turns to me. "Is this a proposal?"

I nod, hopeful that she'll accept. "Will you marry me, Selphie?"

She throws her arms around me and begins to weep again, but all I can do is laugh. I think this is a good sign.

"Is that a yes, baby?" I ask when she finally pulls away.

"Yes!" she shouts, forgetting the two other people in the room, who are sound asleep.

Damn. Now I really wish we'd gotten a private room.

"Why don't we go take a shower, Irvie," she whispers, twining her fingers in my hair.

"A shower?"

"Unhunh," she says planting the most sensual kiss upon my mouth. Oh, a shower, I get it now.

She doesn't have to ask me twice.

~~~~

In the morning, we rise early, each of us sleepy eyed and silent. Selphie is the only one of us who appears refreshed and wide awake. I envy her energy. Never been much of a morning person, and this is definitely a morning where I'd rather sleep in.

The day has dawned clear and warm, with little trace of the hurricane type weather we experienced last night. The knee deep puddles are gone, and only a light breeze stirs the air around us. It's strange, though, when I finally fell asleep sometime before dawn, the rain was still coming down as though the ocean had sent a tidal wave crashing down upon us. Yet there's almost no evidence of anything out of the ordinary. I wasn't aware that Esthar even had storms of that magnitude.

Whatever, we'd better get going, for Laguna is waiting for us. Part of me wants to say the hell with him, and go on to the desert lab where Dr. Odine supposedly holds the weak, but awakened Adel. I would assume this is where Squall and Rinoa are and I don't want to waste time talking when we could be saving our friends. But, Squall and Rinoa are not part of our contract. Not yet, anyway.

When we arrive, it's obvious that we were expected much earlier than this, but it couldn't be helped. Laguna is very agitated and wrings his hands together nervously. I know he's a high-strung kind of guy, but at the moment, he seems wound so tight he might actually snap. Honestly, I don't blame the guy. I kind of feel the same way.

"Hey guys," he greets. "Thanks for coming."

Is anxiousness has gotten under my skin like an infectious disease. I remove my hat from my head and begin to worry the brim with my own hands, reflecting Laguna's agitation with agitation of my own. "So what's the situation," I drawl.

"It's worse than we expected," he replies and perches himself on the edge of his desk, his bare feet inches off the floor. "You all know that Adel has awakened. You know that, but what you don't know is that Rinoa has somehow . . . teamed up with her. Whatever plan Adel has, Rinoa is involved too."

"You have got to be kidding me," Quistis exclaims, her face lined with fear and concern for one of her dearest friends. "Rinoa wouldn't do that!"

I am the only one who knows about Rinoa's reasons for acting the way she did. Squall told me much before he left to find her, but I held my tongue, keeping his words confidential. And I'm not about to speak up about it now. I don't think it's my place to spill the beans.

"I wish I were kidding," Laguna says with a sigh and rubs his hands together nervously. "So, now we have two angry sorceresses who want my head on a plate topped with behemoth gravy and one Seifer Almasy, who claims to be Rinoa's Knight."

"Great Hyne, help us!" Selphie exclaims. "How did this happen?"

"Don't know yet," Laguna replies. It's apparent that he's as frustrated as I am at the moment.

"And Squall?" Quistis asks. "Where is he?"

"Squall is all right . . . sort of," Laguna says. "He came stumbling in here, in the worst of the storm, talking crazy nonsense, so we had to sedate him for a while. He should be awake soon."

"So what do we do?" I ask, hoping that he has a plan, because I sure as hell don't. I don't have a clue as to how to handle this situation.

"Well, if Rinoa weren't someone important to all of us, I'd say kill her," Laguna said, sounding regretful, "So this poses a difficult, eh, stipulation for us."

"Situation, you mean?" Quistis corrects.

"You sound like Kiros. Too bad you're not older. He likes blondes," Laguna says with a smile. "But anyway, back to our problem. So now we've got a serious problem, and I've been thinking about it all night, and something doesn't make sense to me."

Laguna, Hyne love you, sometimes you don't make a lot of sense.

"And what is that?" Quistis asks.

"Well, when Adel woke up, she started calling for Squall, at the same time Rinoa started acting weird, am I right?"

We all nod in agreement.

"And where did you all defeat Adel? Where did Rinoa receive Adel's powers?"

"Inside Lunatic Pandora," Selphie says.

"Correct you are. Odine was mumbling on about the structural make up of the Lunatic Pandora the other morning and something occurred to me," Laguna continues as he stares out into space and gestures with his hands at twenty miles a minute.

Where are you going with this, Laguna? Can we just get to the point? We're wasting time standing around talking.

I can't bring myself to vocalize my thoughts. Just because I'm in a hurry to help my friends, that doesn't mean I need to be rude.

"What if, for some reason, there was some kind of switch, thanks to the mysterious powers inside the Pandora? What if, instead of Rinoa inheriting Adel's powers, something else was transferred? Like, their powers were switched or something? Or their personalities. Or both?"

Quistis cocks her head to the side and she nods to herself. "Generally, if a woman is good hearted, she will remain that way as a sorceress. Rinoa wouldn't have turned on us like this unless she wasn't herself. Crazy as it sounds, it makes a little sense."

Quisty, none of this makes sense. I'm getting confused. If Adel has Rinoa's powers, and Rinoa has Adel's, does that mean Adel will become good like Rinoa? And if that's the case, which one do we attack?

"Like Sorceress Edea?" Selphie asks. "I mean, she got kinda evil when she was possessed, but that was different. She couldn't control herself."

"I was thinking maybe they are able to possess one another," Laguna says. "Odine also said Adel has not been herself at all."

"Have you run any of this by Dr. Odine," I ask as I place my hat upon my head once more. I am terribly unnerved and confused by what Laguna is implying, and I am forced to take Selphie's hand for comfort.

"Uh, not yet. He's not very accepting of my ideas," Laguna says, scratching the back of his neck. "He doesn't see the genius behind some of my plans. But that's another story."

"You might be right, Laguna," I say, "But isn't it a long shot? It's pretty bizarre to think they've switched."

Laguna is not given the chance to answer, for he is interrupted by a very pale and very battered looking Squall. "Long shot, maybe. But it"s the only shot we've got."

"You look like hell," I say by way of greeting. "Good to see you man."

"Whatever," he replies, sounding weak. His eyes are bloodshot, and there are two new scars on his face, his coat is torn in various places, and he limps heavily, favoring his left leg. Looks like he had a rough night.

I smirk. "You willing to give it a shot?"

"I want Rinoa back. What other chance do I have?" he says, and I know he's serious as a stampede of angry Toramas.

I look around at my comrades, then at Laguna and see approval in all their eyes. "Then we'll back you. Whatever your plan is, we'll do it. Right guys?"

My friends and team mates nod enthusiastically.

"So then, what's the plan, young SeeDs?" Laguna asks.

Squall clears his throat. "My idea was this. If what Laguna says is true, then we have to defeat Adel so that Rinoa can take back whatever part of her that Adel has."

"But what if it doesn't work?" Quistis asks, worried. "What if Adel dies and takes that part with her?"

"I didn't say it wasn't risky," Squall replies sounding defeated.

"So what do we do if it doesn't? We kill Rinoa?" Jilly asks. She seems less than understanding of our situation, and I suppose for good reason. She doesn't know what the six of us went through together, and she doesn't understand what kind of bonds we forged while on that particular mission. I want to be angry with her, I really do, but I can't be.

"That's the worst case scenario," he says. He swallows hard, as if he's having a hard time maintaining his composure. "We do that only if we can't get through to her, if she's still a threat to us after we've killed Adel."

"Right," Laguna says, uncharacteristically serious. "I'm having Elle try and talk to her right now, you know, inside her head. I don't know if it'll work, but it's worth a try. If she can get through, we might have a better chance of understanding what's going on."

"...................." Ward makes a gesture at Laguna and nods.

"Ward thinks it's a good plan," Kiros pipes up. He's been unusually silent this morning. "And so do I."

I glance at Squall. I can't read his expression as he stares off into the distance, a sign that he's deep in thought.

"What's on your mind?" I ask.

He shakes his head as if it didn't matter and turns towards the door. "Let's go," he says, sounding as confident as he can given the situation.

Sounds pretty simple, I guess.

Too bad nothing is ever simple as it seems.






Rinoa.

What?

Wake up.

I don't want to.

Come on. Wake up.

No.

Please, Rinoa. I need you.

Go away. I was dreaming. A nice dream, too.

All of us need you.

Who is this? What do you want?

You don't recognize my voice?

. . . . Elle?

Yes, it's me.

Why are you interrupting my dream?

Because I need you to help us. I need you to wake up and fight.

I don't want to. I want to stay here where it's quiet.

If you don't fight, we'll all die.

~~~

Rinoa, please listen to me.

Why? Why won't you leave me alone?

Because we need you to wake up and fight her.

I'm not strong enough.

Yes you are.

No, I'm weak. If I were strong, none of this would never have happened. If I were strong, I'd still be me. But I'm not. She's got the control now.

. . . How aware are you?

I know everything. Her plans, her thoughts, the things she's done in the past, the things she will do in the future. Everything.

What are her plans?

Destruction. Complete and total destruction.

disconnect

~~~

Why won't you help us?

Why won't you go away?!

Tell me. We need your help. Every single one of your friends is willing to die for you right now. You could at least help them out a little.

What? Why?

Because they love you.

. . . . . .

Rinoa?

What?

They love you. Fight for them.

. . . I'm afraid.

It's ok to be afraid.

No. I can't fight because I'm afraid.

Yes, you can. If you love them, help us.

Elle, I can't.

Why not?

She's too strong!

Don't give up on us, Rinoa.

Please, Elle, just leave me alone.

. . . .all right.

~~~~

Elle? You're still connected.

Yes.

What do I have to do? To fight her, I mean.

Don't let her control you anymore. Take back your power.

I . . . I can't do that. I don't know how to.

Yes you do. All you have to do is believe in your friends, and in yourself.

Sounds corny.

It does, but it's the only way for you to regain control.

I'm scared. What if I fail?

Failure is better than not doing anything at all. At least you can say you tried.

But I might get them killed.

If you do nothing, they're already dead.

Elle?

. . . .

Elle?!

. . . . .

disconnect




********
Notes
********

Thanks for all the reviews and the kind words. I appreciate them so much. The more you review, the more likely I am to put some effort into this, so keep 'em coming! :)

Speaking of reviews....an acquaintance of mine, Charlie AKA The-Flaming-Moe has written an interesting story called 'Paradise Lost,' a crossover type thing, and he needs a little constructive criticism from you guys. He's a good writer, but unfortunately has no confidence in his abilities.....if anyone's up to it, give it a read and maybe a review? Thanks.....

Also.....check out the work that The Coven is doing.....there's some very interesting stuff up there. Both Promise of a Dream and Convergence of Destiny are worth your time. You'll be impressed, I promise.

Toodles,

Sara