I see Rinoa fall in slow motion. All I can think is that they've killed her. I won't forgive them if they have. When I told her that I couldn't live with out her, I meant it. Whether she knows it or not, I do love her. I don't know if there's any future for us anymore, but if she's alive, that might be enough for me. If she's dead, I don't know what I'll do with myself.
All I have left is hope. That's something I never trusted before, but now there's nothing left for me without it. I hope that she's alive, and I dearly hope that if she is, the girl I used to know is still in there somewhere and that maybe that she still loves me. Maybe, we can put all this behind us and begin again, once all this is over.
I am on my feet and by her side in an instant. Everyone crowds around, but I shove them back each time they get too close. I don't want them to hurt her anymore. Before me, she lays curled into a ball and she clutches her midsection, whimpering softly with her eyes shut tight. The wings are gone from her back, and the lines that mark her powers have all but vanished from the sides of her face.
Adel has left her.
The shotgun blast distracts me for a moment, and I glance at Irvine. He stands over the body of Adel, staring coldly at her headless corpse, his coat and face spattered with Adel's blood. He hesitates for a second, then reloads and fires again.
If Adel is still alive, then she's invincible.
I notice that the Pandora has stopped moving. "Quistis, can you go find Odine? Find out where we are."
"Sure thing, Squall," she says and gives Rinoa a motherly, concerned look before turning away.
Rinoa's awake, but her eyes are glassy, and tears spill freely from them. Her lips move soundlessly, her lips form a single word over and over, but I can't make out what that word might be. I caress her cheek and sweep back the hair that clings to her cold skin. "Rinoa?" I say, "Can you hear me?"
"Squall?" comes her dry whisper. Her eyes roll toward me, and she shudders slightly and takes a breath. It's as if the effort of speaking a single syllable has taken all the air from her lungs.
"Oh, thank Hyne!" I exclaim. I give her a few potions and take her hand in mine. "I missed you."
"I'm tired, Squall," she whispers and I realize that I've been holding my breath in anticipation.
It's finally over. I can breathe now. I make a silent promise that I'll never ignore her again, if only we can work it out. But that's something we'll have to discuss later. Now isn't the time. She needs her rest. We all could use a good, long sleep. But we have to get out of here first.
"Where is Selphie?" Rinoa asks as I lift her from the ground, cautious not to injure her further.
I glance around in search of Selphie. Irvine holds her in his arms. Her body's limp as if she's dead and Irvine has his face buried into her shoulder. He rocks her back and forth and his body shakes as if he's sobbing. She's not dead is she? Irvine would be crushed. Despite his reputation as a ladies man, I know that he is only devoted to one, and that one is Selphie. There is no other true love for him. Only Selphie. For a moment, I hold my breath and wait . . .
Then, Selphie's arms slip around his neck and I'm filled with a deep sense of relief. I let out a long sigh and feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. "She's fine. She's with Irvine." I tell Rinoa and kiss her on the forehead.
"Take me to her."
Gingerly, I carry Rinoa to the pair and sit so that she can rest her back against my chest. She takes Selphie's hand, though I can tell there's no strength in her grip. "My sister," she whispers so softly I can barely hear her.
Selphie sniffles and wipes her eyes like a child. "Am I . . . am I?" she stutters.
"Yeah," Rinoa whispers back. "You're a sorceress now."
This is news to me. I had just assumed that Rinoa would inherit those powers after Adel died. Apparently, it is news to Irvine, too. Our eyes meet and he tips his hat back, an expression of surprise knitting his brow.
Selphie, a Sorceress?
"But I don't wanna be a sorceress!" she cries out, on the verge of hysteria. I can feel everyone's eyes turn towards us, even Zell's, who sits beside Jilly's body, weeping silently. They're all looking at us now, each face registering shock at the news.
"It's ok, Selphie." Rinoa assures her.
"But . . . but . . " she sobs, eyeing Adel's headless corpse.
"No. It won't happen again. She's dead. You got a little . . . piece of me instead. And I got a little bit of you." She squeezes Selphie's hand to reassure her and then lets go.
She's so weak. So pale. We have to get her home, and fast.
"Hey," Irvine says as he looks around. "Those weird lights are gone."
I hadn't noticed, but he was right. That odd buzzing sound was gone too. I can only assume that it was Adel making them do that. A distraction maybe, some weird Pandora thing that not even Odine is able to explain.
Whatever.
"Zell," I call. "How did you guys get here?"
"The Edea," he says and brushes away a few tears. "I don't know if it'll still fly, though. We had to crash it to get inside."
"We won't know until we try, right?" Quistis says as she returns to the group. "Zell, you know the way?"
"Not really, but we'll find it." He picks Jilly up and carries her towards a corridor on the left. Her body is limp in his arms. "It's this way."
"Quistis, did you find out where we are?"
"Hovering over the ocean off the coast of Esthar."
"Good, no monster invasion to take care of."
"What about Seifer?" Quistis asks and jerks her head in his direction. He's standing alone, staring down at the body of Adel with a quiet loathing in his eyes. "We can't just leave him here."
"We'll take him with us," I shrug. "He helped us out."
"Squall, are you trying to be funny?" Quistis asks.
"Whatever," I reply and look towards the exit. "Lead the way, Zell."
As we follow Zell through the corridor, the buzzing begins again, and the lights begin to pulse again within the walls, brighter and more intense than they were before. Alarmed, I spin around to survey the path behind us. I could almost believe that the headless Adel were following us, ready to seek her final revenge. Above the hum, a single crow calls out.
But there's no one behind us except for Seifer, who appears as alarmed as we are. He has drawn his blade, standing ready to attack if necessary. As quickly as the lightshow began, it dies down, along with the mind numbing sound that I never could put my finger on.
Rinoa, despite her injuries, laughs out loud. "Arden, now isn't the time for jokes at Squall's expense."
"Who are you talking to?" I ask, perplexed. Arden? Who's Arden?
"My guardian angel," she replies, and then, she falls asleep in my arms
exhausted from her long, hard battle.
We're in luck. The Edea is still operable, though battered. Selphie climbs into the pilot seat and instructs us to belt ourselves in, all but Rinoa, who is resting on one of the bunks in the back. Within minutes, Selphie has us airborne and pilots the Edea with expertise towards home.
"Squall, we should contact Garden." Quistis says after we are in the air and flying level. She's tired and her eyes are rimmed with red from crying.
I nod and take the co-pilot seat next to Selphie. At the press of a button, I'm in touch with Cid. "Sir, this is the Edea, do you copy?"
"Thank Hyne! You're alive. It's good to hear your voice, Squall," he replies, and I know he's telling the truth. "Is everyone all right?"
"All but Jilly Strife, sir." I say. "She . . . didn't make it."
"Oh . . . . I'm sorry." Cid pauses. "What about Rinoa?'
"She's alive, sir. Adel is dead."
"Are you certain?"
"Yes."
"Excellent. I'll have to report back to Esthar with the news."
"Yes sir."
"We'll see you soon."
As soon as Cid signs off I make my way back to where Zell sits and take the seat next to him. His eyes are red and he looks like hell "Hey," I mumble, for lack of anything better to say. I'm not good at giving comfort, even when I really want to. I know he cared a lot about Jilly Strife, and I know he's hurting because she's gone. The least I can do is try to make him feel better, though I know there's nothing I can really do to lift his spirits.
"Hey."
"I'm sorry about Jilly," I say. "I know she was your friend."
He nods and stares out the window. He's hurting pretty bad, so I do something I never done before. I give him a tight buddy hug and pat him on the back. At first he resists, then finally hugs back. Then, he starts to laugh at me. "Who are you and what have you done with Squall?"
Flustered, I slap him upside the head. I was only trying to comfort him . . .
"Ouch!" he cries and rubs the back of his neck.
I laugh and sat back in the seat. I should have been exhausted,
but I have never felt more awake in my life. The prospect of going
home has never seemed sweeter to me.
I can't wait to get home. Now that this ordeal is over, I'm looking forward to some r&r in my room with my Selphie.
She amazes me. There she is, piloting this overrated jet, chattering away to Quistis as if nothing has happened. It's as if becoming a Sorceress means little or nothing to her. Maybe it's just her adaptability. She accepts things the way they are and tries to make the best of them, no matter how bad they are.
During Galbadia's invasion of Balamb Garden she'd said, "Irvine, don't sweat the small stuff."
"But Selph," I'd said as I looked around, "you can hardly call this small. There's G-army everywhere"
And she'd looked at me with those innocent emerald eyes of hers and said, "All stuff is small stuff. If you think you can't handle it, you'll never succeed."
That's her philosophy. Don't sweat the small stuff, 'cause all stuff is small. Even events that seem insurmountable are small in Selphie's eyes. That's one of the many reasons I love her. She can make even the worst situation seem petty and trivial, and she has a way of making me feel like I can take over the whole world if I ever had the urge to.
Squall's been making the rounds, checking up on all of us. When he takes a seat beside me, I know it's my turn. It's not like him to be so concerned, but then, he's changed a lot. "Hey," I greet him and give him a gruff pat on the shoulder. "How you holding up?"
He nods and flashes a quick smile. "I've been worse," he says. "How about you?"
"Glad we'll be home soon," I say. "Sooooo. Selphie's a sorceress."
"It seems so."
I'd been thinking about this since Rinoa confirmed it earlier. At first I thought it was really crazy. But then I realized something: Selphie is the kind of Sorceress the world needs. Someone who's goal in life is to make people happy. Someone who's personal joy came from pleasing others. I share these thoughts with Squall.
"Yeah, I was kind of thinking the same thing," he says. "Can you see it? She'll make the Garden Festival a multinational pass time and decorate the world with flowers, butterflies, and unicorn stickers."
I snicker at the thought. "And the term 'Booyaka' will make it into the next edition of the dictionary."
"I'm still not sure what that means."
"Who cares?" I say with a chuckle. "As long as she doesn't sprout wings and start firebombing, I'm cool with it."
Squall nods. "You're going to have your hands full."
"That's nothing new. My girl's a firecracker. Always has
been, and I wouldn't have it any other way."
It feels good to have helped my former comrades. I've done a lot of shitty things in my life, and now I can say that I've at least done one worthwhile thing with myself. I ended this not as a failed knight, but as a man who figured it all out. Well, maybe not all of it, but a lot. I ended it as a man who'd realized his mistakes and chose not to make a habit of repeating foolish behavior. My actions today haven't absolved me of my sins, and I know that. The truth is, I'll never be completely forgiven and I know that too. It's to be expected, I guess. I know that no matter what I do, I'll still be a murder in the eyes of most of the world. Even if they hear about the good things I've done, I'll never be completely washed clean. Some stains never go away.
Truth be told, I had a little help in my actions today. If not for Rinoa's persistence, I might have fucked up royally this time. I'm a little surprised that the SeeDs have decided to take me along for the ride. They could have easily said thanks and then left me there to deal with things on my own. I'm kind of glad they didn't. Never cared for the Pandora and all it's creepy anomalies.
The question is, what do I do with myself now? There's only one thing I really want. Don't know if I can have it though. Don't know if she'd have me, and I know she still loves Squall, though I don't know if it's in the same way she used to. The night we spent together, she told me everything about their relationship, and she had the feeling that Squall might never be able to give her the kind of love she needed. I think maybe I can, but I don't even entertain the thought that she'd actually chose me over him in any case. I may be delusional, but I'm not insane.
Somehow, Squall has become the very thing that I spent my childhood dreaming of being. I'd always wanted to be the noble warrior, the one who basks in the glory of victory. The one who's name is synonymous with legend and bravery. He's the one who never strove to be much of anything. He was talented, yes, and he pushed me to my limits when we were both cadets, he made me work harder than I had to to stay on top because he was always there, right behind me in skill. I never thought he had the potential to become what he is now because he lacked the passion and motivation to be more. I see how very wrong I was in thinking that. Once he found a reason, he became a force and a presence that no one could stop.
He has everything I want. He is everything I had hoped to become. I want to hate him for stealing my thunder but I can't. I read in a book once that those who are true heroes are the ones who don't want to be and those who go seeking heroics are fools at heart. I know this describes Squall perfectly. And it describes me too. I am a fool. Spent my life looking for glory and only found shame.
How did I end up being what I am?
All I know is, things have to change. I want something more than my childhood dreams come true. I'm not a child anymore, and it's about time I stopped trying to be something out of a fairy tale. I want to be a better man, not the joke that I am now.
I'm sitting in the back, buckled in tight while the others make light conversation to ease the grim mood. I can't and won't join in. It's not my place and I don't really have anything to say.
When Squall takes a seat beside me, I'm surprised.
"Thanks for helping us out," he says.
"You're welcome."
He stares at me for a long time before speaking again. "Can I ask why you changed your mind?"
I return his stare for a second and say, "Because I finally got it."
Elle?
Yes?
Thanks. For everything.
You don't have to thank me. Is everyone all right?
Jilly died. Because of me.
Not because of you, you know that.
Why do I feel like I'm to blame?
It's not your fault but you feel responsible, right?
Yeah.
I'd be worried about you if you didn't feel that way. Just remember, it wasn't your fault. You wouldn't have done it under normal circumstances.
Never. But I feel so bad, Elle. I think . . . I think Zell really loved her. What if he blames me?
He won't. He knows better than to blame you.
..................
I'm glad everyone else is fine. Are you ok?
I'm fine. The baby too. I've already named him.
He told me. Rinoa?
What?
He's going to be a special boy. I want you to take good care of him and spoil him every chance you get, ok?
What do you mean by special?
You will understand in time.
Elle? How can you connect with Arden? You haven't met him yet.
I can because he is a part of you. Take good care of him and come visit with me some time soon, all right?
All right. Thanks again, Elle.
You're welcome.
Disconnect.
"Buckle your seatbelts, guys," Selphie cries from the pilot's seat. "I'm gonna do a fly by."
"A fly by?" I ask, not liking the sound of that.
"Saw it in a movie once. That's when you fly like, reaaaallly close to a building or something. I've always wanted to do that."
"Selphie, no," Quistis chides, but we've already begun to accelerate. Suddenly, the Edea tips to the side and my stomach does a little flip flop. I am given a sideways view of Balamb Garden as Selphie banks all the way around the structure. Though it's still docked at FH, it's the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long time. The water shimmers in the sunlight, and the disk in the background is almost blinding.
We're home.
Selphie cries, "Woohooo! That was kick ass!"
I've got to admit, it was pretty cool.
Minutes later, Selphie expertly sets the craft down in what used to be the SeeD ballroom. "Ladies and Gentlemen," Selphie begins. "Please extinguish all cigarettes and place seats in their upright positions. We have arrived at our destination, and I hope you enjoyed flying with Selphie Kinneas Airlines."
Despite myself, I laugh and unbuckle my seatbelt. Beside me, Irvine does the same. "Selphie Kinneas Airlines?" I ask. "Irvine, did you forget to mention something?"
"I'll tell you all about it later," he says with a raised eyebrow. "Not public knowledge yet."
The com unit makes a beeping noise and I push the receive button. "Edea, this is Esthar Airstation, do you read?"
"Yeah," I reply. "Loud and clear, Esthar."
"There's someone here who wants to speak with you."
"Go ahead."
"Squall, this is Laguna."
" . . . ."
"I just wanted to say you guys did a great job," Laguna said. "I know it wasn't easy."
" . . . Thanks."
"For a while there, we thought you were all dirt."
"Dust." We should publish a book of Lagunisms. We'd probably make a fortune.
"Right."
"I was wondering, eh, if you'd . . . .oww! Leg cramp!" He must be nervous about something.
"Just spit it out, Laguna."
"I was wondering if you'd come visit me some time."
I don't know what to say to him. He's my father and all, but . . . hell, I don't have time to waste on a grudge. It's about time I got to know him. "I'd like that."
"Great! We'll talk," he says, and I can tell he expected me to say no. "Send everyone my best."
"Will do," I reply. I push the end button and stand, stretching my limbs a little. I'm happy to be home. Maybe now things will finally back to normal. There are some personal changes I plan to make, and I hope that our lives will be simpler from this day forward. I've already decided to relinquish my command to Quistis, no matter what Cid says. She's better suited to the job than I am, we all know that. I'd rather be a regular SeeD, participate in missions and live my life like everyone else.
We disembark from the Edea and I take a good look around the ball room.
I never realized it before, but I've come to think of this place as my
home. Not just the place I live, but the place I call home.
It's all I've known for most of my life, and I know that no matter where
I live in the future, Balamb Garden will always be the place I think
of as home.
=====
Notes
=====
Don't you just love plot twists? If you think things are finished, you're so very wrong......
Much is new in this chapter. I won't bother to give you a run down because I'm tired.
One more chappy and one epilogue, coming up, then the Sequel.
Shameless plug: If you haven't read it yet, go and give Sincerity Cowboy by Seventh a read and then go and read it's companion, Shine Like Gold. It's a must read.....
If you review, I'll love you forever.
