Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.
The betrayal.
Remus and Harry led a still dazzed Sirius to the room he shared with Remus and sat him in an armchair in front of a roaring fire. Remus left the room to get some hot chocolate, leaving them alone. Harry looked at his godfather for a while, he could clearly see the selfloathing in his eyes and it tore him apart. Sure he the man had a part in what had happened, but it was not all his fault, if only they had been stronger, if only they had not given up, Sirius would not be going through this. He didn't deserve it, the man had already lost to much in his life and now, when he had just regained his best friend, he was losing him again because of something that had been out of his control. Harry sighed and sat down next to his godfather, it would do him no good following that train of thought, it only was depressing and he couldn't allow himself to fall into it now that his godfather was so close to it, he needed to be strong for the two of them and pull him out. Resolutely, Harry thought of the only thing he could do to pull Sirius out of the depression he was sinking in.
"Sirius, you need to snap out of it, not all of this is your fault, we have gone through this before, you can not keep blaming yourself over this."
Sirius's voice was emotionless when he spoke. "Leave me alone, Harry."
The boy sank back into the couch. "Sirius." His voice was soft, almost pleadingly, but at the moment he didn't care, he needed to let the man know he needed him. At the tone of voice of his godson the man looked up, his concern for the boy drowning all his other feelings.
"What's wrong, Harry?"
Harry looked at him, and was startled to notice there were tears in his own eyes, he suddenly felt as sad and alone as he had felt so long ago. "Please Sirius, don't do this to me, I need you to be there for me, I can't go on without your help, last time I nearly didn't survive. Please."
Sirius looked at the boy, suddenly he looked so small and vulnerable, nothing like the boy that had just stand up against his father to protect him. All the feelings of hurt and guilt that had been muddling through his mind disapeared and were replaced by the sudden urge to comfort and protect his godson. But still there was something that held him back.
"Harry, why don't you go to James? I'm sure he would be very glad to help."
The boy shook his head furiously, tears trailing down his checks. "He doesn't understand and I don't know him, as much as it hurts to say, you are much more my father than he is."
Sirius thought about protesting but sensed it wasn't the right moment and instead drew did the only thing he could think of. Gently he picked Harry up in his strong arms and enveloped him in a comforting hug, letting the child sit in his lap and lean against his chest. Harry finally let his loneliness get out and cried against his godfather, feeling the man's concern for him. When he looked back up, he saw Sirius was looking at his hands and cringed. The man didn't seem to notice and took one of his hands in his. Looking up he softly asked. "Can I look at them?"
Harry looked away but nodded, allowing Sirius to put up the sleeves. He didn't look, he didn't need to, he knew perfectly well what was under his sleeves. Long, white scars had replaced the blood red cuts, he knew that just as his scar they would stay there forever so he could remember that day.
Sirius had put down his sleeve again and hugged him more closely. "I'm so sorry Harry."
"It's not your fault."
"Yes it is."
Harry sighed. "Ok, some of this is your fault, but not all, and you know it, so please, stop blaming yourself and instead help me."
Sirius thought about it for a while and then nodded, for the first time since Hermione had told them their horrible secret he felt a little happy, Harry still wanted him. They stayed in silence till Remus came back, Harry suspected he had stayed away for that long to let them have sometime together. The three of them talked for a long while, Harry telling them in more detail the things he had done in the muggle world, but he refused to talk about what had happened after they had gone out of the hospital, he wanted to tell that when everyone was together.
A knock startled them out of their talk. Remus looked over curiously and invited whoever was outside to come in. They were all surprised when James came in, he had an ashamed look on his face when he looked at Sirius. Harry looked at them and was glad he had moved from Sirius's lap, there was no need to increase the tension. Sirius on the other hand had tensed and was waiting somewhat fearful at his friend's words, the small hand of Harry in his, reassuring him that the boy was supporting him.
Finally James spoke. "I'm so sorry, Sirius. I don't know what happened, I guess I was just so angry and I had to take it out on someone."
"It's ok, James, it was my fault." An annoyed sigh from his side made him smile slightly. "Ok, ok, some of it was my fault." He looked at his godson. "Better?"
The boy smiled up at him. "Much." Then he looked at his father. "Why don't you sit down, we were just talking about quidditch."
James smiled happily and sat down next to Remus. "So you like quidditch?"
Harry' face brightened. "O love it, it's just the best sport in the world, I haven't been able to keep up with it while I was in the muggle world, but these two were bringing him up to date. I miss playing."
"You played?" James smiled happily.
Sirius laughed. "Played? He was only the best damn seeker the gryffindor house has had in ages. He was the captain when that happened." He seemed sad for a moment but then pushed it aside and began to tell James all about his godson's deeds on a broom, making Harry blush.
To be continued...
A/N: Thanks for all reviews.
The betrayal.
Remus and Harry led a still dazzed Sirius to the room he shared with Remus and sat him in an armchair in front of a roaring fire. Remus left the room to get some hot chocolate, leaving them alone. Harry looked at his godfather for a while, he could clearly see the selfloathing in his eyes and it tore him apart. Sure he the man had a part in what had happened, but it was not all his fault, if only they had been stronger, if only they had not given up, Sirius would not be going through this. He didn't deserve it, the man had already lost to much in his life and now, when he had just regained his best friend, he was losing him again because of something that had been out of his control. Harry sighed and sat down next to his godfather, it would do him no good following that train of thought, it only was depressing and he couldn't allow himself to fall into it now that his godfather was so close to it, he needed to be strong for the two of them and pull him out. Resolutely, Harry thought of the only thing he could do to pull Sirius out of the depression he was sinking in.
"Sirius, you need to snap out of it, not all of this is your fault, we have gone through this before, you can not keep blaming yourself over this."
Sirius's voice was emotionless when he spoke. "Leave me alone, Harry."
The boy sank back into the couch. "Sirius." His voice was soft, almost pleadingly, but at the moment he didn't care, he needed to let the man know he needed him. At the tone of voice of his godson the man looked up, his concern for the boy drowning all his other feelings.
"What's wrong, Harry?"
Harry looked at him, and was startled to notice there were tears in his own eyes, he suddenly felt as sad and alone as he had felt so long ago. "Please Sirius, don't do this to me, I need you to be there for me, I can't go on without your help, last time I nearly didn't survive. Please."
Sirius looked at the boy, suddenly he looked so small and vulnerable, nothing like the boy that had just stand up against his father to protect him. All the feelings of hurt and guilt that had been muddling through his mind disapeared and were replaced by the sudden urge to comfort and protect his godson. But still there was something that held him back.
"Harry, why don't you go to James? I'm sure he would be very glad to help."
The boy shook his head furiously, tears trailing down his checks. "He doesn't understand and I don't know him, as much as it hurts to say, you are much more my father than he is."
Sirius thought about protesting but sensed it wasn't the right moment and instead drew did the only thing he could think of. Gently he picked Harry up in his strong arms and enveloped him in a comforting hug, letting the child sit in his lap and lean against his chest. Harry finally let his loneliness get out and cried against his godfather, feeling the man's concern for him. When he looked back up, he saw Sirius was looking at his hands and cringed. The man didn't seem to notice and took one of his hands in his. Looking up he softly asked. "Can I look at them?"
Harry looked away but nodded, allowing Sirius to put up the sleeves. He didn't look, he didn't need to, he knew perfectly well what was under his sleeves. Long, white scars had replaced the blood red cuts, he knew that just as his scar they would stay there forever so he could remember that day.
Sirius had put down his sleeve again and hugged him more closely. "I'm so sorry Harry."
"It's not your fault."
"Yes it is."
Harry sighed. "Ok, some of this is your fault, but not all, and you know it, so please, stop blaming yourself and instead help me."
Sirius thought about it for a while and then nodded, for the first time since Hermione had told them their horrible secret he felt a little happy, Harry still wanted him. They stayed in silence till Remus came back, Harry suspected he had stayed away for that long to let them have sometime together. The three of them talked for a long while, Harry telling them in more detail the things he had done in the muggle world, but he refused to talk about what had happened after they had gone out of the hospital, he wanted to tell that when everyone was together.
A knock startled them out of their talk. Remus looked over curiously and invited whoever was outside to come in. They were all surprised when James came in, he had an ashamed look on his face when he looked at Sirius. Harry looked at them and was glad he had moved from Sirius's lap, there was no need to increase the tension. Sirius on the other hand had tensed and was waiting somewhat fearful at his friend's words, the small hand of Harry in his, reassuring him that the boy was supporting him.
Finally James spoke. "I'm so sorry, Sirius. I don't know what happened, I guess I was just so angry and I had to take it out on someone."
"It's ok, James, it was my fault." An annoyed sigh from his side made him smile slightly. "Ok, ok, some of it was my fault." He looked at his godson. "Better?"
The boy smiled up at him. "Much." Then he looked at his father. "Why don't you sit down, we were just talking about quidditch."
James smiled happily and sat down next to Remus. "So you like quidditch?"
Harry' face brightened. "O love it, it's just the best sport in the world, I haven't been able to keep up with it while I was in the muggle world, but these two were bringing him up to date. I miss playing."
"You played?" James smiled happily.
Sirius laughed. "Played? He was only the best damn seeker the gryffindor house has had in ages. He was the captain when that happened." He seemed sad for a moment but then pushed it aside and began to tell James all about his godson's deeds on a broom, making Harry blush.
To be continued...
A/N: Thanks for all reviews.
