OMG!! You will not believe but I am finally back! Yeah, I kinda got banned
from my account for a few days and err . . . . .well, the rest is self
explanatory. Anyway, on with the crazy legend!
~*~*~
"So, Pink, to cut a long story short, you basically have to put your life in jeopardy, get out there and kick some butt, now I'm going to die!" Said the great fuck-u tree after telling Pink the story we heard in the introduction.
"Wait!" Cried Pink. "What about the spiritual stone?"
"My dear boy, did I say spiritual 'stone'? Ha ha! I meant, phone!" A strange music filled the air, well not music, it was more like an annoying bleeping as a green cell phone, floated through the air towards pink, who grabbed it and flipped over the cover.
"Hello?"
"GOOOOOOD MOOOOOORNING!! This is Fat bore speaking; I'm busy at the moment, but thank you for finding my phone! Please hold! Doo doo doooo dee dooOOOooooOOOOooooo!!!" Pink abruptly flipped the cover back on as he couldn't stand the music any longer. He looked up and the great fuck-u tree had died.
"Oh maaaan, I'm gonna get in so much-. . . ."
"SHIT! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE GREAT FUCK-U TREE!?"
Pink turned to find himself surrounded by the eerie cocks . . . .and I can tell ya, they looked very, very eerie. "I can explain . . . ." They all looked at him.
"Just let me, go over here . . . ." Pink said, stepping through them and edging closer to the exit out of the great fuck-u tree's meadow.
"That was a lie, I can't explain, TOODLES!" He screamed, making a quick getaway, followed by hordes of screaming eerie cocks, angry that they had been deprived of their mid-morning tree hug. He reached the tunnel at the far end of the forest glade and they all stopped with a gasp.
"You can't go through there, you'll diiiiieeeeeee!!!!!"
"Watch me!" Said Pink, taking a running leap into the darkness. He couldn't stop himself and flew straight into Sorry; she dropped something, which flew into Pink's pocket. "Sorry, Sorry . . ." he called out to his dazed green haired friend, before somersaulting to a stop in a little passage outside.
"I LIVE!" He cried, leaping up.
"Heya there, cute little boy, whatchya up to, your name is Roy?" A voice rhymed. Pink shielded his eyes against the sun and looked up at an owl with a baseball cap on. . . .backwards, sunshades and a gold chain with a large medallion saying 'G.K.'
"Actually, Mr. Owl, My name is Pink."
"My first name comes first, It is Gay-boring, the second comes second, I believe it's KEEP-ROARING!"
"Your name is Gay-boring Keep-roaring. . . . . ?"
"That's right Daddio, I rap for survival, I'm so damn good, I don't need a rival."
"I'm going to go now, I have something to take care of, bye bye."
"That's right little guy, go find the town, go to the castle, find the heir to the crown! . . . .I hear she's a bit of a bodacious babe." Suddenly, he leaned forward, turning his head 360 degrees. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR WHAT I SAID, AGAIN? YES? NO!?"
"NO!! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Pink yelled, running away. Not much happened on the way to town, someone shot a duck and a cat got sick, but that's beside the point. Pink entered the walls of the town and looked around in awe. It was very . . . .large. . . . he skipped through a street and into a big bustling market place.
"Oh my goddesses! Would you listen to this guy? It's hilarious! He's SUCH a wuss!" one man in a red shirt said, pointing at a man in a blue shirt, while almost falling over himself laughing.
"Honestly! I'm just here so I can pretend to panic and make it as obvious as I can, that this little kid is supposed to sneak through a drain on the right hand side of the castle. Heck, I might as well give him a map!"
Pink took this into account and moved around a fountain in the centre. There, something caught his eye. A small, red haired girl wearing a green stripy fruit on her head. "Erm, hiya, is the castle that way?" Pink asked, thinking up any excuse just to talk to her because she looked so ridiculous.
"OH YEAH! Sure is!" She said enthusiastically. "My name is Melon! What's yours? . . . . . . .Pink eh?"
"Umm, wait a minute, I didn't even tell you my name . . ." Pink said frowning.
"Hush! It's all part of the programming." She said, looking up into the sky. Pink looked very confused. "Programming? What programming?"
"LOOK OVER THERE!" She yelled. Pink looked, when he turned back, she'd gone. It was impossible that she'd somehow moved away in record time, but hey . . . it must have been all part of the programme . . . . whatever the hell that meant. Pink skipped merrily towards the castle, but to his horror, upon looking up into a tree. . . "Oh Pin . . ." He said, uttering the fire goddess's name. "We meet again little guy, I hope the town was great, But in there time was still, but out here it's getting late." "I'm aware of the time." Pink growled. "Wait until it's nightfall, then go around the corner, you might recognise the girl, who is making quite a holler." "Uh oh, here it comes," Pink whispered to Gator, who'd just appeared from no where, because we actually forgot about her. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR WHAT I SAID, AGAIN? YES? NO!?" the owl screeched, turning his head upside down. "No, honestly, I heard." Pink said, trembling from the impact of the screech. The rapping owl flew away into the now, night sky and crashed into the moon, dislodging a few stars, which fell from the darkness.
"OOOoooOOOh, . . . . . . . . . OOOoooOOOh . . . . OOOooOOoooOOOOh . . . . . ." Pink heard some dreadful singing from around the corner. He carried on, up to the gate. A soldier stood looking half asleep, "Uuh, hiya. I have to see the princess, is there any way I can get in?"
"No, but if you go round there, ask the charming girl who sings and I'm sure she'll let you climb the vines which you can take around and up to the castle, from there, go over to the far left and climb the wall, jump down into the moat, swim to the corner, get out and talk to the sleeping fat man, move a couple of crates, crawl through the drain, dodge the guards and you should find yourself in the courtyard."
"Gee, thank you."
Suddenly the guard snorted and looked around. "Oh goddesses, was I sleeping again, sorry these night shifts just really get me, Oh no! Was I talking to you in my sleep? I tend to do that, Sorry if I told you some utterly useless information!"
"Not at all. . . . . ." Pink said slyly, taking a few steps back before running around to talk to the singing person. It was Melon, doing all the howling. "Oh, hiya Pink! I love to sing."
'Don't you mean caterwaul?' Pink thought to himself.
"Anyway, my dad hasn't come back from delivering milk to the castle, could you go on up and tell him to get his lazy fat - HOLYMUTHERFUCKINGLICKMYFRIKKINPUSSY! - ass down here please."
Pink stared at her for some moments. "Melon, what the hell was that?"
"Oh, I'm not really sure myself, I have this weird birth defect that causes me to yell bad things a lot, but I just try to ignore it and pretend that it never happened, Daddy was drunk one night and told me that if I do it when I'm older, I'll get laid a lot, but I don't know what he's talking about because only eggs get laid." She smiled brightly. "Anyway, talking of eggs, I think you better take this with you." She said, handing him an egg in a convenient little nest. Pink took it cautiously and Melon stepped aside, revealing a vine, with a little red arrow attached to it, saying 'Climb up here for best results!'
Pink did as he was indicated and clambered up. A dark figure towered over him as he neared the top and as he stepped up he could see the features silhouetted by the moon light. It was a woman, no more like a-
"I AM NAM THE VAMPY!!"
EXCUSE ME!
"What?"
"Huh?" Pink said.
Are you trying to ruin my narration, I mean, good God woman! I didn't even get to describe you! Just calm down and shut up, wait your turn!
"I'm really, really sorry?" Said the girl.
Thank you! Anyway, carrying on. It was a woman, no more like a girl of about 16 in black clothes and she had a very pale face with reddish eyes and thick black hair. Fangs protruded from her black lips.
"Ok, are you satisfied now?"
Yes, I am.
"Ok, I AM NAM THE VAMPY!"
"Who were you just talking to?" Pink questioned.
"HUSH! No one asked you! Just stick to the programme!" She exclaimed, turning into a bat, and taking off into the night sky, dodging a few loose stars that had been upset by the rapster owl crashing into the moon.
"What the hell is the programme?" Pink asked, feeling exasperated. Gator would have shrugged, if she had shoulders and wasn't a ball of fluff. Trying to forget all these events, Pink ran like he was told to get to the castle. He ran across a stone bridge and crashed into another guard. "HEH! UGH!! Blurrh!! Aheeem! WHAT do you think YOU'RE doing?" He said, snapping to attention.
"Look! A bear!!!" Pink yelled, pointing into the darkness. The soldier screamed and ran down a slope, jumping into a colleague's arms, Scooby doo style. "He said there's a bear!!!" He squealed, the man dropped him and ran away. Chaos ensued, causing much panic throughout the grounds of the castle that a bear was on the loose. By the time that one slightly more intellectual soldier had pointed out that there were no bears in the north of hyrule, the epicentre of distress had swam through the moat and was making his way towards a sleeping fat man
~~~Penny! Hi! You are a dude! Oh no wait.you are a hug bird! KAW! Blububububfgdasgaghebb. I am seriously nervous about sports day because I cant do high jump! Meh! The world is round! Just thought I would point that out. Oh, look! Here comes lou! The sleeping beauty awakens! Meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh
OI, KATY YOU FREAKIN LEPRECHAUN!!!! I'm in the MIDDLE of a STORY HERE!! Nobody said you could write an essay about how stupid you are, on my laptop!!! Jeezus! Anyway, on with the saga!~~~
"Hello?" Pink whispered to the sleeping man
The man snorted and rolled over. Pink sighed dramatically. "This is going to be a loooooong night."
"You wanna get high?" gator asked sheepishly.
"No."
~*~*~
Read and review. . . .or that bear might pay you a visit!
~*~*~
"So, Pink, to cut a long story short, you basically have to put your life in jeopardy, get out there and kick some butt, now I'm going to die!" Said the great fuck-u tree after telling Pink the story we heard in the introduction.
"Wait!" Cried Pink. "What about the spiritual stone?"
"My dear boy, did I say spiritual 'stone'? Ha ha! I meant, phone!" A strange music filled the air, well not music, it was more like an annoying bleeping as a green cell phone, floated through the air towards pink, who grabbed it and flipped over the cover.
"Hello?"
"GOOOOOOD MOOOOOORNING!! This is Fat bore speaking; I'm busy at the moment, but thank you for finding my phone! Please hold! Doo doo doooo dee dooOOOooooOOOOooooo!!!" Pink abruptly flipped the cover back on as he couldn't stand the music any longer. He looked up and the great fuck-u tree had died.
"Oh maaaan, I'm gonna get in so much-. . . ."
"SHIT! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE GREAT FUCK-U TREE!?"
Pink turned to find himself surrounded by the eerie cocks . . . .and I can tell ya, they looked very, very eerie. "I can explain . . . ." They all looked at him.
"Just let me, go over here . . . ." Pink said, stepping through them and edging closer to the exit out of the great fuck-u tree's meadow.
"That was a lie, I can't explain, TOODLES!" He screamed, making a quick getaway, followed by hordes of screaming eerie cocks, angry that they had been deprived of their mid-morning tree hug. He reached the tunnel at the far end of the forest glade and they all stopped with a gasp.
"You can't go through there, you'll diiiiieeeeeee!!!!!"
"Watch me!" Said Pink, taking a running leap into the darkness. He couldn't stop himself and flew straight into Sorry; she dropped something, which flew into Pink's pocket. "Sorry, Sorry . . ." he called out to his dazed green haired friend, before somersaulting to a stop in a little passage outside.
"I LIVE!" He cried, leaping up.
"Heya there, cute little boy, whatchya up to, your name is Roy?" A voice rhymed. Pink shielded his eyes against the sun and looked up at an owl with a baseball cap on. . . .backwards, sunshades and a gold chain with a large medallion saying 'G.K.'
"Actually, Mr. Owl, My name is Pink."
"My first name comes first, It is Gay-boring, the second comes second, I believe it's KEEP-ROARING!"
"Your name is Gay-boring Keep-roaring. . . . . ?"
"That's right Daddio, I rap for survival, I'm so damn good, I don't need a rival."
"I'm going to go now, I have something to take care of, bye bye."
"That's right little guy, go find the town, go to the castle, find the heir to the crown! . . . .I hear she's a bit of a bodacious babe." Suddenly, he leaned forward, turning his head 360 degrees. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR WHAT I SAID, AGAIN? YES? NO!?"
"NO!! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Pink yelled, running away. Not much happened on the way to town, someone shot a duck and a cat got sick, but that's beside the point. Pink entered the walls of the town and looked around in awe. It was very . . . .large. . . . he skipped through a street and into a big bustling market place.
"Oh my goddesses! Would you listen to this guy? It's hilarious! He's SUCH a wuss!" one man in a red shirt said, pointing at a man in a blue shirt, while almost falling over himself laughing.
"Honestly! I'm just here so I can pretend to panic and make it as obvious as I can, that this little kid is supposed to sneak through a drain on the right hand side of the castle. Heck, I might as well give him a map!"
Pink took this into account and moved around a fountain in the centre. There, something caught his eye. A small, red haired girl wearing a green stripy fruit on her head. "Erm, hiya, is the castle that way?" Pink asked, thinking up any excuse just to talk to her because she looked so ridiculous.
"OH YEAH! Sure is!" She said enthusiastically. "My name is Melon! What's yours? . . . . . . .Pink eh?"
"Umm, wait a minute, I didn't even tell you my name . . ." Pink said frowning.
"Hush! It's all part of the programming." She said, looking up into the sky. Pink looked very confused. "Programming? What programming?"
"LOOK OVER THERE!" She yelled. Pink looked, when he turned back, she'd gone. It was impossible that she'd somehow moved away in record time, but hey . . . it must have been all part of the programme . . . . whatever the hell that meant. Pink skipped merrily towards the castle, but to his horror, upon looking up into a tree. . . "Oh Pin . . ." He said, uttering the fire goddess's name. "We meet again little guy, I hope the town was great, But in there time was still, but out here it's getting late." "I'm aware of the time." Pink growled. "Wait until it's nightfall, then go around the corner, you might recognise the girl, who is making quite a holler." "Uh oh, here it comes," Pink whispered to Gator, who'd just appeared from no where, because we actually forgot about her. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR WHAT I SAID, AGAIN? YES? NO!?" the owl screeched, turning his head upside down. "No, honestly, I heard." Pink said, trembling from the impact of the screech. The rapping owl flew away into the now, night sky and crashed into the moon, dislodging a few stars, which fell from the darkness.
"OOOoooOOOh, . . . . . . . . . OOOoooOOOh . . . . OOOooOOoooOOOOh . . . . . ." Pink heard some dreadful singing from around the corner. He carried on, up to the gate. A soldier stood looking half asleep, "Uuh, hiya. I have to see the princess, is there any way I can get in?"
"No, but if you go round there, ask the charming girl who sings and I'm sure she'll let you climb the vines which you can take around and up to the castle, from there, go over to the far left and climb the wall, jump down into the moat, swim to the corner, get out and talk to the sleeping fat man, move a couple of crates, crawl through the drain, dodge the guards and you should find yourself in the courtyard."
"Gee, thank you."
Suddenly the guard snorted and looked around. "Oh goddesses, was I sleeping again, sorry these night shifts just really get me, Oh no! Was I talking to you in my sleep? I tend to do that, Sorry if I told you some utterly useless information!"
"Not at all. . . . . ." Pink said slyly, taking a few steps back before running around to talk to the singing person. It was Melon, doing all the howling. "Oh, hiya Pink! I love to sing."
'Don't you mean caterwaul?' Pink thought to himself.
"Anyway, my dad hasn't come back from delivering milk to the castle, could you go on up and tell him to get his lazy fat - HOLYMUTHERFUCKINGLICKMYFRIKKINPUSSY! - ass down here please."
Pink stared at her for some moments. "Melon, what the hell was that?"
"Oh, I'm not really sure myself, I have this weird birth defect that causes me to yell bad things a lot, but I just try to ignore it and pretend that it never happened, Daddy was drunk one night and told me that if I do it when I'm older, I'll get laid a lot, but I don't know what he's talking about because only eggs get laid." She smiled brightly. "Anyway, talking of eggs, I think you better take this with you." She said, handing him an egg in a convenient little nest. Pink took it cautiously and Melon stepped aside, revealing a vine, with a little red arrow attached to it, saying 'Climb up here for best results!'
Pink did as he was indicated and clambered up. A dark figure towered over him as he neared the top and as he stepped up he could see the features silhouetted by the moon light. It was a woman, no more like a-
"I AM NAM THE VAMPY!!"
EXCUSE ME!
"What?"
"Huh?" Pink said.
Are you trying to ruin my narration, I mean, good God woman! I didn't even get to describe you! Just calm down and shut up, wait your turn!
"I'm really, really sorry?" Said the girl.
Thank you! Anyway, carrying on. It was a woman, no more like a girl of about 16 in black clothes and she had a very pale face with reddish eyes and thick black hair. Fangs protruded from her black lips.
"Ok, are you satisfied now?"
Yes, I am.
"Ok, I AM NAM THE VAMPY!"
"Who were you just talking to?" Pink questioned.
"HUSH! No one asked you! Just stick to the programme!" She exclaimed, turning into a bat, and taking off into the night sky, dodging a few loose stars that had been upset by the rapster owl crashing into the moon.
"What the hell is the programme?" Pink asked, feeling exasperated. Gator would have shrugged, if she had shoulders and wasn't a ball of fluff. Trying to forget all these events, Pink ran like he was told to get to the castle. He ran across a stone bridge and crashed into another guard. "HEH! UGH!! Blurrh!! Aheeem! WHAT do you think YOU'RE doing?" He said, snapping to attention.
"Look! A bear!!!" Pink yelled, pointing into the darkness. The soldier screamed and ran down a slope, jumping into a colleague's arms, Scooby doo style. "He said there's a bear!!!" He squealed, the man dropped him and ran away. Chaos ensued, causing much panic throughout the grounds of the castle that a bear was on the loose. By the time that one slightly more intellectual soldier had pointed out that there were no bears in the north of hyrule, the epicentre of distress had swam through the moat and was making his way towards a sleeping fat man
~~~Penny! Hi! You are a dude! Oh no wait.you are a hug bird! KAW! Blububububfgdasgaghebb. I am seriously nervous about sports day because I cant do high jump! Meh! The world is round! Just thought I would point that out. Oh, look! Here comes lou! The sleeping beauty awakens! Meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh
OI, KATY YOU FREAKIN LEPRECHAUN!!!! I'm in the MIDDLE of a STORY HERE!! Nobody said you could write an essay about how stupid you are, on my laptop!!! Jeezus! Anyway, on with the saga!~~~
"Hello?" Pink whispered to the sleeping man
The man snorted and rolled over. Pink sighed dramatically. "This is going to be a loooooong night."
"You wanna get high?" gator asked sheepishly.
"No."
~*~*~
Read and review. . . .or that bear might pay you a visit!
