Chapter 7
Everyone gathered around again. Anya was once again leaning into Xander, and this time Spike sat next to Buffy.
"Cordy, you go," Fred called to her friend.
"Mine's embarrassing," Cordelia said, "Really embarrassing."
"Just tell us, already. Can't we worse than Buffy," Willow said, sending Spike a look.
"Fine, but don't laugh," Cordelia replied, "One."
"One. You've only slept with one person, but…" Buffy began, and then realized how that sounded.
"Let's just say I haven't had the greatest experiences with sex, with the whole demon pregnancy thing," Cordelia replied.
"Demon pregnancy?" Xander asked, his eyes wide.
"Long story," Cordelia said, "Besides its all Angel's fault that I don't meet guys," she added, sending him a look.
Angel smiled proprietarily. Cordelia didn't notice.
"How is it his fault?" Anya asked curiously.
"He gives all my, not-so-many dates the Spanish inquisition, scaring the hell out of them," Cordy replied, looking a tad annoyed.
"I don't give them the Spanish inquisition, Cordy. I just make sure that you won't get hurt again."
"Please! What exactly do you call it."
"Its just a few questions, Cordy. I have given the Spanish Inquisition, and trust me when I say, its not even close," Angel told her, "And besides its not just me, Wesley helps, too."
"He's right, we have performed to the Spanish Inquisition," Spike told the horrified Scoobies in an aside.
"That's true, Wesley does help. But he isn't the one that scares the hell out of them." Cordelia said.
"I…I…" Angel started to stutter.
"See," said Cordelia, taking Angel's stuttering as guilt, "Brad told me you threatened to cut off a certain piece of his anatomy if he…how did he put it? Laid one finger on me."
"I didn't…"
"What? Say that? Please!"
"Well, no, but he looked like a shady character. Didn't he, Wes?"
Wesley ducked. "Why do they always do that? Bring me into their arguments," he muttered.
He looked at the two, "Any chance I can stay out of this?" he asked, without much hope.
"No," Angel and Cordy replied together.
The rest of the room watched in amusement.
"Well, tough. Angel, you threaten every guy she even looks at, and Cordy, you have really bad taste in guys," Wesley figured both of them were going to be mad at him anyway, he might as well go for broke.
"Bad taste, Pfft! Well, that explains my temporary insanity when I kissed you, huh?" Cordelia said angrily.
"What do you mean kissed. When the hell did you kiss Cordy?" Angel looked mad. Wesley took a step back.
(A/N - I DON'T KNOW IF ANGEL KNOWS OR NOT, BUT FOR THE PURPOSES OF THE FIC, ASSUME HE JUST FOUND OUT)
"You kissed Cordy?" Fred asked, looking wide-eyed at Wesley.
"Calm down, Angel. It was a long time ago. A really long time ago," Wesley said. He took another step back.
"You kissed English?" Gunn looked shocked at Cordelia.
"In Sunnydale," Cordelia replied. It didn't seem to calm Angel down. "It was just one kiss," she continued.
"One kiss, only," Wesley repeated to Angel.
"This is fun, I'm really liking this game," Spike said to the Scoobies.
"Shhh," Willow told him, looking intently at Angel, Wesley and Cordelia.
"Yeah, we decided that there was absolutely no chemistry, right Cordelia?" Wesley looked hopefully at Cordy. She considered his request for a second, and then sighing, laid a comforting hand on Angel's arm. He immediately calmed down.
"No chemistry?" he asked, looking at Cordelia for a second.
"Nope, not a bit," Cordelia replied cheerfully.
"Okay," Angel said, and sat back down. Wesley gave a sigh of relief.
"You go next, Angel," Cordelia said.
Angel immediately looked uncomfortable.
"I can't," he said, avoiding her gaze.
Cordelia narrowed her eyes, "Why not?" He swallowed.
"This ought to be good," Spike commented. He looked like he was thoroughly enjoying himself, "You know, Red. You have some awfully good ideas." He told Willow.
"Why not?" Cordelia repeated, more insistently.
"I don't know how many," he said softly.
"What? What the hell do you mean you don't know how many people you've slept with?" she yelled.
"I'm 248 years old, Cordelia. I'm a vampire. Why should I have kept count?" he shouted back, still a little annoyed by the whole Wesley thing.
"Anya remembered, and she's older than you," Cordelia yelled back.
"Anya's a woman."
"Fine. You know what, Angel, lets narrow it down, the last century. Can you at least give us the last century," Cordelia said angrily.
Buffy looked curiously at Angel, waiting for his answer. She exchanged a look with Willow. Then turned to watch Cordelia who was staring intently at Angel for his answer.
"Oh my God, You don't know, do you?" Cordy said incredulously, when he didn't answer. She was looking a lot more mad than any best friend had a right to be. They didn't notice that.
"I had my soul, I wasn't celibate," Angel said to her softly.
"What the hell are you saying? Angel?" Cordelia asked him, "You're supposed to be a eunuch. What about the curse?" she asked.
"I'm not a eunuch. You know how the curse works, Cor. Perfect happiness. You're the one that insists on believing it means no sex," he said, a little angrily at the eunuch comment.
"Are you telling me casual sex is fine. You can have casual sex with anyone," Cordelia looked like her whole world had fallen out, "Have you while we were in LA?"
"No, of course I didn't. Except for Darla," he answered, a little shamefully. Cordelia flinched at the mention of Darla.
"Oh, yes lets bring up that slut. Way to go there," Spike encouraged from the side, a little pleased at his grandsire's discomfort.
"Let me get this straight. You can sleep with anyone you want to except Bu…," Cordelia said, ignoring Spike.
"Except someone I love," Angel cut in, before she finished her sentence. Everyone in the room knew what he meant.
"Anyone…even me," Cordelia asked. She was still looking a little shellshocked.
"N….N…No, I can't sleep with you," Angel replied, stuttering. He would have blushed if his blood flowed. For a second there she a hurt expression appeared in her eyes, before it was covered by anger.
"No, what do you mean no, why the hell can't you sleep with me. Aren't I good enough?" She looked at him for an answer but it was his turn to appear surprised. If they were being honest, he didn't have a clue what she was talking about.
"You know, some people actually think I am pretty," Cordelia said a little cuttingly and turned to look at the room for clarification, looking at Wesley for a second, "Okay, not him," her eye moved to Xander, "And he obviously didn't think so," she moved along, sweeping the rest of the room in a glance, "Alright, so no one in this room, but some people out there," she waved her hand in a grand gesture, before giving Angel a glare and stalking out.
"Cordy, Cordy," he called in panic after her. What on earth just happened. He followed her into the kitchen, tripping over the coffee table in his hurry to get there.
"She really doesn't have a clue?" Willow said incredulously, "How can that be? We all know, and we have only been here 1 day."
"Does he usually turn into such a… dork when talking to her?" Xander asked. "What's with all the stuttering?"
"Usual Angel behavior, I'm afraid," Wesley replied.
"Yeah, when she's in the area, his brain and his tongue don't connect too well," Gunn added, looking a little amused.
Spike started to laugh. "What?" he asked when Buffy glared at him, "Come on, its funny. Right now he's in there stumbling over some explanation as to how he wants to sleep with her, without saying he's head over heels, and making it worse."
They all glared at him.
"You know he is," Spike said, laughing again.
Gunn couldn't help himself. He started to laugh. "He's probably right."
Fred hit Gunn on the arm, "Stop it. Its not funny. Cordy thinks no one wants to sleep with her, and Angel's been lying to her. Plus he mentioned the D-word. She's really mad." She looked worriedly at the kitchen.
"Come on…there's no way the Cordelia thinks that. She knows her assets," Buffy said, a little spitefully. She couldn't help it. She and Cordy were becoming friends but it didn't just happen in one day. A doubt occurred to her, She looked at Fred, a little guiltily "Doesn't she?"
"Well, look at it from the princess's point of view. He just said he didn't find her attractive, and that…" Lorne began, before he was shushed by the room, as Cordelia walked back into the living room trying to avoid Angel who was hot on her heels trying to explain.
"Damn it, Cordelia Chase. Will you listen to me for a second?" he demanded to her back, now equally furious as her. They both didn't notice the room full of curious onlookers.
She whirled around, "I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. To. You. Now," Cordelia told him slowly through gritted teeth, "Go Away. I have guests."
"No," Angel looked her directly in the eyes.
"No? What do you mean no?"
"We are going to talk about this. And this time you are going to listen to me," Angel said firmly.
"Okay, this is getting good," Buffy whispered to Spike.
"Looks like we didn't miss much while they were in the kitchen," Spike whispered back.
"Shhh," Fred told them both.
"No." This time it was Cordelia's turn to give a negative answer, "We don't have to talk about this anymore," suddenly she looked really tired, "Look, its okay, Angel. You don't have to apologise..."
Angel opened his mouth to speak, but she continued, "It's alright, you know. I know you don't see me that way, and we are best friends, and you don't think I am attractive..." Angel started to laugh. He couldn't help it.
"You'd better not be laughing at me, Mister," Cordelia poked her finger in his chest, and glared at him. As sudden as the laughter appeared it disappeared.
"You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Cordy, in all of my life - the live and the undead part," he said, as serious as she had ever seen him.
"You... you..." she couldn't think of anything to say. For the first time in her life she was speechless. She looked disbelieving at him.
"Look, the stuttering is contagious," Xander commented.
"You don't have to lie to me," Cordy said finally, swallowing hard. She looked into his eyes and felt like she was drowning. This was much harder than it should be.
Lorne groaned, "Shoot me now. Put me out of my misery," he cried.
"I think you may have had some merit in the idea of hitting them both over the head," Wesley said.
Angel wasn't looking that happy either, "Are you kidding me, Cordelia? You think I am lying to you? You want to know why I can't sleep with you?" The rest of the room all notice his use of 'can't' instead of 'won't', except for Cordelia.
"I know why already. You don't feel that way inclined towards me – I mean its obvious I am not blonde. Its okay, Angel. I get it. I really do. I'm your best friend, and maybe I was acting a little ridiculous even suggesting we sleep together. I mean can you imagine…so completely off base, and with Buffy here, and Xander and the rest, maybe I was feeling a little insecure…" she trailed of, when she saw the dubious look on his face, which started with the word blonde, turn to anger.
"Here we go with the best friend thing again. We so need to move on," even Anya sounded impatient.
"Are you blind?" Angel demanded, "I mean, how is it possible for the most perceptive person I know, someone whose an actual seer, to be that damn blind, huh?"
"We want to know as well," Gunn commented on the side, and several nods agreed with him.
"Don't yell me. Why are you yelling at me. I am not the one that was being mean, and insulting his best friend, now was I? And I am not blind?" Cordelia shouted back at him.
"You know why I can't sleep with you. Because I love you. I. Love. You. Cordelia. Chase." With each word Angel took a step forward and Cordy a step backwards. Almost in instinct. A dance.
Cordelia stared at him for a second, she looked shocked for an instant, then her face cleared, "You mean like a best friend, right?"
This time the whole room groaned, not just Lorne. And Angel he growled.
"I give up," he said, moving away from her, and throwing his hands in the air, before closing in again, "No, Cordy…I love you. Love. As in passion. Getting happy. Turning into Angelus. Love."
Spontaneous applause broke out through out the room, finally catching the attention of the two of them. Cordelia turned to look at them, "You all knew?" It was a question.
"Princess, everyone knew. The bad guys knew. Wolfram and Hart knew. Every single person/demon/ and lawyer knew. You were the only person clueless," Lorne told her.
"I need to sit," Cordelia said to the surprise of everyone. And then she did. Slid down the wall till she was sitting on the floor.
Angel stared at her waiting for a reaction. He looked nervous now, that he had got it all out.
"What?" Cordelia finally said softly.
Angel looked at her sitting there looking a little forlorn, and moved to sit next to her. Instinctively she leaned into him. It gave him hope.
"I love you, Cor. I am in love with you," he said, repeating it to make sure she got it. It was easy to say now, once it had finally come out. He tested it on his lips and repeated it again. He like the sound of it.
"Its about damn time," Spike announced to the room. Cordelia and Angel didn't hear him.
"Hear, hear," Giles said.
"Kye-rumption," Fred said proudly, as if she had created it.
"I think she finally got it," Wesley said to Lorne about Cordelia.
"One hopes," Lorne replied darkly. He wasn't taking bets on the two of them. They were quite dense.
"How?" Cordy asked. She couldn't quite wrap her head around the thought of Angel loving her. It didn't seem possible. He loved Buffy. He always had. She came second best…that's the way it had always been. Maybe he was confused, she thought. No – another voice inside her spoke up, he seemed sure.
"How what? How did I fall in love with you?" Angel asked, still speaking softly to her, "That part was easy. It just happened. Loving you, Cordy, its the easiest things I have ever done. You're my humanity, my hope, everything," he said to her.
Cordelia felt her heart well at his words. He actually meant them, oh God. Angel loved her. She glanced at him, sitting next to her on the floor, his hand stroking her hair softly, waiting for her to talk to him, and she knew, in that single second, how she felt, how she had always felt, and as she opened her mouth to tell him, just then to remind her of the futility of the situation, a sharp pain went through her.
In agony she grabbed her head and moaned, and because she was so distracted she didn't have a chance to hide the pain. Angel immediately panicked and held her in his arms.
"Cor?" he called anxiously.
"Is it a vision, Cordelia?" Giles asked innocently not knowing how much worse those were.
"I don't think so," Fred answered Giles, looking worried.
Cordelia shook her head trying to force the pain back. It was a sign, she knew. She had to get out of here. With that, Cordelia pushed her way out of his arms and ran to the door. She couldn't let him see.
Angel, moving once he got over his shock at her sudden departure, got up and followed, while a room full of worried eyes tracing their actions.
"Dammit, Dennis. Let me out," Cordelia was having an argument with her ghost. He blocked her exit. Suddenly, the her bedroom door opened. "Dennis, Nooooooooooo!" she screamed as she raced across the living room, over sprawled people to get there first.
"What's going on?" Xander asked.
"Is she okay?" Willow queried, looking at Angel Investigations team.
"I don't know," Wesley answered.
"Something's up," Angel said, attempting to catch her, "Something she doesn't want Dennis to tell us."
"It must be bad," Gunn said, exchanging a look with Fred, the Scoobies all but forgotten in light of Cordy's strange behavior.
"Really bad," Fred replied, "Dennis is loyal to Cordy. He wouldn't do this if it wasn't something bad."
They all watched as the one-side argument moved back into the living room, as Cordelia chased a floating box.
"Cor?" Angel asked softly. It was insistent, and with that she stopped.
"I didn't want you to know. It wasn't supposed to be like this," she slid to the floor again. He moved to sit next to her.
"This wasn't supposed to happen," Cordelia said again, "I wasn't going to tell you. You weren't supposed to…" she trailed of.
"What, Cor? Love you. Well I do, tell me what's going on, please," Angel pleaded, the panic in his eyes growing at her desolation.
"It was just going to happen. No one could stop it, you know. I …I didn't want anything to change, I didn't want you to brood, or Wesley, and Gunn to be distracted, and Fred – it would have been easier…I just thought it would be easier," she looked up at him, looking for something, a confirmation that she was right not to tell them. She was speaking so softly, they could hardly hear her, but all of them were hooked on her words.
"Dennis knew…he snooped, and he insisted I tell but I wouldn't, and…I made him promise, so…"
"He forced the issue," Fred said softly. Cordelia nodded.
"Cor?" the small voice came from Angel. He looked at her to make everything better as always. This time, she couldn't.
She stood up and turned away from him. She couldn't look into his eyes and say this. "Angel, I am so sorry…I didn't know…I didn't know. You were okay, and we were happy, and I just couldn't spoil it. And after Buffy died, you…went on, and I just couldn't drop this on you as well," the words came rushing out.
Everyone in the room felt a sinking feeling. They stayed silent, not wanting to admit it, waiting for her to say the words they knew were coming, words they had been denying. The Scoobies sat somewhat to the side, part of the room, but outside the family.
"This is bad," Buffy said softly to herself, as she watched Cordelia take a deep breathe and say the words.
"I'm dying."
For a minute the words hung in the air. No one dared make a sound. Wesley, Gunn and Fred looked stunned, and Angel – Buffy couldn't describe the look on his face.
He started to shake his head in denial, "No, Cor, you're not. You can't die. We'll fix it, we'll fix…" Angel said. She bent down, kneeled in front of him and took his hands in hers, "Yes, Angel I am. And you can't fix it," she told him, her voice straining. His eyes filled, "Cor, you can't die, you can't die," he leaned forward and buried his face in her chest. Her eyes wrapped around him tightly, and she held him, as the soft sound of sobbing was heard through the room.
Fred crawled over the floor, and reached over and hugged Cordelia from behind, her arms grabbing tightly onto her friend. Cordy turned her head slightly and kissed her on the forehead in comfort, and then Gunn and Wesley reached over and from either side, and wrapped their arms around the trio. Lorne joined them.
And for minutes the group just sat there, not moving holding on to each, holding on to her, refusing to let go. The Scoobies sat silently, each buried in their own thought of sorrow, and denial, watching as the Angel Investigations family surrounded itself and coped with dealing with news.
"Maybe we should leave," Willow asked softly.
"I don't think we should," Giles said, "We can help. We need to help."
"How can she be dying?" Buffy questioned, shock, and sorry lacing her tone. She turned instinctively to Spike, looking at him to fix it. Memories of her mother came flooding into her, as she watched Cordy deal with her family. It was the same. The same strength. She reached for Spike.
"I don't know, pet," and for once Spike didn't sound amused. His voice was perfectly serious.
"I don't want Cordelia to die, like Joyce," Anya said to Xander in a small child-like voice, "Don't let her die, Xander. Everyone will be sad. I don't like it when everyone's sad. "
Xander wrapped his arms around his fiancé and said grimly, "We won't. We'll fix it, right guys. There must be something we can do, something to fix it," he sounded desperate. This was Cordelia, the first girlfriend he had ever had.
"Right," and this time, Buffy sounded more like herself. Strong. She could be strong. She looked at Cordelia again, the six of them encircled. And suddenly tears welled up.
"Its okay to cry, pet," Spike told her gently.
"No, its not," Buffy cried softly, "I don't have any right to cry. Look at them. They can cry, not me. Not me."
"Me either," Willow said softly, and then in spite of her words, she teared up. The two girls held each other as tears fell. Spike stood to the side, not doing anything, not saying any more. He didn't cry, and he didn't leave. He waited.
TBC
A/N
Hello. I was a bit worried about this part, particularly since emotions are difficult to write...let me know what you think, or if you think i should change anything
Domino
Everyone gathered around again. Anya was once again leaning into Xander, and this time Spike sat next to Buffy.
"Cordy, you go," Fred called to her friend.
"Mine's embarrassing," Cordelia said, "Really embarrassing."
"Just tell us, already. Can't we worse than Buffy," Willow said, sending Spike a look.
"Fine, but don't laugh," Cordelia replied, "One."
"One. You've only slept with one person, but…" Buffy began, and then realized how that sounded.
"Let's just say I haven't had the greatest experiences with sex, with the whole demon pregnancy thing," Cordelia replied.
"Demon pregnancy?" Xander asked, his eyes wide.
"Long story," Cordelia said, "Besides its all Angel's fault that I don't meet guys," she added, sending him a look.
Angel smiled proprietarily. Cordelia didn't notice.
"How is it his fault?" Anya asked curiously.
"He gives all my, not-so-many dates the Spanish inquisition, scaring the hell out of them," Cordy replied, looking a tad annoyed.
"I don't give them the Spanish inquisition, Cordy. I just make sure that you won't get hurt again."
"Please! What exactly do you call it."
"Its just a few questions, Cordy. I have given the Spanish Inquisition, and trust me when I say, its not even close," Angel told her, "And besides its not just me, Wesley helps, too."
"He's right, we have performed to the Spanish Inquisition," Spike told the horrified Scoobies in an aside.
"That's true, Wesley does help. But he isn't the one that scares the hell out of them." Cordelia said.
"I…I…" Angel started to stutter.
"See," said Cordelia, taking Angel's stuttering as guilt, "Brad told me you threatened to cut off a certain piece of his anatomy if he…how did he put it? Laid one finger on me."
"I didn't…"
"What? Say that? Please!"
"Well, no, but he looked like a shady character. Didn't he, Wes?"
Wesley ducked. "Why do they always do that? Bring me into their arguments," he muttered.
He looked at the two, "Any chance I can stay out of this?" he asked, without much hope.
"No," Angel and Cordy replied together.
The rest of the room watched in amusement.
"Well, tough. Angel, you threaten every guy she even looks at, and Cordy, you have really bad taste in guys," Wesley figured both of them were going to be mad at him anyway, he might as well go for broke.
"Bad taste, Pfft! Well, that explains my temporary insanity when I kissed you, huh?" Cordelia said angrily.
"What do you mean kissed. When the hell did you kiss Cordy?" Angel looked mad. Wesley took a step back.
(A/N - I DON'T KNOW IF ANGEL KNOWS OR NOT, BUT FOR THE PURPOSES OF THE FIC, ASSUME HE JUST FOUND OUT)
"You kissed Cordy?" Fred asked, looking wide-eyed at Wesley.
"Calm down, Angel. It was a long time ago. A really long time ago," Wesley said. He took another step back.
"You kissed English?" Gunn looked shocked at Cordelia.
"In Sunnydale," Cordelia replied. It didn't seem to calm Angel down. "It was just one kiss," she continued.
"One kiss, only," Wesley repeated to Angel.
"This is fun, I'm really liking this game," Spike said to the Scoobies.
"Shhh," Willow told him, looking intently at Angel, Wesley and Cordelia.
"Yeah, we decided that there was absolutely no chemistry, right Cordelia?" Wesley looked hopefully at Cordy. She considered his request for a second, and then sighing, laid a comforting hand on Angel's arm. He immediately calmed down.
"No chemistry?" he asked, looking at Cordelia for a second.
"Nope, not a bit," Cordelia replied cheerfully.
"Okay," Angel said, and sat back down. Wesley gave a sigh of relief.
"You go next, Angel," Cordelia said.
Angel immediately looked uncomfortable.
"I can't," he said, avoiding her gaze.
Cordelia narrowed her eyes, "Why not?" He swallowed.
"This ought to be good," Spike commented. He looked like he was thoroughly enjoying himself, "You know, Red. You have some awfully good ideas." He told Willow.
"Why not?" Cordelia repeated, more insistently.
"I don't know how many," he said softly.
"What? What the hell do you mean you don't know how many people you've slept with?" she yelled.
"I'm 248 years old, Cordelia. I'm a vampire. Why should I have kept count?" he shouted back, still a little annoyed by the whole Wesley thing.
"Anya remembered, and she's older than you," Cordelia yelled back.
"Anya's a woman."
"Fine. You know what, Angel, lets narrow it down, the last century. Can you at least give us the last century," Cordelia said angrily.
Buffy looked curiously at Angel, waiting for his answer. She exchanged a look with Willow. Then turned to watch Cordelia who was staring intently at Angel for his answer.
"Oh my God, You don't know, do you?" Cordy said incredulously, when he didn't answer. She was looking a lot more mad than any best friend had a right to be. They didn't notice that.
"I had my soul, I wasn't celibate," Angel said to her softly.
"What the hell are you saying? Angel?" Cordelia asked him, "You're supposed to be a eunuch. What about the curse?" she asked.
"I'm not a eunuch. You know how the curse works, Cor. Perfect happiness. You're the one that insists on believing it means no sex," he said, a little angrily at the eunuch comment.
"Are you telling me casual sex is fine. You can have casual sex with anyone," Cordelia looked like her whole world had fallen out, "Have you while we were in LA?"
"No, of course I didn't. Except for Darla," he answered, a little shamefully. Cordelia flinched at the mention of Darla.
"Oh, yes lets bring up that slut. Way to go there," Spike encouraged from the side, a little pleased at his grandsire's discomfort.
"Let me get this straight. You can sleep with anyone you want to except Bu…," Cordelia said, ignoring Spike.
"Except someone I love," Angel cut in, before she finished her sentence. Everyone in the room knew what he meant.
"Anyone…even me," Cordelia asked. She was still looking a little shellshocked.
"N….N…No, I can't sleep with you," Angel replied, stuttering. He would have blushed if his blood flowed. For a second there she a hurt expression appeared in her eyes, before it was covered by anger.
"No, what do you mean no, why the hell can't you sleep with me. Aren't I good enough?" She looked at him for an answer but it was his turn to appear surprised. If they were being honest, he didn't have a clue what she was talking about.
"You know, some people actually think I am pretty," Cordelia said a little cuttingly and turned to look at the room for clarification, looking at Wesley for a second, "Okay, not him," her eye moved to Xander, "And he obviously didn't think so," she moved along, sweeping the rest of the room in a glance, "Alright, so no one in this room, but some people out there," she waved her hand in a grand gesture, before giving Angel a glare and stalking out.
"Cordy, Cordy," he called in panic after her. What on earth just happened. He followed her into the kitchen, tripping over the coffee table in his hurry to get there.
"She really doesn't have a clue?" Willow said incredulously, "How can that be? We all know, and we have only been here 1 day."
"Does he usually turn into such a… dork when talking to her?" Xander asked. "What's with all the stuttering?"
"Usual Angel behavior, I'm afraid," Wesley replied.
"Yeah, when she's in the area, his brain and his tongue don't connect too well," Gunn added, looking a little amused.
Spike started to laugh. "What?" he asked when Buffy glared at him, "Come on, its funny. Right now he's in there stumbling over some explanation as to how he wants to sleep with her, without saying he's head over heels, and making it worse."
They all glared at him.
"You know he is," Spike said, laughing again.
Gunn couldn't help himself. He started to laugh. "He's probably right."
Fred hit Gunn on the arm, "Stop it. Its not funny. Cordy thinks no one wants to sleep with her, and Angel's been lying to her. Plus he mentioned the D-word. She's really mad." She looked worriedly at the kitchen.
"Come on…there's no way the Cordelia thinks that. She knows her assets," Buffy said, a little spitefully. She couldn't help it. She and Cordy were becoming friends but it didn't just happen in one day. A doubt occurred to her, She looked at Fred, a little guiltily "Doesn't she?"
"Well, look at it from the princess's point of view. He just said he didn't find her attractive, and that…" Lorne began, before he was shushed by the room, as Cordelia walked back into the living room trying to avoid Angel who was hot on her heels trying to explain.
"Damn it, Cordelia Chase. Will you listen to me for a second?" he demanded to her back, now equally furious as her. They both didn't notice the room full of curious onlookers.
She whirled around, "I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. To. You. Now," Cordelia told him slowly through gritted teeth, "Go Away. I have guests."
"No," Angel looked her directly in the eyes.
"No? What do you mean no?"
"We are going to talk about this. And this time you are going to listen to me," Angel said firmly.
"Okay, this is getting good," Buffy whispered to Spike.
"Looks like we didn't miss much while they were in the kitchen," Spike whispered back.
"Shhh," Fred told them both.
"No." This time it was Cordelia's turn to give a negative answer, "We don't have to talk about this anymore," suddenly she looked really tired, "Look, its okay, Angel. You don't have to apologise..."
Angel opened his mouth to speak, but she continued, "It's alright, you know. I know you don't see me that way, and we are best friends, and you don't think I am attractive..." Angel started to laugh. He couldn't help it.
"You'd better not be laughing at me, Mister," Cordelia poked her finger in his chest, and glared at him. As sudden as the laughter appeared it disappeared.
"You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Cordy, in all of my life - the live and the undead part," he said, as serious as she had ever seen him.
"You... you..." she couldn't think of anything to say. For the first time in her life she was speechless. She looked disbelieving at him.
"Look, the stuttering is contagious," Xander commented.
"You don't have to lie to me," Cordy said finally, swallowing hard. She looked into his eyes and felt like she was drowning. This was much harder than it should be.
Lorne groaned, "Shoot me now. Put me out of my misery," he cried.
"I think you may have had some merit in the idea of hitting them both over the head," Wesley said.
Angel wasn't looking that happy either, "Are you kidding me, Cordelia? You think I am lying to you? You want to know why I can't sleep with you?" The rest of the room all notice his use of 'can't' instead of 'won't', except for Cordelia.
"I know why already. You don't feel that way inclined towards me – I mean its obvious I am not blonde. Its okay, Angel. I get it. I really do. I'm your best friend, and maybe I was acting a little ridiculous even suggesting we sleep together. I mean can you imagine…so completely off base, and with Buffy here, and Xander and the rest, maybe I was feeling a little insecure…" she trailed of, when she saw the dubious look on his face, which started with the word blonde, turn to anger.
"Here we go with the best friend thing again. We so need to move on," even Anya sounded impatient.
"Are you blind?" Angel demanded, "I mean, how is it possible for the most perceptive person I know, someone whose an actual seer, to be that damn blind, huh?"
"We want to know as well," Gunn commented on the side, and several nods agreed with him.
"Don't yell me. Why are you yelling at me. I am not the one that was being mean, and insulting his best friend, now was I? And I am not blind?" Cordelia shouted back at him.
"You know why I can't sleep with you. Because I love you. I. Love. You. Cordelia. Chase." With each word Angel took a step forward and Cordy a step backwards. Almost in instinct. A dance.
Cordelia stared at him for a second, she looked shocked for an instant, then her face cleared, "You mean like a best friend, right?"
This time the whole room groaned, not just Lorne. And Angel he growled.
"I give up," he said, moving away from her, and throwing his hands in the air, before closing in again, "No, Cordy…I love you. Love. As in passion. Getting happy. Turning into Angelus. Love."
Spontaneous applause broke out through out the room, finally catching the attention of the two of them. Cordelia turned to look at them, "You all knew?" It was a question.
"Princess, everyone knew. The bad guys knew. Wolfram and Hart knew. Every single person/demon/ and lawyer knew. You were the only person clueless," Lorne told her.
"I need to sit," Cordelia said to the surprise of everyone. And then she did. Slid down the wall till she was sitting on the floor.
Angel stared at her waiting for a reaction. He looked nervous now, that he had got it all out.
"What?" Cordelia finally said softly.
Angel looked at her sitting there looking a little forlorn, and moved to sit next to her. Instinctively she leaned into him. It gave him hope.
"I love you, Cor. I am in love with you," he said, repeating it to make sure she got it. It was easy to say now, once it had finally come out. He tested it on his lips and repeated it again. He like the sound of it.
"Its about damn time," Spike announced to the room. Cordelia and Angel didn't hear him.
"Hear, hear," Giles said.
"Kye-rumption," Fred said proudly, as if she had created it.
"I think she finally got it," Wesley said to Lorne about Cordelia.
"One hopes," Lorne replied darkly. He wasn't taking bets on the two of them. They were quite dense.
"How?" Cordy asked. She couldn't quite wrap her head around the thought of Angel loving her. It didn't seem possible. He loved Buffy. He always had. She came second best…that's the way it had always been. Maybe he was confused, she thought. No – another voice inside her spoke up, he seemed sure.
"How what? How did I fall in love with you?" Angel asked, still speaking softly to her, "That part was easy. It just happened. Loving you, Cordy, its the easiest things I have ever done. You're my humanity, my hope, everything," he said to her.
Cordelia felt her heart well at his words. He actually meant them, oh God. Angel loved her. She glanced at him, sitting next to her on the floor, his hand stroking her hair softly, waiting for her to talk to him, and she knew, in that single second, how she felt, how she had always felt, and as she opened her mouth to tell him, just then to remind her of the futility of the situation, a sharp pain went through her.
In agony she grabbed her head and moaned, and because she was so distracted she didn't have a chance to hide the pain. Angel immediately panicked and held her in his arms.
"Cor?" he called anxiously.
"Is it a vision, Cordelia?" Giles asked innocently not knowing how much worse those were.
"I don't think so," Fred answered Giles, looking worried.
Cordelia shook her head trying to force the pain back. It was a sign, she knew. She had to get out of here. With that, Cordelia pushed her way out of his arms and ran to the door. She couldn't let him see.
Angel, moving once he got over his shock at her sudden departure, got up and followed, while a room full of worried eyes tracing their actions.
"Dammit, Dennis. Let me out," Cordelia was having an argument with her ghost. He blocked her exit. Suddenly, the her bedroom door opened. "Dennis, Nooooooooooo!" she screamed as she raced across the living room, over sprawled people to get there first.
"What's going on?" Xander asked.
"Is she okay?" Willow queried, looking at Angel Investigations team.
"I don't know," Wesley answered.
"Something's up," Angel said, attempting to catch her, "Something she doesn't want Dennis to tell us."
"It must be bad," Gunn said, exchanging a look with Fred, the Scoobies all but forgotten in light of Cordy's strange behavior.
"Really bad," Fred replied, "Dennis is loyal to Cordy. He wouldn't do this if it wasn't something bad."
They all watched as the one-side argument moved back into the living room, as Cordelia chased a floating box.
"Cor?" Angel asked softly. It was insistent, and with that she stopped.
"I didn't want you to know. It wasn't supposed to be like this," she slid to the floor again. He moved to sit next to her.
"This wasn't supposed to happen," Cordelia said again, "I wasn't going to tell you. You weren't supposed to…" she trailed of.
"What, Cor? Love you. Well I do, tell me what's going on, please," Angel pleaded, the panic in his eyes growing at her desolation.
"It was just going to happen. No one could stop it, you know. I …I didn't want anything to change, I didn't want you to brood, or Wesley, and Gunn to be distracted, and Fred – it would have been easier…I just thought it would be easier," she looked up at him, looking for something, a confirmation that she was right not to tell them. She was speaking so softly, they could hardly hear her, but all of them were hooked on her words.
"Dennis knew…he snooped, and he insisted I tell but I wouldn't, and…I made him promise, so…"
"He forced the issue," Fred said softly. Cordelia nodded.
"Cor?" the small voice came from Angel. He looked at her to make everything better as always. This time, she couldn't.
She stood up and turned away from him. She couldn't look into his eyes and say this. "Angel, I am so sorry…I didn't know…I didn't know. You were okay, and we were happy, and I just couldn't spoil it. And after Buffy died, you…went on, and I just couldn't drop this on you as well," the words came rushing out.
Everyone in the room felt a sinking feeling. They stayed silent, not wanting to admit it, waiting for her to say the words they knew were coming, words they had been denying. The Scoobies sat somewhat to the side, part of the room, but outside the family.
"This is bad," Buffy said softly to herself, as she watched Cordelia take a deep breathe and say the words.
"I'm dying."
For a minute the words hung in the air. No one dared make a sound. Wesley, Gunn and Fred looked stunned, and Angel – Buffy couldn't describe the look on his face.
He started to shake his head in denial, "No, Cor, you're not. You can't die. We'll fix it, we'll fix…" Angel said. She bent down, kneeled in front of him and took his hands in hers, "Yes, Angel I am. And you can't fix it," she told him, her voice straining. His eyes filled, "Cor, you can't die, you can't die," he leaned forward and buried his face in her chest. Her eyes wrapped around him tightly, and she held him, as the soft sound of sobbing was heard through the room.
Fred crawled over the floor, and reached over and hugged Cordelia from behind, her arms grabbing tightly onto her friend. Cordy turned her head slightly and kissed her on the forehead in comfort, and then Gunn and Wesley reached over and from either side, and wrapped their arms around the trio. Lorne joined them.
And for minutes the group just sat there, not moving holding on to each, holding on to her, refusing to let go. The Scoobies sat silently, each buried in their own thought of sorrow, and denial, watching as the Angel Investigations family surrounded itself and coped with dealing with news.
"Maybe we should leave," Willow asked softly.
"I don't think we should," Giles said, "We can help. We need to help."
"How can she be dying?" Buffy questioned, shock, and sorry lacing her tone. She turned instinctively to Spike, looking at him to fix it. Memories of her mother came flooding into her, as she watched Cordy deal with her family. It was the same. The same strength. She reached for Spike.
"I don't know, pet," and for once Spike didn't sound amused. His voice was perfectly serious.
"I don't want Cordelia to die, like Joyce," Anya said to Xander in a small child-like voice, "Don't let her die, Xander. Everyone will be sad. I don't like it when everyone's sad. "
Xander wrapped his arms around his fiancé and said grimly, "We won't. We'll fix it, right guys. There must be something we can do, something to fix it," he sounded desperate. This was Cordelia, the first girlfriend he had ever had.
"Right," and this time, Buffy sounded more like herself. Strong. She could be strong. She looked at Cordelia again, the six of them encircled. And suddenly tears welled up.
"Its okay to cry, pet," Spike told her gently.
"No, its not," Buffy cried softly, "I don't have any right to cry. Look at them. They can cry, not me. Not me."
"Me either," Willow said softly, and then in spite of her words, she teared up. The two girls held each other as tears fell. Spike stood to the side, not doing anything, not saying any more. He didn't cry, and he didn't leave. He waited.
TBC
A/N
Hello. I was a bit worried about this part, particularly since emotions are difficult to write...let me know what you think, or if you think i should change anything
Domino
