The world blurred around Flash as he moved at what was a casual trot for him and an impossible pace for any other member of the human race. It took him exactly .98 seconds to locate Green Lantern flopped on a couch in the common area.

"GL!" Flash greeted him.

Lantern looked up as the familiar red streak skidded to a step in front of him.

"GL!" Flash repeated, because the doppler effect had made his voice unintelligible the first time. "You and Hawkie are back from Cabris-4, huh? How'd it go?"

Green Lantern gave him a stony look. "It went great," he gritted. Suddenly Flash noticed that his shoulders were covered by viscous, mustard-colored goop which was currently drying into firm, crusty layers as it seeped down his uniform and onto the couch.

"Ewwww," Flash said eloquently, drawing back. "What is that stuff?"

Lantern crossed his arms. "I do NOT want to talk about it."

"That's what sucks about alien planets," Flash offered sympathetically. "There's always something trying to goop you up or eat you."

"Excuse me?" someone hissed behind him. Flash turned in a nanosecond to find Hawkgirl standing behind, obviously just out of the shower. She was wearing a light purple bathrobe (with a scooped back, to accomodate her wings) and her hair was wrapped in a towel. "I come from a so-called 'alien planet' and we didn't have anything . . . goopy . . . there at all." She gave her wings one firm, angry flap, spraying water everywhere.

Flash merely dodged the water droplets, one by one. It was good to be the fastest man alive. "Hey, there's always an exception, babe."

"Don't start." She bared her teeth at him. She turned towards John Stewart. "Shower's free now. But you'll have to scrub to get it off."

"Oh, great." He began to stand up.

"Hey, wait, you can't leave yet. I have to update you guys," the Flash said, suddenly remembering why he was there.

"What? Did civilization as we know it collapse while we were gone?" Hawkgirl asked.

"Uh . . . no . . ."

"Darn." She picked up her mace from the side of the couch and casually hefted it a few times.

"I'm sure it can wait, Flash." Green Lantern began to push past him.

"Well, fine then Mr. Hotshot," Flash replied, annoyed. "If you don't want--" He zipped out and did a quick reconnaisance to make sure Wonder Woman wasn't within hearing range and then returned and picked up his sentence in a lower tone. "If you don't want to hear the low down on what's up with Wondy--"

Lantern froze for a second, then immediately turned around. Hawkgirl suddenly looked alert and interested. "Did she . . . she didn't leave, did she? I know she was going back to try and work things out with her mother--"

"Yeah, I was kinda worried she would convince Diana to stay on Themyscira for good."

"Ohhhh man, it was so much crazier than you guys can imagine!" Flash said, gesturing for them to come closer while he told his tale. "Okay, so first the princess borrows the Javelin-7 to go make up with mom, right? And then--we find this out later--then when she gets to Six Flags over Themyscira, there's this creepy old dude there and he's turned all the Amazons to stone--"

"Flash," GL said suspiciously. "Have you been eating food over the expiration date again?"

"No, no, this really happened!" the scarlet speedster insisted. "So anyway, he's all, 'I won't let your mom and the other Amazons loose unless you get all the parts of this key for me--'"

"How can a key have parts?" Hawkgirl queried doubtfully.

"Well, it wasn't like a door key or anything, it was a big stone . . . thingie. With handles. Anyway, so Diana goes and starts tearing through this museum looking for part of the key, and then Superman finds her, and then Superman calls the rest of us--me and Bats and J'onn--and we all agree to help her look for these things. Oh, I forgot to mention, the key's supposed to open this gate to the netherworld," Flash added as an afterthought.

"A gate to the what??"

"Yeah, apparently the Amazons have been guarding it all this time. The lord of the underworld, Hades, was Diana's mom's old boyfriend or something, and . . . well, it's complicated. Anyway, we finally get all the pieces of the key and we head off to Paradise Island. Current population: a bunch of hot Amazon statues and one nutty sorceror. And the sorceror, this Felix Faust guy, is in this temple and we do the requisite Big Fight Scene--he had a bunch of zombies and stuff--and THEN . . ." Flash paused dramatically. " . . . he OPENED THE DOOR!"

"What door?" John asked in a voice that clearly showed he was not hanging onto Flash's every word like he should be.

"The door to the underworld, John! Duh! Anyway, he pops it open and out comes . . . " Another dramatic pause. " . . . HADES! Diana's mom's old boyfriend!"

"So did he try to fight you?" asked Hawkgirl, who had begun looking regretful about missing the whole thing ever since the fastest man alive mentioned zombies.

"Oh HELL yeah! No pun intended! He was tossing fireballs and all sorts of crap! So we're not doing so well, 'cause he's tearing up the floor, which keeps me busy, and he's throwing fire around, which is no good for J'onn, and all his stuff's magic, which is bad news for Superman, and Batman--well, I love the uber-Bat and all, but he didn't seem to have a 'Bat-grenade-of-knocking-the-Lord-of-the-Underworld-back-where-he-came-from' on him, y'know? So then Hades sucks the life out of Faust--I dunno why--until he's an old man, and THEN he starts gloating for a while, like villains do, and Faust sees his opportunity and NAILS HIM in the back with a spell! WHAM!" Flash gestured energetically.

"Did it stop him?" asked John Stewart.

"Nah, but it caught his attention. Diana's mom, Hippolyta, ran over--she wasn't stone anymore, Faust had uncast the spell on her or whatever--and started trying to lay the smackdown on him and Diana ran over and pulled the key out to shut the gates, and she smashed the key too. But that started off some sort of funky chain reaction, and everything started getting sucked through the door, and Hades grabbed hold of Hippolyta and Diana grabbed hold of her mom and JUST when we thought they were going to be stuck on the other side of the door--" Flash paused for a breath. "--Wondy claws through with her mom over her shoulder."

"Wow," Hawkgirl said respectfully.

"Not bad for a rookie," Green Lantern admitted grudgingly.

"Oh--oh--and THEN--are you ready for this? They give us all these shiny gold leaf things, like--" Flash suddenly noticed he'd left his in the hangar, so he sped off, retrieved it, and was back in less than half a second. "--this."

"Huh. It's laurel. Shaped like laurel, I mean." Lantern leaned close to inspect the masterpiece of goldsmithing.

Hawkgirl barely spared it a glance. "Some sort of Earth plant? Why?"

"Symbol of immortality," Lantern said shortly.

"Hmph. On Thanagar we have no use for such frivolous fairy tales." The winged warrior swung her mace idly.

"Well, the Amazons must be doing SOMETHING right in that regard," the Flash countered. "I swear, no one looks older than thirty there. If that. Anyway, guess what happened next."

"You used all the statues to start a museum?" GL suggested, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I forgot to mention, everyone went back to normal after we took care of Hades and Faust. So go on . . . guess."

"They threw a party?" Hawkgirl sounded bored.

"Nuh-uh. They--" Flash did another recon sweep. "They banished us," he said in a hushed voice. "They banished Diana."

"Wha-WHAT??" Green Lantern stared.

Flash nodded so fast his face was a blur. "Because she brought men to the island."

Hawkgirl growled in incredulity and disgust.

Green Lantern was simply indignant. "After she saved them all? Banished?"

Flash nodded again, relieved that he wasn't the only one angry with how the Amazons had treated Diana. "By her own mother."

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of," Hawkgirl said contemptuously. "But from the way Diana talked about her people, I always thought they were--"

She offered a string of words, only half of which Flash recognized. He immediately began filing away the other half for future reference, frantically hoping that his short-term memory would hold out in time for him to write them down. John Stewart merely stared at Hawkgirl, his mouth hanging open.

"What?" she said, ruffling her feathers.

"And I thought Marines could swear," he said in breathless awe. "Can . . . can you teach me to do that?"

Flash rolled his eyes. Honestly, sometimes Lantern was so immature.