DISCLAIMER: Don't own James Bond. If I did I'd do horrible and evil things to him. Like dye his hair bright pink. And stuff. I don't own Lord of the Rings either.

CHAPTER THREE

"Do you scream when I poke your head?" ("He screams period," Eggbert reminds her.)

"No..."

"Can you support that with proof? CAN YOU?"

"Yes! I mean...yes I-oh nevermind this...Can I speak to someone of intelligence yet?" James snapped, looking up at Legolas and Aragorn who seemed to be at least a little sane.

"I AM a person of intelligence! God...you people don't take me into consideration!" The Girl cried haughtily and crossed her arms, glaring down at James. James didn't even know WHY she hated him.

"Haldir should have been back right now," Legolas mused. "Do you think he got lost?" The last bit he said somewhat jokingly.

"I doubt it. He may have run into trouble though..." Aragorn trailed off, raising his eyebrow at Legolas. The Girl glanced between both men.

"Fangirls are indeed big trouble," she said finally, her voice grave. "They will take over Lothlórien, and leave destruction in their wake. Lost daughters of Elrond and Galadriel will claim power in fake woods, with names such as 'Lornenilia' and 'Castronifties.' Little Elven princesses with jacked up names like 'Legolana' and 'Legocilina' will come and try to marry you, mate." Here she pointed at Legolas. "Jealous others will try to kill Arwen and then grab Aragorn while they can. Poor Frodo will have so many people coming with him on his Quest it will hardly be funny anymore. And...and...Middle Earth will be over run by not just the Fangirls. Oh no, there will be fairies and unicorns and mermaids and the like, even though TOLKIEN NEVER PUT THEM IN! Destruction will reign over Middle Earth. I foresee dark times ahead. Very dark times indeed." ("What did I tell you? Smart kid, this one is..." Eggbert says proudly.)

Silence fell after she finished her speech. None of them spoke. It wasn't out of awe though. Legolas and Aragorn were trying not to laugh at her seriousness, and James was simply puzzled at the things she spoke of. He was so confused!

"Erm...Well...could I at least ask some questions?" James inquired after Legolas and Aragorn were sure they weren't going to start giggling madly again. At this, James scoffed. Men were not supposed to...giggle. It was a sign of feminism!

"I'm asking the questions here, buddy. NO INTERRUPTIONS! Now. Next question. Would you get mad if someone castrated you?" The Girl asked quite solemnly. James looked at her in bewilderment. Where did this child learn such things?

"EXCUSE ME?" he finally cried out.

"I'm betting you would...because then you wouldn't be able to...yeah...let's just say you would have to kiss those annoyingly stupid steamy moments between the Sueish girls good-bye. Quite literally in fact," she answered.

"I-I-I don't know what to say to THAT!" he said loudly and indignantly.

Aragorn asked Legolas.

the Elf answered.

"Yeah, well...whatever. I WILL DO IT IF YOU DON'T STOP SENDING LEGOLAS THOSE BLOODY LUSTFUL GLANCES!" The Girl shrieked and pointed an accusing finger at James. ("Caught in the act! I always knew he was gay! Not that I have anything against gay people, but James Bond being gay is just...laughable!" Eggbert says while howling with laughter.) Legolas and Aragorn exchanged worried looks.

"I have done nothing of the sort!" James objected, even though it WAS slightly true. The man-Elf-WAS a little attractive...NO! Wait! James, you can't be thinking things like that, even if he is hott, and-NO! ("Give in to the temptation. I dare you." Eggbert rolls his eyes here.)

"You're doing it again!"

"I am not!"

"YOU ARE! JAMES BOND IS GAY!" She started to laugh maniacally.

"No he's not! I mean-no I'm not!" James protested. This girl was so aggravating! And when James got aggravated, he mussed his appearance.

"Yes you are, ya pansy." James was stopped from answering her because their little discussion was interrupted by someone entering. It was the other blonde man-Elf-coming in. He looked slightly disheveled, as though he'd been in a battle. His hair was wind tossed, and there were a few stains of something blackish on his clothes-almost like blood. ("Hm, I wonder," Eggbert mutters dryly.)

"We had a run in with Orcs near the border. There wasn't very many though, we took care of them," Haldir explained briefly. "I spoke with the Lord and Lady, however. They wish for us to take him to them." The other two nodded and forced James to his feet. The Girl continued to poke his back as they started to walk.