SHOW ME

A/N: I don't really remember if it was snowing the day Clow died. The notion

just felt right, but then, I wanted for Clow to die during the fall, because of

my personal beliefs. See? I got all mystical writing this. Anyway, except for

the last part, this could almost be a stand alone. The last part makes the

connection with the ongoing story so, yes, this flash back has a purpose.

Another thingy, what with everyone writing their fanfictions in this particular

fandom half in english half in japanese. i admit it, it looks great, but when I

saw the show, they never spoke half in english half in japanese, so it seems

rather pointless. Maybe it's anime fandom sacrilege, I don't give a rat's ass.

Enjoy!

CHAPTER 7

Minus a low, almost inaudible humming, the dim lit room was in complete

silence. The soft caress of the moonlight bathed it all, giving it a surreal

lilac glow. That was magic, in it's purest form. And as mere pieces of that

magical whole that was the world, humans had never been able to create anything

as beautiful or perfect.

But humans are, after all, creative beings. It is that earning and imagination

that separates them from other living creatures. That, and pride, which makes

them stop trying to duplicate the world and start to create it at their own

image. Artists are the ones playing god, not doctors, since an artist's impulse

resides on their love for their creations, and not on their power over them.

Love.

What a force it is. Capable of creating entire universes and destroying them as

easily when turned into hate. Because hate isn't the opposite of love, just it's

darkest side. Everything in the universe comes with a dark side, an apparent

opposite. To the eternal light and warmth of the sun there are black wholes,

same in concept, but taken into a destructive level. To the light, there is

darkness, both opposite at first sight, but one completely dependant on the

other to exist. The same applies to good and evil, peace and war. The ying and

the yang.

That duality of the universe, so simple and so complex at the same time had

always been the wise warlock's motivation. From day one he'd craved to

understand it completely. So, since he was a bit of an artist, he'd tried to

capture it in his own way.

One of the things that, as he saw it, were one of the most beautiful examples of

duality was the moon; and not for the obvious reasons. Yes, the moon was

commonly regarded as the opposite of the sun, even in those days, when that

concept had been refuted by science. But the moon carried duality on itself. For

it could only glow one half at a time, forced to always be divided between light

and darkness, much as the earth was, but, unlike with the earth, one could see

that cycle; it repeated itself incessantly. The light chasing the darkness away,

just to have the latter do the same once the light had ran it's course.

It was only natural that, when the time arrived to choose astral rulers for his

guardians, one of them would be the moon. And if there was moon, it needed sun;

but from the start, he'd been partial to the moon guardian, making him as much

as himself as he could. It hadn't turned out just as he'd expected it, but there

wasn't a hint of regret about the results.

Yue was, for all intents and purposes, the moon. For that, even when he'd tried

to fight the impulse, his white angel had always been his favourite.

That day had ended as so many others had. The ancient souled warlock reading on

his favourite couch, the old sitting room lighted by moonlight from his left, and

by the hearth from his right. And of course, by the hearth rested Kerberos. Clow

smiled despite himself. Yue might have had a privileged position since being

created, and he surely had earned his place as his favourite by being so much

more that what Clow had expected, but Kerberos had won a place on the warlock's

heart as well, just by being his annoying self.

On his left, sited at his feet and resting his head on Clow's knee was Yue.

At first he had objected to the moon guardian's habit, considering it degrading

and unsuitable for such a dignified and powerful creature. But Yue's adoration

for him wasn't a pose. The angel didn't do it to suck up to him, he did it

because it was the time of the day when the guardian needed to stop protecting

and start being protected.

One does not deny rest to someone who sleeps with one eye open and on a sitting

position just to keep them safe. If that was what Yue needed to rest, he

couldn't say anything against it. Besides, it had never been unpleasant having

that beautiful young being resting by his side, silently asking for affection.

As quiet and laconic as Yue appeared to be, his heart was far more sensitive and

vulnerable than that of the sun guardian. It made Clow far more protective of

him than Kerberos, though he was happy the lion was thick-skinned. Specially

that night.

The sun was beginning to set earlier those days, and Clow Reed was starting to

feel nature dying around him. Autumn was the most painful season of all, while

winter was the most exhausting. Sometimes he'd curse his luck. There wasn't many

people as powerful as him, and most sorcerers envied him for it. He'd faced many

of them on their attempt to boost their wounded egos. But for all his battle

scars and all the tiring work he'd carried thorough his entire life, he'd given

anything to explain to all of those who'd envied him; to make them understand

that they really didn't wish to have his powers. For they had always reside on

nature, more than on the stars, as most of the sorcerer's powers. And there

wasn't anything more violent and cruel than mother nature, if one had to feel it

inside one's soul, raging, destroying, dying, being born, over and over again.

That day would end like many others had. The summer was ending like many times

before. The moon was full again.

Clow felt moisture on his knee, trespassing his velvet cloak. He sighed sadly and

put the book he was reading, his favourite book, aside. There was no regret on

his decisions. Clow wasn't perfect, he'd make mistakes, but when you are as

wise as someone who'd live as long as he had and seen as much as he had, you

know mistakes aren't things to regret, but to learn from. But he still hurt

inside, seeing the pain he was causing. He'd make sure to fix that, when the

time was right.

For a long time he just stared at the mass of white hair resting on his knee.

The face that belonged to the owner of that silky hair was buried on the fabric

of his cloak. He spent long minutes just stroking that hair and humming, just as

he'd done when his beautiful angel was upset with Kerberos, or confused, like

during his first months on this world. It was an old lullaby his grandmother

used to sing to him, ages ago. It had become a mantra between the two. Clow half

suspected that most of the time Yue would be faking sorrow, since no lullaby

could bring the bright, innocent smile that would decorate the angel's face once

it was time for bed. The warmth on those crystal blue eyes was rather ironic

most of the time, considering the feline eyes looked like ice.

But Clow knew for certain there would be no bright smile that night. The time of

the light had ended for the moon.

It was precisely the moon what had given him the idea for his last gift to his

favoured child.

The warlock took the delicate chin with one hand and lifted Yue's face to meet

his. It was weird and most inappropriate to see those eyes red-rimmed. The snow

beauty, who at the time looked as helpless and scared as a trapped bunny, looked

pleadingly at him; a million questions and pleas unspoken evident on his face.

Yue always wore his heart on his sleeve, that was why Clow loved him so much.

There was no deceit possible where Yue was concerned.

Clow smiled tenderly and whispered.

"Come outside with me, my dear Yue. Lets leave Kerberos sleep, there's something

I need to tell you."

Without a word, the moon guardian rose from the floor and headed for the door.

He walked a few steps ahead oh the warlock, hiding his tear stricken face under

his impossibly long bangs.

It was funny to see the garden covered with snow in the middle of September, but

Snow hadn't taken the news so well, and Clow was very understanding of the

card's need to mourn, as well as a bit flattered and delighted to be able to see

how beautiful the garden looked covered in white one more time.

Yue remain standing under the doorframe, looking downcast, as Clow knew he was

feeling. He met his eyes and shivered at the shadows he found in them. Eyes that

were at times bright and joyful, sometimes deep and pensive, but never as cold

and somber as now. It was time.

"Yue, I'm sorry." he said sincerely. Yue took a shaky breath and nodded.

"I understand, Clow." he answered coldly.

"No you don't." Clow smiled. "I can't make you understand, and that's why I'm

sorry. Not for my choice." the taller man saw a flash of hurt cross the

guardian's eyes, that was soon replaced with the same cocky attitude he'd wear

for Kerberos when they were arguing. He couldn't help the smile coming back to

his face.

"Is that what you needed to tell me, *master*?" Yue always accentuated that

title whenever he was feeling left out and aggravated in some way. Some things

would never change.

"No, it's not." Clow walked closer to him, but Yue took a step back. "Don't be

stubborn and come here." he said with his usual smile, pulling the slender form

into a tight hug. Eventually, as he knew it would happen, Yue melted in his arms

and stifled a sob. Clow begun stroking his hair and rubbing his back in a

soothing motion. "Shhhhh. It'll be alright. I promise."

Yue shook helplessly in his arms.

"I love you! You can't leave me!" the moon guardian cried with a muffled voice.

Clow tightened his hold on him.

"I love you too, Yue, you know that." Clow cooed, soothingly. But Yue shook free

from the embrace, with a desperate look on his face.

"No! You don't understand, I *love* you!"

Clow sighed sadly. He was hoping Yue would be able to hold his peace. He didn't

feel like braking his beloved angel's heart twice in one day. He almost smiles;

he'd seen Yue's future, he'd even planned it, but Yue wasn't as predictable as

everyone thought, and one look into the guardian's future told him he'd defy

Clow's plans. Not that he minded in the least. But he amusedly remembered

seeing Yue delivering as speech exactly like the one he should have delivered at

that moment. Should have, but wasn't going to.

One thing his beloved Yue needed to hang on until that faithful time was hope,

he was going to give him that. Hope, and another gift he knew Yue wouldn't

appreciate, or even understand.

The sorcerer approached him once more, this time taking the delicate face with

both hands and smiling warmly. He slowly leaned his face over to kiss Yue, but

the moon guardian backed away, just slightly, disbelief and happiness showing on

his face.

"Is this pity?" Yue asked, fearful. Clow's smile widened.

"Do you believe in fate, Yue? It'd be really funny if you didn't." he smirked,

with his usual cheerful manner. Yue almost smiled at that, and Clow could see

it.

"Of course I believe in fate, Clow." he said uncertain.

"I told you the role you'll play in choosing the next master. And you will,

eventually, have a new master." Yue's apprehension at this was evident. "Of

course you'll be harsh on your judgement, and find someone who's really worthy

of you, Kerberos and the cards. But I promise you, Yue, I will be back. And the

day we meet again, that day you'll know what loving and being loved in return

means."

Of course he knew Yue would take his statement the wrong way. In a way, that was

better. Yue would never understand that Clow's destiny had been creating him,

teaching him, loving him as much as he could, but he wasn't meant to be with

him. If he were to tell Yue the truth straightforward, it would only do more

damage than good. The stubborn angel would pass on that gift out of pride, and

Clow couldn't have that. Still, he hurt upon seeing the pure, innocent joy that

shown on Yue's face. It was time to give him his ultimate gift.

Clow, without hesitation, pressed his lips upon Yue's. Yue froze in shock at

first, but soon begun returning the kiss, and Clow smiled inwardly. There was no

passion in that kiss, just tenderness. A glow enveloped them both and Yue

whimpered in confusion before passing out.

Clow tenderly deposited the limp body on the ground, admiring his work.

"From now on, my dear Yue, just like the moon that served me to name you, your

soul will be divided. The grief you felt tonight will sleep while your happiness

shines. And while when you're happy you won't remember the sorrow, you'll be

able to remember the happiness when your wounded hart is needed. Both faces

won't meet again, until you are ready to heal." he stroked the now shorter hair

and rosy cheeks. "I bet amber suits your eyes wonderfully. Sleep now." he kissed

the boy's cheek.

Dawn was approaching. With one motion of his hand he sealed Kerberos back on the

book, along with the cards. The book would find it's place where it would be

found later. As for the young boy in front of him, he'd sleep, living memories of

happy times and protected of the outside world until it was time to wake up.

There was a faint orange gleam on the horizon. Clow smiled.

"No more sunrises for this old sorcerer. At least not for now."

The guardians would remember his death as if they had been there. It wasn't for

them he'd kept them away on his final moments. He couldn't bare the idea of

saying good bye to his beloved children.

Winter was the season where nature gathered it's energy. It was a time for

planning and serious work. Spring couldn't come with nature unprepared. But this

winter would be a little longer.

Clow closed his eyes. Yes, autumn had been the right choice. he let himself be

taken over by the forces of nature and felt himself slip away.

************************

Yue woke up with a start. He was as disoriented as Yukito would have been a few

months ago. Soon he remembered where he was. Touya's hospital room, sitting in a

very uncomfortable position besides the young man's bed. Yukito had convinced

Touya's father and sister to go home for the night, get rest and be back in the

morning with whatever Touya might need, while he stayed with him. Sometime

during the night, Yue had emerged. But that was the last he remembered.

How could have he fallen asleep on his true form? Anyone could have seen him!

The moonlight played with the bars on the windows, making patterns on the

walls, giving Yue a sense of deja vu,

The silence of that early morning was disrupted by Yue's strangle sob when he

remembered the dream he'd just had. His memories of his master's death were

limited to Clow informing him and Kerberos of his decision and then burying him

on the garden. Those last moments with him must have been buried deep in his

mind. How could he forget?!

Just then he realised he'd been cheated. Clow was back, but he didn't want him.

What went wrong? Clow had never been a liar; a joker, maybe, but never a liar.

He felt a familiar sensation enveloping him and he gasped.

"Clow?!" he almost yelled, and hear a soft chuckle coming from the door.

"You're going to wake up everyone." the younger, yet recognisable voice said

amusedly.

"What are you doing here?" Yue asked softly.

"Making sure you don't start spreading the voice around that I'm a liar." The

ancient souled boy walked up to him and rested his hands on Yue's shoulders. Yue

shivered.

"You aren't a liar then?" He asked, scorned. What was it with this man/boy that

made it impossible for him to keep his laconic facade like he'd do with everyone

else?

Eriol smiled sweetly, but there was always that joking side of that smile that

made it impossible to fully trust the sorcerer.

"No, Yue, I'm not. I must say I'm a little disappointed though."

Despite himself, Yue lowered his head, ashamed.

"Why is that?" he asked fearful.

"Because you've let the past take over your being. Your memories aren't even

accurate anymore, and no..." the boy chuckled, seeing Yue's sarcastic expression

at that comment. "...I don't mean the ones I took the liberty of altering."

Yue looked baffled.

"What do you mean by that, Clow?"

"I'd suggest you follow your own advice and analyse your true feelings Yue. It

worked for Li and Sakura, and if I remember correctly, it was you who gave them

such advice."

"My feelings? Stop playing games, Clow!"

Eriol laughed.

"I'm terribly sorry, but that's not very likely to happen anytime soon. And

about your feelings, that you have to figure out for yourself." There was a hint

of sadness on Eriol's face as he gazed at the young man sleeping restrained on

the bed. "I suggest you hurry."

Touya woke up with a wail. That irrational look on his face, screaming and

crying out for help. Yue immediately changed into Yukito, staring at the scene

developing before him from the back of his mind. He could also see Eriol was

gone, but not his aura. His master's words echoed in his head so loud he was

sure Yukito would hear them.

How he wished he could be Yukito; forget about his pain, about his loyalty to

Clow and be able to free all the feelings building up inside of him.

To be able to love Touya freely...

The last thought was unexpected and surprised Yue to the point where he'd to

get away as fast as he could from the taller boy, his screaming and his pain.

Away from his feelings.

No, they were Yukito's feelings! Not his!

He managed to manipulate his *false* form into leaving the hospital.

Yukito suddenly needed to breathe some fresh air. The doctors would take care of

Touya's episode. There was nothing he could do.

TBC