SHOW ME by Konnie

A/N: Uhm...I don't really have anything to say...er...lemme see...Oh! Right! Anyone knows how to find a beta reader and have them fixing your stories for free? Do they charge? Do you have to sell them your soul? Do they try to change your plot and ruin your baby...er...I mean, fic? How does it work?

Read on that this is almost over!

CHAPTER 9

There was only one time a year when Tsukishiro Yukito felt anything resembling to depression. It was inexplicable and ephemeral, but a constant in his life. The first days of autumn the world would seem colourless somehow; like mourning about something he couldn't remember, but shouldn't forget.

When he was a kid, his grandmother would let him sit on her lap and rest his head on her shoulder while she'd sooth him and sing to him a nice song to cheer him up. Countless times he'd ask her why was that time so upsetting to him; why without any apparent reason he'd feel like crying all the time. She'd brush him off and say that everyone felt sad once in a while; that he was a very special little boy and that was why it was so strange for him.

Every year had been the same up until three years ago. It was September 21st and he was feeling gloomy as usual for that day. Sited on his favourite spot on the schoolyard, and for once gazing down at his lunch a little reluctantly. Not too reluctantly though, as he was munching down his huge sandwich and sighing at the same time when his best friend sat by his side with a smile on his face. Touya had spotted his downcast mood immediately and went out of his way to cheer him up, succeeding just by trying and being his usual self. He couldn't understand it, but having Touya close seemed to calm that hole in his heart.

Knowing what he knew now, he guessed that sadness was due to Yue. His memories were fake; his grandmother had never comforted him. Everything about his childhood and his youth had been a dream. Everything but Touya.

It seemed almost funny, sitting under that tree outside the hospital and holding a yellow leaf between his fingers. It was autumn now, but Touya wasn't there to cheer him up, his current sadness was far from being inexplicable and Yukito feared it wouldn't be ephemeral.

It felt wrong, somehow. He sensed he shouldn't feel sad at all; as if he wasn't meant to.

He was startled out of his musings by the ruffling of leaves from nearby. He raised his eyes to see Sakura running towards where he was sited. She had tears in her eyes, that where searching frantically for something. Yukito stood up quickly and rushed to meet her.

"Sakura!" he waved at her and she met his eyes. Yukito's heart shrank at the sight. Her eyes were puffy and filled with questions. He knelt down to see her face to face. "Tell me what's wrong," he said kindly. Sakura took a shaky breath and shook her head no. "Is it something you'd rather talk with my other self?" he knew she'd say yes, but he still felt a bit bad when she did and he couldn't understand why. He then settled into a restless sleep.

**********************

"It's Eriol! He's the one doing this to my brother!" Sakura cried even before Yue had time to unfold his wings. From a distance he could see Kerberos, Tomoyo and Li running after Sakura.



"Did you hear me, Yue?!" Sakura said anxiously. "Eriol is the one doing this! You have to help me find him!"

"...I..." It was his duty. He had to protect his mistress at all cost. And yet his feet seemed glued on the spot and his brain was caught in some sort of conflict he couldn't quite understand. Sakura looked at him curiously. The trio finally caught up with them.

"Where were you?! You're supposed to know when Sakura is in danger!" Kerberos scolded him, changing into his true form. It was better that way, since Yue had a hard time taking the sun guardian seriously if he looked like a stuffed animal.

"Kero, don't be mean. Yue, can you also feel Clow's aura? Kero said I shouldn't feel bad about not noticing it. That I was too worried about Touya. I'm sure it was the same for you. But try to focus. Please Yue, can you sense it?!"

Everything was happening a thousand times a second, making Yue dizzy. It took him a few moments to process what she'd said, and then he could only lower his gaze, ashamed.

"I...yes, I can sense it." he was unable to lie, it wasn't in him, so he couldn't stop his answer from sounding the way it did. Apparently the tone didn't go unnoticed by Sakura, because her expression changed, first into confusion and then into hurt.

"You can?" she whispered.

"Yes."

Sakura took a step forward.

"And you found out..."

"Earlier today. A few hours ago." he just wished he could disappear. He'd betrayed his mistress, so she would probably take care of that soon.

Sakura stared at him. Shock then left room for anger and Yue suddenly felt a lot smaller.

"You knew?! And you didn't tell me?!"

"I...I...yes. I didn't... I...I'm sorry mistress." he used the respectful tone in order to show her he was still faithful to her; like he would have done with Clow. 'Except I would have never done this to Clow', he thought, wincing. Kerberos turned red.

"What's wrong with you?! Have you forgotten your job? What were you thinking?!" the lion yelled at him.

He was expecting the punishment he knew he deserved from his mistress. Instead, he received a soft question.

"Why didn't you tell me? I thought you loved Touya. Don't you want him to get better?"

He looked up, startled. He'd expected a question about his loyalty, not about his feelings for the mistress' older brother. He was silent for a long time. Kerberos seemed about to explode in fury, Sakura stared at him expectantly. The expression on Li's face baffled him, though. The young boy was staring at him intently, but Yue couldn't read his face.

"I... care about him. I want him to get better. He's your brother and besides I owe him a lot..."

"Your life." Kerberos interrupted coldly. Yue nodded.

"But you love him, right? What could have stopped you from telling me?" Sakura was trying very hard to excuse him, and he knew it. That little girl always thought the best from everyone. "Did you know I wasn't strong enough to help him? Is that it?" This took Yue by surprise.

"What do you mean?"

"I tried to help him. I...I went inside his mind, but...I wasn't strong enough," she said in a small voice.

Yue could have sworn his heart broke into a million pieces. He didn't want to get involved; didn't want to face Clow's trials again. But if his mistress, the one with the power to support his own life now, wasn't able to help Touya, then no one would.

"Why would Clow...?" Yue whispered. Sakura gave him a saddened look.

"Eriol said this test wasn't for me. I don't understand it either. I have to figure out a way to talk to Eriol and convince him to leave Touya alone. He's a good person. I'm sure he didn't mean..."

"I'm sorry mistress," Yue interrupted. He had to get away from them. "I should have told you I knew Clow was behind this. I'm going to look for him."

He was about to fly away, despite Sakura's confused look, but a very angry Kerberos stood in front of him, blocking his way.

"You didn't answer her question. Do you love her brother?"

Yue mimicked the closest he could to a smirk.

"What do you care?"

"Answer me!" the expression on his brother's face told him that his question, though apparently disconnected from the subject at hand, was very well justified. After all Kerberos knew him probably better than anyone, after Clow and...

After Clow.

"I told you..." he averted his eyes from the guardian and settled them on the girl "Sakura, I care about him. Yukito is the one who loves him...I..." this seemed to make the lion angrier.

"What do you mean by that?!" Kerberos yelled exasperated, "You and Yukito are one and the same!"

"No! I'm not...We aren't!" Yue felt offended and angry now as well. "Yukito and I...We couldn't be more different if we tried, he's just a false form, a glamour!"

Li, who'd been silent through the conversation, let out a sarcastic laugh.

"You know? The cards told Sakura that you had something to do with this, but I couldn't believe it. I'm starting to think they were right." Yue blinked.

"What?! No!"

"I'll give you something. Yukito is nothing but a glamour," the sarcastic tone of the boy surprised Yue. Li smirked. "Yukito is a mask. It's what you use to run away from your feelings. I've always wondered why you only showed up for a battle. You, Yue, are a coward. You chose to live of memories, of the past. It has been like that from the start with you. Making Sakura feel unworthy of being your mistress, shutting yourself out from everyone. And you can't stand that you can still get attached, god forbid even love, someone new. So you leave that part to Yukito, since he doesn't have your memories to cling to them. Well Yue..." his tone was filled with spite. Yue couldn't believe what he was hearing, and he couldn't believe this was the same little boy who he'd defeated a year before. How did he get so insightful with someone he barely knew? "If you like the past so much, then do everyone a favour and stay there."

"Shaoran..." Sakura whispered. She looked as stunned as Yue felt.

The moon guardian looked from one to the other. His heart throbbed with a kind of pain he hadn't felt in a long time. He realised he hadn't just betrayed Sakura's loyalty, he'd hurt her feelings, and that was even worse.

"This is not my fault...I would never hurt..." Yue whispered, Kerberos interrupted him dryly.

"You did. You've hurt Sakura. I'm afraid I agree with the brat here. I know you better than everyone here, and the kid is right. This is just like you. I'm sure you kept quiet just because you still feel loyalty towards Clow and forgot who your real mistress is."

Li took Sakura's hand and glared at him one last time.

"Let's go Sakura. We have to find Eriol."

Sakura turned her head to look at him. The poor girl didn't understand half of it, but Yue could tell she was hurting; it was partly his fault, and partly the fault of the person he'd give his life for. Yue felt like scum. Li was right, and so was Kerberos. The two kids and guardian begun walking away from him. Yue noticed Tomoyo staid behind. She was staring at him kindly. She came closer to him and took his hand.

"Don't be angry with them. They're very stressed out. What happened just now in her brother's room left them all very upset. They needed to let it all out, I guess. I'm sorry they took it out on you. You didn't deserve it."

Yue shook his head.

"At least I'm useful for something." he whispered. Tomoyo smiled tenderly.

"Why do you say that? You've always been there for Sakura. She loves you very much."

"No," Yue was starting to understand, "I know you're right, but so was Li-kun. He's right." it hurt a little to admit it, but it felt like a huge weight had been pulled out of his shoulders.

"Then you should meditate about that. You're a good person, Yue. I've seen how much you care about Sakura and Touya. You'll figure it out."

She gave him one last smile and Yue returned it the best he could, thankful.

TBC