A/N (ICE:) JOCCCKKKKOOOOO!!!!!!!

        (JOCKO:) Uhhhh, yeah?

        (ICE:) I was worried SICK!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?? WALKING AROUND LIKE YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!!!!

        (Jocko :) Dude? We can.

        (Ice:) Really??? WOW!!!! I still wanna know where you were though.

        (Jocko:) Oohhhhh yeahh… I fixed that little problem we had with our settings .. so now ANYONE, anonymous or not... Can REVIEW !!!! and for everyone who is too  lazy to write one …. Can KISS OUR ARSE!!!!!! …s…

         (ice : ) whoooaaa there nelleh, calm down. But really, everyone HAS TO REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…..please

(jocko: ) NOW look who's insane!

(ice : ) hmmmphh.

(jocko: ) shall we?

(ice : ) .. uh what?

(jocko: ) WRITE THE NEXT CHA-PT-ERRRR????

(ice : ) do we have a choice?

( jocko: ) … no Sam will come after us with a gunblade.

(ice: ) jocko, those don't exist.

(jocko: ) Awwwww, BUT THEY"RE SOOO COOOOLLL!!!!!

( ice : ) I know , I know …. But THEY do NOT exist.

(jocko: ) well she'll come after us with a shotgun, k?

(ice: ) she's 14. She can't OWN a shotgun.

(jocko: ) Yeah, Well, explain how she shot Larry.

(ice : ) … she didn't.

(jocko: ) yeah …she did .. I saw the corpse UNDER her bed!

(ice: ) that was Garfield you dumbass.

(jocko:) you've never even seen Garfield!!!!!

(ice: ) yes, I did.

(jocko: ) so you saw the corpse under the bed?

(ice: ) that was Garfield you dumbass.

(jocko:) well then explain why it was big and FAT and ugly!!!!

(ice: ) that was Garfield you dumbass.

( jocko: ) hmmph. Well does Garfield look like a big tub of flub?

(ice: ) : * turns toward audience* I hope you enjoy the chapter.

(jocko: ) WELL??? WELLL?? IS HE A TUB OF FLUB??!?!?

* ice leaves, with jocko yelling behind her *: don't you turn your back on me!!!!!!

P.S: ice runs back on stage : HELLO AGAIN !!!! we forgot to tell you guys

CHAPTER FOUR

Chapter 4

" ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"I yelled. This wasn't how it was supposed to be! I was supposed to pick up a couple of cases of 24 and collect cash while getting drunk at the same time. To make matters worse, someone was drunk in front of me and he was flaunting it!

"Row, row, row... Row… Your b-boat… Gent-tly d-down th-the stream… Merrily… Merri… Merr…. Merr… Merri…. Alco-hol is b-but a…. DREAM!" The drunk man belted out.

It was outrageous! Even drunks knew that I was supposed to stay sober… Or maybe it was just pure coincidence… Nah! If Garden has taught me anything (And I doubt it), it's taught me that there is no such thing as conscien… Wait! Wrong philosophy! There is no such thing as COINCIDENCE! That's the word! COINCIDENCE!

The guy continued to belt out a few more verses and walked around like he was on a boat. He fell over a couple of time and burped a few times and it was really sad. That was supposed to be ME!!!!!!!!

The guy walked up to me (The nerve!) and looked at me and said, "Dude…. Tequila is your friend!" with pupils that were dilated to the max and his words were slurred.

Before I knew what I was doing, my fist met his cheek and had the time of their lives. The drunk's face hit the cold floor and a loud bang echoed through the hall. That was oddly satisfying, though. If people thought that I was a mean drunk, you'd hate to know me when I'm sober! *Drums echo in the background* Badda boom, chhhh!

"Dude, what the Hell-ll did you do that f-for?" he slurred.

His face was turned towards me and I recognized it! It was Irvine! God, I hate that guy! Especially when he's drunk and I'm sober! That little fucker. I'm gunna kick his ass! The nerve! He's walking around DRUNK in front of ME!

"Irvine, you better make like a tree and get out of here!" I growled at him.

He wore the puzzled expression while he tried to figure out what I just said. Finally, he slurred out, "Isn't it 'Make like a tree and leave'?"

"RUN!!!" I yelled.

Irvine wasn't the brightest guy… Even when he was sober. With the look of a deer caught in the headlights, he just stood there.

What the fuck was he waiting for? I'm gunna break his already screwed up nose!

"What's the matter with you? Don't you know you're about to die?" I asked as I took my gunblade out form nowhere and pointed it at his face.

"What the Hell is up your ass?" He asked smartly.

"Nothing. But I know what's gunna be up yours if you don't start running!" I threatened. This guy was REALLY pissing me off. I was twice as PO'ed as I was before… And that's saying something

"Whatever, dude. Good luck beer hunting." He said as he turned around and left; cowboy hat and all.

That long ponytail was screaming at me to cut it. Having no self-restraint, I cut it! And it felt good!

I was too busy grinning like an idiot to see what was coming next.

"Seifer, I may be stupid… But I'm a damn good soldier. Right now, you crossed my line, sober boy. YOU better start running because I have a pretty mean 3rd degree fire spell… Right now I can't seem to remember what it's called but… RUN!!!!"

Of course, I was just too much of a pompous, arrogant, egotistical ass and didn't believe him. The result was none too pretty, my friend. I got a third degree burn on the left side of my face. It was painful!!!!!!

"Dude, I warned you." He said as he began to walk away. Just before he was out of sight, he turned around and said, "Thanks for the hair cut, I really needed it."

I just stood there, screaming in agony. How'm I supposed to explain this to cid?

*In the party*

"Yo, Irvine! Holy shit! You cut your hair! Who did it?" Squall asked.

"Fabio the Soberman… And now has a 3rd degree burn on the side of his face…And still no alcohol."

Squall was rolling on the floor with laughter. He managed to stammer out, "Aww man… You kicked ass tonight… I only wish I was there!"

*In the infirmary*

"Jesus! How did this happen, hun?" The nurse asked as soon as she saw me.

"Just a disagreement over a hair cut, I guess." I said and she gave me the strangest look.

"Just do your job and make me look as good as I did before." I growled.  Don't look at me like that! You're reading my story and you should know just as well as I do that I'm alcohol deprived!

"Who said you looked good before?" The nurse replied cheekily. Hmm, what a feisty broad! With a clown grin on my face, I looked up to her and whispered something that I probably shouldn't have.

I was right because in the next instant, she slapped me across the face… On the burnt side! That little bitch!

She did her little magical-healing-thingy and shoved me out of the infirmary on my ass and told me to never step foot in there again… Even if I was on the brink of dieing. Jeeze, the Garden staff here needs to loosen up a little and help a poor man on the brink of destruction… Down there… If you know what I mean… and I'm pretty sure you do… Ladies? Help a poor man in need? Right. I didn't think so.

*At the party*

"Hey, Rinoa, you're looking very pretty if I do say so myself." A very drunk Irvine flirted with Rinoa.

"Hey, Irvine, ol' buddy, ol' pal…. Have a seat right here… AWAY from Rinoa." An over-possessive Squall said behind a fake smile and clenched teeth.

"Um… I don't wanna sit… I FEEL LIKE DANCING! WITH RINOA!!!!!" The drunk guy said as he attempted to get up…

Only to be pushed back down by Squall who growled, "Not even a drunk monkey monkeys with another monkey's monkey. Got that?"

'Excuse me! Did you just call me a monkey, Squall Leonheart?!" Rinoa shrieked in his ear.

"Um… No…. And if you were a monkey, you'd be a really gorgeous one at that." Squall sucked up.

"Mmm hmmm… Sure… You got the couch tonight, mister." Rinoa hissed.

Cutting through the lover's spat, Irvine began to laugh hysterically, 'Ahh hah hah hah hah hah hah hah! Squally Wally, you really do know how to screw up with the ladies, don't you?" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

Just then, the room fell silent and all eyes were diverted to Squall. Who blushed a deep shade of crimson… with a very menacing glare directed at Irvine who continued to laugh insanely.

Just then, Squall's fist collided with the cowboy's cheekbone, making it the second time that night that he had been decked across the face.

"Jeeze! What is it with you people and punching a cowboy across the facce?" Irvine yelled… before he passed out.

"Finally!" Zell shouted with glee, "Someone made Mr. Drunk-Dress-Up shut up! Let the real party begin!"

Selphie looked at Irvine and marched up to Zell and slapped him across the face. "Rude, hot dog-eating pig!" And with the help of Quistis, got Irvine to his feet and dragged him off to his dorm.

"Do I still have to sleep on the couch?" Squall asked rather hesitantly

"Mmmmm…. Yes."

"Damnit" Squall muttered under his breath.

A/N: Ice: HELLO EVERYONE. It's done. CHAPTER FOUR is finished. FOREVER! There will NEVER be another chapter four in the existence of 8 Sober Nights EVER!!!!!

*Muffled screams heard off the side of stage, sounding strangely like " WAS IT A TUB OF FLUB OR NOT?!"*

Ice: shush your mouth Jocko, unless you do NOT want to talk in this author's note, KAY???

Jocko: mmmfmmhmm

ICE: GOOD jocko … now. As I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted,

JOCKO: SH-F-MUCK OU!!

ICE: … I love you too … so AS I WAS SAYING … that's the end of  this lil chappie … I think its been like …9 months … nooo …7 or 6 … MAYBE 5 since we last updated … ( SORRY SAM) … but no worries! Its going to be posted on our bestest friend's birthday. You see, this is the story … this was going to be a 2002 XMAS present for our good friend, Sam … and yah … that plan kinda fell through … and its now September 2003 and we have yet to post another chapter…. So the xmas present is now as well a BIRTHDAY PRESENT!!

 *Jocko walks on stage flailing arms wildly, with gag STILL in mouth *

ICE: What are you doing?

*Jocko points and screams at her mouth*

ICE: You want the gags removed?

JOCKO: MMMHMMM!!!!!!!

ICE: Then remove the gags.

*And as if a revelation occurred inside Jocko's mind … she pulled the gags out with her own to hands. *

ICE: Yah. Dumbass.

JOCKO: I AM NOT A DUMBA- k… yah I am…

ICE: mmhmm.

JOCKO: Well only just then. Cause I've been in shock that we actually finished this chapter!

ICE: I know isn't weird?

JOCKO: Really weird.

ICE: Really, really, weird.

JOCKO: REAAALLLLY, really, REALLY weird.

ICE: You can say that again sistah.

JOCKO: REAALLLLY, really, REALLY weird.

ICE: HA. HA. You're just SOOOO FUNNY!

JOCKO: I know!

ICE: did you catch the sarcasm dripping from my mouth?

JOCKO: *pauses for two seconds then points to something off the stage* Look Ice! Something SHINY!

ICE : Huh? OO! OO! *ice runs off stage*

JOCKO: NOOOWWW who's the dumbass? *walks off stage*