The next day Helen and Quinn sat at the kitchen table, eating breakfast.
Quinn was reading her "Angels" book. Daria walked in and headed to the
cupboard for a Sugar-Tart.
"Is that a new book, Quinn?" Helen asked in the few seconds she had between phone calls.
Daria turned around. "I hate to spoil it, but in the end, he eats the green eggs and the ham."
Daria stopped and stared. She could see Quinn's wings. Most of the feathers were missing, splatters of blood stained the naked wings. A long, thick scar ran almost the entire length of one, and other scars trailed all over. She watched in horror as Quinn reached towards the few remaining feathers and yanked one out, blood trickled down. The scar lengthened by an inch and bled. Daria looked down at her Sugar-Tart. It was a bloody knife in her hand.
"Ha ha, Daria." Quinn said not looking up.
Daria dropped the Sugar-Tart. "Oh my God."
Quinn, hearing her tone, looked up and saw her sister's expression. "Daria are you ok?" she asked with concern.
Daria ran out of the room and out the front door.
Helen looked from Quinn to the front door. "What was that all about?"
Daria came to a halt at the Lane's front door and leaned on it, breathing hard. She had run the whole way, trying to escape the image of her sister's wings. I was hallucinating. Carry-over from the dream. That wasn't real. THAT WASN'T REAL! Quinn's wings would be perfect. Everyone loves her, she gets everything she wants, she has everything. And there's no way it's my fault. She hurts ME. She called me her cousin for years! She doesn't care what I think, she's made that very plain. There's no way I could hurt her, she doesn't care about me. It's not my fault! It WASN'T REAL!
Much to her surprise Daria was fighting back tears. She tried to pull herself together before ringing the doorbell. Oh God, what if I can see Jane's wings? No. It was just a dream. She rang it and the door opened almost instantly.
"Hey Daria." Trent stood in the doorway.
"How'd you get here so fast?' Daria asked, shocked.
Trent looked confused. "I live here."
Daria shook her head. "No, I meant.never mind. Is Jane here? I really need to talk to her."
"Yeah, she's in her room. Are you ok?" Trent asked, concerned.
"I just need to talk to Jane." Daria brushed past him and hurried up the stairs.
Trent watched her go, slightly worried. He wandered into the kitchen, his original destination.
Halfway up the stairs Daria realized she didn't see wings on Trent. She tried to remember if she'd seen any on her mom, but couldn't. She'd seen Quinn first then high-tailed it out of there. She took a deep breath and knocked on Jane's door.
"Yo." Came Jane's voice from the other side.
Daria walked in, afraid of what she might see. She glanced over at Jane.
No wings.
Thank God.
She let out the breath she'd been holding.
"Hey amig.Whoa, are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost." Jane's eyes widened.
"No, just an angel with torn up wings who gave me the power to see my sister's wings as she plucked them clean because I made some sarcastic remark and apparently I've been slowly killing her soul for years." Daria said in a rush.
Jane stared.
"I just said that out loud, didn't I?"
Jane put down her paintbrush "Oh yeah. Now, what was that again?"
"Remember I told you I had a dream you could get a painting out of?" Daria recounted her "dream" to Jane ending with her "hallucination" in the Morgendorffer kitchen.
"Wow. So that's the meaning of life, huh? And you can't see any wings on me? Too bad, I wonder what they look like. Hey! Maybe that Angel chick is Quinn from the future, come back to warn you or save herself or something." Jane exclaimed.
"You believe me?"
Jane shrugged. "Believe, humor, distract till I can call the nice men with the white coats, it's all good."
Daria threw her a dirty look. "Thanks. No, she wasn't Quinn. She kinda dressed like her, but if I had to choose, I'd have to say she looked more like me, or even Brittany. And Quinn would never leave the house without the right shoes."
"Shoes?"
"I don't know why I remember that. She wasn't wearing shoes." Daria flopped back on the bed.
"Maybe she was the future you, come back to change the past. No, you'd never give up the boots." Jane mused.
"I think she was who she said she was. She said we'd probably meet again. Am I crazy, Jane?" Daria stared at a paint spot on the ceiling.
"Yes." Jane answered without a thought. "But that was long before this happened. Actually, I think maybe it was just a realistic dream or a subconscious manifestation of feelings of guilt. Or maybe, just maybe, it was real and you should just go with it."
"A subconscious manifestation of feelings of guilt?" she repeated incredulously.
Jane looked embarrassed. "Okay, so I watched a few of those holistic marriage shows Wind was always watching. Don't worry, I'm not going to let anyone ship you off to the funny farm. And you were right. I am inspired to paint." She glanced at Daria. "Maybe you should write this out."
"Right now I think I just want to watch you paint."
Jane raised an eyebrow but begins a new canvas as Daria watched. After several hours, Jane had most of the painting done. They both stood back and looked at it. Daria was sitting up in bed, sheets covering her to her waist, wearing a t-shirt. Angel was sitting on the edge of the bed in jeans and grey t-shirt, ruined wings and all, a faint glow surrounding her. Daria's expression was one of guarded fascination; Angel's was a benign smile.
"Well?" Jane gestured to the canvas.
Daria sat up and considered it "It's almost perfect."
"Almost?" Jane said, faux insulted.
Daria frowned "Something's wrong, I just don't know what. Everything looks like it did, but there's something..."
"Like what?"
Daria flopped back. "I don't know. Forget it."
Jane cleaned off her brush and set it down, then turned and looked at Daria. "Are you all right? Really? You've been quiet this whole time."
"And how is that different?"
"This isn't normal-Daria-quiet, it's more eating-at-your-soul quiet."
Daria sat up again. "Do you think Quinn's personality flaws are my fault?"
"Daria."
"Do you?" Daria insisted.
Jane sighed. "I don't think that's necessarily what you saw, or what she said, means. Considering I don't know what it was like for you two growing up, aside from what you've told me, I couldn't say. But if I had to be honest."
Daria stood up and glared at Jane. "You do, don't you? You think that my horrible personality has turned my sister in to a brainless fashion twit. I never loved her and so she's turned into Miss Popularity to find the love she doesn't get at home. Just like everyone always says, Quinn is perfect and all her problems and mine are my fault and I have to be the one to change and fix them! Thanks a lot, Jane."
Daria stormed out. Jane called after her as she stomped down the stairs. Trent stood by the front door.
Jane ran down the stairs. "Daria! Wait! I didn't finish, that's not what I meant!"
"Daria are." he didn't finish as Daria pushed him out of the way.
"Shut up, Trent!"
She stormed out the door. Jane stared from the bottom step.
"What the hell was that?" Trent had never seen Daria that angry.
Daria angrily stalked back home, muttering to herself. She made it inside and to her room without seeing her sister or mother. Throwing herself on her bed she ranted to the ceiling, grateful for the padded walls that absorbed sound so well. "HELP ME? HELP? You did this to HELP me? Just like everyone else, why can't you be nicer, Daria? Why can't you play with the other kids Daria? Quinn has friends, Daria. Why won't you read to Quinn? Why won't you spend time with Quinn? Why won't you fucking BE Quinn? Because I'm NOT Quinn! I'm me! Why can't I just be me? Why is everything my fault? Why can't I just act like myself and not have every problem in the world be my fault because of it? WHY? WHY ME? Why does it have to be so fucking hard to be me?"
Then Daria did something she swore she would never do, she broke down and cried.
Aw, hell. That didn't go like I expected. I can't believe I made Daria cry.
Quinn stood just outside the door. She was just about to ask Daria to go back to Jane's, or anywhere else, because the Fashion Club, no, that was gone, her friends were coming over. She only caught the end, "Why me? Why does it have to be so fucking hard to be me?" Quinn was surprised, she asked herself that same question every day. Maybe not quite in that kind of language, which surprised her coming from Daria.
Daria thought it was hard to be her? She was so smart. And everyone left her alone, she could do whatever she wanted. She didn't have to live up to anyone's expectations, well, except her own. Quinn didn't understand why she was so unhappy. She wasn't popular popular, but Quinn would trade a thousand Fashion Clubs for a friend like Jane. And as much as she hated to admit it, and despite what Sandi said, Daria was popular. Everyone knew who she was, and despite her prickly attitude, most everyone liked her. Quinn suddenly felt guilty for calling her her 'cousin' for so long and for treating her so badly in front of her friends. But she was trying to be a better sister. She had finally admitted that they were sisters, right? And she had made some attempts at sisterly bonding. Sort of. And it was working better than when they were little, right?
But that's why it's so hard to be me. I can't even be myself. Hell, I don't even know who I am. All my friends would desert me if I gave up fashion and boys and all that crap we do. Daria never seemed to want to be her friend, so she had done what she had to, to find them elsewhere. Acceptance had come at a price, and Quinn paid it gladly. Quinn needed other people. People who listened to her, people just to be with. Quinn hated being alone. Daria just didn't understand that. Quinn listened. Daria had stopped yelling. She probably won't come out anyway. Quinn went downstairs to wait for her friends, she didn't hear Daria's muffled sobs.
The Former Fashion Club arrived and they sat waiting for the no-salt, no- fat, air-popped popcorn to pop while they watched Fashion Vision.
"So now that we have all this, like, free time, what should we do?" Sandi said in her valley-girl drawl.
Stacy perked up. "We could get summer jobs."
"Staaa-cy, jobs?" Sandi said disapprovingly.
Stacy cringed slightly. "Quinn had a job."
Sandi waved her off "She was forced into that. It's not like she wanted to work."
Quinn started to reply but stopped herself. She had decided that Stacy needed to learn to defend herself. She did ok at the graduation barbecue. Very well, actually. She'd dismantled the Fashion Club.
Stacy tried again. "Maybe we could volunteer somewhere fun? Help animals or kids or something?"
Quinn was surprised and pleased. "Stacy that's such a good idea. And it would look good on our college applications."
"Yeah, volunteeeeeer. Like the friendship workshop." Tiffany added.
Sandi looked at them all with distain. "You really want to waste your summer with bratty kids and smelly animals? And when would you find the time to keep up with current fashion trends?"
Stacy looked disappointed. Quinn sighed. Doesn't she ever let up? She turned to Sandi.
"I thought it was a good idea. We need to start thinking about how we're going to get into a good college anyway." She turned back to Stacy. "What were you thinking of doing?"
Sandi stared openmouthed. Now that there was no Fashion Club, she had no leverage against Quinn. Her control was gone. She grasped at it.
Sandi cut Stacy off in the middle of a sentence. "Perhaps then we should vote on what kind of volunteer work to do so we can do it together."
Quinn looked over to Stacy who had an annoyed expression on her face. "Uh, Sandi, there's no Fashion Club anymore, we don't have to vote. But we can discuss our options and decide on something we all like. You're right, we should do it together."
Quinn smiled at her, she tried to let Sandi keep her pride, to soften the blow. Sandi's mom had really screwed her up with all her "Friends are enemies who just aren't trying to screw you at the moment" crap. Quinn thought the disbanding of the FC was the best thing that would ever happen to her. She was certainly sick of the power struggles and the barely veiled threats and insults. Sandi, there's no more power struggle. We can just be friends. Let. It. Go.
Sandi tried to glare, angry her leadership had been taken away, angry she had no control over the others anymore. Then she realized Quinn was trying to be nice. Why am I such a bitch all the time? Sandi suddenly understood. Though her worst nightmare had come true, there was no more Fashion Club, and therefore nothing to make Stacy Tiffany and Quinn hang out with her, what had made the thought a nightmare had not. They all, even Quinn, were still there. Not as subordinates in her club, terrified of being unpopular should they displease Sandi and get kicked out, but as friends. I have friends. You were wrong, Mom.
"All right, then." Quinn saw Sandi's first real smile.
They fell to discussing their options, and fashion. After all, old habits die hard.
Meanwhile, upstairs Daria lay on her bed, feeling sick and exhausted. She had cried herself out and felt empty and completely alone. There's no one to help me. Everything I've ever done I've had to do alone. I can't stand it anymore. Quinn's so lucky, everyone leaps up to help her. She even has a fucking guardian angel. There's no one to help me.
"That's not true." Angel said.
Daria sat up, surprised. "You! Get out of my room!"
"Daria."
"Why don't you go downstairs and sit with the Fashion Nazis and help them? You could do each other's nails!" she said angrily.
"Daria, stop it." Angel warned.
"I thought you said you were going to help me." Daria spat at her.
Angel raised her eyebrows. "I said I was here to help, I didn't specify only you."
"Of course not!" Daria's voice was rising. "I don't need help. I've never had help before. I'm a brain, I can do everything myself. But poor little Quinn needs attention. Poor little Quinn needs help. Let's all forget Daria and help poor little Quinn."
Angel was becoming increasingly angry as Daria yelled at her. "Daria, would you stop being a self-centered little bitch for ten seconds and listen to someone besides yourself!"
Daria stared at her. Angel's eyes were blazing, for a second Daria was afraid, Angel looked really pissed off.
"Now you just listen to me. You have the most selfish family I've ever seen. Your mom is obsessed with work, your dad uses his lousy childhood for every excuse, and yes, your sister can be mean and egocentric and your parents have given her more attention, but you-you expect everyone to just bow down to you because everything has just been so hard for you. Poor Daria, always left behind, always ignored, no one loves me wah wah wah. Everyone feels like that Daria. Everyone. You want people to see how hurt and lost and sad you are but you refuse to put yourself in their shoes. When you can understand other people's pain, they will be sympathetic to you. Even when people try to reach out to you, you shut them down, because their efforts just aren't good enough for you. You expect everyone to be perfect and fit your expectations, but you refuse to fit theirs."
"You have no idea what it's like! To be left out, to have no one to turn to. To be expected to be able to deal with everything." Daria was aware she sounded like a petulant child, but didn't care.
"Try me. I know exactly what that's like. I bet for every argument, I have a counter. But I will concede Quinn, I didn't have a sister, I had a brother who was more anti-social than you, if you can believe it. And to be fair to you, I will only use experiences up until high school. You're not the only one in the world who dealt with growing up alone. So go for it."
"What?"
"You were so keen to have a pity party, so go on, make your case." Angel sat down and leaned back in Daria's desk chair, crossing her feet on the desk.
Daria sat on the bed. "Fine. My dad is obsessed with his crappy childhood and rants about it with no provocation whatsoever. He's never been there for me."
"Died in a car accident two weeks before my sixth birthday. I suppose that means he was never there for me, either." She said in an offhand manner.
"My mom's so work obsessed, she's hardly ever home. She's too busy at the office to be any kind of help." Daria said.
"Well, mine wasn't work obsessed, she was too busy drinking for that." Angel looked at her fingernails.
"My grandparents tried to bribe me to change my hair and dress like Quinn."
"Well, three of mine died when I was between the ages of 7 and 12, but the one remaining grandmother picked on my weight from as far back as I can remember. Such choice phrases as, 'Should you be eating that?' or 'She's got thighs like her dad.' Bear in mind my dad weighed almost 300 pounds when he died. I think I was a size 12 at the time." She noted Daria's probing look. "I'm a 6 now."
Daria looked surprised. "That must've been some diet. You should let the Fashion Fiends in on it."
Angel gave her a dark look. "I have a feeling they already know."
"What."
Angel cut her off. "Happened in college. Inadmissible."
Daria paused, she did not seem to be winning, at the least, they were evenly matched. She threw out everything she could think of. "Kids made fun of my name. First and last."
"Me, too." At Daria's quizzical look she continued. "Let's just say that you're not the only one with an easily made fun of German last name. Especially at the height of Star Trek: The Next Generation popularity. Angel's not my real name, my initials are KK. And no my middle name does not start with a K."
"They made fun of my glasses. I have horrible vision, I'm almost blind without them."
"Me, too. Two feet away, you would be blurry. But I got contacts in eighth grade because I hated the teasing. Not that that worked."
"Why not?" Daria was interested in any argument against contacts she could use against her mom.
"What I didn't realize was the when I had glasses no one really noticed what color my eyes were. With contacts everyone noticed."
Daria couldn't see from the bed and tried to remember what color they were from the previous night. "So? They're what, green? Hazel?"
Angel had a wry smile. "For whatever reason, they're much greener now. No, in high school and junior high they were yellow. Not light brown, not hazel, yellow. Tiger eyes, my mom called them. They matched my hair. I had to get colored contacts. I went back to regular after a year or so."
Daria looked at her yellow-gold hair.
"I bet your high school wasn't as bad as Lawndale."
"You're right." Angel admitted.
Before Daria can score the point, Angel continued.
"It was worse."
"Nothing could be worse than Lawndale." Daria stated.
"You had crappy teachers and stupid students, so does every other public high school."
"I was shunned for being a brain. I was an outcast." Daria said.
"You chose not to be mainstream. Every last popular person in my high school was smart, and most were in the National Honor Society. You could've been smart and popular, look at Jodie. Even if she wasn't forced to do all that community crap, she would still be smart and popular. I got beat up for no good reason. Have you ever been stuffed in a locker, Daria? Sexually harassed every day for two years? Had your complaints ignored by the same teacher who taught the health class that covered "harassment and what to do about it"? I may have chosen not to be outgoing, but I had a far better reason than you."
"There was Upchuck."
"He's harmless and you know it. And he genuinely liked you, he wasn't really crass or rude, just overenthusiastic and a bit clueless. Admit it, you liked sparring with him. He was the only person, except maybe Jane, who could keep up with you. If it was harassment, you'd go home close to tears, hating yourself, and feeling dirty." Angel said.
"Your principal wasn't Ms. Li."
Angel nodded. "Ah, very true. I may have to give you that one. We could've used a Li."
Daria's snorted in disbelief.
"In my high school a student stabbed a teacher with a pair of scissors. And posters were banned from the hallways because people kept setting them on fire."
"Sounds like Highland." Daria said.
"Hmm. That might be a wash. However, you only spent one year there and I spent all four. Is this pity party over yet?"
Daria laid down her trump card. "The Tom Thing."
Angel mused for a moment. "I had a Tom."
Daria looked at her in shock. "Really?"
"Oh, not like your Tom Thing. No betrayal or rift with a best friend. You win that point, definitely. But it was." She trailed off.
"What happened?"
"Why did you break up with Tom?" she asked Daria.
Daria was confused at the sudden question. "Huh?"
"Why did you break up with Tom?" Angel repeated.
Daria paused, thinking. "Because.because, well, it's just we.he and I weren't.I didn't."
"Love him?" Angel finished for her. "It was everything you wanted but it still wasn't enough. He was almost perfect, but you knew it wasn't going to work and it was all your fault. I can only imagine how much worse it was for you, to go through almost losing Jane to find out it wasn't going to work with Tom."
"Yeah." Daria said sadly.
"Yeah."
"Did you stay friends?" Daria wondered if she and Tom would. Even though he said he wanted to, she had her doubts.
"Oh no, we never saw each other again." She said.
Daria sat on the bed, feeling defeated. Angel walked over and sat next to her. "Daria, I didn't mean to hurt you. You needed to see how what you say and do affects other people, and how you've contributed to how everyone, including your parents and Quinn, see you and therefore act towards you. I thought it would help you understand people better and why they hurt you, whether they meant to or not. I'm not laying blame at your feet, I was just trying to show you the whole picture, a different perspective. I honestly did not expect you to react like that."
Daria smirked. "Humans are notoriously unpredictable."
"Yeah."
"Why didn't you just tell me all this?" Daria asked suddenly.
A wooden chair appeared in front of Daria. It was painted blue.
"What's that?"
"A chair, but be careful, the paint's wet." Angel replied.
Daria reached out to touch the chair.
"Exactly."
Daria pulled her hand back. "Nice metaphor."
"I thought so." Angel smiled.
"So what now?"
"Plan B."
"Plan B?"
"Well, plan A didn't go so well. So, let's try plan B. But first go downstairs and get a drink." Angel suggested.
"Why?"
"Aren't you thirsty? I'm always thirsty after I cry. Be prepared though, you can still see wings." She warned.
Daria headed downstairs realizing that, yes, she was pretty thirsty. She paused at the bottom of the stairs, she could hear Quinn and her fashion friends in the living room. Steeling herself for seeing Quinn again, she walked into the room. Quinn was facing away from her, Stacy next to her. Sandi and Tiffany we facing her, sitting on the floor. She saw Quinn's plucked wings again and winced. Then she saw Sandi and Stacy also had wings. Stacy had handfuls of feathers torn out and numerous scars. I bet it's all that getting picked on by Sandi. Sandi's wings were a mess, almost as bad as Angel's. Sandi was apparently pretty unhappy. From what she had gathered about her mother and the way Sandi tried to control everyone she met, Daria didn't wonder why. Tiffany had no wings. How come I can only see some people's wings? She hadn't seen Jane's or Trent's either. She made a mental note to ask Angel when she got back upstairs.
Quinn looked up as Daria entered the living room. "Daria! We were talking about what kind of volunteer work to do. You worked at that old folk's home, how was that?"
"Uh, maybe you should ask Jodie about volunteering. That's really her area of expertise." Daria was taken aback. The Former Fashion Club volunteering? Quinn addressing her in front of her friends? Acting civil? Had Angel talked to her too? Then again, if she thought about it, Quinn had been nicer since the teacher's strike, and that fiasco with Erin's divorce/the Aunt convention. Come to think of it, Quinn had been trying to be more sisterly for some time and Daria just kept brushing her off.
"That's a good idea, do you have her number?" Quinn asked.
"I can go look it up."
"Whenever." Quinn responded airily.
Daria moved towards the kitchen.
"Anyone else want another soda?" Tiffany asked in a slow drawl.
Daria looked back at her and almost passed out. Tiffany's wings weren't invisible. They were hacked off. Daria could see bloody, healed-over stumps and bits of feather. She swayed.
"Quinn, what's wrong with your cous- I mean sister? She doesn't look so good, even for her." Sandi wrinkled her nose.
Quinn got up quickly after seeing Daria's even paler than usual face. "Daria! Are you all right? She looked like this this morning, too."
Daria regained some composure and waved her off. 'I'm fine, uh, just low blood sugar."
"Are you sure?" Quinn looked concerned.
"Yeah, don't mind me. I'm on my way to get some sugar-flavored caffeine." Daria tried to sound convincing.
Quinn sat down still looking worried. "Okay, if you're sure."
Daria went into the kitchen, got a soda and gulped it down. She grabbed another and heard Tiffany enter. "Do you have any more diet?"
Daria didn't look at her "Yeah, in the fridge."
Daria made her escape back up the stairs, avoiding the curious glances from the living room. She rushed back into her room, still clutching the second can. She dropped it on the desk and stood there with a horrified look on her face. Angel was still sitting on the bed.
"Daria, what happened? They weren't that bad were they? Well, I knew Sandi's would be pretty bad, but Stacy's weren't too awful, considering." Angel looked concerned.
"Tiffany. Tiffany hacked off her wings. They were just.I mean hacked, not just cut.stumps. They were stumps." Daria gasped out.
"Oh, Daria, that must have been.shocking would be putting it mildly. It does explain a lot, though. I'm sorry. I thought they would be bare or just really scarred, I didn't think she had cut them off."
"What happened?" Daria sat next to Angel on the bed.
"You'd really have to ask Tiffany, or one of her friends, but you know she's adopted, right?"
Daria calmed down a bit. "I figured, Blum-Deckler isn't very Asian."
"There's probably more to it, but her adoptive mother died of cancer, I think. She didn't take it very well. People who cut them off decide they don't want to feel anymore. That's why Tiffany seems so.vacant. She doesn't want to let anything touch her emotionally, so she doesn't really respond or pay attention to anything that might hurt her that way again. Including her friends." Angel explained. "It can be hard to tell between people who refuse to respond emotionally but can, and those who really can't anymore."
"How come you didn't know? Can't you see?"
Angel shrugged. "If I wanted to, but it's kind of private, like a diary of your emotions. As an Empathetic, I had an idea from what I knew about them and their personalities, but I had no reason to look, I knew enough."
"Will they grow back?" Daria asked.
"Most likely, no." Angel said sadly. "I'm sure in rare cases it happens, but once they're gone.Growing back feathers is hard enough."
Daria eyed the handful of newer white feathers on Angel's wings. "You seem to be doing ok."
"Years, Daria. Those few feathers took me years to get back." She mused for a moment. "If I had to count I would say about five. When you start to understand yourself, you can stop yourself from pulling them out. When you start to accept yourself, then you can start growing them back."
Daria had a sudden thought. "Why didn't I see any on Jane or Trent? They didn't."
"No!" Angel said quickly. "You didn't see theirs because you didn't need to. Well, maybe you should've seen Trent's.no, you didn't really need to. Seeing everyone you know would have been too much, you saw what you needed to see."
"Why the Fashion Club?"
"Because to you, they were only mindless popularity robots. Now you've seen a bit of their human side. Do you think you understand them better? Or why they behave the way they do? It's important for people to learn to understand each other. You don't have to like everyone, but at least try to understand why they are the way they are and try to accept them that way."
"I suppose. You know, Quinn was actually nice to me. In front of her friends." Angel could hear the surprise in her voice.
"Quinn wants to be your friend Daria, she always has." Angel said gently.
Daria had an expression of complete disbelief. "We're talking about the same Quinn, right? My sister? The one who called me her "cousin" for years? Who ignored or ridiculed me in public?"
"You did that to her, too. Siblings do that, it doesn't mean they can't be friends. Well, you'll see. On to plan B." They stood up.
Daria looked at her with an expression of noticing something for the first time. "Huh."
"What?"
"I thought you were taller."
"Yeah, I get that a lot."
"Where are we going?" Daria wondered if Quinn would ask her who Angel was when they walked by the living room.
"On a little trip."
"Should I lock my tray table in the full upright position?" Daria deadpanned.
Angel smiled. "I think the 'cousin thing' first."
"What?"
Daria's room faded and was replaced by the parking lot of Camp Grizzly. The Morgendorffer family had just arrived. Helen, Jake and Young Daria have gotten out of the car.
"Daria, you'll never make any friends if you don't get your nose out of that book." Helen chided her.
"Let's hope. Hey!" Young Daria exclaimed as her mother grabbed the book.
Helen turned to the car. "Come on Quinn, we're here."
Young Quinn peeked out the window. "I don't wanna go to camp, I don't wanna go to camp!" She spotted a group of girls her age. "That girl has my backpack!"
Young Quinn ran to the group of girls. "I have the same backpack." She said excitedly.
"I could see how the untrained eye could make that mistake." The girl with the backpack replied.
"Ummm, I like your hair." Young Quinn tried again.
"Who's that weird girl standing by your parents?" The girl asked.
"Yeah, she's sooooo pale." Her friend chimed in.
Sensing their disapproval Young Quinn answered. "Uh, that's my.cousin, yeah, my distant cousin."
Daria and Angel have been watching the scene.
"Can they see us?" Daria asked in a low voice.
Angel spoke normally. "No. This has already happened, it's like watching a memory, you can't change or influence it."
"So what was the point of this? To see the beginning of our close, sisterly bond?" Daria asked in a normal voice.
"Well, that was a pretty mean thing she just did. But do you remember what happened in the car just before that?"
"Yeah, she was being a brat the whole way here. Whining about how she didn't want to go to a loser camp and waste two weeks of summer away from her real friends." Daria replied.
"Well, let's take a look, this time with the commentary."
Daria looked puzzled at this. The scene shifted to the car ride. Jake was driving, Helen in the passenger seat, Young Quinn was behind her, Young Daria behind Jake.
"I don't wanna go to camp! Why do I have to go with Daria? I don't need help making new friends, I have lots of friends at home!" Young Quinn whined. Don't leave me Mom! I wanna go home! I'm scared!
Angel leaned towards Daria. "You're hearing her thoughts."
"Now, Quinn, this will be fun! You like making new friends." Helen said.
But what if something bad happens while you're gone? Who'll take care of me? Young Quinn chewed her lip in worry then looked over at Young Daria, who was scowling at her book, trying to ignore Young Quinn's complaining. Young Quinn brightened. Daria could help me. She's smart, if something happens Daria will be there.
Helen continued. "And Daria will be there. She'll watch out for you. Right, Daria?"
Young Daria scowled harder. "Not likely." I waste enough time avoiding the other kids, I don't need to waste more watching over Princess Brat.
Young Quinn's face fell. Stupid, mean Daria. Fine. I don't need you. I'll make lots of friends and they'll help me if I need it. I won't even tell them you're my sister. Maybe that'll make you happy.
Daria turned to Angel. "How was I supposed to know what she was thinking? It's not like I'm telepathic."
Angel sighed. "Not her exact thoughts, no, but you should've known she'd be scared to be away from home for the first time. She wasn't like you, that you knew. You were fine being away from home, by that alone you should've known she wouldn't be. Like most people, you chose not to consider it, thought about things only in terms of how they affected you."
"And I suppose her continuing to call me her cousin was to make me happy?" Daria grumbled.
"At the time, on some level, I think she did think that's what you wanted, to be separated from your family. You never really tried to fit in. Later on she did it just to get back at you. You hurt her, she hurts you." Angel reasoned.
"Why should I have to fit their expectations?" Daria demanded.
"Why did you expect them to fit yours?" Angel countered.
Daria started to answer but couldn't. "That's not fair."
"It never is. Moving on."
"Can't wait." Daria deadpanned.
The scene changed to the house in Highland, where Daria and Quinn had separate rooms. It was raining pretty hard. Daria and Angel were in the living room watching Young Daria and Young Quinn.
Daria smirked. "I remember this. I told Quinn's fortune using the Old Maid cards."*
"The first time you got her to pay you to help her. Well, let's watch for a bit. This is just after you made up that 'pennies from heaven' game."
Young Daria picked up two pennies off the coffee table, held them out to her sister and managed to taunt her sister before she burst out laughing again. "Here you go Quinn, you won fair and square!"
Young Quinn snatched the pennies and hurled them against the wall, but that only seemed to make Young Daria laugh harder. Snarling, she sat down before the TV and turned it on. A blast of white noise and a screen full of snow greeted her. "Damn cable! Every time it sprinkles in this stupid town, the cable goes out! Aarrgghhh!"
She began beating on the TV.
Young Daria giggled. "Quinn, Quinn! Look on the bright side! You'll never fall for that one again, and now you can pull it on your little friends!"
Daria pointed to the scene. "See? I was nice there."
Angel nodded in agreement. "Yup."
"They've probably already heard of it." Young Quinn pouted.
Young Daria smiled "I guarantee you they haven't. I just made it up, just for you."
Young Quinn stared at her. "You made all that up, just now?" Young Daria nodded. Why me? She can make up stuff like that on the fly, she's a total geekburger, she's bigger than me, and she has to be my sister! "I still don't have anything to do now!"
"This is a perfect day to read. I'll even help you pick out a book." Young Daria suggested. Maybe now she'll read something instead of the useless crap she usually does. And maybe we'd finally have something in common.
Young Quinn looked appalled. "I'm not a bookworm geek!" I wish I hadn't said that. Daria's trying to be nice... sort of. Well, I'm not going to take it back now, that trick was still mean.
"You were so close!" Angel said in an exasperated voice. "Well, you know how this ended up, fortune telling and all, but let's take a quick peek."
The scene skipped ahead.
Young Daria looked at the Old Maid cards in front of her. "Two weeks. Two weeks from today I can give you another reading. In the meantime, follow the advice you have and try to make your future better. Work on your creativity and look for ways to make other people happier." Young Quinn stomped her feet. "Uuuhh! How can I do that when I can't even get to any other people? The world hates me!"
Young Daria suppressed three killer sarcastic retorts that sprang immediately to her mind.
Angel pointed. "Right there. You could've said something nasty but you didn't. Why?"
"I wanted her to be quiet and leave me alone." Daria answered.
"Really?"
Daria scowled. "I felt bad, okay? I decided to help her."
"That's how the whole fortune telling game turned out, isn't it? You were going to make her all worried about her future and instead ended up wanting to help her? Nice predictions, by the way."
"Yeah." Young Daria rolled her eyes at Quinn's overreacting. "You can do both those things right here, Quinn. You can design some dresses for your paper dolls or paint a picture. And all you have to do to make me happier is be quiet enough so I can sit here and read my book. I assure you I really do qualify as 'other people'. No extra charge for the interpretation."
Young Quinn considered. Is she doing that I'm insulting-you-but-you-can't- tell-thing? Hmmm, I don't think so. Maybe I will then.
Young Daria watched Young Quinn flounce into her room. Wow. I can get Quinn to pay for my help. Is that too mean? I'd better make sure that Quinn knows that fortune telling is a scam. But not today. Young Daria curled up in the smaller of their two armchairs and adjusted the reading lamp. Opening 'The Song of Hiawatha' to the bookmark, she found her place and began to read. As the soft sound of rain on the roof became audible once more in the returning silence, a small smile crept onto her face.
"See, I wasn't horrible in that one."
Angel suppressed a groan. "I told you I'm not trying to blame you for Quinn's personality or for how your family relationships developed. I'm just showing you how it all looks from the outside. Can't you see that you could get along if you both tried? Why are you smiling in that chair?"
"Because I just scammed Quinn out of two bucks." She said simply.
Angel shook her head. "Nope."
"Because it was.fun." Daria mumbled.
Angel cupped her hand to her ear. "What was that? Didn't hear you."
Daria glowered. "Fun, okay? It was fun to play with Quinn."
Angel smiled. "Next stop."
"Whoopee."
They were still in the old house in Highland, this time watching Young Quinn playing with paper dolls in her room. She was cutting out a party dress she'd just finished coloring, being very careful not to cut off the tabs. * Daria is so much better with the scissors. I wish she'd play paper dress- up with me. I wish she'd play real dress up with me. She turned at a soft knock at her door.
Young Daria stood in the doorway and held out a small box. "Hey, Quinn, I got you a pre-Christmas present."
Young Quinn's eyes lit up and she reached to take the box, but then pulled her hand back. Wait, why's she being nice? "You open it."
Young Daria looked hurt, but lifted the holly-printed lid off the likewise- decorated box. A large brownish-green pellet was inside, nestled in cotton batting.
Young Quinn wrinkled her nose. "What is that?"
"It's a reindeer bait pellet. Smell that? The fragrance of the meadows of northern Lapland, where the reindeer roam free till Santa's elves round them up for the Christmas run. It's compressed moss and wildflowers. The reindeer love it." Young Daria explained.
Young Quinn took the bait. "What do you do with it?"
"Set it out where the reindeer land. The idea is to make them stay in one spot longer so that Santa can unload more presents off the sleigh."
Young Quinn's eyes lit up. "Oh, cool! You mean like in the yard?" Out in the street? Daria wants me to get more presents? That's sooo nice! I'll even share with her!
Young Daria suppressed a laugh. "If you put it in the yard, something else might get it. I'd put it on the roof. That's where they landed last year. Just throw it up there so it lands on the flat bottom side and it'll stay." God, Quinn when are you going to stop being so gullible?
Young Daria went back to her room and Young Quinn charged out right behind her. Y Daria heard the front door open and slam. Smirking, she shook her head. Not so much as a "thanks" had she gotten.
Angel turned to Daria who was smiling her Mona Lisa smile. "Now that was unkind."
"It was just a joke." She shrugged.
"Look at the paper dolls, Daria." She gestured towards the floor.
Daria did. Her eyes widened as she saw the one Young Quinn had just cut out. It looked like her, or rather what a nine-year-old Quinn thought a ten- year-old Daria looked like. She'd never paid attention to what Quinn was playing with, it never seemed interesting.
"She was already trying to give me makeovers." Daria quipped.
"She just wanted to play with you. She saw the other kids play with their brothers and sisters."
Daria shrugged. "I thought that stuff was boring and pointless! Why wouldn't she read with me? Or hike around outside? Sometimes I'd go look for the stuff I saw in my nature books."
Angel glanced at her. "Same reason. You two never learned to compromise. I blame your parents, and your natural Groups for that. You know, if you'd insisted Quinn go out to look at plants and stuff with you, she would have gone. You gave up too easy."
Daria frowned at her. "Quinn didn't try either."
Angel looked sad. "No, she didn't. Onward."
"Will the thrills ever cease."
The next scene was outside, near a river. Young Daria stood by a river's edge practicing casting and reeling in. She had a somewhat intense look on her face. Angel and Daria stood a bit up the hill watching.*
"Why did you bring me here? There is no way what happened here was my fault!" Daria was almost yelling.
Angel put a hand out in a calm-down gesture. "Daria, calm down. How many times do I have to say I'm not trying to pick on you? There's one thing about this day you didn't know, and I think you should. What your parents did is almost unforgivable."
"Almost?"
"You did forgive them eventually, didn't you?"
Daria didn't answer.
"In your heart you did. But I know this is one of your worst memories. But just watch okay?" They turned back to the scene.
Young Daria cast again. But why does the vile creature hate me so? I didn't do anything to Quinn that could trigger this all-out, undying hostility. It's like she had been programmed from birth to do and think and be the exact opposite of everything I do and think and am. And why did Mom and Dad love her more? Is being cute and bouncy that great a thing? Are brains and ability worth so little? Asking them is worse than useless. They deny any favoritism and get mad at me for suggesting it.
Angel turned to Daria. "I know you still don't believe this, but they don't love Quinn more than you. It's just.you were their first baby and they read everything about parenting and children and what to do and expect before you were born, and you certainly did not follow the textbook." She raised a hand to stop Daria from talking. "It's not a bad thing, but it left them completely at a loss. They had no idea what to do with you. Quinn on the other hand, was absolute, by the textbook, easy to figure out, baby-toddler- child. They still didn't know what to do with you, but Quinn was a breeze. Every time they couldn't figure you out, they rushed to Quinn for the feeling of 'at least we can do this one'. It's their failing, not yours or Quinn's. You were who you were. Your parents just took the easy route and focused on what they knew how to deal with instead of figuring out how to raise you. The fact that you did okay on your own and even seemed happy that way, only reinforced their behavior. It doesn't make it right, or fair, it's just how it happened."
"So why are we here?" Daria still looked angry.
Angel didn't answer but moved up the hill towards the parking lot. Helen and Jake were starting to unload the car, Young Quinn is wandering at the edge of the asphalt looking at shiny pebbles on the ground and into bushes. I wonder if animals live in there? Oh! What's that moving? Ewww. A spider. Daria said they eat like their whole weight in bugs or something. It looks fuzzy. I wonder if it's soft. It's probably not poisonous. Daria said that the poisonous one was black with red on it's back and this one is brown and fuzzy. Was there another poisonous one? Yeah, one other. Maybe I can catch this one and show it to Daria and she'll tell me what it is. The other one was a something rec-something.
Young Quinn reached out to pick up the spider, she got it into one hand and looked at it. A brown recluse! That was the other one! Daria will be so proud I remembered. An expression of sudden fear appeared on her face. Oh no, this one is brown and it was hiding in the bush! That's what recluses do! Oh no, it's poisonous! "GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!"
In Young Quinn's panic she tried to fling off the spider. It, sensing danger, bit her. "IT BIT ME! IT BIT ME! I'M GOING TO DIE! DARIA! THE SPIDER BIT ME! DARIA! DARIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
She continued yelling, Helen and Jake rushed over as her last call for Daria turned into a shrill scream of terror. They saw she'd been bitten by something and panic, they grabbed Young Quinn, jumped in the car, and sped away. Angel and Daria watched the car take off down the road.
Daria turned to Angel, bewildered. "She called for me. Why didn't she call Mom or Dad?"
"She knew you would know what to do. And you were who she was thinking about anyway. Your parents shouldn't have left you, but I think until you have a child of your own, you won't know how terrified they were that Quinn might die from that bite. They didn't know what it was from and Quinn was too hysterical to say, not that she would've known it wasn't the poisonous one." Angel paused. "You were amazing that day, Daria. Your parents were proud of you. One more stop."
"Will this mad, fun-filled, merry-go-round of excitement ever end."
Angel smiled. "Probably. Here we are, last stop."
They were a field in back of the house in Highland, looking into a small clearing.
"We're in the milo patch in back of the old house. What.oh, I remember!" She gave a tiny laugh. "The brainworms from outer space.* Yeah, it was a nasty trick."
Angel laughed too. "Very creative, I must say, convincing her that alien brainworms had taken over you and everyone else. Just watch."
Young Daria, still a few feet inside the stand of milo, peered out between the rows. Around the trunk of a tree she could make out Young Quinn's hair and one shoulder. Cautiously backing farther into the milo, she returned to a place where she could, with difficulty, move two rows to the left. Approaching the clearing again, she could now see Young Quinn more fully, enough to see that she was freaked. Her head was constantly turning, as if she expected to see brainworms or some other horror emerge from the milo or the weeds at any point, and come charging across the muddy verge of the clearing at her. Young Quinn was standing in the middle of the biggest available open space, rubbing her arms, and Young Daria could tell she thought it was much too small.
Young Daria crouch-walked out past the end of the row and slowly straightened up. Young Quinn saw her almost immediately and screamed. She looked around frantically for somewhere to run, but was obviously reluctant to reenter the cruel-leafed milo. Her shorts and short-sleeved shirt had not protected her arms and legs. After darting back and forth a couple of times, she settled on a position directly across the clearing from Young Daria.
"Quinn, there aren't any brainworms. I was just kidding." Young Daria slowly removed her backpack and dropped it on the ground.
Just kidding?!" Young Quinn said in a terrified shriek. "What kind of... oh. Ha, ha, mister brainworm. Very funny!"
Young Daria moved closer. "Those wieners were made from chicken. Chicken wieners just do that."
"You think I'm stupid, don't you? Even with a worm in your brain, you think I'm stupid! Well, I'm smart enough to know they don't make weenies out of chicken! You're not gonna get me that easy!" Young Quinn said in a panicky voice.
"They do now. It's a new product. Mom bought them on an introductory special. They're very low fat." Young Daria tried to reason with her.
Young Quinn looked interested in the fact they were low fat, then shook it off. "Well, if you were kidding, why did you chase me all over to tell me? Why not just leave me out here? That would be twice as funny!"
"No, it wouldn't. You'd be insane by morning from the mosquitoes alone, not to mention the night noises and your imagination. You're hard enough to live with as it is."
This seemed to catch Young Quinn off guard. She stood there for a few seconds with her mouth open, looking half convinced. Then her expression hardened. "Good one, worm. That sounded like something Daria would say." Poor, poor, Daria, you were so smart. You loved your brain more than anything else, and now there's a horrible worm in it. I wish I knew how to save you.
Her lip began to quiver and her expression turned very sad. She made a high pitched little sound that might have been "Ohh, Daria..."
It was Young Daria's turn to be caught off guard. An expression of anything resembling affection from Young Quinn was the last thing she was expecting. Then she realized that Young Quinn was probably thinking of Young Daria warning her to save herself, even as the worm bored into her skull. Remorseful, Young Daria knew she had to straighten Young Quinn out, convince her somehow. "Let's go home, Quinn. I brought your windbreaker and your cap to protect you from the milo. And some Lanacaine for the itch."
"Ha! You messed up now, wormy! Daria would never be that nice!" Young Quinn said triumphantly. Not usually, anyway, I wish the non-worm Daria were here. She'd know what to do.
"Come on, Quinn. I'm your sister. Even when I hate you, I still love you. And you know it's true, because you feel the same, even though you don't act like it."
"That might have been true about Daria, but I sure as hell don't love you, worm!" Young Quinn said.
"There are no brainworms, Quinn. It was a joke. A poorly thought out joke. I didn't realize how bad it would freak you out. I'm sorry." Young Daria apologized.
Young Quinn narrowed her eyes. "You messed up again, wormy! Daria doesn't apologize for her nasty jokes unless Mom grabs her by the ear and makes her!"
"Not true."
"Oh, yeah? You never apologized for the reindeer bait, to name just one!" Young Quinn said.
"That was funny, and nobody got hurt. You just had to wash your hands. You even looked cute, out there in the front yard, trying to get the reindeer bait to stay up on the roof. You'll laugh at it yourself in ten years or so." Young Daria said.
'No I won't! And I always look cute." Young Quinn pouted.
"Quinn, you don't really believe brain worms from outer space are trying to enslave humanity, do you? I got the idea from an old Star Trek rerun."
"Then why did everyone I told about it rub the back of their head?" Young Quinn asked, half convinced.
"Puzzlement at a strange statement. It's a common gesture." Young Daria replied.
"But why did you do such a mean thing in the first place? You scared me half to death!"
"I was hurt. You told your friends at school I had brain damage from Dad slamming my head in the car door. In a day or two that will be all over the school. Why did you do such a mean thing? Isn't my life miserable enough already?"
Young Quinn looked ashamed. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just... didn't think it out before I said it. They asked me why you were so strange. Why do you always have to act so geeky?"
Young Daria frowned. "If by 'acting geeky' you mean reading, thinking, actually learning stuff in school, and behaving rationally, that's how people with brains usually act."
Young Quinn put her hands on her hips. "Jeez, Daria, how do you expect to convince me there aren't any space aliens when you're obviously a Vulcan?"
The scene faded, Angel and Daria were back in Daria's present-day room.
Daria looked at Angel. "What the hell was the point of that?"
"Remember how well you got along after that? And you told Quinn you loved her. When was the last time you did that?" Daria looked chastened. It had been a very long time.
"Okay, fine." She sighed. "I get how everything built up to now, and that had I not been so."
"Stubborn?" Angel supplied.
Daria glared. ".hard on Quinn, it may have been different, not much different, but different. And we could be friends now if we try. She has been trying to be nicer."
"Good to know. Okay, so, that was about it."
"No plan C?"
"I was pretty much out of ideas after B. Any questions?"
"Is your real name Clarence?" Daria quipped.
"I hated that movie." Angel replied. "Clarence with a K?"
Daria remembered Angel had said her real name started with a K. A question struck her. "Why me and Quinn?"
"Huh?"
Daria elaborated. "I get that you're all "save the world" but why Quinn and me? Are you from the future? Is something bad going to happen?"
"My relationship to this place is not important. Remember how I said we've had similar experiences? Well, you're about where I was just before I left for college."
"And?" Daria prompted.
Angel chose her words carefully. "My freshman year was difficult, to say the least. For someone who was so used to doing everything alone, it was much harder than I expected it would be. And though I really wanted to get the hell out of my town, much like your burning desire to flee Lawndale, the change was a bit of a shock."
"I can handle it fine." Daria stated confidently.
"I thought that too. You think I woke up one day as a freshman and said to myself, 'hmm.I think I'll have a mental breakdown, starting today?' I wish I had known people were behind me. It would've made things a lot easier."
"What about Quinn?" Daria inquired.
"You two could have a good relationship if you try. Quinn's been trying for a while, I was just hoping you'd give it more of a chance. Know that she'll be there for you if you need her. Daria, you have so many people who will stand behind you, who will help you if you need it. You just don't want to reach out and try. I didn't realize it until after I took a side trip through hell by myself that I could've asked for, and gotten, help for anything that came up, and probably avoided the whole thing altogether."
"No one's helped me before." Daria said bitterly.
"You never really asked. There are at least five people who will come running without question if you call. And a bunch more who would not be hesitant to step in if you asked. I think you'd be surprised at how many people care about you. Remember how many people visited you in the hospital? You're not alone Daria, people love you very much. I'm trying to help you learn to let yourself be happy. I had to have someone shove it in my face before I realized it, too. You may feel alone, but you're really not."
Daria processed for a minute. "Jane thought you were Quinn from the future."
"I don't look anything like Quinn." Angel said surprised.
"I know, and Quinn would never go anywhere without the right shoes. You do dress like her."
"I don't dress like Quinn. Quinn uses her appearance to please other people. I please no one but myself. I gave up caring what other people think. I've done enough of that." She pointed to her torn up wings then shrugged. "I never wear shoes if I don't have to."
"I don't care what other people think." Daria said.
Angel laughed. "Of course you do. That's exactly why you dress and act the way you do. You want people to judge you on your intelligence so you minimize anything that would distract from that. Let me tell you something, and this is an absolute truth, people will always judge you first by the way you look. There's no getting out of it." She paused. "Unless they're blind. They will change their opinions after they get to know you. What you need to do is decide how you see yourself, not how you want others to see you. In the end, the only opinion that really matters is your own."
Daria looked at her critically. "And this is why you dress like an Abercrombie ad?"
"I wear things that I like and feel comfortable in. If it happens to be the current style, then so be it. You think I'm not judged because I'm blonde and have big boobs? I know some people don't take me seriously because of it, but that's their problem. I know I'm smart and I can hold my own. I'm not going change my appearance to avoid being stereotyped. I'm not ashamed of the way I look. Besides, it's fun to watch people when they think they're dealing with a ditz and they find out I have a degree in neuroscience. You can be smart and beautiful. And let me tell you, when you realize that, you'll have the world in your hand. You might want to pass that on to Quinn."
Daria considered. "Will you be back?"
"I honestly don't know. Here." She handed Daria a thick paperback book.
"Consolation prize?"
"Have you read it?"
Daria read the title. "The Clan of the Cave Bear. No."
"I think you'll like it. It's pretty historically accurate, too. My favorite book is the next one in the series, there's five out so far. Give it a try."
"Thanks."
"Good luck, Daria."
Once again Angel disappeared leaving a bewildered Daria.
"I guess I'd better go apologize to Jane."
"Is that a new book, Quinn?" Helen asked in the few seconds she had between phone calls.
Daria turned around. "I hate to spoil it, but in the end, he eats the green eggs and the ham."
Daria stopped and stared. She could see Quinn's wings. Most of the feathers were missing, splatters of blood stained the naked wings. A long, thick scar ran almost the entire length of one, and other scars trailed all over. She watched in horror as Quinn reached towards the few remaining feathers and yanked one out, blood trickled down. The scar lengthened by an inch and bled. Daria looked down at her Sugar-Tart. It was a bloody knife in her hand.
"Ha ha, Daria." Quinn said not looking up.
Daria dropped the Sugar-Tart. "Oh my God."
Quinn, hearing her tone, looked up and saw her sister's expression. "Daria are you ok?" she asked with concern.
Daria ran out of the room and out the front door.
Helen looked from Quinn to the front door. "What was that all about?"
Daria came to a halt at the Lane's front door and leaned on it, breathing hard. She had run the whole way, trying to escape the image of her sister's wings. I was hallucinating. Carry-over from the dream. That wasn't real. THAT WASN'T REAL! Quinn's wings would be perfect. Everyone loves her, she gets everything she wants, she has everything. And there's no way it's my fault. She hurts ME. She called me her cousin for years! She doesn't care what I think, she's made that very plain. There's no way I could hurt her, she doesn't care about me. It's not my fault! It WASN'T REAL!
Much to her surprise Daria was fighting back tears. She tried to pull herself together before ringing the doorbell. Oh God, what if I can see Jane's wings? No. It was just a dream. She rang it and the door opened almost instantly.
"Hey Daria." Trent stood in the doorway.
"How'd you get here so fast?' Daria asked, shocked.
Trent looked confused. "I live here."
Daria shook her head. "No, I meant.never mind. Is Jane here? I really need to talk to her."
"Yeah, she's in her room. Are you ok?" Trent asked, concerned.
"I just need to talk to Jane." Daria brushed past him and hurried up the stairs.
Trent watched her go, slightly worried. He wandered into the kitchen, his original destination.
Halfway up the stairs Daria realized she didn't see wings on Trent. She tried to remember if she'd seen any on her mom, but couldn't. She'd seen Quinn first then high-tailed it out of there. She took a deep breath and knocked on Jane's door.
"Yo." Came Jane's voice from the other side.
Daria walked in, afraid of what she might see. She glanced over at Jane.
No wings.
Thank God.
She let out the breath she'd been holding.
"Hey amig.Whoa, are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost." Jane's eyes widened.
"No, just an angel with torn up wings who gave me the power to see my sister's wings as she plucked them clean because I made some sarcastic remark and apparently I've been slowly killing her soul for years." Daria said in a rush.
Jane stared.
"I just said that out loud, didn't I?"
Jane put down her paintbrush "Oh yeah. Now, what was that again?"
"Remember I told you I had a dream you could get a painting out of?" Daria recounted her "dream" to Jane ending with her "hallucination" in the Morgendorffer kitchen.
"Wow. So that's the meaning of life, huh? And you can't see any wings on me? Too bad, I wonder what they look like. Hey! Maybe that Angel chick is Quinn from the future, come back to warn you or save herself or something." Jane exclaimed.
"You believe me?"
Jane shrugged. "Believe, humor, distract till I can call the nice men with the white coats, it's all good."
Daria threw her a dirty look. "Thanks. No, she wasn't Quinn. She kinda dressed like her, but if I had to choose, I'd have to say she looked more like me, or even Brittany. And Quinn would never leave the house without the right shoes."
"Shoes?"
"I don't know why I remember that. She wasn't wearing shoes." Daria flopped back on the bed.
"Maybe she was the future you, come back to change the past. No, you'd never give up the boots." Jane mused.
"I think she was who she said she was. She said we'd probably meet again. Am I crazy, Jane?" Daria stared at a paint spot on the ceiling.
"Yes." Jane answered without a thought. "But that was long before this happened. Actually, I think maybe it was just a realistic dream or a subconscious manifestation of feelings of guilt. Or maybe, just maybe, it was real and you should just go with it."
"A subconscious manifestation of feelings of guilt?" she repeated incredulously.
Jane looked embarrassed. "Okay, so I watched a few of those holistic marriage shows Wind was always watching. Don't worry, I'm not going to let anyone ship you off to the funny farm. And you were right. I am inspired to paint." She glanced at Daria. "Maybe you should write this out."
"Right now I think I just want to watch you paint."
Jane raised an eyebrow but begins a new canvas as Daria watched. After several hours, Jane had most of the painting done. They both stood back and looked at it. Daria was sitting up in bed, sheets covering her to her waist, wearing a t-shirt. Angel was sitting on the edge of the bed in jeans and grey t-shirt, ruined wings and all, a faint glow surrounding her. Daria's expression was one of guarded fascination; Angel's was a benign smile.
"Well?" Jane gestured to the canvas.
Daria sat up and considered it "It's almost perfect."
"Almost?" Jane said, faux insulted.
Daria frowned "Something's wrong, I just don't know what. Everything looks like it did, but there's something..."
"Like what?"
Daria flopped back. "I don't know. Forget it."
Jane cleaned off her brush and set it down, then turned and looked at Daria. "Are you all right? Really? You've been quiet this whole time."
"And how is that different?"
"This isn't normal-Daria-quiet, it's more eating-at-your-soul quiet."
Daria sat up again. "Do you think Quinn's personality flaws are my fault?"
"Daria."
"Do you?" Daria insisted.
Jane sighed. "I don't think that's necessarily what you saw, or what she said, means. Considering I don't know what it was like for you two growing up, aside from what you've told me, I couldn't say. But if I had to be honest."
Daria stood up and glared at Jane. "You do, don't you? You think that my horrible personality has turned my sister in to a brainless fashion twit. I never loved her and so she's turned into Miss Popularity to find the love she doesn't get at home. Just like everyone always says, Quinn is perfect and all her problems and mine are my fault and I have to be the one to change and fix them! Thanks a lot, Jane."
Daria stormed out. Jane called after her as she stomped down the stairs. Trent stood by the front door.
Jane ran down the stairs. "Daria! Wait! I didn't finish, that's not what I meant!"
"Daria are." he didn't finish as Daria pushed him out of the way.
"Shut up, Trent!"
She stormed out the door. Jane stared from the bottom step.
"What the hell was that?" Trent had never seen Daria that angry.
Daria angrily stalked back home, muttering to herself. She made it inside and to her room without seeing her sister or mother. Throwing herself on her bed she ranted to the ceiling, grateful for the padded walls that absorbed sound so well. "HELP ME? HELP? You did this to HELP me? Just like everyone else, why can't you be nicer, Daria? Why can't you play with the other kids Daria? Quinn has friends, Daria. Why won't you read to Quinn? Why won't you spend time with Quinn? Why won't you fucking BE Quinn? Because I'm NOT Quinn! I'm me! Why can't I just be me? Why is everything my fault? Why can't I just act like myself and not have every problem in the world be my fault because of it? WHY? WHY ME? Why does it have to be so fucking hard to be me?"
Then Daria did something she swore she would never do, she broke down and cried.
Aw, hell. That didn't go like I expected. I can't believe I made Daria cry.
Quinn stood just outside the door. She was just about to ask Daria to go back to Jane's, or anywhere else, because the Fashion Club, no, that was gone, her friends were coming over. She only caught the end, "Why me? Why does it have to be so fucking hard to be me?" Quinn was surprised, she asked herself that same question every day. Maybe not quite in that kind of language, which surprised her coming from Daria.
Daria thought it was hard to be her? She was so smart. And everyone left her alone, she could do whatever she wanted. She didn't have to live up to anyone's expectations, well, except her own. Quinn didn't understand why she was so unhappy. She wasn't popular popular, but Quinn would trade a thousand Fashion Clubs for a friend like Jane. And as much as she hated to admit it, and despite what Sandi said, Daria was popular. Everyone knew who she was, and despite her prickly attitude, most everyone liked her. Quinn suddenly felt guilty for calling her her 'cousin' for so long and for treating her so badly in front of her friends. But she was trying to be a better sister. She had finally admitted that they were sisters, right? And she had made some attempts at sisterly bonding. Sort of. And it was working better than when they were little, right?
But that's why it's so hard to be me. I can't even be myself. Hell, I don't even know who I am. All my friends would desert me if I gave up fashion and boys and all that crap we do. Daria never seemed to want to be her friend, so she had done what she had to, to find them elsewhere. Acceptance had come at a price, and Quinn paid it gladly. Quinn needed other people. People who listened to her, people just to be with. Quinn hated being alone. Daria just didn't understand that. Quinn listened. Daria had stopped yelling. She probably won't come out anyway. Quinn went downstairs to wait for her friends, she didn't hear Daria's muffled sobs.
The Former Fashion Club arrived and they sat waiting for the no-salt, no- fat, air-popped popcorn to pop while they watched Fashion Vision.
"So now that we have all this, like, free time, what should we do?" Sandi said in her valley-girl drawl.
Stacy perked up. "We could get summer jobs."
"Staaa-cy, jobs?" Sandi said disapprovingly.
Stacy cringed slightly. "Quinn had a job."
Sandi waved her off "She was forced into that. It's not like she wanted to work."
Quinn started to reply but stopped herself. She had decided that Stacy needed to learn to defend herself. She did ok at the graduation barbecue. Very well, actually. She'd dismantled the Fashion Club.
Stacy tried again. "Maybe we could volunteer somewhere fun? Help animals or kids or something?"
Quinn was surprised and pleased. "Stacy that's such a good idea. And it would look good on our college applications."
"Yeah, volunteeeeeer. Like the friendship workshop." Tiffany added.
Sandi looked at them all with distain. "You really want to waste your summer with bratty kids and smelly animals? And when would you find the time to keep up with current fashion trends?"
Stacy looked disappointed. Quinn sighed. Doesn't she ever let up? She turned to Sandi.
"I thought it was a good idea. We need to start thinking about how we're going to get into a good college anyway." She turned back to Stacy. "What were you thinking of doing?"
Sandi stared openmouthed. Now that there was no Fashion Club, she had no leverage against Quinn. Her control was gone. She grasped at it.
Sandi cut Stacy off in the middle of a sentence. "Perhaps then we should vote on what kind of volunteer work to do so we can do it together."
Quinn looked over to Stacy who had an annoyed expression on her face. "Uh, Sandi, there's no Fashion Club anymore, we don't have to vote. But we can discuss our options and decide on something we all like. You're right, we should do it together."
Quinn smiled at her, she tried to let Sandi keep her pride, to soften the blow. Sandi's mom had really screwed her up with all her "Friends are enemies who just aren't trying to screw you at the moment" crap. Quinn thought the disbanding of the FC was the best thing that would ever happen to her. She was certainly sick of the power struggles and the barely veiled threats and insults. Sandi, there's no more power struggle. We can just be friends. Let. It. Go.
Sandi tried to glare, angry her leadership had been taken away, angry she had no control over the others anymore. Then she realized Quinn was trying to be nice. Why am I such a bitch all the time? Sandi suddenly understood. Though her worst nightmare had come true, there was no more Fashion Club, and therefore nothing to make Stacy Tiffany and Quinn hang out with her, what had made the thought a nightmare had not. They all, even Quinn, were still there. Not as subordinates in her club, terrified of being unpopular should they displease Sandi and get kicked out, but as friends. I have friends. You were wrong, Mom.
"All right, then." Quinn saw Sandi's first real smile.
They fell to discussing their options, and fashion. After all, old habits die hard.
Meanwhile, upstairs Daria lay on her bed, feeling sick and exhausted. She had cried herself out and felt empty and completely alone. There's no one to help me. Everything I've ever done I've had to do alone. I can't stand it anymore. Quinn's so lucky, everyone leaps up to help her. She even has a fucking guardian angel. There's no one to help me.
"That's not true." Angel said.
Daria sat up, surprised. "You! Get out of my room!"
"Daria."
"Why don't you go downstairs and sit with the Fashion Nazis and help them? You could do each other's nails!" she said angrily.
"Daria, stop it." Angel warned.
"I thought you said you were going to help me." Daria spat at her.
Angel raised her eyebrows. "I said I was here to help, I didn't specify only you."
"Of course not!" Daria's voice was rising. "I don't need help. I've never had help before. I'm a brain, I can do everything myself. But poor little Quinn needs attention. Poor little Quinn needs help. Let's all forget Daria and help poor little Quinn."
Angel was becoming increasingly angry as Daria yelled at her. "Daria, would you stop being a self-centered little bitch for ten seconds and listen to someone besides yourself!"
Daria stared at her. Angel's eyes were blazing, for a second Daria was afraid, Angel looked really pissed off.
"Now you just listen to me. You have the most selfish family I've ever seen. Your mom is obsessed with work, your dad uses his lousy childhood for every excuse, and yes, your sister can be mean and egocentric and your parents have given her more attention, but you-you expect everyone to just bow down to you because everything has just been so hard for you. Poor Daria, always left behind, always ignored, no one loves me wah wah wah. Everyone feels like that Daria. Everyone. You want people to see how hurt and lost and sad you are but you refuse to put yourself in their shoes. When you can understand other people's pain, they will be sympathetic to you. Even when people try to reach out to you, you shut them down, because their efforts just aren't good enough for you. You expect everyone to be perfect and fit your expectations, but you refuse to fit theirs."
"You have no idea what it's like! To be left out, to have no one to turn to. To be expected to be able to deal with everything." Daria was aware she sounded like a petulant child, but didn't care.
"Try me. I know exactly what that's like. I bet for every argument, I have a counter. But I will concede Quinn, I didn't have a sister, I had a brother who was more anti-social than you, if you can believe it. And to be fair to you, I will only use experiences up until high school. You're not the only one in the world who dealt with growing up alone. So go for it."
"What?"
"You were so keen to have a pity party, so go on, make your case." Angel sat down and leaned back in Daria's desk chair, crossing her feet on the desk.
Daria sat on the bed. "Fine. My dad is obsessed with his crappy childhood and rants about it with no provocation whatsoever. He's never been there for me."
"Died in a car accident two weeks before my sixth birthday. I suppose that means he was never there for me, either." She said in an offhand manner.
"My mom's so work obsessed, she's hardly ever home. She's too busy at the office to be any kind of help." Daria said.
"Well, mine wasn't work obsessed, she was too busy drinking for that." Angel looked at her fingernails.
"My grandparents tried to bribe me to change my hair and dress like Quinn."
"Well, three of mine died when I was between the ages of 7 and 12, but the one remaining grandmother picked on my weight from as far back as I can remember. Such choice phrases as, 'Should you be eating that?' or 'She's got thighs like her dad.' Bear in mind my dad weighed almost 300 pounds when he died. I think I was a size 12 at the time." She noted Daria's probing look. "I'm a 6 now."
Daria looked surprised. "That must've been some diet. You should let the Fashion Fiends in on it."
Angel gave her a dark look. "I have a feeling they already know."
"What."
Angel cut her off. "Happened in college. Inadmissible."
Daria paused, she did not seem to be winning, at the least, they were evenly matched. She threw out everything she could think of. "Kids made fun of my name. First and last."
"Me, too." At Daria's quizzical look she continued. "Let's just say that you're not the only one with an easily made fun of German last name. Especially at the height of Star Trek: The Next Generation popularity. Angel's not my real name, my initials are KK. And no my middle name does not start with a K."
"They made fun of my glasses. I have horrible vision, I'm almost blind without them."
"Me, too. Two feet away, you would be blurry. But I got contacts in eighth grade because I hated the teasing. Not that that worked."
"Why not?" Daria was interested in any argument against contacts she could use against her mom.
"What I didn't realize was the when I had glasses no one really noticed what color my eyes were. With contacts everyone noticed."
Daria couldn't see from the bed and tried to remember what color they were from the previous night. "So? They're what, green? Hazel?"
Angel had a wry smile. "For whatever reason, they're much greener now. No, in high school and junior high they were yellow. Not light brown, not hazel, yellow. Tiger eyes, my mom called them. They matched my hair. I had to get colored contacts. I went back to regular after a year or so."
Daria looked at her yellow-gold hair.
"I bet your high school wasn't as bad as Lawndale."
"You're right." Angel admitted.
Before Daria can score the point, Angel continued.
"It was worse."
"Nothing could be worse than Lawndale." Daria stated.
"You had crappy teachers and stupid students, so does every other public high school."
"I was shunned for being a brain. I was an outcast." Daria said.
"You chose not to be mainstream. Every last popular person in my high school was smart, and most were in the National Honor Society. You could've been smart and popular, look at Jodie. Even if she wasn't forced to do all that community crap, she would still be smart and popular. I got beat up for no good reason. Have you ever been stuffed in a locker, Daria? Sexually harassed every day for two years? Had your complaints ignored by the same teacher who taught the health class that covered "harassment and what to do about it"? I may have chosen not to be outgoing, but I had a far better reason than you."
"There was Upchuck."
"He's harmless and you know it. And he genuinely liked you, he wasn't really crass or rude, just overenthusiastic and a bit clueless. Admit it, you liked sparring with him. He was the only person, except maybe Jane, who could keep up with you. If it was harassment, you'd go home close to tears, hating yourself, and feeling dirty." Angel said.
"Your principal wasn't Ms. Li."
Angel nodded. "Ah, very true. I may have to give you that one. We could've used a Li."
Daria's snorted in disbelief.
"In my high school a student stabbed a teacher with a pair of scissors. And posters were banned from the hallways because people kept setting them on fire."
"Sounds like Highland." Daria said.
"Hmm. That might be a wash. However, you only spent one year there and I spent all four. Is this pity party over yet?"
Daria laid down her trump card. "The Tom Thing."
Angel mused for a moment. "I had a Tom."
Daria looked at her in shock. "Really?"
"Oh, not like your Tom Thing. No betrayal or rift with a best friend. You win that point, definitely. But it was." She trailed off.
"What happened?"
"Why did you break up with Tom?" she asked Daria.
Daria was confused at the sudden question. "Huh?"
"Why did you break up with Tom?" Angel repeated.
Daria paused, thinking. "Because.because, well, it's just we.he and I weren't.I didn't."
"Love him?" Angel finished for her. "It was everything you wanted but it still wasn't enough. He was almost perfect, but you knew it wasn't going to work and it was all your fault. I can only imagine how much worse it was for you, to go through almost losing Jane to find out it wasn't going to work with Tom."
"Yeah." Daria said sadly.
"Yeah."
"Did you stay friends?" Daria wondered if she and Tom would. Even though he said he wanted to, she had her doubts.
"Oh no, we never saw each other again." She said.
Daria sat on the bed, feeling defeated. Angel walked over and sat next to her. "Daria, I didn't mean to hurt you. You needed to see how what you say and do affects other people, and how you've contributed to how everyone, including your parents and Quinn, see you and therefore act towards you. I thought it would help you understand people better and why they hurt you, whether they meant to or not. I'm not laying blame at your feet, I was just trying to show you the whole picture, a different perspective. I honestly did not expect you to react like that."
Daria smirked. "Humans are notoriously unpredictable."
"Yeah."
"Why didn't you just tell me all this?" Daria asked suddenly.
A wooden chair appeared in front of Daria. It was painted blue.
"What's that?"
"A chair, but be careful, the paint's wet." Angel replied.
Daria reached out to touch the chair.
"Exactly."
Daria pulled her hand back. "Nice metaphor."
"I thought so." Angel smiled.
"So what now?"
"Plan B."
"Plan B?"
"Well, plan A didn't go so well. So, let's try plan B. But first go downstairs and get a drink." Angel suggested.
"Why?"
"Aren't you thirsty? I'm always thirsty after I cry. Be prepared though, you can still see wings." She warned.
Daria headed downstairs realizing that, yes, she was pretty thirsty. She paused at the bottom of the stairs, she could hear Quinn and her fashion friends in the living room. Steeling herself for seeing Quinn again, she walked into the room. Quinn was facing away from her, Stacy next to her. Sandi and Tiffany we facing her, sitting on the floor. She saw Quinn's plucked wings again and winced. Then she saw Sandi and Stacy also had wings. Stacy had handfuls of feathers torn out and numerous scars. I bet it's all that getting picked on by Sandi. Sandi's wings were a mess, almost as bad as Angel's. Sandi was apparently pretty unhappy. From what she had gathered about her mother and the way Sandi tried to control everyone she met, Daria didn't wonder why. Tiffany had no wings. How come I can only see some people's wings? She hadn't seen Jane's or Trent's either. She made a mental note to ask Angel when she got back upstairs.
Quinn looked up as Daria entered the living room. "Daria! We were talking about what kind of volunteer work to do. You worked at that old folk's home, how was that?"
"Uh, maybe you should ask Jodie about volunteering. That's really her area of expertise." Daria was taken aback. The Former Fashion Club volunteering? Quinn addressing her in front of her friends? Acting civil? Had Angel talked to her too? Then again, if she thought about it, Quinn had been nicer since the teacher's strike, and that fiasco with Erin's divorce/the Aunt convention. Come to think of it, Quinn had been trying to be more sisterly for some time and Daria just kept brushing her off.
"That's a good idea, do you have her number?" Quinn asked.
"I can go look it up."
"Whenever." Quinn responded airily.
Daria moved towards the kitchen.
"Anyone else want another soda?" Tiffany asked in a slow drawl.
Daria looked back at her and almost passed out. Tiffany's wings weren't invisible. They were hacked off. Daria could see bloody, healed-over stumps and bits of feather. She swayed.
"Quinn, what's wrong with your cous- I mean sister? She doesn't look so good, even for her." Sandi wrinkled her nose.
Quinn got up quickly after seeing Daria's even paler than usual face. "Daria! Are you all right? She looked like this this morning, too."
Daria regained some composure and waved her off. 'I'm fine, uh, just low blood sugar."
"Are you sure?" Quinn looked concerned.
"Yeah, don't mind me. I'm on my way to get some sugar-flavored caffeine." Daria tried to sound convincing.
Quinn sat down still looking worried. "Okay, if you're sure."
Daria went into the kitchen, got a soda and gulped it down. She grabbed another and heard Tiffany enter. "Do you have any more diet?"
Daria didn't look at her "Yeah, in the fridge."
Daria made her escape back up the stairs, avoiding the curious glances from the living room. She rushed back into her room, still clutching the second can. She dropped it on the desk and stood there with a horrified look on her face. Angel was still sitting on the bed.
"Daria, what happened? They weren't that bad were they? Well, I knew Sandi's would be pretty bad, but Stacy's weren't too awful, considering." Angel looked concerned.
"Tiffany. Tiffany hacked off her wings. They were just.I mean hacked, not just cut.stumps. They were stumps." Daria gasped out.
"Oh, Daria, that must have been.shocking would be putting it mildly. It does explain a lot, though. I'm sorry. I thought they would be bare or just really scarred, I didn't think she had cut them off."
"What happened?" Daria sat next to Angel on the bed.
"You'd really have to ask Tiffany, or one of her friends, but you know she's adopted, right?"
Daria calmed down a bit. "I figured, Blum-Deckler isn't very Asian."
"There's probably more to it, but her adoptive mother died of cancer, I think. She didn't take it very well. People who cut them off decide they don't want to feel anymore. That's why Tiffany seems so.vacant. She doesn't want to let anything touch her emotionally, so she doesn't really respond or pay attention to anything that might hurt her that way again. Including her friends." Angel explained. "It can be hard to tell between people who refuse to respond emotionally but can, and those who really can't anymore."
"How come you didn't know? Can't you see?"
Angel shrugged. "If I wanted to, but it's kind of private, like a diary of your emotions. As an Empathetic, I had an idea from what I knew about them and their personalities, but I had no reason to look, I knew enough."
"Will they grow back?" Daria asked.
"Most likely, no." Angel said sadly. "I'm sure in rare cases it happens, but once they're gone.Growing back feathers is hard enough."
Daria eyed the handful of newer white feathers on Angel's wings. "You seem to be doing ok."
"Years, Daria. Those few feathers took me years to get back." She mused for a moment. "If I had to count I would say about five. When you start to understand yourself, you can stop yourself from pulling them out. When you start to accept yourself, then you can start growing them back."
Daria had a sudden thought. "Why didn't I see any on Jane or Trent? They didn't."
"No!" Angel said quickly. "You didn't see theirs because you didn't need to. Well, maybe you should've seen Trent's.no, you didn't really need to. Seeing everyone you know would have been too much, you saw what you needed to see."
"Why the Fashion Club?"
"Because to you, they were only mindless popularity robots. Now you've seen a bit of their human side. Do you think you understand them better? Or why they behave the way they do? It's important for people to learn to understand each other. You don't have to like everyone, but at least try to understand why they are the way they are and try to accept them that way."
"I suppose. You know, Quinn was actually nice to me. In front of her friends." Angel could hear the surprise in her voice.
"Quinn wants to be your friend Daria, she always has." Angel said gently.
Daria had an expression of complete disbelief. "We're talking about the same Quinn, right? My sister? The one who called me her "cousin" for years? Who ignored or ridiculed me in public?"
"You did that to her, too. Siblings do that, it doesn't mean they can't be friends. Well, you'll see. On to plan B." They stood up.
Daria looked at her with an expression of noticing something for the first time. "Huh."
"What?"
"I thought you were taller."
"Yeah, I get that a lot."
"Where are we going?" Daria wondered if Quinn would ask her who Angel was when they walked by the living room.
"On a little trip."
"Should I lock my tray table in the full upright position?" Daria deadpanned.
Angel smiled. "I think the 'cousin thing' first."
"What?"
Daria's room faded and was replaced by the parking lot of Camp Grizzly. The Morgendorffer family had just arrived. Helen, Jake and Young Daria have gotten out of the car.
"Daria, you'll never make any friends if you don't get your nose out of that book." Helen chided her.
"Let's hope. Hey!" Young Daria exclaimed as her mother grabbed the book.
Helen turned to the car. "Come on Quinn, we're here."
Young Quinn peeked out the window. "I don't wanna go to camp, I don't wanna go to camp!" She spotted a group of girls her age. "That girl has my backpack!"
Young Quinn ran to the group of girls. "I have the same backpack." She said excitedly.
"I could see how the untrained eye could make that mistake." The girl with the backpack replied.
"Ummm, I like your hair." Young Quinn tried again.
"Who's that weird girl standing by your parents?" The girl asked.
"Yeah, she's sooooo pale." Her friend chimed in.
Sensing their disapproval Young Quinn answered. "Uh, that's my.cousin, yeah, my distant cousin."
Daria and Angel have been watching the scene.
"Can they see us?" Daria asked in a low voice.
Angel spoke normally. "No. This has already happened, it's like watching a memory, you can't change or influence it."
"So what was the point of this? To see the beginning of our close, sisterly bond?" Daria asked in a normal voice.
"Well, that was a pretty mean thing she just did. But do you remember what happened in the car just before that?"
"Yeah, she was being a brat the whole way here. Whining about how she didn't want to go to a loser camp and waste two weeks of summer away from her real friends." Daria replied.
"Well, let's take a look, this time with the commentary."
Daria looked puzzled at this. The scene shifted to the car ride. Jake was driving, Helen in the passenger seat, Young Quinn was behind her, Young Daria behind Jake.
"I don't wanna go to camp! Why do I have to go with Daria? I don't need help making new friends, I have lots of friends at home!" Young Quinn whined. Don't leave me Mom! I wanna go home! I'm scared!
Angel leaned towards Daria. "You're hearing her thoughts."
"Now, Quinn, this will be fun! You like making new friends." Helen said.
But what if something bad happens while you're gone? Who'll take care of me? Young Quinn chewed her lip in worry then looked over at Young Daria, who was scowling at her book, trying to ignore Young Quinn's complaining. Young Quinn brightened. Daria could help me. She's smart, if something happens Daria will be there.
Helen continued. "And Daria will be there. She'll watch out for you. Right, Daria?"
Young Daria scowled harder. "Not likely." I waste enough time avoiding the other kids, I don't need to waste more watching over Princess Brat.
Young Quinn's face fell. Stupid, mean Daria. Fine. I don't need you. I'll make lots of friends and they'll help me if I need it. I won't even tell them you're my sister. Maybe that'll make you happy.
Daria turned to Angel. "How was I supposed to know what she was thinking? It's not like I'm telepathic."
Angel sighed. "Not her exact thoughts, no, but you should've known she'd be scared to be away from home for the first time. She wasn't like you, that you knew. You were fine being away from home, by that alone you should've known she wouldn't be. Like most people, you chose not to consider it, thought about things only in terms of how they affected you."
"And I suppose her continuing to call me her cousin was to make me happy?" Daria grumbled.
"At the time, on some level, I think she did think that's what you wanted, to be separated from your family. You never really tried to fit in. Later on she did it just to get back at you. You hurt her, she hurts you." Angel reasoned.
"Why should I have to fit their expectations?" Daria demanded.
"Why did you expect them to fit yours?" Angel countered.
Daria started to answer but couldn't. "That's not fair."
"It never is. Moving on."
"Can't wait." Daria deadpanned.
The scene changed to the house in Highland, where Daria and Quinn had separate rooms. It was raining pretty hard. Daria and Angel were in the living room watching Young Daria and Young Quinn.
Daria smirked. "I remember this. I told Quinn's fortune using the Old Maid cards."*
"The first time you got her to pay you to help her. Well, let's watch for a bit. This is just after you made up that 'pennies from heaven' game."
Young Daria picked up two pennies off the coffee table, held them out to her sister and managed to taunt her sister before she burst out laughing again. "Here you go Quinn, you won fair and square!"
Young Quinn snatched the pennies and hurled them against the wall, but that only seemed to make Young Daria laugh harder. Snarling, she sat down before the TV and turned it on. A blast of white noise and a screen full of snow greeted her. "Damn cable! Every time it sprinkles in this stupid town, the cable goes out! Aarrgghhh!"
She began beating on the TV.
Young Daria giggled. "Quinn, Quinn! Look on the bright side! You'll never fall for that one again, and now you can pull it on your little friends!"
Daria pointed to the scene. "See? I was nice there."
Angel nodded in agreement. "Yup."
"They've probably already heard of it." Young Quinn pouted.
Young Daria smiled "I guarantee you they haven't. I just made it up, just for you."
Young Quinn stared at her. "You made all that up, just now?" Young Daria nodded. Why me? She can make up stuff like that on the fly, she's a total geekburger, she's bigger than me, and she has to be my sister! "I still don't have anything to do now!"
"This is a perfect day to read. I'll even help you pick out a book." Young Daria suggested. Maybe now she'll read something instead of the useless crap she usually does. And maybe we'd finally have something in common.
Young Quinn looked appalled. "I'm not a bookworm geek!" I wish I hadn't said that. Daria's trying to be nice... sort of. Well, I'm not going to take it back now, that trick was still mean.
"You were so close!" Angel said in an exasperated voice. "Well, you know how this ended up, fortune telling and all, but let's take a quick peek."
The scene skipped ahead.
Young Daria looked at the Old Maid cards in front of her. "Two weeks. Two weeks from today I can give you another reading. In the meantime, follow the advice you have and try to make your future better. Work on your creativity and look for ways to make other people happier." Young Quinn stomped her feet. "Uuuhh! How can I do that when I can't even get to any other people? The world hates me!"
Young Daria suppressed three killer sarcastic retorts that sprang immediately to her mind.
Angel pointed. "Right there. You could've said something nasty but you didn't. Why?"
"I wanted her to be quiet and leave me alone." Daria answered.
"Really?"
Daria scowled. "I felt bad, okay? I decided to help her."
"That's how the whole fortune telling game turned out, isn't it? You were going to make her all worried about her future and instead ended up wanting to help her? Nice predictions, by the way."
"Yeah." Young Daria rolled her eyes at Quinn's overreacting. "You can do both those things right here, Quinn. You can design some dresses for your paper dolls or paint a picture. And all you have to do to make me happier is be quiet enough so I can sit here and read my book. I assure you I really do qualify as 'other people'. No extra charge for the interpretation."
Young Quinn considered. Is she doing that I'm insulting-you-but-you-can't- tell-thing? Hmmm, I don't think so. Maybe I will then.
Young Daria watched Young Quinn flounce into her room. Wow. I can get Quinn to pay for my help. Is that too mean? I'd better make sure that Quinn knows that fortune telling is a scam. But not today. Young Daria curled up in the smaller of their two armchairs and adjusted the reading lamp. Opening 'The Song of Hiawatha' to the bookmark, she found her place and began to read. As the soft sound of rain on the roof became audible once more in the returning silence, a small smile crept onto her face.
"See, I wasn't horrible in that one."
Angel suppressed a groan. "I told you I'm not trying to blame you for Quinn's personality or for how your family relationships developed. I'm just showing you how it all looks from the outside. Can't you see that you could get along if you both tried? Why are you smiling in that chair?"
"Because I just scammed Quinn out of two bucks." She said simply.
Angel shook her head. "Nope."
"Because it was.fun." Daria mumbled.
Angel cupped her hand to her ear. "What was that? Didn't hear you."
Daria glowered. "Fun, okay? It was fun to play with Quinn."
Angel smiled. "Next stop."
"Whoopee."
They were still in the old house in Highland, this time watching Young Quinn playing with paper dolls in her room. She was cutting out a party dress she'd just finished coloring, being very careful not to cut off the tabs. * Daria is so much better with the scissors. I wish she'd play paper dress- up with me. I wish she'd play real dress up with me. She turned at a soft knock at her door.
Young Daria stood in the doorway and held out a small box. "Hey, Quinn, I got you a pre-Christmas present."
Young Quinn's eyes lit up and she reached to take the box, but then pulled her hand back. Wait, why's she being nice? "You open it."
Young Daria looked hurt, but lifted the holly-printed lid off the likewise- decorated box. A large brownish-green pellet was inside, nestled in cotton batting.
Young Quinn wrinkled her nose. "What is that?"
"It's a reindeer bait pellet. Smell that? The fragrance of the meadows of northern Lapland, where the reindeer roam free till Santa's elves round them up for the Christmas run. It's compressed moss and wildflowers. The reindeer love it." Young Daria explained.
Young Quinn took the bait. "What do you do with it?"
"Set it out where the reindeer land. The idea is to make them stay in one spot longer so that Santa can unload more presents off the sleigh."
Young Quinn's eyes lit up. "Oh, cool! You mean like in the yard?" Out in the street? Daria wants me to get more presents? That's sooo nice! I'll even share with her!
Young Daria suppressed a laugh. "If you put it in the yard, something else might get it. I'd put it on the roof. That's where they landed last year. Just throw it up there so it lands on the flat bottom side and it'll stay." God, Quinn when are you going to stop being so gullible?
Young Daria went back to her room and Young Quinn charged out right behind her. Y Daria heard the front door open and slam. Smirking, she shook her head. Not so much as a "thanks" had she gotten.
Angel turned to Daria who was smiling her Mona Lisa smile. "Now that was unkind."
"It was just a joke." She shrugged.
"Look at the paper dolls, Daria." She gestured towards the floor.
Daria did. Her eyes widened as she saw the one Young Quinn had just cut out. It looked like her, or rather what a nine-year-old Quinn thought a ten- year-old Daria looked like. She'd never paid attention to what Quinn was playing with, it never seemed interesting.
"She was already trying to give me makeovers." Daria quipped.
"She just wanted to play with you. She saw the other kids play with their brothers and sisters."
Daria shrugged. "I thought that stuff was boring and pointless! Why wouldn't she read with me? Or hike around outside? Sometimes I'd go look for the stuff I saw in my nature books."
Angel glanced at her. "Same reason. You two never learned to compromise. I blame your parents, and your natural Groups for that. You know, if you'd insisted Quinn go out to look at plants and stuff with you, she would have gone. You gave up too easy."
Daria frowned at her. "Quinn didn't try either."
Angel looked sad. "No, she didn't. Onward."
"Will the thrills ever cease."
The next scene was outside, near a river. Young Daria stood by a river's edge practicing casting and reeling in. She had a somewhat intense look on her face. Angel and Daria stood a bit up the hill watching.*
"Why did you bring me here? There is no way what happened here was my fault!" Daria was almost yelling.
Angel put a hand out in a calm-down gesture. "Daria, calm down. How many times do I have to say I'm not trying to pick on you? There's one thing about this day you didn't know, and I think you should. What your parents did is almost unforgivable."
"Almost?"
"You did forgive them eventually, didn't you?"
Daria didn't answer.
"In your heart you did. But I know this is one of your worst memories. But just watch okay?" They turned back to the scene.
Young Daria cast again. But why does the vile creature hate me so? I didn't do anything to Quinn that could trigger this all-out, undying hostility. It's like she had been programmed from birth to do and think and be the exact opposite of everything I do and think and am. And why did Mom and Dad love her more? Is being cute and bouncy that great a thing? Are brains and ability worth so little? Asking them is worse than useless. They deny any favoritism and get mad at me for suggesting it.
Angel turned to Daria. "I know you still don't believe this, but they don't love Quinn more than you. It's just.you were their first baby and they read everything about parenting and children and what to do and expect before you were born, and you certainly did not follow the textbook." She raised a hand to stop Daria from talking. "It's not a bad thing, but it left them completely at a loss. They had no idea what to do with you. Quinn on the other hand, was absolute, by the textbook, easy to figure out, baby-toddler- child. They still didn't know what to do with you, but Quinn was a breeze. Every time they couldn't figure you out, they rushed to Quinn for the feeling of 'at least we can do this one'. It's their failing, not yours or Quinn's. You were who you were. Your parents just took the easy route and focused on what they knew how to deal with instead of figuring out how to raise you. The fact that you did okay on your own and even seemed happy that way, only reinforced their behavior. It doesn't make it right, or fair, it's just how it happened."
"So why are we here?" Daria still looked angry.
Angel didn't answer but moved up the hill towards the parking lot. Helen and Jake were starting to unload the car, Young Quinn is wandering at the edge of the asphalt looking at shiny pebbles on the ground and into bushes. I wonder if animals live in there? Oh! What's that moving? Ewww. A spider. Daria said they eat like their whole weight in bugs or something. It looks fuzzy. I wonder if it's soft. It's probably not poisonous. Daria said that the poisonous one was black with red on it's back and this one is brown and fuzzy. Was there another poisonous one? Yeah, one other. Maybe I can catch this one and show it to Daria and she'll tell me what it is. The other one was a something rec-something.
Young Quinn reached out to pick up the spider, she got it into one hand and looked at it. A brown recluse! That was the other one! Daria will be so proud I remembered. An expression of sudden fear appeared on her face. Oh no, this one is brown and it was hiding in the bush! That's what recluses do! Oh no, it's poisonous! "GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!"
In Young Quinn's panic she tried to fling off the spider. It, sensing danger, bit her. "IT BIT ME! IT BIT ME! I'M GOING TO DIE! DARIA! THE SPIDER BIT ME! DARIA! DARIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
She continued yelling, Helen and Jake rushed over as her last call for Daria turned into a shrill scream of terror. They saw she'd been bitten by something and panic, they grabbed Young Quinn, jumped in the car, and sped away. Angel and Daria watched the car take off down the road.
Daria turned to Angel, bewildered. "She called for me. Why didn't she call Mom or Dad?"
"She knew you would know what to do. And you were who she was thinking about anyway. Your parents shouldn't have left you, but I think until you have a child of your own, you won't know how terrified they were that Quinn might die from that bite. They didn't know what it was from and Quinn was too hysterical to say, not that she would've known it wasn't the poisonous one." Angel paused. "You were amazing that day, Daria. Your parents were proud of you. One more stop."
"Will this mad, fun-filled, merry-go-round of excitement ever end."
Angel smiled. "Probably. Here we are, last stop."
They were a field in back of the house in Highland, looking into a small clearing.
"We're in the milo patch in back of the old house. What.oh, I remember!" She gave a tiny laugh. "The brainworms from outer space.* Yeah, it was a nasty trick."
Angel laughed too. "Very creative, I must say, convincing her that alien brainworms had taken over you and everyone else. Just watch."
Young Daria, still a few feet inside the stand of milo, peered out between the rows. Around the trunk of a tree she could make out Young Quinn's hair and one shoulder. Cautiously backing farther into the milo, she returned to a place where she could, with difficulty, move two rows to the left. Approaching the clearing again, she could now see Young Quinn more fully, enough to see that she was freaked. Her head was constantly turning, as if she expected to see brainworms or some other horror emerge from the milo or the weeds at any point, and come charging across the muddy verge of the clearing at her. Young Quinn was standing in the middle of the biggest available open space, rubbing her arms, and Young Daria could tell she thought it was much too small.
Young Daria crouch-walked out past the end of the row and slowly straightened up. Young Quinn saw her almost immediately and screamed. She looked around frantically for somewhere to run, but was obviously reluctant to reenter the cruel-leafed milo. Her shorts and short-sleeved shirt had not protected her arms and legs. After darting back and forth a couple of times, she settled on a position directly across the clearing from Young Daria.
"Quinn, there aren't any brainworms. I was just kidding." Young Daria slowly removed her backpack and dropped it on the ground.
Just kidding?!" Young Quinn said in a terrified shriek. "What kind of... oh. Ha, ha, mister brainworm. Very funny!"
Young Daria moved closer. "Those wieners were made from chicken. Chicken wieners just do that."
"You think I'm stupid, don't you? Even with a worm in your brain, you think I'm stupid! Well, I'm smart enough to know they don't make weenies out of chicken! You're not gonna get me that easy!" Young Quinn said in a panicky voice.
"They do now. It's a new product. Mom bought them on an introductory special. They're very low fat." Young Daria tried to reason with her.
Young Quinn looked interested in the fact they were low fat, then shook it off. "Well, if you were kidding, why did you chase me all over to tell me? Why not just leave me out here? That would be twice as funny!"
"No, it wouldn't. You'd be insane by morning from the mosquitoes alone, not to mention the night noises and your imagination. You're hard enough to live with as it is."
This seemed to catch Young Quinn off guard. She stood there for a few seconds with her mouth open, looking half convinced. Then her expression hardened. "Good one, worm. That sounded like something Daria would say." Poor, poor, Daria, you were so smart. You loved your brain more than anything else, and now there's a horrible worm in it. I wish I knew how to save you.
Her lip began to quiver and her expression turned very sad. She made a high pitched little sound that might have been "Ohh, Daria..."
It was Young Daria's turn to be caught off guard. An expression of anything resembling affection from Young Quinn was the last thing she was expecting. Then she realized that Young Quinn was probably thinking of Young Daria warning her to save herself, even as the worm bored into her skull. Remorseful, Young Daria knew she had to straighten Young Quinn out, convince her somehow. "Let's go home, Quinn. I brought your windbreaker and your cap to protect you from the milo. And some Lanacaine for the itch."
"Ha! You messed up now, wormy! Daria would never be that nice!" Young Quinn said triumphantly. Not usually, anyway, I wish the non-worm Daria were here. She'd know what to do.
"Come on, Quinn. I'm your sister. Even when I hate you, I still love you. And you know it's true, because you feel the same, even though you don't act like it."
"That might have been true about Daria, but I sure as hell don't love you, worm!" Young Quinn said.
"There are no brainworms, Quinn. It was a joke. A poorly thought out joke. I didn't realize how bad it would freak you out. I'm sorry." Young Daria apologized.
Young Quinn narrowed her eyes. "You messed up again, wormy! Daria doesn't apologize for her nasty jokes unless Mom grabs her by the ear and makes her!"
"Not true."
"Oh, yeah? You never apologized for the reindeer bait, to name just one!" Young Quinn said.
"That was funny, and nobody got hurt. You just had to wash your hands. You even looked cute, out there in the front yard, trying to get the reindeer bait to stay up on the roof. You'll laugh at it yourself in ten years or so." Young Daria said.
'No I won't! And I always look cute." Young Quinn pouted.
"Quinn, you don't really believe brain worms from outer space are trying to enslave humanity, do you? I got the idea from an old Star Trek rerun."
"Then why did everyone I told about it rub the back of their head?" Young Quinn asked, half convinced.
"Puzzlement at a strange statement. It's a common gesture." Young Daria replied.
"But why did you do such a mean thing in the first place? You scared me half to death!"
"I was hurt. You told your friends at school I had brain damage from Dad slamming my head in the car door. In a day or two that will be all over the school. Why did you do such a mean thing? Isn't my life miserable enough already?"
Young Quinn looked ashamed. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just... didn't think it out before I said it. They asked me why you were so strange. Why do you always have to act so geeky?"
Young Daria frowned. "If by 'acting geeky' you mean reading, thinking, actually learning stuff in school, and behaving rationally, that's how people with brains usually act."
Young Quinn put her hands on her hips. "Jeez, Daria, how do you expect to convince me there aren't any space aliens when you're obviously a Vulcan?"
The scene faded, Angel and Daria were back in Daria's present-day room.
Daria looked at Angel. "What the hell was the point of that?"
"Remember how well you got along after that? And you told Quinn you loved her. When was the last time you did that?" Daria looked chastened. It had been a very long time.
"Okay, fine." She sighed. "I get how everything built up to now, and that had I not been so."
"Stubborn?" Angel supplied.
Daria glared. ".hard on Quinn, it may have been different, not much different, but different. And we could be friends now if we try. She has been trying to be nicer."
"Good to know. Okay, so, that was about it."
"No plan C?"
"I was pretty much out of ideas after B. Any questions?"
"Is your real name Clarence?" Daria quipped.
"I hated that movie." Angel replied. "Clarence with a K?"
Daria remembered Angel had said her real name started with a K. A question struck her. "Why me and Quinn?"
"Huh?"
Daria elaborated. "I get that you're all "save the world" but why Quinn and me? Are you from the future? Is something bad going to happen?"
"My relationship to this place is not important. Remember how I said we've had similar experiences? Well, you're about where I was just before I left for college."
"And?" Daria prompted.
Angel chose her words carefully. "My freshman year was difficult, to say the least. For someone who was so used to doing everything alone, it was much harder than I expected it would be. And though I really wanted to get the hell out of my town, much like your burning desire to flee Lawndale, the change was a bit of a shock."
"I can handle it fine." Daria stated confidently.
"I thought that too. You think I woke up one day as a freshman and said to myself, 'hmm.I think I'll have a mental breakdown, starting today?' I wish I had known people were behind me. It would've made things a lot easier."
"What about Quinn?" Daria inquired.
"You two could have a good relationship if you try. Quinn's been trying for a while, I was just hoping you'd give it more of a chance. Know that she'll be there for you if you need her. Daria, you have so many people who will stand behind you, who will help you if you need it. You just don't want to reach out and try. I didn't realize it until after I took a side trip through hell by myself that I could've asked for, and gotten, help for anything that came up, and probably avoided the whole thing altogether."
"No one's helped me before." Daria said bitterly.
"You never really asked. There are at least five people who will come running without question if you call. And a bunch more who would not be hesitant to step in if you asked. I think you'd be surprised at how many people care about you. Remember how many people visited you in the hospital? You're not alone Daria, people love you very much. I'm trying to help you learn to let yourself be happy. I had to have someone shove it in my face before I realized it, too. You may feel alone, but you're really not."
Daria processed for a minute. "Jane thought you were Quinn from the future."
"I don't look anything like Quinn." Angel said surprised.
"I know, and Quinn would never go anywhere without the right shoes. You do dress like her."
"I don't dress like Quinn. Quinn uses her appearance to please other people. I please no one but myself. I gave up caring what other people think. I've done enough of that." She pointed to her torn up wings then shrugged. "I never wear shoes if I don't have to."
"I don't care what other people think." Daria said.
Angel laughed. "Of course you do. That's exactly why you dress and act the way you do. You want people to judge you on your intelligence so you minimize anything that would distract from that. Let me tell you something, and this is an absolute truth, people will always judge you first by the way you look. There's no getting out of it." She paused. "Unless they're blind. They will change their opinions after they get to know you. What you need to do is decide how you see yourself, not how you want others to see you. In the end, the only opinion that really matters is your own."
Daria looked at her critically. "And this is why you dress like an Abercrombie ad?"
"I wear things that I like and feel comfortable in. If it happens to be the current style, then so be it. You think I'm not judged because I'm blonde and have big boobs? I know some people don't take me seriously because of it, but that's their problem. I know I'm smart and I can hold my own. I'm not going change my appearance to avoid being stereotyped. I'm not ashamed of the way I look. Besides, it's fun to watch people when they think they're dealing with a ditz and they find out I have a degree in neuroscience. You can be smart and beautiful. And let me tell you, when you realize that, you'll have the world in your hand. You might want to pass that on to Quinn."
Daria considered. "Will you be back?"
"I honestly don't know. Here." She handed Daria a thick paperback book.
"Consolation prize?"
"Have you read it?"
Daria read the title. "The Clan of the Cave Bear. No."
"I think you'll like it. It's pretty historically accurate, too. My favorite book is the next one in the series, there's five out so far. Give it a try."
"Thanks."
"Good luck, Daria."
Once again Angel disappeared leaving a bewildered Daria.
"I guess I'd better go apologize to Jane."
