**When I reposted I mushed all the chapters into one so any chaps after this will be much shorter; sorry! Dunno if there will be any more for I am running out of horrible things to do to these elves…***

Entry 33

Mother is having a Botox party. I am not a big fan of needles, but I went anyway as Elrond got really clingy and whiny at the thought of being forced to go all by him self.

The doctor who was to do the injections made me really nervous; his name tag read "Wormtongue, MD"…What kind of a name is Wormtongue anyway, and why does it sound so familiar? And not to be harsh but out of anyone, the doctor needed the Botox more than any of us. Botox, among many other things.

Father and Dear Husband are currently discussing hair implants; Thranduil swears by them and oxygen facials to keep that healthy, youthful, elven glow.

I pointed out Elrond that no matter what he would do he would look ageless, not fair and youthful like say, Glorfindel. He looked a little worried but I assured him that ageless was not another word for "really old."

Entry 34

Cant frown can berly rite somting rong

Entry 35

Have finished pounding Elrond into the floor. He had me try the Botox first, saying that he would go next but fainted at the sight of the needle and refused.

Apparently "Dr. Wormtongue" was the biggest quack since…ever, and he was injecting a 5% solution instead of the approved 0.5% solution.

I have never been so thankful that elves are immortal.

Mother is still in a paralyzed snit, and no one will be getting hair implants.

Entry 36

Twins are teaching Legolas how to rollerblade in exchange for snow boarding lessons. My motherly instincts are pinging off like crazy but will keep my mouth shut.

Legolas has currently learned to skate forward, backward, and is determined to learn how to go sideways.

Entry 37

Legolas has healed from his broken arm and Elladan, Elrohir and him are playing roller hockey. To make teams fair Glorfindel is playing too; he won't play video games but he'll play roller hockey?! When I confronted them about this he said that roller hockey had physical benefits where as video games were mindless trash.

Jo is keeping score and the games are short as the winning team can only score up to eight points.

 Entry 38

Leoglas forgot that to snowboard you need to have mountains or at least hills so they tried the roof. The tallest part of the roof. Elladan, Elrohir, and Legolas are now in traction for a broken femur, neck, and ribs/rebroken arm, respectively.

Entry 39

Elladan, Elrohir, and Legolas are all, understandably, very bored for they can only lie in bed all day.

Elrond has told them stories for the last thirty eight and a half hours and has lost his voice; I would have made them fudge or baklava, but recently I have not been able to look at the stuff. Thranduil tried to juggle for them but has forgotten how, and his fumbling got old very quickly, even to me.

Legolas has refused to play video games as he is tired of losing as half the controls are inaccessible.

Glorfindel is in a fantastic mood as he has just arrived back from a visit to Gondolin with an enormous bag of…lemons. He discovered the lemon tree he had inadvertently planted in his sand box during his first life, and somehow it had evolved over thousands of years into a wild lemon tree orchard. I asked him how he had inadvertently planted the lemon tree and he said he had spit a seed he found in his lemon aid out, and that's where it landed.

Entry 40

Jo has come to the rescue with entertainment! The spider came shuffling in the room with one lemon after another on her back, and Elladan, Elrohir, Legolas and Jo will now all have a lemon eating contest.

Jo won. Have you ever seen a spider pucker?

The three (Jo quit) are now having a Pop Rocks and ginger ale eating contest.

Entry 41

They have tired of Pop Rocks and ginger ale and are now eating Alka-Seltzer tablets and ginger ale, to see who can produce the most foam.

I am teaching Elrond how to play Super Smash brothers as I am bored out of my mind. He started to take it personally when I kept beating him (I told him that Marth has a TERRIBLE up B move!) and returned from his bathroom break with his real sword. Now I am trying to teach him Mario Cart, but he's terrible at that too. Fortunately his voice has not returned all the way, and can only swear very softly and hoarsely.

Entry 42

Elladan, Legolas, and Elrohir are out of traction.

Am waiting for trouble.

Entry 43

Am still waiting for trouble.

Mother is finally fully recovered and is going after Dr. Wormtongue. She has decided to sue, and will be representing herself in court. That is all well and good for her, but when she came and asked for the photos of myself in that Botox induced horror as well as a testimony, I refused and we had a big, blue, glowing brawl.

Elrond and Dad are still cringing in the corner, clinging to each other and whimpering.

Entry 44

Will be waiting for trouble no longer as one of Jo's children had gotten on top of the ceiling fan to have a ride and then was too afraid to come down.

Jo came scuttling into the room, waving two legs frantically and making her urgent spider noises.

I rushed after her, and found Legolas with his hair tangled in the ceiling fan, screaming his head off, with Elladan screaming to Elrohir as to "How do you turn this bloody thing off?!!" and succeeding it only on turning it from "low" to "high."

Entry 45

Legolas' hair is now barely half an inch long; we ended up having to cut him loose from the fan. To console him I made a torte and a cheesecake, and he, Jo, and I ate it all at the kitchen table while he cried.

Jo handed out tissues.

Glorfindel said that he had heard somewhere that rubbing lemons in your head made your hair go faster and offered Legolas the rest of his lemons. I think Glorfindel is thinking of bleaching your hair, but as it encouraged Legolas a very, very little I will keep my mouth shut.

In other matters, Elrond and Dad have finally recovered from their terror and come out of their corner.

Entry 46

Went shopping. There is a cocktail party at the Club that Elrond must attend for political reasons. Or something. At any rate, it means I need a dress; a cocktail dress. And shoes. And accessories. And anything else I can think of to run up the credit card bill and get out of the house for just a little while longer.

Saw an adorable mini slip dress at Bloomingdale's; I knew Elrond would just HATE to have me wear something like that in public, so I tried it on. It went on easy enough in the dressing room and I was admiring myself in the mirror, turning right, then left…oh yes, defiantly would Elrond not like this in public. It's all black and lacy and looks a little like lingerie but with tiny sparkly details.

I decided that I liked it enough to buy it.

Then I tried to take it off.

It's one of those slip dresses with no zipper, and it's not stretchy at all. First I tugged it from short hem up to try and pull it over my head. It got stuck on my waist. Then I tried inching it up further, bit by bit and I had it rolled just under my bust, and it was still stuck. Just a little more, I thought, though I was starting to break into a cold sweat. Finally I had it in a rolled up the bunch around the upper parts of my arms, blocking my mouth, even harder to get off because I was sweating in a panic.

I was stuck!!!! Stuck with my arms pinned above my head in a ridiculous fashion, in my underwear.

Just then the sales lady knocked on the door. "Everything alright in there?"

Wriggling frantically I managed to get the bunched up slip dress down a few inches, freeing my mouth. "Ehh…yes," I managed weakly.

"Let me see how this fits you; we can do free alt-"

"NO!" I yelled as the door handle started to turn. "I mean, um,"

"Would you like another size?"

"Uh…no! I…I think I'll take this one! Just a minute!" Panicked, I exhaled, squeezed, pushed, exhaled and squeezed and push some more, and finally managed to roll the thing down past my hips and stepped out of it.

It looks nicest on the hanger.

Entry 47

Legolas is rubbing Slim Fast in his head in hopes that the vitamins and minerals will help his hair growth. Then he decided that Slim Fast wasn't potent enough and is crushing multi vitamins in the blender, mixing it with Slim Fast, and rubbing the concoction in his hair.

At least he is playing video games with me now though he smells too chocolaty to sit by him.

Entry 48

Deciding that the vitamin concoction was not working fast enough Legolas is trying to embrace is new short hair style. He is also trying to start a trend, but Elladan and Elrohir will have nothing to do with it. Nor will Glrofindel, despite Legolas' desperate plea that he had always wanted a twin, just like Elladan and Elrohir. He then decided to rebel, shaving the sides of his head so he has a Mohawk, from his forehead to the base of his skull, and gelling it. As his hair is at the most three quarters of an inch long it is of little consequence.

Jo fell off of my shoulder when she first saw Legolas with his new hair - she might have been laughing - and sprained her wrist (or so Legolas claims).

Elrond refuses to have anything to do with Jo's wrist, and Thranduil refuses to have anything to do with Legolas, given his new hair style. (Thranduil is even more conservative than Glorfindel.)

Entry 49

Mother has lost her case in court. As she believes it is because she had no witness to call to the stand other than herself (I was shopping the day she went to court; I have a viable excuse) she refuses to speak to me.

The judge DID say that anyone foolish enough to trust a non elven doctor deserved what they got, and was not her son in law a healer?

Entry 50

Cocktail party was boring, except for when Elrond stepped on my foot, and jumped off accidentally into the cheese fondue.

Elrond hated the dress and ended up having to cut me out of it at the end before bed. After that I told him how much it cost and now he is not speaking to me.

Entry 51

As neither Elrond nor Mother is speaking to me I am in serious lack for decent conversation. Tried to sit down and talk to my sons but I have deciphered so far that their language consists of mostly grunts, points, and "yeah."  Legolas is half way decent, but he is not interested in the differences between French and American manicures, and I am not interested in roller hockey or girls (at least in that way). So we shut up and ate chocolate cake.

Entry 52

I am getting worried as to my position in relation to Legolas and Thranduil. It started when Legolas called me "Mum" last night, but quickly corrected himself. This was reinforced by what happened later.

I had made jell-o shots (correction: locked Legolas in the closet, then made jell-o shots) and Thranduil had gotten to them before anyone else.

He was totally smashed, which explains why he mistook me for Legolas' mother, and Elrond walked into the room at a very bad time for Thranduil.

Thranduil and Elrond are not on speaking terms anymore, but at least Elrond is talking to me again.