~~~~When They All Found Out~~~~
A series of fics by Mizzy
(castle_ebgb@yahoo.co.uk), all on the "What
if…" premise of:
"What if they all found out about Monica and Chandler in a different way to
the series?" All of the fics are
stand-alone, unrelated to each other.
Friends does not belong to me, it belongs to Bright-Kauffman-Crane productions and WB. I'm just playing in the sandpit of "Friends", and I will return everything - including buckets, spades and starfish - when I'm done.
Dedicated to fellow C/M addict, AnHonestMoose ()
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(ii) The One With Chandler in Limbo
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(Alternate ending to "The One After Ross Says Rachel.)
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"Oh right, maybe I'll just go home," Phoebe said hurriedly, grabbing her bag and breezing over to the door with the rushed gait of a guilty person.
Monica wrapped her hands around her stomach, feeling an unusual anguish in the pit of her stomach as she watched Phoebe and Joey hurriedly leave the apartment. The door closed, and she tried to focus on that rather than the warmth spiraling in her spine, a tingling sensation that seemed attuned to Chandler's presence. It was disconcerting, something she felt strongly, but it also felt familiar somehow.
The atmosphere certainly was tense, but whether it was with longing or regret or uncertainty she couldn't be sure. She knew she had to say something, break the silence, and turned to him, lost for words. "Well, we certainly are alone."
"Yes!" Chandler murmured, a little too quickly, swaying slightly on his feet. "Good thing we have that, 'Not in New York' rule."
He didn't look too enthusiastic at those words, almost as if he wished they hadn't made that rule. Monica pushed those thoughts down, putting them down to wishful thinking, and trying not to remember the way she felt when he touched her… 'Monica, stop it. He's your best friend. You did this with Kip, and it ruined everything. You can't lose such a great friend.' She tried to look anywhere but his eyes, which were urging and soft and enticing, and she swallowed. She had to say something, to communicate to him how much she'd needed, craved, that contact. "Right. Umm, listen since we're-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross's mother."
"Right," Chandler said. He sounded a little disappointed, and his smile seemed a little false at the edges. Monica winced inwardly, wishing she would stop wrongly analyzing his actions. He didn't want to repeat it, it was a one time only, strange occurrence in a foreign country. People did do strange things in weird countries, after all…
The pit of her stomach was less warm now, and it felt more like a
stone was there, heavy and painful. "Well,
an-anyway," Monica gamely continued, knowing all she wanted to say was screw
the past, screw the fact this might be a mistake, things like that just don't
happen between friends! At least not to me!
"I just-" -want this to continue- "that night meant a lot to
me. I guess I'm just trying to
say thanks."
"Oh," Chandler murmured to his toes, before looking up at her with a soft
smile and a light in his eyes she'd never thought she'd see again.
"Y'know, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasn't because I
was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me 'cause, you're
really hot! Is that okay?"
Okay that you're happy it happened because you like my physical
appearance? No!
I want you to want me, who I am… Monica
managed a laugh, because his declaration was still him, still funny, even
though it seemed to hurt at the same time.
"That's okay," she said, wrinkling her nose and smiling back.
"And I'm cute too," Chandler prompted.
He had that slightly upset look smothered by a smile, the one that said
he wasn't entirely happy with the situation.
Monica ignored it, and put it down to wishful thinking again.
"And you're cute too," Monica said ruefully, shaking her head but still amused.
"Thank you!" Chandler moved forwards, and she automatically let her arms move into the hug. She leant into him, inhaling the fragrance she detachedly found she knew so well, cinnamon and coffee and vanilla, and forced herself to step back. "All right, I gotta go unpack."
"Okay," Monica said, feeling the exact opposite of the word.
"Bye." Chandler looked as if
he'd thought better of using that word, lingering there for a moment too long,
and their eyes locked slowly, the expression the same.
Regret, longing, sadness. He
turned slowly on his heel and left the apartment, not looking back.
Monica stayed still until the door clicked shut, and moved as if to go
forwards. Her feet led her
forwards, almost to the door, and then she turned back. She turned again, strode
right to the door, and let her hand rest on the doorknob, unaware that
Chandler's hand had stilled in the same position on the other side.
Feeling like it was the end of the world, she sank to the floor, leaning
her head against the door and curling up against it.
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C'mon man, just open the door. Make some quip. Tell her how you really feel!
Cursing the fact that he was such a coward, Chandler eventually pulled his hand away from the doorknob and strode across the hall to the door to his own apartment. He turned when he thought he heard the sound of her footsteps, light and even on her wooden floor, and shook his head. Wishful thinking, huh?
Turning back to the door, he let his head rest against the door, the hard surface not even distracting him. Lifting his head up slowly, knowing Joey would be inside, he didn't know if he wanted to go in. He just wanted to go over there and tell her, tell her the truth tell her you-
Chandler lifted his head up long enough to hit it against the door, and then stood upright, forcing a neutral expression on his face. He opened the door to his own apartment, and walked straight past Joey who was on the floor with a bag of birdseed, trying to get the birds to eat, and Joey's greeting fell on deaf ears. He went straight to his room, shutting the door behind him and dropped to his bed amongst his unopened bags. It must have been half an hour later when he finally heard the rapping on the door, sharp and concerned, in a syncopated pattern that could only be Joey.
"What is it, man?"
Joey's voice came back muffled through the door. "Just wanted to see if you were okay."
He sounded concerned. Huh. "I'm fine."
"I don't believe you! Let me in!"
Chandler couldn't face Joey. "No."
"Then how I'm gonna know you're okay?"
"Just-" Chandler fell silent. "Okay. I'm not fine. Just leave me alone, 'k?"
There was a long silence. "If you're sure. I'm going out for chicken, I'll be back in an hour. Do you want anything?"
"Sure," Chandler said, not knowing if he felt like eating but knowing saying that he wanted chicken would convince Joey that it wasn't something too awful that was wrong. He'd probably have to phrase that a little simpler if he'd actually had to explain that to Joey, however.
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"Where's Chandler?" Rachel breezed into Central Perk, arms laden with quite a few shopping bags. Phoebe knew she'd been therapy shopping again, trying to get over Ross, and budged over accordingly to give room for all of Rachel's purchases.
Phoebe shrugged at Rachel, Monica folded her arms, Ross gave
another shrug and Joey pouted.
"He said he had to stay upstairs, he's got a report to do," Joey
complained.
"Again?" Rachel rolled her eyes. "It's just I ran into Joanna today at work. She asked about him. She's single, wanted to see if he wanted to try it again."
"I thought that didn't really work out," Ross commented. "Do you really want to set him down that path again?"
"What path?" Rachel frowned, and started to dig in one of her bags.
"You know," Phoebe said. "Going out with the same girl after it didn't work out. Like with Janice." She put her head on one side, trying to think of another name. "And Janice!"
"Don't forget Janice," Joey said with a smirk.
"Oh yeah!" Phoebe said. "I almost forgot about her."
"You know, the disturbing thing about that is that she means that," Ross said, earning a few muted laughs from the others.
"Well, I'm still gonna tell him. I think we should go upstairs, grab some pizza And force him to eat some with us. He has to eat after all." Rachel was using her 'bossy' tone.
"Yeah, good idea. He's so miserable! It's making the mood all blue, and stuff," Joey said, leaping to his feet. "C'mon!" Joey was using his bossy tone too. It wasn't quite as effective as Rachel's, but it worked nonetheless.
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"Pizza'll be ten minutes, Jo, go and get him," Rachel commanded, setting down the phone with a click.
Joey nodded, got off the sofa and looked around. "I may need some help. Phoebe? Mon?"
Phoebe got up and smoothed down her skirt, looking smug. "Knew you couldn't do anything without me, Tribbiani," she commented, striding over to join him. Monica toed the carpet with her sandals, looking sheepishly at the ground.
"Mon?"
"I, uh, don't know if I'll be any help," Monica mumbled, earning herself a shrewd glance from Rachel and some confused glances from the others. At Joey's uncomprehending glare, she pulled herself to her feet. "Fine, fine!"
Following behind Phoebe, Monica tried to keep her thoughts neutral, trying not to repeat the same mantra that had been rather destructive over the last three weeks, the one that said this is all my fault, all my stupid fault. She closed the door behind her, standing between and slightly behind Phoebe and Joey, slowly raising her head to look at the apartment.
Chandler was sat on the floor, cross-legged, in the middle of a whirlwind of paper, shaking his head in bafflement and apparently unaware of the intruders. He looked haggard, his face almost gaunt, and Monica felt as if someone had thumped her in the stomach. Suddenly the mantra that had been plaguing her at every step got even more real. This was her fault. Only this time, it wasn't exactly Kip. With Kip she'd gotten a proper relationship beforehand. She wasn't in love with Kip.
The last thought was the one that winded her. She didn't love Kip, but did she love Chandler? The horror pounding against her ribs changed slowly into a painful burn of acid, dissolving her insides at the revelation that the answer was yes. It explained a lot, being unable to think of anything but him, thinking of any and all of their encounters, his touch, his breath hot on her skin. It explained the long nighttimes recently, where just thinking his name made the mattress feel as if it was fuzzy, falling beneath her yet keeping her dizzyingly supported in midair. It explained… everything.
Monica forced her glance back upwards, to see Chandler looking up now with a faintly accusing expression, and forced herself to look directly at him. Their gazes locked, and Monica tried to send him what she'd just learned in the insubstantial contact. He frowned slightly at her, then his eyebrows lifted slightly, barely noticeably, and Monica felt a small rush of satisfaction that maybe he'd understood. He looked away eventually, a little to the right, breaking the contact, but the soft flush on his cheeks was brighter than it had been when they'd walked in.
"Hey, dude," Joey said, stepping forwards, hopping delicately all over the scattered papers. "You need a break from this. Come over to Rach and Monica's, we're ordering pizza."
Chandler lowered his glance to the floor, to the pen in his hand,
to the scientific calculator blinking at him hazily in the dim light of the
apartment, then he looked up, edging a glance to Monica before looking back at
Joey. "Yeah, ok.
I'm sure this can wait for a few minutes.
"An hour," Phoebe declared. "Any
less and I'm coming over and setting fire to every piece of paper in your
apartment."
"Uh, sure, Pheebs." Chandler smiled, a little too quickly. "An hour it is." He looked suddenly chagrined. "Uh, Jo?"
"Yep?"
"Could you help me up? My butt's sort of stuck to the carpet," Chandler said, looking embarrassed.
Joey turned to the two girls, nodding at them. "We'll be right over."
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"Well, he really was trying to do a report of some kind," Phoebe reported as soon as she and Monica made it back into the apartment. "There was paper everywhere, wasn't there, Mon?"
"It was a paper party," Monica agreed, her tone light and dizzy, and she sat down distractedly on the remote control. The TV fizzled on to the discovery channel, and, blushing, she got up, yanked out the remote control and settled back onto the sofa.
"Honey, are you all right?" Rachel shifted over on the sofa, looking at Monica worriedly.
"Uh, yeah," Monica muttered, embarrassed, pressing the stand-by button on her remote, keeping her gaze fixed on the screen as it fizzled off again.
"So where are they? I mean, if they're coming and all." Ross settled himself on the floor stool.
"They'll just be a few seconds," Monica said quickly, desperate to sound normal. 'And how can I sound normal when I've just found out that I'M IN LOVE WITH CHANDLER?'
"Chandler got stuck to the carpet again, huh?" Ross said, sharing a knowledgeable look with Rachel.
"Heyyyyy, it's Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaandler!" Joey announced proudly
from the door, pushing in a slightly red-looking Chandler.
"No need to push me, Jo," Chandler said, brushing carpet fluff from his arms
with his hands. "Look, guys,
I'm sorry it seems like I've been avoiding you."
"Hm, how could we come to that conclusion when you haven't even
been in the coffee house for the last three weeks," Ross muttered, disgruntled.
"Not when you were there," Chandler said, stepping backwards slightly at the
accusing expressions he was receiving. "Not
deliberately! I've just had a lot
of pressure on at work. A big, big,
big project. You know the sort."
"Eh, well, you're here now.
Pizza should be here in five minutes or so," Rachel said.
"Come on, Chandler, sit over here."
She patted the sofa between herself and Monica.
Chandler looked slightly worried for a moment, then took a breath as if
he was steeling himself to do something big.
He walked past Joey and gingerly sat on the sofa, feeling rather than
seeing Monica pull closer to the arm of the sofa so they weren't touching.
Ohoebe noticed, and frowned, thinking hard.
"What's up, Rach?" Chandler asked, his voice hitching on the middle word.
"I ran into someone at work today." Rachel said. "You might remember her. Joanna?"
Chandler
winced. "Uh, yeah?"
Rachel pulled a face. "Not
interested, right? She said she
might be, that's all. And I
really think you should make time to date, even with a busy schedule."
"She's not in your chain of command or anything, though," Chandler said, pursing his lips as Rachel shook her head. "I guess I could-" he faltered at his words.
"You don't want to, though," Rachel finished. "That's okay."
"It's not that I wouldn't- I mean, she was great, but- " Chandler floundered lamely.
"It's fine," Rachel said. "It's just some of us were talking, and we thought maybe a bit of action would loosen you up a little."
"Loosen me up?" Chandler folded his arms, settling back into the seat. "So I'm the tie of the group, hm?"
"No, we don't mean that!" Phoebe protested. "You've been sad and moody the few times we've even seen you, and it's dragging us all down." She stood up and strode over to the sofa, glaring menacingly. "You, sir, are going to be happy. Do what you need to do to be that way, will you? Get over whatever's keeping you from that."
"I wish it was that easy," Chandler said. "It's just like I've been stuck in a rut since we came back from London, repeating the same day over and over and-" He stilled, struck by a sudden thought. A wide expression replaced the harassed expression he'd been wearing moments earlier. "Wait a second. I might have something here."
The others watched in amazement as Chandler stood up and started to walk towards the door, then turned around. "I-" he started, then faltered, looking down at Monica softly.
Phoebe then suddenly squeaked.
"I figured it out! Why you're bummed!" She jumped up and down waving her hands. Chandler and Monica stared at her, horrified, while the others looked even more baffled.
"Huh," Chandler said eloquently, folding his arms over his chest and looking at her. "Why am I bummed?"
"You had a thing with Monica!" Phoebe beamed brilliantly. "I'm so smart!"
"A th-thing?" Monica's eyes widened. "We did not have a thing!"
Phoebe rolled her eyes ostentatiously. "Ah-huh. You've had an argument, or a disagreement, or you've said something you didn't mean! To be honest, you've been quite distant too, Monica. Not as backwards as Mr 'I'm-Going-To-Hide-Myself-Away' over there, but still! I'm right, aren't I?"
"No," Monica said, the syllable rising and falling as she drew it out in that way she did when the answer really should have been 'yes'.
"That's crazy. What would we disagree about?" Chandler defended, looking slightly wild.
"She's onto something here," Ross said, nodding swiftly.
"Come on, the sooner you get this argument settled then things can go
back to normal."
"There's nothing going on to be settled!" Chandler and Monica said at the
same time, panic evident in both of their voices.
"And that just proves it!" Phoebe crowed.
"So, come on, spill!"
Monica rubbed her forehead distractedly, and even Chandler looked a little
flummoxed. Their reactions were
slow enough to show them that Phoebe was right.
"Maybe it was a little disagreement," Chandler said, shrugging. "But I really have been busy," he rushed on.
"And what was this disagreement about?" Joey stood up, arms akimbo, standing next to Phoebe to look more menacing.
"Well- maybe more about something I didn't ask, and I should have," Chandler muttered, rubbing the back of his head and looking tired.
"So, ask her now!" Rachel cried excitedly, getting to her feet and dragging Monica up by the wrists.
Monica pulled her hands away, stumbling a few steps back from
Rachel. "You know, I'm not the
only freakishly strong girl in this apartment."
"Thanks, Monica," Phoebe said with a sudden grin.
Monica pulled a wry face and Rachel hid her smile.
"C'mon, man. Ask her. The worst thing she can do is sit on you and believe me that's not as bad a torture as it used to be," Ross said.
Chandler looked at Monica sheepishly, and then suddenly it was almost like it was only them in the room. He moved to step forwards closer to her, and then thought better of it, swaying on the spot before stilling. "I-" He ducked his head down before lifting his head back up and looking directly at her. "I'm still running on London time. Does that count?"
Monica felt like she couldn't stand, and a wide grin slowly crept onto her face. "Oh, that counts."
The others were confused at the exchange, but none of them could contest that Chandler was happy at that answer. He looked up to the ceiling and exhaled when closing his eyes. A smile was openly playing on his lips as he brought his head down, and stepped forwards quicker than anyone had seen him move before. "Oh good," he murmured, sliding his hands around Monica's hips and kissing her. Monica smiled into the kiss, letting her arms move around his neck, tangling in his hair. She pulled away slightly, happy and finally without that feeling that there was something horribly missing. "I think I love you," Chandler quietly admitted.
"I think I love you too," Monica whispered back, her face so close to his her words ghosted along his skin. He heard them, though, and rested his cheek against her hair, closing his eyes and pulling her body to his as if it had always belonged there.
"Does Ross look like he's going to kill me?" Chandler
murmured into her hair, his hands holding her gently despite his obvious panic.
Monica peeked with one eye.
"No," Monica lied.
"Cute lie," Chandler murmured, extricating himself reluctantly from the embrace and hiding behind Monica, his hands on her shoulders. He squinted at the group with an embarrassed and shy grin.
"You had a thing! You had a thing!" Phoebe jumped up and down. "I was so right!" She seemed stricken by a sudden thought. "Why didn't I make a bet with anyone? I could have made a killing from this."
Ross seemed to be awoken by Phoebe's words. "Killing," he said slowly, sounding out the syllables. Chandler stiffened, too frightened to move. "Killing. Killing. KILLING. KILLING! KILLING! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!"
Everything happened at once. Joey launched himself over the edge of the sofa, landing on Ross' back and managing to hold him off. Rachel joined in, pushing Ross from the front. Ross, enraged, managed to move despite the extra weight, clumping forwards. Phoebe grabbed him by the ankles, slipping and lying face down on the lino, being dragged along too. "Run! Run! We'll hold him off!" Phoebe squealed.
Chandler looked at Monica, looked at Ross, looked at Monica, then looked back at Ross. "Ross, I'm not kidding about this! This- this is- Right, man. It's right. I love her. I'm in love with her. I'm sorry. I didn't choose to, it just happened. The fact that she's your sister is, well…" Chandler stepped away from Monica, feeling her take his hand and he resisted the urge to smile the goofy grin he was feeling inside. "Kinda cool, really. If we ever get married, you'll be my brother-in-law! Think of that!"
"If?" Monica squinted uncertainly at him.
"When, when," Chandler assured hastily, deciding to think about
what he was letting himself in for later.
"Huh," Ross said, just as eloquently as Chandler's use of the paralinguistic
feature earlier. "That'd be
kinda cool. My sister… and my
best friend. My sister… and my
best friend."
Monica stepped forwards, grudgingly letting go of Chandler's hand. "Your sister and her best friend," she affirmed softly. "This isn't anything to do with you, Ross, but I'd rather go ahead with your blessing than without it."
"Okay, guys, okay. You can get off me now," Ross said quickly.
"You won't kill him? It's so cute, you can't kill him," Rachel protested, her elbow still jammed in Ross' stomach.
"I won't kill him," Ross promised. "They have my blessing. With the proviso that I will kill you if you hurt her."
Chandler resisted the urge to snort. Today was not a good day to make Ross mad. Today was turning into a brilliant day, and Chandler wasn't the sort to ruin that. Well, to be candid he was, but if he did it was anything but voluntary.
Phoebe let go of his ankles with a suspicious look, and Joey jumped down unsteadily. Rachel stepped backwards dubiously, and her wary glance changed into a grin of happiness, and she turned round to face Monica and Chandler.
"You know, I actually do have that report to write," Chandler said unevenly, grimacing. Monica, Rachel and Ross glared at him, while Joey and Phoebe just looked smug. "But I was thinking of quitting my job anyway," he added, his tone rushed.
"This is so great!" Rachel squealed finally, as if she'd been bursting to say so all evening, launching forwards and grabbing them both in a hug.
"Yeah, it is," Monica murmured, blushing when she realised Chandler had said exactly the same thing the same time as her. It was the only answer that seemed to make any sense, after all.
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