Ride of Your Life

"Okay everybody on the bus!" Bazooka shouted. They were outside the institute with a white school bus waiting outside.

"Why are we taking a bus?" Wanda grumbled. "Can't we just use the teleporter?"

"Well in the first place we're trying to keep the knowledge of a working teleporter from the public as much as possible," Shipwreck told her. "Second Trinity is going to do some overhauls on it later and third well…"

"A little bus ride is going to do you guys some good," Bazooka said. "It will promote some fellowship and bonding."

"And if you believe that I have a bridge in Brooklyn you can buy for a few hundred bucks," Althea quipped. "Oh I am almost sorry I am going to miss this. Almost."

"It's only a couple of hours away anyway," Bazooka said. "And it's a nice ride. You get to see nature."

"We're gonna see blood if Lance and Scott are gonna be trapped in the same space for a few hours," Pietro snickered.

"Forget those two," Fred pointed. "My money's on that couple!"

"Just stay away from me you loser!" Tabitha snapped as she toted her bag onto the bus.

"Gladly!" Ray snapped. "I swear I don't know why I ever dated you!"

"I can think of two reasons," Pietro snickered.

"You wanna time bomb where the sun don't shine Speedy?" Tabitha growled.

"Now that's enough!" Xavier reprimanded. "Now remember I want all of you to put some effort into this. And I'd like you not to use your powers during this trip. Not everyone at the camp knows that you're mutants. There will probably be some other students as well on this trip. Let them get to know the people you are first."

"And if that doesn't convince them that they're loony tunes their powers will," Althea quipped.

"I am so glad I am normal," Rogue grinned. "Hey where's Scott?"

"Hank and Logan are getting him," Jean sighed. "He's still being a bit…reluctant."

"I'M BEING FRAMED!" Scott screamed as Hank and Logan dragged him to the bus with his bag. "I'M TELLING YOU THIS IS SOME KIND OF MISTAKE! I DON'T NEED TO GO TO PSYCHO CAMP! I'M NOT CRAZY! WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?"

"Scott," Jean groaned as she closed her eyes and put her hand to her forehead. "Will you please calm down?"

"Like I always said," Todd shook his head. "It's always the cool collected types that snap first."

"Look I don't need to go to this!" Scott pleaded. "Tabitha and Ray are the ones who need help! And the Misfits are far gone! There is no way that I'm like them!"

"What was that?" Ray snapped.

"What do you mean about needing help?" Tabitha snapped. "You're gonna need help if you…"

"Oh this is gonna be such a fun weekend," Wanda rolled her eyes.

"I don't know," Lance grinned. "I'm starting to feel saner already."

"Scott shut up and get on the bus!" Logan tossed him in, then threw his bag in as well. "The rest of you get in there!"

"Have a good time at camp kids," Ororo waved.

"Yeah try not to burn the place down will ya?" Shipwreck asked.

"All aboard!" Bazooka said cheerfully as he started the bus. It tore down the driveway and went through the gates. Unfortunately they weren't all the way open so naturally the bus broke them wide open.

"Why did we let Bazooka drive the bus?" Scott moaned as he held on for dear life.

"Because he volunteered," Lance told him. "I don't know why you're complaining. Compared to Kitty and Pietro his driving ain't so bad."

"Hey watch where you're going!" Bazooka honked his horn loudly. "Clear the way!" He swerved around a few cars.

"We're gonna die," Scott groaned.

"How about we do some of that bonding stuff to pass the time?" Fred asked. "This way we can foster some comey-radery and…"

"That's camaraderie Blob!" Pietro rolled his eyes. "You've been reading those psychiatry books again haven't you?"

"Yeah they're fun!" Fred nodded excitedly. "I've been looking up mental problems and trying to match them to the people I know!"

"Well we all know Summers has dorkitis," Lance snickered.

"Yeah real mature Alvers," Scott snorted. "I do not belong with you people! There is no way I have any problems compared to psychos like you!"

"Psychos?" Ray snapped. "We are not psychos!"

"That is a matter of opinion," Tabitha folded her arms.

"Actually Summers you do have a problem with repression," Fred told him. "This is due to a combination of your powers and your role within the X-Men. As the 'Leader' you feel the constant responsibility of the welfare of your teammates as well as their expectations of you."

Lance looked at Scott. "Doesn't it drive you crazy when he talks like that?"

Fred continued, "In order to make sure that things go smoothly, you hide your fears and insecurities under a façade of coolness and calmness."

"Amazing," Ray blinked.

"Yeah," Tabitha added. "The Blob actually used the word façade in a sentence."

"I told you reading those psychiatry books helps with one's vocabulary," Xi remarked.

"These feelings of insecurity are building up more and more," Fred went on. "This repressed insecurity manifests itself in unhealthy ways, such as not trusting members outside your group. In fact this can lead to intense distrust and conflict with others."

"Wow," Tabitha blinked. "You got Scooter dead on."

"He does not!" Scott snapped. "He's making this up!"

"I dunno Shades sounds pretty accurate to me," Pietro grinned.

"Not surprisingly these insecurities also affect your love life," Fred went on. "It makes it more difficult to express yourself and…"

"SHUT UP BLOB OR I'LL BLAST YOU RIGHT OUT OF THIS BUS!" Scott grabbed his shades threateningly.

"Oooh!" Pietro cackled. "Touched a nerve didn't he?"

"Okay you don't want to talk about it, fine! But don't come crying to me when you have a mental breakdown at thirty or something," Fred huffed.

"I so do not belong here!" Scott groaned.

"Will you guys stop picking on Scott?" Jean snapped.

"Fine we've finished anyway on telling Scott what's wrong with him," Pietro said. "Now we'll go on to what's wrong with you."

"For example your denial issues," Fred began.

"I do not have any denial issues!" Jean said hotly.

To this nearly everyone on the bus laughed. "Yeah right!" Wanda laughed.

"Yeah Miss Perfect who do you think you're fooling?" Tabitha asked.

"Herself, that's the problem," Fred said.

"Yeah you keep saying that you're normal when in fact that's the last thing you are!" Lance said.

"Despite my powers I am normal!" Jean shouted.

"Jean you spend a lot of your time running around in spandex looking for a fight," Lance remarked. "How normal is that?"

"Yes Jean listen to the little freak inside of you," Fred told her.

"If I did you'd all be dead by now," Jean grumbled under her breath.

"And you volunteered to come on this trip?" Scott asked her.

"Bazooka are we there yet?" Jean groaned.

"It'll be an hour or so," Bazooka told her. Then he honked his horn. "Hey! If you don't like the way I drive get off the sidewalk!"

"Now repeat after me Jean," Fred said. "I am weird and I am proud of it."

"Oh god!" Jean groaned.

"Hey this ride is better than I thought it would be," Wanda snickered.

"Yeah you gotta love the entertainment," Pietro snickered.

"Oh yeah well what about your issues?" Jean snapped. "How about that father complex you guys have?"

"Well duh," Pietro rolled his eyes. "With Magneto as a parent who wouldn't have issues? Besides we're beyond the denial stage, unlike you guys."

"Yes Jean," Fred grinned. "Repeat after me, Weird is good. Weird is wonderful."

"This is not my life," Scott put his head in his hands. "This is not my life."

A few hours later…

"We're weird, weird, weird, weird, weird…" Nearly everyone on the bus sang happily. Except of course for two individuals.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Jean screamed putting her hands over her ears.

"Well if I didn't need a psychiatrist before this trip I certainly need one now!" Scott groaned.

"Are you sure you know where we're going?" Jean asked Bazooka.

"It's a shortcut," Bazooka told her.

"Didn't we pass that farm an hour ago?" Lance asked.

"Yeah. Hey Fred what are those animals called again?" Xi pointed.

"Those are horses, Xi," Pietro told him.

"Oh yes," Xi nodded.

"Say hi to the horsies!" Fred waved at them. "Hello horsies!"

"They can't hear you Blob!" Lance groaned. "We're going too fast!"

"Not by my standards," Pietro said. "Hey let's sing another song!"

"Yeah!" Xi and Fred said excitedly.

"No!" Scott groaned.

"How about Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy?" Fred suggested.

"I will be happy and jump for joy if you don't sing that stupid song!" Scott told him.

"I got a better song anyway," Pietro grinned. "It's a Jimmy Buffett song."

"That doesn't sound so bad," Scott sighed.

"Oh wait I know what song you're talking about!" Fred said happily. "The one Shipwreck sang last week when we caught him dancing in his room!"

"Oh yeah," Pietro grinned.

The Misfits grinned at each other and started to sing. "Fruitcakes in the kitchen! Fruitcakes on the street! Strutting naked through the crosswalk in the middle of the week! Half-baked cookies in the oven, half-baked people on the bus! There's a little bit of fruitcake left in every one of us!"

"I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!" Scott shouted.

An hour later…

"Hey look it's the horses again!" Xi waved to the horses.

"And a pair of ladies," Ray said. He was playing cards with Tabitha, Lance, Pietro and Jamie.

"Not so fast," Jamie stopped him. "Full house! Read 'em and weep!"

"Aw man!" Ray groaned. "That's the fifth hand he's won in a row!"

"Let me guess, Gambit's been giving you lessons," Tabitha asked. "Am I right?"

"We are never going to get off this bus," Scott groaned.

"Don't worry we'll be there soon," Bazooka said.

"That's what you said three hours and five rest stops ago!" Scott balked.

"I can't help it! I drank a Big Gulp before we left!" Bazooka said. "Sue me! But this time I've got it right! I know what we did wrong before! We'll just make a turn here!"

"Bazooka are you crazy? We're going right into the woods!" Scott screamed.

"It's a shortcut!" Bazooka told them as branches flew by.

"There's not even a bike path here!" Jean yelled.

"There is now," Pietro quipped. "It leads right to that cliff."

"CLIFF?" Lance sat up in his seat.

"Uh oh," Bazooka gulped.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!" Everyone on the bus screamed as the bus went over the cliff. Fortunately Jean used her powers to levitate the bus to the other side.

"If ever there was an argument for having seat belts on school busses…" Ray groaned as he lay back in his seat.

"You guys really need to consider losing some weight!" Jean groaned as she put her hand to her head.

"You first," Pietro quipped.

"One more word out of you Maximoff and I'm gonna…" Jean shouted.

"Looks like I'm not the only one around here who needs to work on my anger management," Wanda snickered.

"Yeah and Bazooka needs to work on his driving!" Scott yelled. "Watch out for the trees!" He went to the front and stuck his head out an open window. He used his optic beams to knock some tree limbs out of the way while Lance used his powers to clear the path before them.

"So much for the not using our powers rule," Wanda said.

"Yeah we didn't even make it to the camp this time," Xi remarked.

"But it worked!" Fred pointed. "There's the camp!" Sure enough the campsite loomed ahead. Of course by now the school bus was covered in mud and branches and severely dented.

"We're here!" Bazooka said cheerfully as the engine sputtered his last.

"Barely," Scott moaned.