Getting in Touch With Your Inner Lunatic
"Hello everyone and welcome to the first group therapy session of the day," Harvey smiled. "To the left of me is Mrs. Reki. She will be taking charge of this first session and assisting me with your spiritual growth." They were inside a well-lit cheery cabin filled with colorful mats, candles and crystals.
"Oh brother," Scott muttered under his breath.
"Okay the first thing we have to do is…" Harvey looked outside. "MR. PENDLETON! PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON RIGHT NOW AND TURN OFF THAT FLAMETHROWER!" He got up rapidly. "Excuse me kids. Please take over Mrs. Reki." He ran outside.
"I feel saner already," Scott quipped.
"MR. PENDLETON HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT THE STATUE OF LIBERTY? AND MR. SMITH IS NOT SADDAM HUSSEIN! HE'S NOT EVEN AN ARAB FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! HE'S A REPUBLICAN!" Harvey could be heard shouting outside. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'ALL THE MORE REASON TO TORCH HIM'?"
"Okay everyone maybe we'd better hide our Young Republican Membership cards," Manuel gulped.
"You think?" Jack looked at him.
"Now let's all get in a friendship circle," Mrs. Reki smiled. She was a petite Chinese-American woman with long flowing hair and colorful clothes. "Let's all sit together in a wonderful show of love and fellowship!"
Of course none of the groups moved from their positions. "You have got to be kidding," Monet sniffed. "You really want us to associate with them?"
"The feeling's mutual sister!" Jean snapped.
"Now, now we must learn to be nice to each other," Mrs. Reki said happily. "I just know after this weekend we'll all be good friends!"
"Yeah that'll happen," Lance rolled his eyes.
"What drugs are you on?" Tabitha asked.
"Whatever they are I want some," Beef grumbled.
"Why am I not surprised?" Fred remarked.
"I sense some tension here," Mrs. Reki observed. "How about this? Everyone shake hands with everyone else saying 'I like you'."
"You gotta be kidding me," Lance glared at Scott.
"For once I am in complete agreement with you," Scott glared at Lance.
"Come on now don't be shy," She waved. "I'll start off. Hello there Fred. I like you!" She shook his hand.
"And I like you!" Fred gave her a huge bear hug.
"Can't…breathe…" Mrs. Reki gasped. Fred let her go. "Okay…maybe…we'll just limit it to….handshakes…"
"Fine," Fred shrugged. He turned to Pietro. "Pietro I like you!"
"And I like you Freddy," Pietro shook his hand. "I like you sis."
"Well I can tolerate you for now," Wanda grudgingly shook it.
"Good enough for me," Pietro said. "And I like you Xi."
"I like you too Pietro. I like you Wanda."
"Well I like you too Xi and I like you Freddy. And I like you Lance," Wanda shook their hands.
"And I like you Wanda, Xi and Pietro and Freddy," Lance shook their hands.
"And I like you Lance, Pietro, Wanda and Xi," Fred shook their hands again.
"And I like you Freddy, Lance, Wanda and Pietro," Xi shook their hands as well.
"And I like you Freddy, Lance and Xi and Pietro I can put up with you," Wanda shook their hands again.
"And I like you too Wanda!" Pietro. "And I like you Lance. And I like you Freddy and Xi."
"And I like you Pietro," Fred remarked. "And I like you Xi."
"I like you too Freddy. And I like you Wanda."
"I like you Xi and Lance I like you too. And Pietro I like you better than I like strained peas."
"And I like you a lot better than a hangnail Wanda," Pietro grinned. "And I like you Xi and Fred and Lance."
"And I like…" Lance began.
"OKAY!" Mrs. Reki raised her voice. "You all like each other. How about saying 'I like you' to someone else? Maybe someone in one of the other groups?"
"Why? We hate them!" Fred told her.
"Yeah what do you want us to do, lie?" Pietro asked.
"And we're off…" Scott groaned.
"You know he does have a point," Manuel admitted. "Why should we pretend to like each other when we hate each other's guts?"
"Okay maybe we should try a different tactic," Mrs. Reki sighed. "I sense that there's some hostility in the room."
"No, really?" Scott said sarcastically.
"Scott please," Jean said. "You're not taking this seriously."
"Well why are you picking on me?" Scott snapped as he pointed to the Misfits. "They're not exactly taking this seriously either!"
"Yeah Scott but they're idiots," Ray said.
"You aren't exactly the brightest bulb on the wall either Pikachu Boy," Tabitha snapped.
"DON'T CALL ME PIKACHU BOY!" Ray snapped.
Jack snorted. "Pikachu Boy, that's a good one!"
"Shut up!" Ray snapped at Jack.
"Make me!" Jack snapped back.
"All right! All right calm down everyone!" Mrs. Reki shouted. "No name calling! Please people! The point of this workshop is to learn to get to know each other."
"I already know more than I want to know about these lunatics!" Scott threw up his hands. "I am out of here!"
"Scott calm down," Jean prevented him from leaving. "You have to learn to give this a chance. You have to learn to face yourself and your problems."
"I agree Jean," Mrs. Reki spoke. "Scott you seem to internalize your anger to the point where you can't handle it and it explodes. Everyone let's help Scott try to deal with his anger issues."
"I HAVE ANGER ISSUES?" Scott yelled. "What about these rejects over here?"
"Hey at least we admit we have problems!" Lance spoke up.
"Yeah and me and Wanda are related to Magneto," Pietro said. "Who wouldn't have problems with anger with him as a parent?"
"Who's…" Mrs. Reki started to ask.
"Quite simply he's a mutant terrorist who wants to establish mutant superiority in the world by blowing up all the humans on the planet," Wanda sighed. "It's a long story."
"Oh…" Mrs. Reki gulped.
"Yeah and daddy dearest over there decided to do experiments on me as well," Lance grumbled. "Technically he's responsible for me destroying my last high school."
"What about all the other ones?" Scott asked.
"Oh yeah like you never accidentally destroyed a building before!" Lance snapped. "Give me a break!"
"Oh dear…" Mrs. Reki blinked.
"Well I was created in a lab as an assassin," Xi spoke up. "I was created so that when I get enraged it helps me kill my prey even better."
"Oh my…" Mrs. Reki gulped. "Perhaps one of the Xavier students should give an example. Jean?"
"Well I know that I do have a temper sometimes," Jean spoke. "But it's usually under control and I try not to let it control my actions."
"HA!" Scott scoffed.
"What do you mean by that?" Jean asked.
"I think he means that he disagrees with you," Xi remarked.
"You're darn right I do!" Scott snapped. "And you say I have problems facing my problems?"
"Interesting," Mrs. Reki wrote something down. "Would you like to elaborate Scott?"
"Gladly," Scott said. "The other day I made one tiny suggestion on how she should do something in cooking class and the next thing I knew I had a pie thrown at my face!"
"Well you were being too critical!" Jean told him.
"If by being critical you mean that pies shouldn't have knives baked in them, then yes call me Mr. Picky!" Scott snapped at her.
"Knives?" Mrs. Reki twitched.
"I misplaced the knife! It was an accident!" Jean snapped.
"It almost was an accident!" Scott told her. "Good thing I've learned to check my food before I eat it!"
"Now that is just your paranoia talking," Jean remarked.
"No in this case it's just common sense," Pietro remarked. "You're cooking is just as lethal as Kitty's."
"Who's Kitty?" Mrs. Reki asked.
"Lance's girlfriend," Xi told him. "Sort of."
"That's a whole other load of problems right there," Lance groaned.
"We may have to spend another weekend here if we're gonna deal with his love life," Ray snickered.
"Hey at least I have a love life!" Lance snapped. "And I don't go running around with every skirt I see!"
"He does have a point Ray!" Tabitha glared at him.
"I never actually cheated on you and you know it!" Ray snapped at Tabitha.
"Well you came pretty close to it!" Tabitha snapped.
"That's still no reason to throw those stupid energy bombs at me and try to blow me up every chance you get!" Ray snapped.
"Oh yes it is!" Tabitha snapped as she started to create an energy bomb.
"TABITHA NO!" Jean shouted. "Put away the energy bomb! Put away the energy bomb!"
"Too late," Tabitha held it up.
"Get rid of it!" Pietro yelled.
"Fine," Tabitha casually tossed it out the window where it exploded. Mrs. Reki's jaw dropped and she twitched again.
"And our counselors thought we have anger issues?" Jack groaned to his teammates.
"Well it just proves that no matter how bad off you are, someone else has it worse," Beef said. "A lot worse."
"Okay…" Mrs. Reki gulped. "You know there's a lot of tension in this room. Let's go get the celestial hula-hoops. That will help."
"The what?" Lance raised an eyebrow.
Mrs. Reki passed out several large colorful hula-hoops. "They're filled with healing crystals," She explained. "By holding onto the sides you will release your negative energy."
"I do not believe this," Monet groaned.
"You have got to be kidding me," Scott groaned.
"And to think Jean you volunteered for this!" Wanda said sarcastically.
"Don't remind me," Jean rolled her eyes.
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Meanwhile Bazooka and Multiple were having fun riding on Howie's back and swimming, unaware they were being observed.
"Ladies I believe I have found the target," Jetstream grinned.
Next: More fun in therapy!
