~ ~ ~

So sorry about the delay...but this chapter kept bugging me...something about Yuki...he seems so - so - so annoying...and I keep banging my head but I can't seem to fix it!! *Sniffle* Just bear with me and next chappie, he'll be back to normal!! ^_^

After all this mindless drivel, the next chapter will finally bring in the serious story...someone wants to kill the mermaids *gasp* hehe...but til then, keep reading and reviewing...

~ Maeven ~

Chapter Eight: Steps in Courting a Woman - Round II

STEP TWO: A LITTLE FUN FLIRTING.

"Uh, um, y - youlooksodeliciousIcouldjusteatyouup."

"What?" Tohru blinked confusedly at Yuki. "Oh, are you hungry? I could make you something to eat. What do you want?"

The boy was redder than a tomato and he glared at his "advisors"; Shigure and Ayame gave him the thumbs up. [Oh god...I must be really desperate...]

Mentally berating himself for ever listening to his hopeless relatives, he sighed and managed to croak, "I - I want you."

"Want me to do what?"

"Uh -"

"Are you feeling okay?" She pressed a hand on the boy's forehead. He flushed even more and she frowned. "You've been acting so strange lately."

He cleared his throat and smiled weakly. "Yeah...I think I'm coming down with something...maybe a bug and a virus..." He glared yet again at his brother and his cousin. "Excuse me while I, um, try to get it out of my system..."

ADDENDUM TO STEP TWO: PLEASE REFRAIN FROM STEP TWO WHEN YOU HAVE A PERVERTED DOG AND A CRAZY SNAKE ON YOUR SIDE.

* * *

STEP THREE: NOW THAT YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH THE OBJECT OF YOUR AFFECTION, ATTEMPT A LITTLE SKIN CONTACT...NOTE THE WORD LITTLE!! TRY HAND HOLDING, A PECK ON THE CHEEK, ETC.

"G - good night." Kyou gulped, took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Reaching out, he lightly grasped her shoulders and leaned in -

BZZZZZZZ!!! "Ach! Ow! Ow! OW!!" Kyou leaped away, his orange hair standing on end smoking.

"Hana!! How is he going to get the hang of things with you electrocuting him every other second?!" Uotani yelled in exasperation.

The expressionless girl muttered, "Did I not mention how uncomfortable I am with you using me as a guinea pig? I can't help it...the shocks just go out automatically whenever he leans in...it gives me the chills."

"Gives YOU the chills?? What about me??" He screamed. "I'm the one who has to kiss the sea witch!!"

Hanajima's eyes flashed and he leapt back in terror.

"Oh c'mon you guys. It's just a light peck on the cheek...how hard is it?"

They glared at the blonde girl and she sweat dropped.

"Oh forget it...if I do it, I'll do it...I don't need practice...this is turning out harder than martial arts..." Kyou plopped down on the floor, crossing his legs and leaning his chin in the palm of his hand.

"You wouldn't be saying that when you miss and kiss her on the side of her nose, baka," Uotani snapped.

He groaned and rubbed his hand over his face. "Forget it...that human probably already got her...maybe I should just kill him first...eliminate the competition, ya know?"

"No, I don't know...all I know is that Tohru will hate you and I don't think he's as gentle as he looks either...you'll probably end up dead before him..."

He scowled. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, sis."

"Oh no, you do have brawn...it's just that you're lacking the brains."

"You know what? I think I should just settle on killing you instead," he growled.

"I wouldn't suggest that either!" Uotani said cheerfully. He raised an eyebrow and she pointed behind him.

Tohru stood behind him, cocking her head to a side. She smiled quizzically and he flushed. [Ah hell...let's just get it over with...] He jumped up, grabbed her hand and dragged her off. "K - Kyou-kun, wh - what? W - where are we -"

Uotani sighed. "Bet you ten gold coins he'll mess this up."

Hana shook her head. "No thanks. I prefer to keep my money."

* * *

Tohru ran wildly, trying to keep up with the storming boy in front of her. "A - ano, K - kyou-kun?"

He finally stopped and she ran right into his rigid back, bouncing off. She blinked and bit her lip. "Kyou-kun?" she ventured again.

With the smoothness of a rusty robot, he turned around and stared straight ahead in the space above her head. She cricked her head back painfully and tried to meet his eyes. He darted a look at her, flushed, and resumed his focus on the nonexistent point above her. He said stiffly, "Well, here we are."

"Eh?" She looked around and saw that she was at the doorway of her room.

He coughed and continued, "Yeah. Uh huh. Here we are."

She stared uneasily at the tall boy. [Is he talking to himself?]

"Ahem, anyways, uh, good night!" Kyou spat out and quickly squeezed his eyes shut, bending his head down...down....down...

"Ano, Kyou-kun?"

He opened his eyes and her large dark green eyes met him concernedly. He was leaning forward like a crooked arrow while she bent almost inhumanly backward to accommodate him.

"Kyou-kun, uh, are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah...why?"

"Oh. No reason...just that it's not really, well.....nighttime yet."

"What?"

"Not night...uh, see?"

He followed her pointing finger to his right side where an open window allowed bright warm sunshine to filter in. A light breeze ruffled the curtains and birds chirped happily...almost mockingly. He flushed and began seeking frantically through his thoughts for a good response...

"Oh right."

Silence. He wanted to kick himself.

"Ano, Kyou-kun?"

"Hmmmm?"

"Not that I really mind but uh...this position is starting to get uncomfortable. Is there a purpose for this stance? Are you trying to teach me self-defense again?"

ADDENDUM TO STEP THREE: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ALLOW YOURSELF TO FIRST CHECK IF THE MILIEU IS APPROPRIATE . . . BE IT PLACE, ATMOSPHERE OR TIME!

* * *

STEP FOUR: IF YOU FAILED THE ABOVE THREE TASKS, EITHER . . .

A) TRY TRY TRY AGAIN UNTIL YOU END UP MISERABLE AND DEFEATED or

B) ABANDON THE MISSION BEFORE YOU END UP MISERABLE AND DEFEATED or

C) JUST SETTLE ON BLUNDERING YOUR WAY THROUGH AND HOPE YOUR LUCK WINS OUT IN THE END ^_^

"I don't believe you...how can you call yourself a Sohma! How can you be so cowardly?! You're a prince!!" Ayame declared dramatically.

"I'm not giving up...just not following your stupid STEPS," Yuki muttered.

"But why don't you just TRY TRY TRY AGAIN?? I'm sure you're bound to succeed...sooner or later."

Yuki moaned, burying his face in his hands. "I'm never going to attempt any of those pick-up lines ever again. I don't know what possessed me to actually listen to you two idiots."

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad! I thought you were very dashing!!"

He glared at them. "I'm going to hurt you."

* * *

"Oh come on, it really wasn't that bad! I mean, just because you were too dense to notice that it's the wrong time of the day - I mean, too eager - and just because she thought your pathetic - I mean, innocent - attempt at a little kiss was a little kung fu fighting and-oh, you're right! I won't argue with you...it really was very extremely horrendously bad."

Kyou gritted his teeth and snarled, "Gee, thanks for agreeing with me."

"Well, I suppose we can always settle with that overly enthusiastic boar..."

"I'm going to hurt you."