Cowboy Star Fox

By Wolf O'Donnell

Author's Note: Star Fox and all related characters (including me) are copyrighted by Nintendo. Scales, Dinosaur Planet and all related characters are copyrighted by Rare. The Gospel Army, Dr. Jerome Kano, the Sekai Foundation and all related characters and places are copyrighted by me. Upon reading any word in this file, you hereby agree to forfeit all your rights to sue me and that I cannot be held liable for any psychological or physical damage caused by the fact that this fanfic contains swearing, violence and the use of British-English Spelling and Grammar.

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Episode 5: Don't Bother No One

"Perhaps it was a bad idea to take Krystal here," commented Fox, as he sat on the bar stool. "I mean, would you look at some of these guys? They're out for some fresh tail and I don't like the looks they're giving her." They were on a special assignment to capture Malpass, a ruthless thug hired by the Syndicate, and Fox knew that he frequented the bar they were in quite often. The assignment was no big deal. After all, if they weren't working for the Lylat Police, they would still have gone after Malpass anyway.
Krystal turned round to glare at Fox angrily.
"Would you not kindly talk about me as if I weren't here?" she asked Fox. "Besides, I can take care of myself."
"I'm sorry," apologised Fox sheepishly. "It's just that I don't think this place is suitable for such a young vixen like you."
A sigh escaped Krystal's muzzle, as she shook her head. Some foxes wouldn't learn. She turned round and looked around her. She saw someone of the looks that some of the men were giving her.
"Say, is that him?" wondered Krystal, as she pointed over to a guy seated at a table not too far away.
"Yeah, I think so," replied Fox with a nod of his head. He was about to get up, when Krystal placed a hand out in front of him.
"I'll handle this one," announced Krystal, "alone." She got up, despite Fox's protests. She made her way towards the suspected thug, her tail swaying in a pseudo-seductive manner. All at once, Krystal's once innocent look disappeared, as she walked straight up and sat in the booth with the guy.
"I hope she can handle this one," said Fox. "What do you think, Falco? Should we...?" he said, as he turned round to face his blue-feathered friend. He stopped mid-sentence upon seeing what the avian was doing. "What the Hell are you doing, Falc'?" He watched the avian shake some pepper into a glass and watched each granule flutter down on to a raw egg.
Falco sighed. He looked incredibly lethargic, as if someone had sucked all the blood and energy out of him.
"It's called a Prairie Oyster," replied the avian in a low, guttural voice. "They say it's good for hangovers." He raised the glass, which was wide enough for his beak to get in.
"Guh, that looks foul," commented Fox. That reminded him. He turned round quickly and saw the guy trying to make a pass on Krystal. "Hey, you!" he shouted angrily, as he rose from his seat.
That was when Krystal belted him over the head and knocked him away from her and kicked him away from her.
"Oh, whoops, sorry," she apologised, as the guy went careering into another set of thugs. She saw them rise from their seats and noticed that they were all wearing ponchos. The next thing she noticed was them hitting the guy that she had sent careering towards them.
"Krystal, what have you done?" cried Fox, before somehow the entire bar descended into one gigantic bar fight.
Falco was suddenly jolted aside, as one of the poncho-clad lowlifes hit him. Slowly, he looked down at his lap and at the contents of the glass that lay there. Surprisingly, the yolk was still intact. That was not on his mind, however. He rose from his seat and turned round.
"These were my best pants," said Falco through a clenched beak. "Oh, you're going to pay, pal!" He rushed forward and threw a feathered fist into the thug's face.
"Hey, you can't do that to our amigo," growled a lynx, before he dashed towards the avian. He spread his claws and lashed out at Falco.
The avian gracefully side-stepped out of the way and grabbed the lynx by the ruff of his neck and pulled him towards him. Falco raised his leg and kneed the guy in the stomach, before flinging the lynx away. A guy rushed at him with a bottle.
Fox dashed forwards and grabbed the guy's wrist. In one swift movement, he turned the guy over and slammed him down on to the floor. His keen vulpine sense of hearing suddenly heard approaching footsteps. He whirled round and flung his fist upwards to where he anticipated the face would be. Bullseye! That guy would have a black eye in the morning for sure.
Krystal wasn't doing too bad. Her staff was a weapon to match all weapons, and she was knocking criminal lowlifes out here and there, one after another. She leapt into the air and swung her staff straight at an avian's head and knocked him out cold.
"Who else wants some?" asked Krystal rhetorically, as she swung her staff to the side and looked around her. At that point, she saw the poncho-clad thugs dashing out of the door. A small smile spread across her muzzle, as she straightened up.
"Krystal, behind you!"
The vixen didn't even turn round. She just lifted her arm and the staff's tip went backwards. She felt the staff jar against something solid and then whirled round. Krystal saw it was the guy she had approached earlier. She shoved him against the wall, pinning him by the neck with her staff.
"Okay, Malpass, I know that's you," she said sternly. "Come along peacefully and maybe I won't hurt you more."
"Malpass? What are you talking about?" exclaimed the horse in a stutter.
"Don't play dumb with me," she said, as she tore at his shirt. "This tattoo is..."
It was a known fact that Maplass had a tattoo of a Chinese dragon. This had been branded on in the usual way and dyed, as was tattoos for all fur-bearing animals.
Krystal couldn't believe what she saw.
"What is this?" she asked loudly.
"I have a thing for eels," replied the horse sheepishly.
"Oh, that's just great," sighed Fox sarcastically, as he moved back over to the bar. "Oh, sorry, bud," he apologised after bumping into someone. The mouse murmured some apology and then sped past him. He suddenly stopped and turned back round, to face the mouse that was running out. He saw a dragon tattoo on the arm. "Hey, you, stop right there!" he shouted, as he reached for his gun. "Shit! Why do they always have to run?"
Fox ran for it, leaping through the hole in the bar window and out on to the streets. He looked up and down and then he saw the mouse running not too far away.
"Hey, Malpass, freeze!" he shouted, as he aimed the gun down the empty street. The mouse turned a corner. "Crap!" swore Fox, before he ran for it. He turned the corner and ran down the deserted alley, not caring for the puddles he splashed through.
"What? A dead end?" exclaimed Fox in surprise, as he skidded to a halt. He looked up and around him. Bingo! Fox ran and leapt, grabbing the rung of an escape ladder and climbing it. He came up on to a metallic landing and ran up the fire escsape stairs that snaked up the building.
He emerged up on to the roof and saw the mouse leap over on to the next building. A smile spread across his face. No problem, he could do that. Fox sprinted across the roof and made one leap, clearing the alleyway. The mouse turned and cleared the next one. 'Dead end,' thought Fox, as he saw the mouse skid to a halt.
Malpass looked down. The river was below him. To his left and right were large streets that he couldn't possibly leap over. If he tried to go down the fire escape ladders, he would be caught. He delved into his pocket and brought out a slim glass tube.
"It ends here, Malpass," announced Fox, as he aimed his gun at the mouse. "Surrender now and perhaps I'll go easy on you."
"You a cowboy or something? A bounty hunter?" asked Malpass.
"Yeah, that's right," replied Fox with a smile on his muzzle.
"I hate cowboys," said Malpass, as he whirled round and flipped out a knife. He ran straight for Fox.
The speed at which Malpass ran surprised the vulpine and before he knew it, his gun was knocked out of his hand. Fox stepped back, avoiding the mouse's knife. How was it that the mouse was so fast? He winced in pain, as the mouse swung the knife in an arc and cut the fox's arm.
"Shit, you're on some serious drugs," exclaimed Fox in surprise. Those red eyes could only mean one thing. Maplass was on that well-known Syndicate drug known as Crimson Head; it was a drug that increased speed, agility and one's reactions. It was said that a person on Crimson Head was able to dodge lasers easily.
Fox leapt out of the way, practically skipping across the floor.
"You're still no match for me, buddy," he said, as he leapt out of the way. He was not sure whether he would be able to defeat Malpass, but he had to try. He kept himself on the balls of his feet, not wanting to get caught off guard. He saw Malpass lunge straight at him and decided to let his legs go like jello.
Instantly, Fox fell down and he stiffened his legs, sweeping them round in a circle and knocking Malpass off his legs. He saw the mouse crash to the ground and then lunged for him. He grabbed the arm that held the knife and tried to wrench the knife out of Malpass' hand.
"Get lost, fox," cried Malpass, before kicking Fox in the stomach. "Get off!" He flung his head forehead and headbutted Fox on the head. He felt the vulpine let go of his arm and he swung the knife at the vulpine.
With a wince of pain on his furry face, Fox rolled away. He staggered back to his feet and was suddenly rushed by Malpass. He was knocked back to the ground and saw the gleaming blade of Malpass' knife slash at him. Fox raised his hand and caught the knife-wielding hand by the wrist. Malpass was strong, possibly due to the drugs, but Fox knew that he could handle the mouse.
"Hold it right there, Malpass!" shouted a voice.
The mouse turned round and hissed in anger when he saw a gun aimed at him. The avian that held it had a smug face on his beak and that enraged Malpass even more.
"Get lost, bird, before I tear you to shreds," he warned the blue-feathered avian.
"Falco, watch out! He's on Crimson Head," shouted out Fox.
Malpass tore his wrist away from Fox's grasp and rushed straight at Falco. He saw the avian fire his gun at him. His vision was tinged red and everything seemed to move in slow motion to him. He could dodge the lasers easily and with no problem. It seemed that he would leave it to the last moment, just avoiding the laser when it was a few inches away from him. Something grabbed him from behind. It was an arm and it was wrapped around his throat tightly, nearly choking the air out of him.
Seeing this, Falco rushed over to help his vulpine friend. He grabbed the wrist of the hand that held the knife and tried his best to wrench the blade out of Malpass' grip. The mouse was writhing in Fox's grasp and was kicking out.
"I've had enough of you!" he cried, before punching the mouse in the face and drawing blood with the blow. He was sure he had even knocked out a few teeth.
"Hey, Falco, that's enough!" protested Fox, but not before Falco could punch the mouse in the stomach. He heard Malpass' knife drop to the floor.
"Hey, it did the job, didn't it?" retorted Falco with his arms spread out and a smug smile on his face.
"Yeah, I guess," mumbled Fox under his breath. "Come on, let's get him cuffed and take him down to the station."
"Fox, I've been thinking."
"Did it hurt?" joked Fox, as he slapped the handcuffs on Malpass.
Falco glared at Fox.
"Very funny, Fox," he said sarcastically. He helped Fox hoist the unconscious mouse up to his feet and then between the two of them, they carried him over to the fire escape stairs. "You know how reluctant the police are to give us the bounty rewards? I think this is their way to stop us catching crooks. Think about it. They're getting us to capture big time crooks, all of whom would have had huge rewards on their heads, and they're making us do it for less money than we would do if we weren't working for them."
"Are you saying Bill is in on some kind of conspiracy to stop us from doing what bounty hunters do best?" asked Fox, as he helped Falco throw Malpass on to a couple of bags. "I don't think so, buddy," he said, before sliding down the ladder that led down to the alley below. "Bill would never do such a thing. Now come on and help me get Malpass to the car." He waited for the avian to leap down from the ladder and then the two of them hoisted Malpass up and walked out of the alley together.
A car screeched to a halt in front of them and the window lowered down. Sitting behind the wheel was none other than Krystal.
"So, are you guys done playing?" asked Krystal with a frown on her face.
"Krystal, what are you doing?" asked Fox in disbelief. "You don't know how to drive! You don't even have a licence!"
"Hey, I can learn," she retorted. "Now get in."
"Only if I drive back," stated Fox sternly.
Krystal saw that Fox was determined. She was tempted to tell him to walk, but she couldn't. After all, she had fallen in love with that fox.
"Yeah, okay," she sighed in agreement, "but you owe me driving lessons and the fee I need to pay to take the tests." She waited for a reply from him and received one. He agreed. "Deal!" She got out of the driver's seat and opened the back door, to allow Fox and Falco to dump Malpass in the back.
Fox heard a screeching and turned round to see a car turning the corner rather fast. His emerald green eyes caught sight of one of the windows opening.
"Hit the ground!" he shouted, as the air was suddenly alive with the sound of gunfire. He dived for Krystal and pushed her to the ground and shielded her body with his. He turned round and saw Falco shielding Malpass with his own body.
Falco brought his gun out and moved over to lean against the car's metallic body with the gun pointed skywards. He turned round and fired a few shots. Lasers flew at him and he whirled back behind the car for cover.
"Hey, Malpass, stop or I shoot!" he shouted, upon seeing the mouse running away.
"I'll get him!" cried Fox, as he leapt to his feet. Lasers were sprayed into the air and he dived back to the ground.
"That's it!" cried Krystal, as she brought out her staff. She leapt off the car and used the staff to create some kind of light blue forcefield around her. It was like an umbrella and she ran, the lasers ricocheting off the forcefield. She was unstoppable and when she reached the thugs, she brought the staff crashing into them.
Fox peered round from the hole-ridden car and saw that they were too busy trying to penetrate her forcefield. That was too good. He whirled round and fired. Each shot hit a guy in the leg, making them buckle and fall down to the ground. He ran towards them and Falco followed suit.
"No, Falco, get Malpass," he said to his friend.
With a sigh, Falco turned round and ran back into the alleyway that the mouse had disappeared into. He heard a gunshot. That wasn't good. His run turned into a sprint and then that turned into a grinding halt. Falco looked on in disbelief. Who had done this?
"Nice shade of brain," he said sarcastically, as he saw Malpass's lifeless body slumped against the concrete wall. He sighed and shook his head upon thinking of the consequences. How were they going to find out the Syndicate's next move when Malpass was dead?

"Well, Rob? Got anything on it?" asked Slippy, as he walked into the room.
The Lylat Police had sent a tissue sample from the bio-weapon for Rob to analyse. Their own forensic scientists had no data on Andross's bio-weapons, so it was up to the Star Fox Team to study the mitochondrial DNA. If they could prove a match, then it was possible that the bio-weapon was one of Andross's old creations or that Andross was still alive.
Rob unhooked himself from the computer that was connected to the electrophoresis gel and other equipments.
"The mitochondrial DNA does not match those from Andross's bio-weapons," announced Rob. "That could mean that either it was not made from the same batch of cells or that it was not made by Andross. I am, however, unable to discover the age of the bio-weapon, as there is not enough material to do so."
"I see," sighed Peppy, who had been sitting the room with Rob all day. "Are there any signature pieces of DNA? You know, the kind of things that Andross always puts in the genomes of his bio-weapons."
The robot shook his metallic head in response.
"Negative," he replied. "That was the first thing I looked for." The robot could remember analysing tissue samples from some of Andross's other bio-weapons. All had the same sequence of nonsense DNA in the same positions. It was like Andross's very own signature. "This was not one of Andross's bio-weapons."
Slippy sighed in relief.
"Well, that's good," he squeaked. "That proves that Andross isn't behind the Gospel Army." He would have been scared witless if Andross was behind the Gospel Army. That would have meant the mad monkey was still alive, a bigger shock than that he received on Dinosaur Planet. "Well, I guess we've got someone else to contend with then. Could it be someone who's even badder then Andross?"

To be continued...