Chapter 3

"In 1981 a crack wizarding unit was sent to Azkaban prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the London underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the B- Team."

Remus Lupin is Faceman; he can talk his way out of any situation, sometimes using his werewolf powers to bite his way out.

Sirius Black is HM Murdock; so crazy even death eaters are scared

Kingsley Shacklebolt is BA Baracus, hardest token in the hood

Albus Dumbledore is Hannibal, leader and master of disguise

"VIGILANTES FOR HIRE.CALL 04848661988"

Harry closed the Yellow Pages, and picked up a phone. In order to stop Terminator Ron, this may be his only hope. He tapped the number into his mobile phone, and waited for a few seconds as it rung. Remus Lupin soon answered, "Hello, vigilantes for hire..we can take down ghosts for £4000, dark lords for £5000 and at a special offer this month, we can destroy all Weasley's for only £7000"

"Yes! That's the one I want," Harry screamed into the phone.

"Excellent" Lupin replied, "Just let me take your details".

Harry heard the phone being placed down on a surface, as Lupin wondered off to find a pen. In the background he could hear Sirius speaking.

"Oh, come on Remus dear, come back to bed"

Harry edged slowly away from the phone, very concerned about the potential gayness of his allegedly deceased godfather and former defence against the dark arts teacher. Harry had read many fan-fictions on the Internet that also suggested this possibility, but his fears were soon alleviated when he suddenly realised the sarcastic tone in Sirius voice, and remembered how in their third year, Lupin had once proven his heterosexuality by taking part in a dare which culminated in an abortion by Professor Trelawney. Harry chuckled to himself. Old Trelawney certainly didn't predict that little incident. Obviously Lupin was entirely heterosexual, no doubt in Harry's mind. And as for Sirius, well, only a 10-minute glance into his penseive over the summer made it absolutely impossible that Sirius had even considered it.

A little later, Lupin returned to the phone, and Harry gave his full details and location. As he hung up at the end of the call, he was delighted that the individual known as Ronald Weasley would soon be dead

The following day, the students and faculty again sat eating quietly in the main hall. All eyes were on Ron, who sat in silence. Many of the pupils regarded his 'death' as nothing more then an obviously elaborate practical joke, a joke that was neither funny nor clever. But a few, including Harry, knew the truth. Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and Kingsley Shacklebolt sat alongside Albus Dumbledore at the teacher's table. Professor Snape continually glanced in anger towards his two former classmates. Snape's story of woe was irrelevant compared to Shacklebolt's during the summer of 59. He underwent months of racial abuse from the evil Slytherin's, something that was eventually remedied when he set up a small business in the fourth floor men's room selling cheap dope. Little did the Slytherin customers know that it was Infact rat faeces mixed with dry grass.

Eitherway, the story of Shacklebolt's past is not the one being told here, so Snape's minor glance towards the group was unimportant.

As the majority of the students slowly left the main hall in single file at the end of the banquet, Ron remained in his seat at the command of Dumbledore. Behind the teacher's table, Harry was handing notes over to Lupin. Hard, cold British currency, none of that Wizard rubbish.

"£7000 plus tip, that should just about cover it" Harry muttered under his breath as he placed the money in Lupin's eager hands. Lupin took the money and split it four ways, handing their equal shares to Sirius, Kingsley and Dumbledore. Finally, Lupin removed a £50 note and placed it firmly into Snape's top pocket. Snape took the hint, and left the room followed by Harry, closing the door behind them.

Ron meanwhile, sat entirely unawares on his seat, watching them, waiting.

Even his highly advanced mecha CPU could not predict the next event though, as the four men still at the teachers table pulled large assault rifles from their feet and pointed them at him.

"Get the ginger wanker," screamed Dumbledore as he opened fire. The recoil action blowing his beard off and revealing Professor Quirrell.

"Quirrell, you bastard." Sirius said as he turned his gun slowly on the stuttering individual. "Ppppleeease don't hurt ppppppppoor ppppppprofesssor Quirrell."

"Too late screamed Ron, raising his Ak-47. Time to fight the common enemy. Assalam-Alai-Kum motherfu*er"

Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Ron Weasley and Kingsley Shacklebolt climbed over the desks and all opened fire, blowing Professor Quirrell back to Ireland. When the brief firing session had ended, Remus, Sirius and Kingsley again turned to face Ron. Ron dropped his gun and his arm began to change, morphing into a large sword. He charged forward and lept onto the table, about to stab Lupin when the real Dumbledore arrived. He pushed Lupin out of the way as Ron's arm stabbed towards him, hitting only air. "All of you leave!" Dumbledore screamed. They did a 180 and ran off towards the front of the main hall, acrobatically leaping over the teacher's desks and landing with their feet firmly on the ground. Behind them, Dumbledore was holding off the liquid metal Ron Weasley, who had obviously copied and terminated the REAL Ron on a previous occasion.

As Dumbledore pulled out his wand, it looked as though it was adios for Ron, if it wasn't for the rest of his family crashing a tank through the back of the room.

TO BE CONTINUED..