When a gray owl delivers you a letter it is time to cry. Death Eaters have killed someone on your family. Most likely all of them are dead.

I saw many people receiving the fatidic letters. They are more popular on Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hupplepuff. If you were a mudblood you had higher chances. I can remember clearly when a little first year received a letter. He was in shock. He was also by my side. He hugged me. I didn't know what to do, so I hugged him back and carried him to infirmary. Madam Pomfrey gave him a dreamless sleep potion. I was sad for the boy. It was the first time after I came to Hogwarts that I was really sad.

Right now I have a letter delivered by a gray owl. It's for me. Why does the idiotic ministry don't see that breakfast, when everybody is watching you is really not the best time to deliver somebody a letter saying there was a dead in family? This is beyond me.

Dear Ms. Evans.

Your mother was found dead yesterday, 9/18, at her house. Death eaters killed her. We are sorry for your loss.

Susan Bones
Ministry of Magic

They say it as if they are really sorry. Well, the incredible thing is that it's probable that the ones that found her are sadder than me. I really don't miss her. Haven't missed for a little more than 5 years. I don't even want to cry. No tears, she made me use all them when I lived with her.

Everybody is staring at me, they pity me, they expect me to run away crying, or to break down sobbing. I tug the letter on my backpack and resume my breakfast. They are flabbergasted. Don't know what to think.

Professor Mcgonagall get up from he seat and come to me.

"Do you want help to pack, dear?"

"No, I don't want to go to the burial Professor."

"I know you are sad and depressed, but going to the burial will help you deal with the pain dear."

"I know, professor, but there is no pain. I'm not sad. She is not worth crying for madam."

"Ok." I daresay, for once, Minerva Mcgonagall didn't know what to say.

"Professor Dumbledore wishes to speak to you before your first class. The password for his office is Lemon Drop.

"Did you want t see me sir?"

"Yes, Miss Evans, indeed I wanted to see you. Sit down, please."

So I did.

"I believe you received a ministry letter this morning."

"Yes sir."

" Professor McGonagall told me you don't want to go to the burial. Is that correct?"

"Yes, it is sir."

"May I ask you why not?"

"I just don't see the point sir. It's not like I am really grieving. I just don't fell anything. I won't miss her."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes sir. I'm quite sure."

"All right, you may go now."

"Thanks for caring sir." I got up and he nodded.

Nothing new happened on classes. Well, nothing but Saint Potter, Mr. All- Star-Quidditch wanted to make me feel better. Rather pathetic. Why someone like Potter want to bond with me of all people I really don't understand. I would rather bond with Snape than with myself.

God, can my day be any worse?

Yeah, I think so. It can. Of course that was a rhetorical question. I decided I don't believe in God, or any kind of deity. If I believed I would be sure my mother would be having the best vacation money can afford. Somewhere hot, extra hot, with bonfires everywhere. Well, I don't believe, so I think she just vanished. Better than the peaceful place she deserved. Much better than the place I deserve.

Don't begin talking about ghosts, soul, etc. I'm not there yet. You see I'm quite new at this religious prophet thing.
On second thought mom would be extra-crisp by now. This believer thing may not be so bad as I thought.

Better stop thinking pleasant things right now, Malfoy may get the wrong idea that my goofy face is product his proximity.

I don't know. I just don't know. Right now, I'm very comfortable don't knowing if God exists or not. I believe God doesn't exist. Have no proof. All I know is that God doesn't believe in me. He has his reasons.

Some days just suck. Accept it and you won't have an ulcer before you are 30. My philosophy is 'don't take things for granted, keep your expectative low.' A wise man said one 'All unhappiness mankind has comes from hope'. Albert Camus. I agree with him.