I try to do updates every Friday, cuz that's when I have time to type everything up I've written at school *coughsschoolisboringandineverpayattention* So expect an update every Friday or every other Friday, kay? Thanks for reviews!

Because…

Chapter Six

Her gaze turned to Inuyasha as he rushed to his fallen friend, calling out her name in panic. She seemed to watch this with dead eyes, feeling no empathy but only anger. 

This emotion had rushed in before she had a chance to control it and it sickened her. Rin had never felt this furious in her entire life.

The second the blade hit Kagome, it hit her in the face like a cold slap. He wasn't sheltering me, she thought instantly, he was hiding himself. He's a killer.

Her instant, harsh condemnations shocked even herself. I did not just say that, she thought. Sesshoumaru sama is not a killer.

But when she looked at him then, the tears of confusion welling up in her eyes, she didn't see the Sesshoumaru sama she loved anymore. A cold, heartless youkai who killed without any regard for life. That was what she saw.

"Rin. Come here." He said calmly. He knew what would happen- she would come over to him.

But instead Rin shocked both of them by remaining planted in her spot. She looked more decisive than she felt. Inside, her nerves were withering.

She hated confrontations and this one- this one that was the end of all things- made her unable to act. She glanced from one side to another: Sesshoumaru, standing there, waiting expectantly for her to respond, and on the other side, Inuyasha, who was also staring at her with waiting, tortured eyes.

She felt as if the very core of her existence was based on this one moment, this one decision. If she made the wrong one, she would shatter slowly from the inside out.

Who will you pick? Their eyes taunted her.

She took one step. The two sets of eyes boring into her made her feet seem strangely heavy.

For the first time ever, she didn't want to go with Sesshoumaru sama, not now, not like this. Inuyasha was not angry at her, but he looked only grief-stricken and pleading. He didn't want to be abandoned by Kagome.

If she went with Sesshoumaru, that would mean she was agreeing with him- it was all right to hurt, to kill.

She took another step, this one veering towards the fallen figure on the land beneath the hill. She couldn't bear the thought of leaving this girl behind- the girl who had rescued her yesterday. Rin owed her a favor.

Taking two steps wasn't much, but it felt as if just then a part of her grew up, and she felt like she had finally slipped free of something. For a moment, it didn't matter what Sesshoumaru thought, and she felt as if she could do whatever she wanted.

She swiveled her head a little to see what Sesshoumaru was doing about this as she cautiously took a third step.

That was her mistake.

The second she looked at him, she seemed to fall under some strange sort of power, and all logical thought flew out of her head. Her new resolve and courage all crumbled, and her previous thoughts seemed extremely foolish.

What was I thinking? She thought. Leaving Sesshoumaru sama?

Biting down hard on her lower lip, she turned her direction slowly and walked towards the white-clad youkai standing at the top of the hill.

She tried to ignore the sick feeling which had just grown ten times worse as she turned her back on the two helpless figures down below.

"We must get away from the hanyou," said Sesshoumaru, not looking at her, "there is a chance he may attack," he glanced back at Inuyasha, who made no move to attack. Instead, he snatched up Kagome's fallen body and bounded away with her in his arms.

The way she looked at him angered him. Her bright eyes were glancing at him suspiciously…and not just suspiciously, but as if he were some sort of creature. As if she, an inferior human, was better than him.

He began to walk towards Ah and Un, and she followed him, staring at the ground. Rin felt a strange sort of shame, as if she harbored a huge, dirty secret.

Without a word, she mounted the youkai beast and the two of them took off towards the distance.

Finally, several hours later, Sesshoumaru stopped in a grassy meadow with stalks that were taller than Rin was. Slowly, she got off Ah and Un and stood there, hesitating. Sesshoumaru stood a short distance away, staring out into the waves of rolling grass as the wind tousled his hair around. He does look beautiful, she thought.

She couldn't believe that hours earlier she had actually considered leaving him. He's the only one I have in this world.

But still, deep down, that gnawing sensation was there, ever present. Somehow, the light around him had changed. Nothing would ever be the same again, for now-now, she'd seen Sesshoumaru kill. 

Taking a deep breath, she approached him.

"Sesshoumaru sama…you look like you're bleeding a lot. Would you allow me to bind your wounds?" Her voice was trembling.

He made no sign of even having heard her, but after about a minute, he sat down on the grass and untied the sash to his kimono.

Rin blushed as he pulled of the upper half of the kimono down to reveal a well-toned torso. This was the first time she'd ever seen him without armor and robes. Somehow it was strange that he was built like a man, an ordinary human, because he was so far above any average person.

There were several lacerations covering him all over, but none of them were serious. Once again, she prayed to the gods for strength. Binding his wounds was nothing, but she would be touching him- everywhere.

Don't let my hands shake. Don't let my heart pound. And most of all, don't let me think about him in that way.

Forgetting it would be the easiest way…but she could never, and would never. Especially not now.

Suddenly she realized that she didn't have anything to bind the wounds with- they'd used up the last of the first aid supplies a month before.

She glanced at him to see if he saw her uncertainty, but he was staring out into the forest of grass surrounding them, as if looking at her would degrade him.

Rin found herself wondering where Jaken was. They were all alone, and the grass was so tall that they were completely sheltered from the outside world. Alone.

Stop! She scolded herself.

She decided that it didn't matter if she ripped her kimono a little- when they got near the next village, he would stop to let her buy another one.

Grasping the fabric firmly between her hands, she grabbed it and ripped.

"This is going to hurt a little bit, Sesshoumaru sama," she said unnecessarily. She knew pain didn't matter to him at all. She ran to Ah and Uh and fetched the water flask.

Her hands worked steadily, and she couldn't believe they were hers- it almost seemed as if they were separate from her body. She was detached emotionally-there was no point worrying about touching him. Instead of being nervous, she only felt dead- her earlier worries were useless. Her burning ardor seemed to have gone out. How had everything gone so terribly wrong? I thought I would love him no matter what. But do I?

She didn't realized what in intimate act he was allowing her to perform. He'd never, under any circumstances, let another living being touch him.

Especially not a human.

Her soft fingers brushed lightly against her skin, and he had to stop himself from shivering.

Rin was still angry at him, and they both knew it. Rin wasn't the type to yell, explode, or hold a silent grudge. But somehow, that made it worse. The expression in her eyes proved it.

He fully knew her reasoning. In his sheath, he had the Tensaiga, the sword which had the power to defeat death. He hadn't meant to kill the human- and he was fairly sure she was dead. But he deliberately did not touch the waiting sword at his side, and Rin had expected him to resurrect her.

 If Rin was angry at him, maybe it would be easier to tell her what he had to say. This had to end. Now.

"Rin," he said, not turning to face her, "I think it is time you go back to a human villiage."

Her demure fingers stopped in their administrations, and all the bandages fell out of her hands. After he didn't hear a reply, he turned cautiously to look at her.

Her face was stricken. Eyes wide and staring, mouth agape in shock. Slowly she brought her hands up to her mouth and kept them there.

He hadn't expected such a strong reaction. Maybe he'd underestimated her.

Finally, Rin found her voice. "Why?" She choked out, her voice crowded with emotion.

Because I can't stand to be near to you anymore. I can't take your human scent another day longer without holding you and taking you as my own mate and keeping you in my arms forever and ever.

But that would surely lead to his downfall.

"You're wasting your life here. You humans don't live that long, Rin," he said aloud, trying to sound impassive, "You are at the age where you should be bearing children and raising a family. I've raised you when you didn't have a family, but now it's time you go back to the human world and stay there."

Her mind was an empty canvas. Where she should have been feeling something, she only felt the numbness of rejection. Then, slowly, a few colors streaked across- blue, green, and red. Her thoughts all fragmented across her brain. 

She didn't know anything about humans. She didn't know how they greeted one another, how they made families, how they married. If she had grown up in her hometown with her family, she would have. But she didn't. Didn't he understand that she wanted to spend the rest of her natural life with him?

Excruciatingly, painfully, she felt her heart breaking. Never, in all the years she'd ever lived, had she felt this kind of pain. It filled her whole being, creating a dull, throbbing ache somewhere inside that she couldn't penetrate with any conscious thoughts.

Her eyes flooded with tears, but she didn't let any of them fall. So this, in the end, was the way he saw her. Just a burden, an object of pity. She didn't need to ask him now why he'd let her stay with her all this time, because now he was making her leave.

Finally, she spoke. "If it is what Sesshoumaru sama desires, I will go," she said, feeling dead. There was no reason for her to stay if he didn't want her there…which he didn't. But she was loyal to the end, and would obey his wishes…even if it meant this.

Somewhere in the distance, thunder rumbled.

He hadn't expected this kind of reaction, not at all. He didn't know what he had expected, but this certainly wasn't it, this quiet acceptance and obedience. For the first time in all of Sesshoumaru's life, he was unsure of himself and found himself wondering if he might have made a mistake.

It was too late now to take back his words, however. Just looking at her filled him with anger. Anger at her for entering his life in the first place, for making him weak, and now, most of all, for being a human. If she had been a youkai, they would have been perfectly acceptable together.

But better to let her go now than grow more attached to her as the years went on and then one day have to watch her die.

So much anger and conflict raged between the two hearts there in the grass, but there seemed to be an invisible wall erected between them, so they both remained silent.

Rin wondered if it was possible to love someone in the past and hate them in the present. She certainly didn't hate Sesshoumaru sama, and she never would. But she was so disappointed in him. She was angry at herself, too, for letting herself fall in love with him. Love brings nothing but pain, she thought. I will never love again.

"Sesshoumaru sama, before I leave, I'd like to you to grant me one last request," She said, surprised at the amount of authority her voice held. It was the grown-up Rin again. She hadn't totally disappeared after all. Inside, though, inside she had turned to mush. She couldn't believe what she was about to do. But she owed it to her child self, even if her child side was dead.

"I will, Rin. One last request." He glanced at her with his usual emotionless face.

She gulped and tried to steady her nerves.

"I've wanted to do this for a long time," she stated, her strong voice crumbling.

Her hands found their way through his hair on either sides of his face. His face showed the slightest hint of surprise, but in a moment her vision blurred with tears.

Holding him gently between her hands, she leaned in and pressed her lips softly to his.

The second their lips touched, a spark of electricity seemed to bolt from her lips and spread to her entire body, making it tingle uncontrollably. No, not tingle. Tremble.

Sesshoumaru was shocked. Somehow emotion had managed to worm its way through his cold exterior. Only Rin was capable of making this happen.

Feeling her warm lips on his, he felt like he was defying himself. Not only was he letting her kiss him, but he was enjoying it.

This is it. I've become weak.

Rin tried to pull away but found that she couldn't. Sesshoumaru was kissing her back. 

Sesshoumaru pulled his arms up and pulled her down onto his chest so her warm body was covering his. This feeling was so strange, this tingling, this warm desire.

The thunder rumbled again, but this time it seemed closer. For the rest of her life, whenever Rin heard thunder, she re-lived this moment-

Sesshoumaru's lips softly caressing hers, his warm, muscular body underneath hers, and the utter contentment she felt right then.

This is it. It's all over. Everything, everything. Over. Over….

Rin had given herself to him long ago, but Sesshoumaru had resolved long ago never to let another living thing touch him like this, love him like this. But it was too late. Ever since he'd gotten that human girl….too late. He let his body meld into hers so they were almost like one person lying there in the grass.

She was trembling and pulled herself closer to him, breathing in his scent. Drawing in a long, shuddery sigh, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut to keep any tears from falling.

"Little Rin, don't cry. Crying is for the weak."

"But I am weak, Sesshoumaru sama." she lifted her head out of his shoulder and looked at him. Under her she felt him taking a deep breath.

Burying her head once more into him, she closed her eyes, not wanting to hear his answer. 

"You are not weak, Rin. You are the strongest human I've met. The others let their petty emotions rule their lives. They stray from their families because their emotions fail them. They kill, and they harbor anger. And you…"

He brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "You do not."

Those three words seemed to let something inside her breathe with relief.

"Thank you, Sesshoumaru sama."

He could no longer take it anymore. He felt as if he didn't do something, anything, he would burst. 

Sesshoumaru moved his lips to her mouth again and then traced her cheek, her jaw line, and her neck with them. 

As Rin felt the moisture of his lips printing kisses all over her body, she knew that even though she'd started this, she was no longer in control. She felt like a newborn kitten. Lying there, helpless, she was a slave to her emotions, unable to protest or escape. Her eyes were not blind to the world and she knew nothing. All she knew was that the total trust that a kitten has was enveloping her.

Sesshoumaru was growing more intense by the second. She felt his hands touching her skin, sending a shiver of pleasure down her spine.

"Sess….Sesshoumaru….sama…." She tried to tell him to stop. There had to be something wrong with this- their two hearts deriving so much complete and utter happiness from one another- it just didn't seem possible. And, as Rin had learned before from life, pleasure always came with pain.

But there seemed to be no stopping the spirit of intoxication that had befallen them.

Rin let herself go, little by little. She slowly, tentatively, inched down and kissed the skin on his chest, making sure that her lips covered his wounds. Little by little she traveled to each one and kissed it softly, making sure she wasn't hurting him.

Rin was vaguely aware of herself- doing everything slowly and steadily, cautiously making sure she didn't push any limits that she shouldn't be. Sesshoumaru, on the other hand, knew that she was his. He just floated in the water, waiting to see where the current would take him.

In the flurry of Rin's kissing, Sesshoumaru put his hand on her shoulder and slid off the obstructive cloth covering it. Yes, there was her bare shoulder, beautiful, white, and waiting to be kissed…

Suddenly, Sesshoumaru stopped. It was as if he'd suddenly escaped his body and had a glimpse of himself from above and how he looked at this very instant.

Rin stood there, staring at him, her eyes pleading to be kissed again.

He'd lost his head, lost it to a human. Given in.

The great Sesshoumaru had let her see a softness in him and let something other than logic rule him. Because if he were his usual cold, calculating self, Rin would still be untouched. She would probably be gone in her human village by now. And a human was the least logical, most nonsensical thing he could think of. It made no sense. But at the same time, it made perfect sense.

"Sesshoumaru sama…?"

"Go to sleep, Rin. I have a long day of walking tomorrow and you must be energetic tomorrow when we take you to the village."

"Demo…?"

Her eyes watched him pull his robes back on and leave their little grass shelter as if nothing had ever happened.

Her heart was fluttering madly, and she put her hand to her chest to try to stifle it. What in the world was going on?

She sat there for several moments simply staring at the empty space where their two bodies had left an imprint in the broken stalks of grass.

And….^_^ I had fun writing this chapter. And you can see why. If I can get my butt in gear this weekend, expect an update next week!

x~Aurora chan. ßremember, she loves reviews. *hint*