GAH!! I can't believe fanfiction.net!! I wanted to make an update last Friday, but what happened? It didn't let me upload!!!! Sorry for the delay, everyone -_- I sent in a complaint to fanfiction.net yesterday and I guess they fixed it, because finally I am able to upload. I've had this chappie written for ages and I'm glad to finally share it with you.
Because…
Chapter Eight
The days slowly slipped back into their pattern of normality, back into the way it was before her.
Sesshoumaru did not realize how apathetic he had grown with challenging other youkai. Ever since he had found Rin, he'd tried to avoid trouble when the child was around for the threat of her safety.
Going out and actually looking for battles were something that had been very rare lately, and became even rarer when Rin had begun to question him.
When she was younger, she would stay with Jaken and Ah and Uh until he returned, speaking nothing from the battle. But as she grew older, she wanted to tag along more and more often.
Long before he returned, he could hear her childish laughter ringing through the silence. When Sesshoumaru came back from battles, bloodied a little bit but as composed as ever, she would spring from Ah and Un's back, or maybe a nearby tree with a bundle of flowers for him.
Now, his only answer was the wind laughing gently.
Those intrusive thoughts that greeted him with that silence wouldn't go away. As much as he tried to push them away, something inside felt a longing for those days of her childhood again, the days when she was still his.
Replaced by that was the sharp, almost painful longing when he pictured her now. The beautiful girl she had become had killed the child she was no longer. Now, with a mind of her own, he perceived her more far more dangerous than she would have ever thought. She was the one thing in the world that could defeat his greatness, push him down until he was as pathetic as the hanyou.
"Sesshoumaru sama, things are quiet without Rin around," Jaken remarked from behind him. Silence had always seemed to bother Jaken, probably the prime reason why he could never keep his beak shut for more than five minutes, even if the conversations were mostly one-sided.
Quiet…
"Perhaps we should go for a hunt for her, Sesshoumaru sama. You seem to be glum without your little human girl."
Sesshoumaru turned around and scrutinized Jaken with an evil glare. "It would be so easy to pull out Toukijin and slice your head off," he said calmly, placing his hand on the sword.
"Gomengomengomengomen!!" Shrieked the toad-like youkai, bowing fervently.
Sesshoumaru turned back around and continued walking. Damn, he'd let the little wretch see his sensitive side. For Rin was the only living thing that could make him angry enough to kill, thaw his heart enough to make him smile, and make his body long for her touch.
Yes, Jaken had been right. He did miss his little human girl.
She was lying in the grass, eyes shut. She did not need to open her eyes, for she knew who was there- Sesshoumaru sama. Leaning in closer, she inhaled his scent-something between fresh air and a strong, foreign, yet pleasant scent that signified his status as full-blooded youkai. As she smiled and kissed his cheek, a wave of sadness crossing over her at the same time. If only we could hold this moment forever…
Her mother, father, and brother suddenly appeared before them, and they both sat up.
"May I take the honor of taking Rin as my wife?" He asked her father. She didn't see him nod, but in a moment, Sesshoumaru scooped her up into his arms and embraced her tightly. She pulled away to see his face, but suddenly, everything shifted.
"wait," she heard herself saying dully, "wait." The crescent moon on his forehead disappeared, only to be replaced with a pair of ridiculous, yet cute, dog ears. The eyes became less narrow and larger, more arrogant than beautiful and fierce.
"Now we will be married," he said, and she could do nothing to protest. And at that moment, suddenly, she no longer wanted to.
When Rin awoke the next morning, she saw white hair. She saw a clawed hand lying limp with the presence of sleep. And then, golden eyes that flew open to study her. Suddenly everything from the night before sank in, and she shut her eyes in dismay.
He did resemble Sesshoumaru sama in many ways on the outside, and something about his manner- his every move- reminded her of Sesshoumaru.
"Kagome…I have a hangover," her moaned in her direction, hand groping around for some water.
At first she did not respond, but soon realized he was talking to her.
Without a word, she filled up a nearby pitcher and handed it to him. Waiting for him to drink, she kept a safe distance away.
He closed his eyes and leaned back onto the futon, chest rising and falling steadily.
"Inu…Inuyasha..?"
He grunted, and she supposed that this was his response.
Clearing her throat, she said, "Do you remember anything about last night?"
He opened his eyes a little and squinted at the ceiling. "We were walking…Sesshoumaru came….then we came home," he said softly, his voice husky.
"did something else happen that I don't remember?"
Her silence told him more than any words could. But how on earth would she tell him?
There was no way to describe the bright flash of light that accompanied his words, the way the cup simply vanished, and worst of all, the fact that she was not Kagome-that the real Kagome was honestly and truly dead. Besides, he would never believe her.
That was magic, she thought. Even though she'd always thought it was supposed to be something wondrous, it had turned out as more of a curse than anything. Inuyasha was in a state of ignorance, and she feared that even when his hangover wore off, his eyes would still, and always, see her as his lost love.
She watched him until he fell asleep, as she felt was her new duty. Than she rose off the floor and went outside.
As far as anyone was concerned now, she was Kagome. She had simply replaced the dead miko and no one would know she was gone. Somehow, her presence seemed to linger everywhere. Rin's own life now seemed to have lesser significance, because she was stepping into the middle of the play, acting like someone else. There is no more Rin.
A wave of chills enveloped her body, even though the sun bore down on her head. The discerning feeling of her own persona stolen from reality was frightening.
There's no other way, something inside her protested dully. It's your fault Kagome's gone, and you have to be her from now on. She felt that this was only right without knowing what was compelling her to believe this. All her thoughts, which normally she would have deemed insane, now seemed perfectly rational and right.
What was happening to her?
There would be no protests, then, when he called her by the other girl's name. She would answer, learn to love him even. Make his meals, clean up after him, and share his bed. There was no other place for her to go, and she could not ever leave his side.
No regrets, she thought. I'll take up my new nook here and bury the past. She faced all this with a dead, grim satisfaction. Sesshoumaru sama would never come back for her, so she would simply bury him. He would never exist in her mind again, and that one day yesterday spent in the grass would fade to a distant memory of a time long ago.
Always she would keep a smile on her face, because tears were not allowed. Now, only her heart would cry for what could have been.
He was walking out of a forest lying adjacent to a village. Then he smelled it.
It was so abrupt that he stopped for a moment- it seemed odd that she was still existing somewhere, when in his mind, she'd disappeared off the planet.
Rin's scent, though mottled with so many lesser scents, was blatantly poignant to him. Letting the sweet aroma linger around him, he almost did not hear Jaken speak.
"Rin chan is in the village, Sesshoumaru sama!" he said, restating Sesshoumaru's already drawn mental conclusion.
"Perhaps she is," he said nonchalantly, "But I care little. Rin is no longer a part of our lives, Jaken."
For a moment the small green youkai said nothing. "I do miss her, Sesshoumaru sama. May you grant me a wish to go visit her?" Damn, must he provoke the subject?
"Do as you wish." He turned away, walking away as he so often did from those who irritated him.
He situated himself at the tree and watched Jaken waddle off into the distance, leaving him, as he so often was, alone.
He should have been used to it. After all, he'd spent all of his hundreds of years of his life alone, for the most part. When that wretch Jaken had tagged along, it took him a while to get used to his constant chatter. It amused him quite a bit to have a servant because of his undying loyalty. It also had perturbed him, this concept of "loyalty." How could one being be so solely devout to another?
But now, he thought, he understood, at least to an extent. Every time Rin was endangered, he rescued her without a second thought, and when that second thought did come, hours later, he wondered why on earth he rescued another useless human from death's grip.
This whole situation daunted him to no end, and he wanted Jaken to return quickly so they could get out of there.
Maybe one day their paths would cross again, but he doubted it. And then, in a hundred years, he would remember this all as a distant memory that drifted away
The days slowly blurred together. She awoke and tended to the hanyou, fudged her way out of using her "miko powers," and prepared food. Day after day.
But something felt…wrong. Every day in the back of her mind, she felt as if she was losing something a little at a time, like she had a bagful of seeds and was spreading them slowly over the land.
She did not realize how weak her will had grown in these past few weeks. Every since Inuyasha's wish, a false sense of contentment had coated Inuyasha and Rin. There were times when her obligation did not feel like such an obligation any more- it was what she really wanted. After she'd told herself that so many times, she believed it. Without her even realizing it, her memories were rapidly fading.
At times, she got so wrapped up in her role as Kagome that she forgot who she really was. When Inuyasha called her "Kagome," she responded without the unvoiced protest of "but I'm Rin!" popping into her mind. Then, she would quickly remind herself that she was really Rin, and she must never forget that.
It was like having a secret, something she could keep to her very own self. Inside this Kagome you see, there is another little person…
But when she lay curled up next to Inuyasha, feeling his lungs breathe in and out underneath her hand, she felt happy. This is what I want forever…
It was on one day, so much like any other. It began exactly the same as usual.
"Kagome! Are the dumplings ready yet!"
"I'm not your slave," she called back playfully.
"Keh! I'm hungry!"
"Well they'll be ready in a minute, dog-ears."
"I'm not a dog!"
Rin giggled. This hanyou was very amusing sometimes-she might even call him cute.
Bringing the food to him, she said, "Would you like to go for a walk with me after we eat?"
He gave her a condescending glance. "There are so many better ways to spend your time."
"Come on. It would be fun," she said unconvincingly.
"I'm not going. I'm gonna go out and kill some youkai."
This was the one thing that was unsettling to Rin. Why did he, along with Sesshoumaru, feel the need to kill things to feel superior? But she only sighed. It was his way, and had been for hundreds of years. She could not change this.
"All right, then. I will see you later." She rose off the floor and left the house. The fluttering of the curtains covering the entrance reminded her of something, but she couldn't remember what.
Thanks for the review so far, everyone! The more reviews I get, the more inspired I am to write a chapter more quickly, so keep it up!! From now on, I'll be posting at less regular intervals, because it IS summer break and all. I do have more time to write, so it might be less than I week before I have chapter nine up.
x~Aurora chan
