Eep! I can't believe how long since I updated! I never thought I'd say this, but I've been busy, busy, busy. Even though it's summer! Well, school starts soon (ugh…) so I finished the story up…but there's still one more chapter after this! ^-^ I've been writing for…about…five hours straight. Head hurts. A lot.
Because…
Chapter Ten
She never thought sleep would come to her, but Rin found her eyelids tugging down and her exhausted body melting into the wall.
Though it was an awkward, uncomfortable position, she found a strange sort of solace from the slight pain it brought upon her. Had she been snuggled into a cozy bed, sleep would have totally evaded her, as if her external surroundings were coaxing her into the belief that everything would be fine.
At least now, she knew the whole time that it wouldn't be fine.
She dozed fitfully off and on throughout the night, each time upon awakening marking the position of the moonbeam cast over the stone floor.
A few hours past midnight, she awoke again to hear a clatter at the small slit where the moon escaped through.
"Kagome! Kagome!" A hissed, furtive whisper slipped through the silence.
The voice sounded unfamiliar, because the one she had been hoping for-praying for- would not have made such an entrance. And he wouldn't have called her Kagome.
It never occurred to her that the hanyou would come to get her. Of course he would- she was his beloved "Kagome," the only person who'd ever mattered to him.
"I'm in here," she said, listening to her flat voice.
She was happy to see a savior, even if it wasn't the one she'd expected, but if she had to go back to living that lie she would have rather been dead, anyways. For she feared more this fate than the fate of death. They were both quiet and stealth, but death possessed a calming silence that her possessed mind would not.
What if when she saw him, she fell under the spell again? He would insist she go back with him and live with him…
What if she couldn't escape? She'd be caught in this web of deceptive happiness once again, and then she would lose herself forever. But it was worth a try, for as long as she had her life, there was hope.
All these thoughts flickered through her head in the half a second after she responded to his call.
"Come get me, Inuyasha," she said, careful not to let her voice slip into Kagome's.
"I'll have to bust the wall down with Kaze no Kizu. Stand back or else you'll get caught in the falling rocks."
She flattened herself against the back wall and waited. In a moment the hut was filled with a bright, flashing light, and the walls tumbled away to reveal a huge opening-freedom, blessed freedom.
She ran then, terrified that the wall might somehow change its mind and trap her inside again.
Outside, the stars glimmered happily. All of them spread out over the whole town, lighting up the sky. It seemed like the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.
"I'm so happy you came to rescue me," she said, turning to him with a smile lighting up her face.
For some reason, this statement seemed to embarrass him. "Yeah, well. It' just what I do, you know? Let's get out of here before someone notices."
He turned around and stood there, slightly hunched over. She stared at him in bewilderment, before realizing he wanted her to hop upon his back.
Rin carefully climbed on, feeling the comforting solidity it held. She knew he wouldn't drop her, and she trusted him completely. For now.
He broke into a run, dashing past all the huts and past their own hut, deep into the forest.
When they stopped, it was in a beautiful, moonlit clearing. Rin's eyes searched frantically across the clearing, looking for a good break in the wood where she could escape to. Before she had a chance to plan her escape, Inuyasha deposited her on the grass and sat next to her.
"What are you doing, woman, getting yourself into all sorts of trouble?" He demanded, arms folded.
"It wasn't…." she sought helplessly for a way of phrasing her dilemma, "I just…I don't know what happened to me. Maybe I am crazy."
Her voice was papery and flat; she was sure he wouldn't believe her, but surprisingly enough, he did.
"You're not crazy. Well, maybe you are a little bit, but you've always been that way." He jostled her side with his elbow to show he was only kidding.
She managed a shaky, tentative smile. Inuyasha had taken care of her as long as she'd been with him, and even though she knew she wasn't the person he thought she was, she still felt like she should thank him, somehow.
"Inuyasha…I just wanted to tell you…" she glanced up at his face, and saw him turning red. Inwardly she smiled, for now, she could finally let out her breath-freedom was in sight.
"Thank you for taking care of me all the time. You've protected me so well ever since we met. Just….thank you."
She felt a wave of something swell up inside, and it took her a moment to realize what it was. That fluttery, giddy feeling that she'd only felt once before-with Sesshoumaru. It's the spell, she admonished herself. It's not real. Ignore it.
But it felt so real…
"Kagome." He took her shoulders in his hands and turned her to face him.
"Y-yes?"
"I've been wanting to ask this question for a long time, but…I've never been able to work up the nerve."
She stared at him, unsmiling. "Yes?"
He fished around in his pocket for a small box, then got down on one knee. Shutting his eyes, he blurted out, "Kagome, will you marry me?"
Sesshoumaru stopped, and Jaken ran into his leg.
"What is it, Sesshoumaru sama?"
His minion's voice seemed far away as he focused intently on the scent in the air.
Rin was close…very close…he would have recognized that sweet, innocent scent anywhere. But that wasn't it. He also smelled the hanyou, and the two scents mingled together in the air's breath. If that bastard does anything to Rin, I'll kill him, he thought, and that thought brought on one of his rare rises of anger.
"We're going back," he said, amazed at the amount of tightness his voice held.
"D-demo…Sesshoumaru sama?" Jaken was confused at his lord's sudden strange behavior. Then, he took a deep breath and realized what it was Sesshoumaru had smelled, and followed him wordlessly.
"M…ma…rry…?" She stared at him in shock. In the back of her mind, a voice echoed that word…and she remembered Sesshoumaru sama talking about marriage. But…the hanyou? If she married him, there would be no way of ever escaping. If she said yes, she might as well have been digging her own grave as she spoke.
But how to refuse? As far as he was concerned, she was Kagome. What would he have done had she said no?
She opened her mouth when suddenly a voice behind her rang out, strong and clear. "She will not. Get your paws off her, you hanyou bastard."
Both of them whipped around, startled.
Inuyasha growled and reached for the Tessaiga at his side.
"That won't be necessary…all you have to do is hand over Rin to me." His voice was smooth and emotionless.
Rin stood like a statue, the mere sight of him paralyzing her. He seemed more beautiful then the last time she'd seen him, when she thought she would never see him again. Her eyes drank in everything about him-his long, flowing white hair, his piercing golden eyes, and his overpowering aura. Her heart swelled with happiness-he'd come, not because he had to, but because he wanted to protect her.
When she was small, she'd always felt the same way after waiting days alone for his return. He'd seemed like an apparition when he finally strode up to her, and with a curt nod of his head, she would follow him with a smile on her face.
And it was at that moment that she realized how much she loved him, and with it, a flash of desperation. What if he left her here alone?
"Sesshoumaru sama…" she whispered as she watched his mouth move again.
"You will release Rin or die."
Inuyasha seemed genuinely confused, but his rage at being threatened by his older brother overshadowed it. "I don't have your human bitch, Sesshoumaru. This girl is mine, and I don't intend on giving her to you anytime soon! Seems like you've gotten desperate for a mate, eh? Going and stealing your younger brother's girl, and a human, nonetheless."
Inuyasha's sneering face was almost too much to bear, but Sesshoumaru kept his metallic expression intact.
"You seem to think that pretending you do not know will get you somewhere. But if you speak one more lie you'll soon be joining your wench."
A pause while they eyed each other threateningly.
The scene would have been almost paintable if there wasn't so much tension in the air- these two beautiful silver- haired brothers, the moonlight playing off each of their features. It looked like something from a legend.
"If that is the way you are going to be…." Sesshoumaru stated, "Then you must not value your life!" He lunged at Inuyasha, sword bared, and Inuyasha dodged.
"It seems like you've finally gone insane, bastard," Inuyasha said angrily, swinging his sword around, "Kagome is my mate, and I have no other. It seems that you'll have to go search for your precious Rin somewhere else!"
"I will search for her over your corpse." He made a blow alarmingly close to Inuyasha's head, slicing off a lock of hair.
Throughout this whole encounter, Rin felt herself growing increasingly angry. So that's all she was, then? A piece of property that Sesshoumaru couldn't stand his brother owning? He hadn't come when she was upset, and he hadn't come when her life was threatened. Only when her maidenhood was threatened- then suddenly he showed up acting possessive. He was the one who'd told her to leave, and he had no claims over her now.
"Why are you suddenly all fucking sappy over a human?" Demanded Inuyasha, "I thought you were too good for-"
"Stop!"
Her voice rang out and echoed in the trees, sounding ragged and shrill. Inuyasha's sword fell to his side and Sesshoumaru paused mid-swing to turn and look at her.
Her hot, searing rage nearly blinded her. It forced the words out of her mouth, and even as she heard them she couldn't believe how angry she was. "I belong to neither of you! You," at this she turned to Sesshoumaru, "Obviously don't care anything about me, only about your stupid pride! You just wanted to get rid of me before, didn't you? And after that, you didn't show up until now! Did you know that I was almost killed?" then, she focused her anger to Inuyasha, "And you! You only think I'm yours because you think I'm Kagome! Well guess what? Kagome is dead, dead, and I don't belong to either you or him! I'm me, Rin! Not yours or yours!" She stood there, panting, as both of them stared at her incredulously.
But she did not care anymore. They could both fight until their deaths, but in the meantime, Rin wouldn't be around to witness it. She turned her back on them and walked away, enjoying the silence.
"Damn, damn damn you both!" She whispered under her breath. After disappearing from sight, she'd run blindly through the forest, tree branches whipping her face. She felt the blood from her scratches running down her cheeks, but it felt good-it all matched up with her chaotic, raging mind. Now, she was laying in the grass, clutching her side as she gasped for breath.
This is the end, she thought, the end of everything. There was no where to go now, no reason to live.
If Sesshoumaru came after her, she realized now that she couldn't ever follow him. In this short time of being away from him, she had grown up and become her
own person-one who wouldn't go sniveling to him after everything that had happened.
Trying to stifle a shuddery sigh, she lifted her head. Her hot red anger had faded into a dark, black pit of misery. The forest all around her suddenly seemed dark, threatening.
"Sesshoumaru…" she whispered, feeling the tears on her face all run out. As much as her mind told her to forget about him, her heart still cried out for him. But following her heart had gotten her in enough trouble. It was time to start listening to her common sense for once.
Rousing herself off the ground once more, Rin started walking-eventually, she would come to a village, but in the meantime, she would live off the forest. And then when she got to the village…she would…what?
Rin had never felt so alone. Even after her parents had died, and that brief, terrible time in its aftermath that she remembered vaguely, her childlike wisdom had kept her living. Now, it was different, for she had loved, and she had lost, and she was no longer a child.
Suddenly Rin stopped, her thoughts all flying out of her head.
For there, in the middle of the forest, lay a girl. She had long black hair and thick black eyelashes that graced her cheeks. It was hard to make out her facial features in the waning light, but instantly, without even approaching any closer, Rin knew that it was Kagome.
All she could do was stare in amazement. Was Kagome still alive, then? She looked as if she'd just laid down for a little nap after taking a walk in the forest and lost track of time.
Rin swallowed hard. She'd seen all kinds of bizarre things in her journeys with Sesshoumaru sama…when she was very little, seven zombie men that had risen from their graves and we wreaking havoc on the town. Naraku, of course, who she'd gotten a glimpse of during that final battle to recapture the Shikon no Tama. But this…she'd actually known Kagome, and so therefore it not only filled her with terror, but with empathy as well.
There was no doubt that she had been dealt a fatal wound during that battle all those months ago. So then…why was she lying here, her cheeks as pink and healthy as they'd ever been?
A faint hope blossomed inside Rin-maybe she was alive, by some freak chance. And if that were the case, then would Inuyasha finally remember? Would he finally realize that this girl was the one he loved and not she?
Taking a few more tentative steps, Rin settled herself next to Kagome.
"Kagome? Are you asleep? Wake up…" She said, keeping her voice soft for fear that Sesshoumaru would somehow find her.
Wiping a stray tear away from her face, she kept trying. "Kagome…Kagome? Please, be alive. I need you to live. Please." Her desperate plea echoed in the silence of the woods.
Drawing in a shuddery breath, Rin felt the last of her hopes dying a slow, painful death, and a moment later her eyes filled with fresh tears.
Gods…just when she thought she couldn't cry any more…the lonliness, the descolence, the helplessness came rushing back, and this was the only way she could handle it? By crying?
Rin had never felt so pathetic in her entire life.
But there was no way of stopping the torrent of tears once had started. With the conscious realization that Kagome was still dead, all her thoughts seemed to tumble down one after another, as if she'd pushed a rock down a mountain that started a landslide.
Sesshoumaru doesn't love me, I'm alone, I have no one, I'm an orphan, and I'm a pathetic, weak human…and there is no more hope…
She couldn't believe how terribly wrong everything had gone in such a short time. It seemed that her entire life had been utterly shattered in the course of a few foolish actions. All the events of the past few months had been spiraling chaotically downward, and right at this moment, they all collided, leaving her in the very center.
Baka, baka, baka! She screamed at herself mentally, what's wrong with you? What's wrong with Sesshoumaru?
Rin was angry again. In fact, her grief at the loss of her old life quickly turned into fury and frustration that she felt she couldn't bear.
It wasn't all her fault, then. Sesshoumaru had been just as stubborn, just as flighty as she. But the fact that he didn't return her love- and gods, by now she was sure of that. He merely viewed her as a possession, or maybe a minion. But never, ever, a mate.
Standing up, Rin felt her body shuddering with sobs. "I hate you, Sesshoumaru. I hate you! I hate you…but…I love you…" she said, choking back another sob. It felt good to say those words-both of them were a relief to emotions she'd kept pent up for so long.
"I'm such an idiot…" she mumbled, turning away from Kagome's body. Her body still held residue of her sobbing, but for the most part her tears had dried, leaving only silent, frozen little streams creeping down her cheeks.
And suddenly he was there.
Rin felt him before her eyes saw him- all of a sudden the air of the terrible weight that had settled on her was doubled, and she knew that only one thing could change it so much.
Nothing more than a glance passed between them, but it was amongst the longest and deepest glances ever in the history of stares.
Sesshoumaru saw Rin more clearly than ever. Face stained with emotion, shining with shed tears, her smallness compared his own height. Looking so vulnerable, yet at the same time, so angry and defiant. The human he found and saved, and who had changed his life. The human that he wanted to be his. But he knew by the look in her eyes that she belonged to no one and was determined never to again.
And Rin stole one hard look at Sesshoumaru. Cold, cunning. Looking exactly the same as he'd ever. Unloving and tormenting her so. Heart crying, brain trying to rip her away from him. Hating him, and loving him.
They passed one another by. Sesshoumaru, she realized vaguely, was heading towards Kagome's body. But she did not care. She would walk, and she would keep walking forever.
"Rin."
She stopped. For the rest of her life, she wondered what would have happened if she had kept walking. But she was sure that she would have regretted it until the
day she died.
She didn't respond, but Sesshoumaru knew that he had her attention by the stiffness of the spine, the erectness of the head.
"What do you want me to do?"
Rin closed her eyes. So many answers exploded in her mind: free me, hold me, love me. But she couldn't bring a single one to her lips. She was an adult now-what a strange time for this realization. Being an adult meant that things didn't always turn out the way you wanted them to, and it meant that your dreams were dead.
Sesshoumaru found her silence strangely excruciating. As if she'd weighed every word he'd said in her mind, cross- analyzing him, deciding if it was worth an answer. Normally this type of scrutiny would not have affected him, but he'd realized a long time ago- his situation with Rin was anything but normal.
Slowly Rin turned around and eyed him. She didn't meet his eyes, but they started at his neck and began slowly traveling downwards, looking at his as if he were a stranger. There, his armor, covering that muscular chest that only she'd seen. His huge fuzzy pelt. And then her eyes landed on the two swords at his side. There was the one that his hands lingered constantly on the sword of destruction, but behind it there was…Tenseiga. The sword that had given her life back.
And it was then that she knew what to do. There was no amount of questioning here.
"Bring Kagome's life back," she said tonelessly, the flatness of her voice surprising even her.
"If you desire so," he said, voice matching hers. How impersonal they sounded, like strangers with a thick wall of stone around them.
"I do."
Almost ceremoniously, Sesshoumaru curled his fingers around Tenseiga and pulled it out of its scabbard. In the faint moonlight that was filtering through the trees, it threw light around in the clearing.
Sesshoumaru's studied it for a moment, then glanced at Rin.
Instantly, Rin knew what he was thinking. He's remembering, she thought, maybe even regretting ever giving me my life back. She couldn't meet his eyes. Those golden irises were a constant reminder of everything that had ever gone wrong; he a youkai, and she, a worthless little human girl.
Sesshoumaru had turned away by now, and he was raising the sword over Kagome's body. Suddenly Rin squinted- in the faint light, she saw dark willowy figures spiraling out of Kagome, but only for a split second-Sesshoumaru's blade suddenly cut through them and they all vanished.
Rin ran up to the other girl and knelt down. For a moment, her face remained motionless, but in the next her eyes began stirring with the faintest signs of life.
And then Rin was looking into a pair of brown eyes exactly the same shade as her own.
"It worked," breathed Rin, all her tribulations resting aside as she basked in this miracle. Sesshoumaru, so powerful, able to steal life as easily as he could bring it back.
Kagome sat up. "R…Rin? Sesshoumaru? What are you doing here? What am I doing here? The last thing I remember was…" her eyebrows bunched together in a slight frown, but an instant later, she finished, "I remember pain…."
Her eyes rested on Rin, presumably seeking an explanation. But suddenly Rin was too exhausted, both physically and emotionally, to explain. Instead she said,
"Where is Inuyasha?"
"Inuyasha did not want to follow me here, for he knew that this place was the graveyard of his lost mate," Sesshoumaru spoke up. His eyes regarded Kagome steadily, contemptuously, before turning and walking away.
"I was…dead?"
Rin nodded. "Please, Kagome…I beg of you. Go find Inuyasha. He believes that you are dead, and that I am you because of the wish he made with the grail."
Kagome's eyes were wide and dazed. "Sesshoumaru used Tensaiga on me, then?" She gave no recognition of having heard Rin's pleas.
"Yes. As a favor to me." Rin stood up and brushed herself off, focusing intently on getting the dirt off her yukata to avoid Kagome's questioning eyes.
"Thank you, Rin," Kagome said as she stood up on wobbly legs. "I will go find Inuyasha now."
The girls eyed one another warily. If they'd have been friends, Rin would have thrown her arms around her. But Kagome stepped forward, then awkwardly drawing
back at Rin's, which deflected anything of that sort.
Rin wasn't quite sure of what to say, so instead she just nodded and walked away. "Good luck," she said over her shoulder.
She had matters of her own to attend to, and she needed to find Sesshoumaru.
Insomnia is good for something, heheheh. Tell me what you think, and I'll post the next chapter pretty soon, and this time I can guarantee that because I already wrote it!
^_~ Okay, well, everyone knows about the pretty blue button.
x~Aurora chan
