DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter or anything remotely related to it. Although I wish I did! ( This is a rated R story mostly for sexually related scenes, mild drug use, and violence.

A/N: This is my very first fanfic. so please be nice. send lots of reviews, it would be greatly appreciated. Oh yeah and by the way, my friend Jon is drunk sitting next me 'while I'm naked, because it's a very disturbing thought'----sorry that was jon talking. anyway enjoy!! (

Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was preparing for yet another year of school. With two weeks left before the start of term, all teachers and staff were called into the Great Hall for an annual welcome back meeting. Everyone seemed to be present, but Dumbledore had a look of worry in his normally twinkling eyes. He was waiting for someone, an unknown visitor to the rest of the anxious staff.

"Albus, if you don't mind, could you get this meeting started? I'm very busy preparing all my lessons and my potions cannot be left unattended for much longer." Severus Snape snapped sourly.

Dumbledore gave a stern look Severus's way and sighed. "I suppose we might as well get started. I'm sadly disappointed though; I was waiting for our latest addition to the staff to arrive. Surely there is a logical explanation for her absence.." Dumbledore was cut off by the doors to the Great Hall slamming open.

A young female, no older than 19, began to approach the table at which the staff sat. She was quite beautiful, with straight dark brown hair that reached the middle of her back and bright green eyes that shined like emeralds. She was tan with a little hint of sunburn on her nose. She was definitely an athlete; she was fit, a thin figure with defined muscles in just the right places.

Severus noticed she looked a little out of breath, as if she had been running for a while.

"Professor Dumbledore, I'm so sorry that I'm late and not in my wizard clothing. My father was in the middle of a concert and I couldn't leave without saying goodbye. I apparated here as soon as I could." the young witch said with remorse.

The headmaster interrupted her trail of excuses, "It's quite alright my child, please come here and let me introduce you to the rest of the staff here at Hogwarts."

The girl walked cautiously towards the old wizard and waited for him to speak again.

"It is my pleasure to introduce to you all our new potions mistress." Dumbledore looked at Severus as he questioned what the old man had said.

Was it possible that he, Severus Snape, would finally get the DADA job he's always wanted? No, who was he kidding? He was a greasy old git, former deatheater and feared by almost everyone at Hogwarts. He never got what he wanted, ever, and he never would.

Dumbledore sensed Snape's panic.

"Now Severus, before you get your panties in a bunch, Miss Tyler is not taking your place, she will be assisting you throughout the year. She will be an apprentice, a student-teacher if you will."

Severus did not like this one bit. How dare Dumbledore give him, Severus Snape, a partner, an assistant? Has he no faith in him?

As if Dumbledore could read Severus's mind he said, "I'm sure you will be very supportive of Miss. Tyler, and help her to feel welcome here. Also, in addition to being a teacher, she will finish her requirements in some classes as a student so she may graduate with the rest of the 7th year students."

Dumbledore looked around the room to see most of the teachers give a nod of approval. He seemed pleased with this response.

"Samara, why don't you share with the rest of the staff a little about your life so far. I'm sure everyone would be very interested to hear your tale."

Samara looked up from her seat. Shyly and slowly she stood up and glided towards Dumbledore. Severus mentally scolded himself; he just couldn't help but to give her a quick look up and down as she walked by.

She was very appealing to the eye, not even Severus could deny that, especially in those muggle concert clothes she was wearing. A knitted halter-top that barely covered her chest, no back and a slit to show her tight little tummy furnished with a light blue bellybutton ring. She wore extremely short, short-shorts that complemented her figure. If Severus was not mistaken, he could have sworn that she had her tongue pierced. "Very interesting indeed" Severus thought to himself.

"Ok.well, I'm not really sure where to start. I'm 18 years old and I grew up in Boston, Massachusetts. My mom was a witch; she was killed by the deatheaters when I was two. She never told my muggle father that she was a witch, so when I got my letter to the Salem Academy, it was a complete shock."

She looked around at the group of teachers, they amazingly didn't seem to be bored, so she continued.

"My dad is a singer for a muggle rock band, Aerosmith. He's really quite famous in the muggle world. That's actually where I was before I apparated here. I specialize in potions and dark magic but I need to work harder in charms, divination, and transfiguration. I hope to further my education here at Hogwarts and advance to my fullest capabilities."

Again she looked at the faces of the witches and wizards that would serve as here mentors and guiding light for the rest of the year.

She cautiously continued, "I've been sorted into Ravenclaw and I'll be replacing Cho Chang as Ravenclaw seeker."

Samara looked at Dumbledore to let him know that she was quickly running out of things to share. Dumbledore winked in acknowledgement and motioned her to return to her seat.

"Thank you Samara, we are all anxious to get to know you better this year. But now we must talk of much more serious matters."

The room suddenly changed from a warm welcome feel to a cold realization of what Dumbledore was about to say. The dark lord Voldemort had regained power in the beginning of Harry's 5th year and it seemed that the good side was slowly losing to evil. Severus squirmed in his seat a little as he had flashbacks of some of the raids he encountered. He was constantly being 'tested' by Voldemort to prove his allegiance to the dark lord. Never- ending exposure to the Crutacious curse, being forced to rape innocent young mudbloods and the endless verbal abuse from fellow deatheaters, especially Lucius Malfoy.

"As you all know, Voldemort is a bigger threat to our existence than ever before."

The sound of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named being said out loud made the group quiver.

"Myself, Professor McGonagall, Professor Snape, young Ronald Weasley, Hermoine Granger and of course Harry Potter will be working closely together with the help of the Ministry to bring down the evil wizard and his band of followers" Dumbledore continued.

"There will be extra safety precautions this year, more passwords, charms, spells and the faculty will be keeping an eye on our students more so then in the past. I will not be bringing in the dementors this year, however if I find it necessary the school may temporarily close. I do not wish nor want it to come to this so please do everything you can to ensure the safety and protection of the students."

The teachers looked a little disappointed in the added responsibility but completely understood the position they had to take.

"If any problems arise, you are to inform me immediately." Dumbledore said with complete seriousness in his voice.

"Now, enough talk about You-Know-Who, the most important issue you should be thinking about is the beginning of term. Please try to be nice to the new first years and not assign any homework until the second day of classes." Dumbledore directed this last comment specifically towards Severus. Last year, on the first day of class, he assigned his second year students to have a 3-foot essay on the common sleeping potion due the next day. Severus scowled but knew better then to make a smart-ass remark.

When the meeting was over, Dumbledore motioned Samara and Severus to stay behind the rest of the group.

"Severus, if you would be so kind as to escort Miss. Tyler to her living quarters and give her a quick tour of the potions lab and the rest of the dungeons, it would be most appreciated." Dumbledore requested.

Severus knew better then to disobey Dumbledore; that would be just plain stupid on his part. So he graciously led Miss. Tyler out of the Great Hall and showed her down the dark stairwell that led to the infamous dungeons and was the home of the Slytherins.

"These are you living quarters, you have a small office which is connected to your personal bathroom and bedroom. Also, our offices have adjoining doors, but don't think that you will be welcome to visit. I enjoy my peace and quiet and I prefer not to talk to people if I don't have to. So unless it's an emergency, don't come a knocking!" Severus smirked a little but quickly covered his feeble attempt at humor with a menacing scowl.

"Ummm.OoooooK. Don't worry I won't be making any unnecessary visits if I can help it, but I think that it will be a little difficult to work as your apprentice if you won't talk to me." Samara remarked with sarcasm in her voice.

"You may have similar privileges as most of the Professors here, but you are still a student here and if you're not careful I will take off house points for your cheek!" He was getting angered by the minute. How dare she talk to him like that? Obviously she was not aware of who she was speaking to.

"Excuse me!!! Was that a threat??? If you take house points off of Ravenclaw, I'll just add them back on! Or did you forget that, adding and deducting house points goes along with my privileges of teaching here?" Who did he think he was?? Honestly, he was supposed to make her feel welcome at Hogwarts.

"Look, I don't want to argue with you. We have to be up early in the morning and because I will be working with you day in and day out for the next school year I only hope that we can be civil with each other. It seems to me that we haven't exactly started off on a good note." Samara added, genuinely wanting a decent working relationship between her and raven haired colleague.

"Then I suggest you get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast at 7:00. Don't be late!" With that Severus slammed Samara's door in her face and walked to the potion's lab to finish some of his lesson plans.

"What an ASSHOLE!!!!!" was the last thing Samara thought as she fell into a peaceful slumber.

A/N 2: here is a story that Jon just made up, sorry for the language,
he's very drunk and honestly this was something just too funny for me
to pass up:

Once upon a midnight dream,
Harry fucked Hermoine, what a scary thought.
She ought to go for a man like Malfoy
cause he's got a big toy,
and I'm not talking dicks
I'm talking he's got lots of tricks
in his little wand. He'll fuck you till dawn.
Dumbledore fucked McGonagall and it made the tribute chronicle
the paper of my land.
So he fucked his hand and was very happy his hand
was all fucking sappy and sticky with goo.
Goo from the cock oh what a shock his dirty assed hand
was the dirtiest in all the land.
McGonagall caught it in the eye
that is why she is so fucking shy.
She took it in the ass like a fucking ass.
Like a Bass that swims in the sea along side you and me.
Ron Weasley plays with malfoy's nuts
in the huts of all the professors
as a result he has many pressures
so they must be released so he shoots towards the east
he tries to stay clean but instead it turns green
because he's got a disease and it doesn't come with ease
he means to use cream when he builds up his steam
cause he's only got one hand and its like robbing with sand
turns all fucking red not like getting head

THE END
AND THEY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER