Author's Notes: For some reason my title wasn't centered in my last chapter. I was when I uploaded it didn't turn out that way....Anyways, hopefully this format will work. Enjoy and please review!
Those You Love
Confused and Hurt
by Celebrian
Haldir sat staring off into the tree lines across from his post. He had volunteered for duty with his brother Orophin this morning, even though it was supposed to be his day off. He needed to get his mind off of what was eating away at him, so he figured duty work would cure him.
He was wrong.
Orophin sat on the other side of the flet glancing over at Haldir from time to time. He could tell there was something bothering him but he wasn't sure if he should ask or not. Haldir had been more quiet than usual and he seemed less focused on his job (which was very odd indeed, for him). "Brother?" He started slowly. "Is there something bothering you?"
"No." Haldir lied never taking his gaze off the trees. "I'm fine. Just a bit tired. Now leave me be."
Orophin scratched his forehead and went back to keeping watch. If there was something bothering Haldir, he would find out about it eventually.
Haldir tried to get himself comfortable but it wasn't working. He tapped his fingers against his leg nervously as he thought about what had happened between he and Lutheriel last night.
**********
"Would you take me for your husband, Lady Lutheriel?" Haldir asked nervously, looking into the maiden he sat so close to.
Lutheriel sat wide eyed as her mouth hung slightly open. She didn't know what to say. She did love him but all of this was moving to quickly. She barely knew anything about him other than the fact that he was the March Warden of Lothlorien. She needed time to learn about him, she needed to spend more time with him. "I...I.." She stuttered, shaking her head back and forth. "Haldir....I don't think I can rush into this right away."
Haldir's face fell and he immediately started to curse himself in his mind. How could he have been such an idiot to say that. He had let his emotions get the best of him.
"I do love you. I do. You are my eldar but I hardly know you. I would like to get to know you better before we get married." She smiled lightly. She thought it sweet that he had asked her but she knew that it was just in the heat of the moment that he had asked her. When he realized what he had said he would probably regret it later.
"I thought you said that I was your eldar." Haldir said as he pulled himself away from Lutheriel.
"You are."
"Then why do you deny me?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows together.
"I don't." She simply said. "I would just like us to get to know each other better. Let's just take this one step at a time. I don't think you meant to ask me to marry you. You were just feeling all these emotions that you had never felt before and the words just came out."
Haldir gritted his teeth. "Do you think I would have asked you to marry me if I didn't mean it?" He snapped. He looked at her and softened his words. "If we are each others eldars, then time means nothing. We are meant to be together. I love you, I've waited my whole life for something like this to happen. I never admitted it to anyone...I hated to even admit it to myself, but I felt alone...I was alone. My brothers always had someone that they could care for...that they could protect and cherish. I had no one, until I laid my eyes on you. The most beautiful elf I had ever seen...and I loved you from that moment on." He confessed.
Lutheriel's heart jumped. All his words made her feel like nothing she had ever felt before. "Haldir...that is so sweet of you. I loved you as well but that still doesn't mean that we should get married so quickly. There will be a time for all of this...we have so much time...." She paused and got up to her feet.
"I don't see why we can't just get married and learn about each other then." He said crossing his arms.
"You don't get it do you?" Lutheriel said, her voice becoming slightly agitated. "Maybe I don't want to get married right now, maybe I want to travel Middle-earth and learn before I settle down. I do love you but I am not ready for marriage."
"I was a fool to believe all of this...I curse myself." Haldir said as his upper lip curled up slightly. He rose to his feet. "I take back everything I had said to you. I do not want to marry you and I do not love you. Even if you are my eldar...I refuse you." His words were cold and icy. He gave her one final look and then turned and walked away without saying goodnight or offering to escort her back to her flet.
**********
Haldir sighed deeply as he kept watch on Lorien. How could he have been so blind to see that she would end up hurting him. He always knew it would turn out like this, so why did he bother in the first place. As much as he didn't want to love her though, he did, and that hurt him more than anything. The more he thought about her, the more he became angry. "I am so confused....She says she loves me but yet she does not want me...It makes no sense..."
Orophin looked at his brother again. "Haldir, I really do hate seeing you like this. If there is something bothering you, it's best you talk about it. Or if not me then speak to RĂºmil at least..."
"I said there is nothing bothering me!" Haldir said shooting his brother a menacing look. "Now if you do not leave me alone I will throw you off this flet."
"I don't care if you do, Haldir!" Orophin said, giving his brother the same look back. "Now if there is something wrong we should talk about it. Stop acting so stubborn...."
"I can if I want too." Haldir crossed his arms.
"Now you sound like a child." Orophin snapped. "Don't you see I only want to try and help you?" He said softening his voice.
Haldir huffed and looked at his brother. "Do you want to know why I'm like this? Then I'll tell you....I fell in love and I thought she loved me too....I asked her to marry me-"
"What?" Orophin could barely believe what he was hearing. "You asked that Princess to marry you?"
"Did you not hear me the first time I said that?" He snapped. "Yes. She kissed me, called me her eldar, we sat and talked, we expressed our love for each other, and then I asked her to marry me..."
Orophin was shocked but happy that his brother was finally showing some emotions. "And what did she say, brother?" He asked, fearing he knew the answer.
Haldir could barely say the words himself. They hurt to much. "...She said no." He looked away from his brother. The pain surging through his body. "She said it was to soon, that she wasn't ready to settle down..."
"And you are?" Orophin asked.
Haldir thought about it for a moment. "I live in Lorien, I am the March Warden as well as the Captain of the Galadrim archers. I live alone....There is nothing holding me back from settling down. I would like to come home to someone after my shift, perhaps play with my children or tell them a story. To hold my wife after the children went to bed and tell her how much she means to me." He looked back at his brother and nodded. "These are things I would like, but things I guess I am not destined to have."
Orophin felt sorry for Haldir. He never knew his brother had felt like this. "Haldir...I didn't know...Just because she said not now doesn't mean that she doesn't want to marry you in the future." He said hoping that would cheer him up.
"I don't want to love her anymore. I told her I didn't. I want to go back to the way I was before...that pain was no where near as bad as what I am feeling now." He said softly. "I just want to forget about her."
