God, It's so weird without him. I have cried so much. Not as much as Lana
though, that's all she has been doing for a week. Whenever she leaves her
room (which is hardly ever) She tries to pretend like nothing is wrong, be
strong. Be strong for Chloe. She knows that I am in pain too. I guess she
does not want to burden me with hers too. Her door is always locked; today
was the first day she left it unlocked. I hear her cry all the time. It is
not like I have not heard it before, but this time it's, I don't know,
different. She is in so much pain from Clark; she loves him, the dumb jerk.
No, man why can't I be mad at him? It is like impossible. I have cried too
Lana, don't think you're the only one who is suffering. I cannot even stay
mad at Lana either. They were meant for each other, I can't stand in the
way anymore! I have to talk to Lana. I open her door. She is lying on her
bed, looking pathetic, her eyes are swollen red and she looks like she did
when Whitney died.
"Hey" I say softly
She tries to smile; I have seen the fake rubber band smile too much that I can't stand it.
"You don't have to be fake for me, Lana" I reassure her "It's me Chloe, Remember"
Lana nods and we both smile. There is an awkward silence that I have to break.
"Are you hungry?" I ask suddenly, yeah stupid.
Lana shakes her head "No"
I sit down next to Lana. God, she looks so pathetic. For a minute, I feel as if I am looking at a child. She looks so venerable, so scared. Someone who you just want to protect from the big bad world but you know you just can't. We stare at each other for a second. Out of the blue I stretch my arm out and start stroking her hair away from her face. She smiles a little. I think Lana likes being treated like a child. Right now, she's baby and I'm mommy.
"Lana, Everything is so messed up" I can hardly keep in my tears, but I must be strong
"Yeah" she nods
I stroke her hair some more, trying not to cry.
"Have you found anything?" She asks me
I shrug "Nothing yet...I don't know what to do"
I see the devastation on her face and give her a reassuring smile "But I can keep trying... You love him Lana"
Lana shakes her head. I'm not stupid. She finally sighs and gives in.
"Yeah I do" she admits, "I love him so much"
It hurts, but I know he loves her more then me. I'll be okay, hopefully.
"And he loves you. I can't stay in the way anymore"
A tear rolls down Lana's cheek. "Everyone who I love leaves me. First my parents, Nell, Whitney, now Clark."
I try to give her a reassuring smile. Mommy has to be strong for baby. "Well I'm not leaving you" I smile "Don't you love me?"
Lana laughs "Of course I do"
I take her hand "Lana, I will never leave you No matter what, Clark or any other boy. We will be best friends forever"
This makes Lana smile "Forever and ever"
"And ever" I finish and start to cry.
Lana sobs through her words "I miss him so much"
A grab her and hug her tight. We sob outloud for hours. Lana is so torn; she is the baby. No matter how much ass she can kick, she's always torn. Maybe one day it will go away. She cries silently on my lap and I again stroke her hair and rub her head while crying myself. We hardly speak for an hour or so. Lana cries herself to sleep and is asleep on my lap. I try not to wake her and set her on her pillow. I'm not quite good at tucking people in so she'll have to do without the blankets tonight. I didn't sleep at all. The next day, after having a good cry we decided to have some fun. Actually, act our age. So where did we go? Why, the mall of course! Our bond has been getting stronger by the day. Another one who's helping Lana is Emily. You know the freaky clone of her friend who died 6 years ago. Actually once you get to know Emily you quickly get to love her. She is a sweet and lively girl. Even if she has to be studied in that room with..... uh, nevermind. Lana really gets to act like a child while "hanging out" with Emily. As do I. It's actually kind of fun to act your shoe size sometime. Funny voices and tickle fights. She makes Lana laugh harder then I've ever seen her laugh in her life. Have I ever seen her laugh? She snorts a lot when she laughs. Emily likes to make her laugh like that in public places just because Lana snorts so loud people stare! She cracks us up! In spite of all the fun we are having, I can tell she still misses Clark... I do too. We will find him... and give him an earful.
"Hey" I say softly
She tries to smile; I have seen the fake rubber band smile too much that I can't stand it.
"You don't have to be fake for me, Lana" I reassure her "It's me Chloe, Remember"
Lana nods and we both smile. There is an awkward silence that I have to break.
"Are you hungry?" I ask suddenly, yeah stupid.
Lana shakes her head "No"
I sit down next to Lana. God, she looks so pathetic. For a minute, I feel as if I am looking at a child. She looks so venerable, so scared. Someone who you just want to protect from the big bad world but you know you just can't. We stare at each other for a second. Out of the blue I stretch my arm out and start stroking her hair away from her face. She smiles a little. I think Lana likes being treated like a child. Right now, she's baby and I'm mommy.
"Lana, Everything is so messed up" I can hardly keep in my tears, but I must be strong
"Yeah" she nods
I stroke her hair some more, trying not to cry.
"Have you found anything?" She asks me
I shrug "Nothing yet...I don't know what to do"
I see the devastation on her face and give her a reassuring smile "But I can keep trying... You love him Lana"
Lana shakes her head. I'm not stupid. She finally sighs and gives in.
"Yeah I do" she admits, "I love him so much"
It hurts, but I know he loves her more then me. I'll be okay, hopefully.
"And he loves you. I can't stay in the way anymore"
A tear rolls down Lana's cheek. "Everyone who I love leaves me. First my parents, Nell, Whitney, now Clark."
I try to give her a reassuring smile. Mommy has to be strong for baby. "Well I'm not leaving you" I smile "Don't you love me?"
Lana laughs "Of course I do"
I take her hand "Lana, I will never leave you No matter what, Clark or any other boy. We will be best friends forever"
This makes Lana smile "Forever and ever"
"And ever" I finish and start to cry.
Lana sobs through her words "I miss him so much"
A grab her and hug her tight. We sob outloud for hours. Lana is so torn; she is the baby. No matter how much ass she can kick, she's always torn. Maybe one day it will go away. She cries silently on my lap and I again stroke her hair and rub her head while crying myself. We hardly speak for an hour or so. Lana cries herself to sleep and is asleep on my lap. I try not to wake her and set her on her pillow. I'm not quite good at tucking people in so she'll have to do without the blankets tonight. I didn't sleep at all. The next day, after having a good cry we decided to have some fun. Actually, act our age. So where did we go? Why, the mall of course! Our bond has been getting stronger by the day. Another one who's helping Lana is Emily. You know the freaky clone of her friend who died 6 years ago. Actually once you get to know Emily you quickly get to love her. She is a sweet and lively girl. Even if she has to be studied in that room with..... uh, nevermind. Lana really gets to act like a child while "hanging out" with Emily. As do I. It's actually kind of fun to act your shoe size sometime. Funny voices and tickle fights. She makes Lana laugh harder then I've ever seen her laugh in her life. Have I ever seen her laugh? She snorts a lot when she laughs. Emily likes to make her laugh like that in public places just because Lana snorts so loud people stare! She cracks us up! In spite of all the fun we are having, I can tell she still misses Clark... I do too. We will find him... and give him an earful.
