II. Identifying the Problem

Catherine had a few more drinks than she had intended the night before and now she was seriously paying for it. She had the worst hangover. Her breath was atrocious and her head felt ten times as big than it should be. The events of the night before were a blur. She slowly got up out of bed. She was a bit tipsy and sat back down. Catherine glanced over at the clock.

"Lindsay!"

Catherine knew she was driving faster than she should have been through the posh upscale neighborhood. It was surprising that she hadn't had an accident yet because of her aching head. Lindsay had been waiting at Caitlin's house for nearly thirty minutes. Catherine was chewing on as many pieces of mint gum as she could fit in her mouth to mask the odor of alcohol on her breath. How would that look? Lindsay knew when her mother was hung over and drunk out of her wits. Catherine rarely drank to that point, but when she did, she didn't blame Lindsay for avoiding her.

Catherine came to a screeching halt in front of Caitlin's house. She ran up to the porch and politely knocked on the door, not realizing a doorbell to her immediate right. Caitlin's mother Yvonne, answered the door.

"Hi, Cath," she said jovially. "Lindsay was a doll last night. Thanks for bringing her over."

"Thanks for inviting her," Catherine said smiling.

"Mommy!" Lindsay shouted.

"Hey there baby," Catherine said kneeling down to eye level with Lindsay. "Did you say thank you to Miss Yvonne?"

"Yes," Lindsay said smiling. "Look what I won mommy." She held up a sparkly necklace.

"Oh that's beautiful sweetie," Catherine said smiling at her little girl. "Thanks again Yvonne. C'mon Linds let's go."

On the way back to her home, Lindsay talked about the slumber party. Catherine listened to every word, her hangover now gone. Lindsay was her life. She didn't know what she would do without Lindsay. She'd learned how to deal with Eddie when he was gone, but what would she do when Lindsay grew up and left her? How was Lindsay feeling about growing up without her father present?

"Hey Linds," Catherine started.

"Yes?" Lindsay answered.

"How do you feel about your daddy? You know, with him being gone and all?"

Lindsay looked out the window and pondered over it. Catherine could tell that Lindsay didn't want to have this conversation, but Catherine had to know. Lindsay barely spoke two words about her deceased father since he died and it worried her to tears. She was crying now waiting for an answer.

"I don't know mommy," Lindsay finally answered. "I miss him a lot. He was a good daddy. I loved him very much. Did you love him mommy?"

Catherine wiped her tears before she answered. "Yes I did, very much. And you know what? I still love him. Of course I love you more, but I did and I still love your daddy very much."

That was the problem. It had been so long since she had admitted that she loved Eddie. Despite his faults, she still loved him deeply. She didn't know why, but she did, and she didn't know how to get over it. That was her inner struggle. She had forgiven Eddie of all of his deeds and learned to love him. And when he was good, she loved him even more.

She had shielded her heart after he died, cut things off with Paul, and just went on with her daily life as a divorced, single mother who still had feelings for her ex-husband. It was not uncommon, but she needed to learn how to move on, not just for her sake, but for Lindsay's sake.

Lindsay went straight to the kitchen when they got home. Catherine didn't feel much like cooking, but Lindsay was most likely hungry and would want something other than cereal to eat.

She decided, while the French toast was cooking, to make a list of what she wanted in a man. She needed to get out more and go back to the dating scene. She didn't want Lindsay to grow up without a father figure in her life. It would be as if history was repeating itself. Catherine had a barely there father who was on his way to jail for a murder that happened twenty years ago.

She pondered at the table while the insane hilarity of "Spongebob Squarepants" rung throughout the house from the television.

What did Catherine want in a man?

1. Good-looking

2. Smart

3. Respectful

4. Gentle

5. Sensitive

6. Loving

7. Role model

8. Uses time well

9. Kind

10. Thoughtful

11. GOOD IN BED

12. A man that woos

13. Makes enough

She had the list of requirements before her. Now the hardest part was finding a man with those qualities. Of course, she couldn't just go up to every man in Las Vegas and ask them to be a father figure for Lindsay. She had to take it slow, but not so slow to where Lindsay would get older and wouldn't feel the need for a father figure.

She hated doing what she was getting ready to do and she knew that she would regret it, but desperate times called for desperate measures. She picked up the phone.

"Sara?" She said in an unusually friendly tone. "Are you up?"

"Uh, no, not really but go ahead Cath," Sara consented.

"Thanks," Catherine said grateful that she would listen. "You know that country club you always go to with your friends when you're off?"

"Yeah," Sara said sleepily. "I'm going over there today actually."

"Really? I was wondering if Lindsay and I could go with you," Catherine asked cautiously.

"Um, sure. That'll be great. There's a pool and everything there. My friend lives over in that side of town, so he might let you in free," Sara said in thought. "Bring a suit, and I'll meet you at your house around three?"

"Yeah, thanks, Sara," Catherine said. She heard mumbling from another person in the background. "Who was that?"

"Shh, shut up!" Sara snapped. "Uh, what now?"

"I heard some mumbling in the background. Is there someone else with you?" Catherine asked. She felt guilty for being so nosy.

"Uh, yeah," Sara answered reluctantly. "It's Nick. Please don't tell everyone. I know how you love to gossip. Please keep your lips sealed."

"Brownie's honor," Catherine swore.

"Okay. I'll meet you at three," Sara said. "Nick, stop."

She heard giggling and kissing noises over the phone. "Stop Nick. I have to go Cath. Bye."

"Bye," Catherine said laughing.

Who would have thought? Nick and Sara? They were hiding their relationship good because Catherine had no idea. She wondered how long they had been close.

***

Sara hung up the phone then she wrapped her arms around Nick's neck and kissed him deeply. They had been together for nearly three months and they had kept their relationship secret. Sara pulled away and smiled.

"I think Catherine's up to something," she said sitting up, not bothering to cover up her bare chest.

"How do you figure that?" Nick asked, now kissing her neck.

"Because why else would she want to hang around me? I mean seriously, why would she even want to call me f something wasn't wrong?"

"Maybe she wants to try and be friends with you," Nick suggested. "But, I do know what's going on with another person that makes me think Catherine's looking for a man."

"Really? And what would that be Nick?" Sara asked raising an eyebrow.

He kissed her neck then made his way up to her ear and told her what was going on. Sara gasped.

"Are you serious?!" She exclaimed.

He nodded and then leaned down to place a tender kiss on her breast. "I cannot believe that. You're just saying that to make love to me again," Sara said accusingly.

"Sara Matilda Sidle," Nick said. "Why would I make up something like that?"

Normally, she would scowl at him for using her middle name. She was used to it, and it sounded better coming from Nick and only Nick.

"Because you would, cheeky."

She smiled and kissed him passionately, and then she accidentally rolled them onto the floor.