Tears 7

And I managed to force out another chapter. Yay go me! You know anyone would think I find it a chore to write ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own them. But if I won the lottery I'd buy new friends and pay for their plastic surgery so that they looked just like them :D

It was a week since Monica had finally let herself go in the park. She was relieved and increasingly happy to find the light headed feeling of freedom, of being able to drop the fear that had kept her trapped in darkness for so long, had not left her. Simply allowing herself to trust Chandler opened her up to feel and experience life again. Every night after she put her girls to bed she'd curl up on the sofa with Chandler and just talk for hours. Sometimes it would be about trivial, silly things, other times it would be more serious. She'd open up to him, always with intial trepidation, but seeing the reassuring love in his eyes and feeling his comforting arms encircling her her confidence would slowly increase. It didn't matter much to her what they talked about, more the joy in knowing that she could, that if she needed to talk Chandler would be there for her. Sometimes all she needed was simply to be held. She loved lying in his arms, softly kissing him as he ran his hands gently up and down her back creating little shocks of pleasure underneath her skin. She loved that being with him made her happy.

Chandler watched with amusement from his bedroom door as Monica, with a dazed smile on her face, took twice as long as usual to make their morning coffee. It struck him then how relaxed she looked, his pj bottoms rolled up around her small waist to stop them falling down and her hair half heartedly scraped back into a messy bun at the nape of her neck. 'She does wonders for my pj's' Chandler thought to himself, noticing how her t-shirt rode up to reveal a tantalising strip of skin every time she stretched and reached up into the cupboards.

Chandler was so distracted by this train of thought that he didn't realise what she was about to put in their coffee before it was too late. Walking up behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist as he peered down into the coffee she had just ruined, " I don't know how you've been drinking coffee for the last couple of years but in New York I'm pretty sure it's customary to drink it with sugar not salt." Monica snapped out of her daze and looked down at the container she had just poured from. Sure enough, written clearly on the side was 'salt'

"Oh my God," she muttered. With each word Chandler felt her tense up in his arms, he stared at the back of her neck as she shook her head repeatedly, "Oh God, I'm so, so sorry."

He could recognise the signs of Monica's panic instantly, despite the fact she knew she was safe with him her fear seemed to always kick in as an automatic response. Pulling her closer to him Chandler kissed her neck gently before whispering in her ear,

"Shh honey, it's okay - it's me, Chandler." Monica registered his words and stopped panicking, leaning back into him as he continued to speak,

"It's okay, we'll just make some more - when have you ever known an apartment in New York to be short of coffee?"

She chuckled at that and turned her head to peck him softly on the mouth. " Thank you," she said earnestly, turning around to face him again. These sudden flashes of fear were becoming less and less frequent but they still came and Monica was incredibly grateful to Chandler for having the sensitivity to be able to diffuse the situation before she ran off, or worse shut herself off again.

"No problem," he replied, "besides," he leant towards her as if whisper something deeply secretive, "it gives me a chance to watch you reach up for things from the cupboard again. Do you have any idea how hot you look with your t-shirt riding up and my pj bottoms falling down?"

Monica slapped him lightly across his ribs for that remark but was soon distracted from inflicting further punishment as his kisses trailed from her ear, down her throat and back up to her mouth again. Chandler placed several featherlight kisses on her mouth, drawing away before she got the chance to lean into him. However soon the need to taste her mouth fully overcame the need to tease her so pressing his lips harder into hers Chandler cupped her face and began to kiss her in earnest. As they kissed they moved back on unsteady feet until Monica was sandwiched between the kitchen counter and Chandler. Things were just beginning to heat up, with Chandler moving his hands up beneath Monica's t-shirt to caress the smooth skin he'd been looking at earlier when a familiar cry tore through the apartment. Groaning, Monica tore herself away from Chandler's mouth.

"Rachael," she muttered with anything but motherly love in her voice as she leant her head in Chandler's shoulder in frustration.

" You know we really do need to teach your kid about timing," Chandler quipped as he let Monica out of his arms to soothe the crying child.

"Yeah and not to inherit their Uncle Chandler's sense of humour," Monica threw back over her shoulder as she entered the bedroom. After a moments hesitation in which Chandler tried, and failed, to come up with a suitably sarcastic comment he followed her into the room and watched in amusement as Monica tried to calm the fussing child in her arms without waking up Chloe who was sleeping peacefully in her small bed that had been 'borrowed' (stolen discreetly) from a growing Ben.

"You now Mon when you do it, baby juggling is almost an art form."

Monica merely shot him 'the look' and handed the squirming baby over to him. The total look of dismay on Chandler's face made Monica burst out in laughter, then have to painfully bite her fist to prevent her snorts becoming loud enough to wake up Chloe.

"Not so funny now are you?" she asked him playfully between giggles as she carefully manoeuvred between her large bed and Chloe's tiny one towards the baby bag. Leaning precariously over Chloe's sleep tousled head Monica spoke offhandedly,

"You know this room really is too small for 3 of us."

"Well the offer to sleep in my bed is always open."

It was a throwaway offer but Monica picked up on the obvious sub context immediately.

" Chandler you know I'm not ready for..that. I just can't"

Chandler was mortified that such a simple comment had seemed to put pressure on Monica and was by her side immediately,

" I know Mon, I know. I didn't mean it like that, I just meant it in a totally innocent way..oh man I've screwed this up haven't I.I've gone and screwed this."

"Chandler," she cut him off sternly, "honey you're babbling."

She leant in and kissed him, the Rachael, affectionately seemingly willing to forget the whole incident. Chandler however was not. Reaching for her hair with his free hand he turned he head towards him, " I mean it Mon, I'm willing to wait however long it takes."

She smiled gratefully at him.

"I love you," he said as he leant in to seal his words with a kiss. Unfortunately he never reached her lips as Rachael squealed with delight and reached for a strand of hair that had escaped her Mom's bun. Pulling with childish abandonment Rachael yanked her mother's head down sharply, completely unbalancing Monica and in turn Chandler who was desperately trying to stop Rachel landing on the floor. In just a moment all three of them had landed in a heap on a very surprised Chloe. Shaking her head in utter bewilderment at the two giggling adults and baby that had rudely awakened her, Chloe wriggled out from the bottom of the pile and began to totter towards the bathroom. She looked back and shook her head as she saw Uncle Chandler desperately trying to untangle the mess of Rachael's hands and Mommie's hair. Sometimes she thought she was the only sensible person in the house.

That evening a lamp cast flitting beams of light through the shadows in the room as Monica and Chandler sat together, surrounded by a comfortable silence. Chandler absentmindedly kissed the top of Monica's head that was rested lazily on his shoulder, the tender gesture causing Monica to let out a soft sigh into the quiet room, interrupting the moment they'd been enveloped in.

"What is it? What's the matter?" asked Chandler

" I was just thinking about what happened this morning."

"Yeah nearly flattening your daughter is not one of the best ideas we've ever had." For once Monica didn't look amused. She smiled wanely but the smile didn't reach her eyes. It was the kind of smile that Chandler hated on her, a fake smile pasted on in hope it would hide and hold together internal cracks. Chandler turned to face her and stared at her questioningly. Monica managed to hold the smile for a second but soon it faltered, then fell away completely. She looked down at their entwined hands and began to play with his fingers childishly in an attempt to divert his worried gaze. It didn't work, Chandler continued to stare at her, refusing to let Monica retreat into herself and give whatever was bothering her a chance to grow.

"It's about that comment I made this morning isn't it?" he asked

" A bit." Chandler looked sceptical at this, "okay, okay.a lot." Monica conceded and ploughed on, determined to get this particular demon out of her before her instincts told her to bottle it up and snap it back inside herself.

"It's just I know you meant it as just a stupid remark, one of you 'funny' comments," as she finger quoted Chandler stuck his tongue out playfully but quickly sobered up again as she continued,

" but it really struck a nerve. You've been so patient with me, and you're so sweet and sexy - I wanna sleep with you I really do," at this Chandler grinned, "but."

"Damn it! There's always a but!" Chandler let slip out before he could stop himself. He realised now was not the time for one of his 'funny' remarks but it seemed as if it had gone totally over the top of Monica's head, so focused was she on explaining her trepidation.

"but," she continued, " I'm scared to. I'm scared to tip the balance we have now. Chandler this last week has been the best I've had for years. To wake up knowing I have someone to talk to, someone who loves, loves me in a way that doesn't hurt - you can't know how much that means to me. And I'm terrified of losing that."

" Monica you won't lose me," Chandler told her with complete conviction, " I guarantee that. I've waited long enough to appreciate every single moment I have with you now. If you don't wanna sleep with me right now it's okay."

"But that's the thing - I do!" she interrupted.

" You want to but you don't feel ready, don't push yourself Mon. Don't forget how much you've been through."

"Oh don't worry, I'll never forget," Monica laughed bitterly.

"No what I mean is, your body is healed and bad memories fade in time but the psychological damage is something that's a lot harder to mend. Don't rush into anything until you're certain, you could find yourself opening up recently healed wounds. Don't hurt yourself for me, I love you too much to let you do that."

"Wow," Monica leant away and looked at him appreciatively.

"What?"

"I think you missed your true calling in life, you shouldn't have been a data.whatever you do, you should have been a shrink!"

"With a name like Dr Bing would anyone really have taken me seriously?" Chandler quipped, allowing Monica to laugh and chase the tension in the room away. He had said his piece, now he would do as he had promised and wait for her. Looking at her sitting across from him, smiling her genuine smile, he knew if she wanted her would wait forever.

"Come on then," she said and offered a hand to him, her mind made up in a moment of courage, "let's go to bed."

Chandler raised an eyebrow but before he asked the inevitable question she answered, " Yes I am sure.but just to sleep, nothing else - for now."

He took her hand, folding it protectively within his, and together they walked into his bedroom. With each step a fragment of Monica's fear floated away. She'd needed the boost that Chandler's words had given her to get of the initial barrier in her mind. Now she had found the confidence to overcome it she could feel her remaining fears and insecurities slipping away like insubstantial particles on the wind.

They climbed into bed together and wrapped their arms and legs around one another tightly, Chandler cradling Monica's head as she buried her head into his shoulder. Monica fell asleep with a smile on her lips, in Chandler's arms she felt warm and loved. She felt the demons within herself that she had fought for so long alone were now finally being chased away, one by one. She felt something she hadn't felt in a long time - she felt safe.

* * *

She didn't feel so safe now. He was coming for her. She couldn't see him, bt she knew. The fear radiated off her in waves and he could sense it, smell it even. He was going to hurt her. She'd said sorry but it didn't matter because he was going to make her pay. The darkness swirled around her, she could hear him. Hear the echo of his breathing as he approached her. She was in the corner, making herself invisble, hoping he would not see her - or chose to ignore her. He didn't. He knew she was scared and he fed off that. She scrunched her eyes shut as he circled her, running ice cold fingers down her cheek, playing his twisted game with her. Knuckles cracked one by one as her balled his fist. He drew it back, raising it high above her cowered head before he struck. She heard the blow before she felt it. A snap and crack of broken bone came before the searing pain. The pain shot up and down her body, leaving a blazing trail. Her tears splashed to the floor one by one, unnoticed. She curled up into herself, into the blinding pain, into the tears and wished that she could die. He laughed.

***

Chandler woke up in confusion. The cool night air had replaced Monica's warmth and penetrated the sleepy fog in his head, preventing him from lapsing back into sleep. As his eyes began to focus he took in the sight before him and sat bolt upright in bed. Monica was curled into a tight foetal position at the edge of the bed, in obvious distress. The sheet was tangled around her legs, her dark hair was covering her face like a shroud and her breath was escaping in ragged gasps, punctuated by sharp moans of terror.

Chandler attempted to lay a soothing hand on her cheek but she flinched away abruptly from his touch, scrunching her eyes up further to match her balled up fists. Chandler sat and debated with himself whether to wake her but soon his need to stop her pain outweighed his concern for the momentary fright he knew she'd receive as he woke her.

"Honey wake up, it's just a bad dream, wake up," Chandler shook her shoulder gently as he spook. His gentleness was met with a fierce scream as she was pulled from her nightmare,

"No! Don't hurt me, no!"

Her eyes flew open and rested on his face. For a heartbreaking moment they were cold and hard, filled with only terror and loathing. However as the cloud of sleep and darkness passed from over them and she realised where she was the hardness was washed away by warm tears. Her body slumped against Chandler's and she let her tears spill onto his chest. She shook limply against him as he stroked her back and muttered reassurance quietly.

Gradually her shaking calmed and her tears dried, Chandler continued to hold her until she turned her face up to his. He cupped her face with his hands and slowly ran his thumbs over her tear stained cheeks. Hesitantly he inched forward and kissed her - a long and tender kiss. Pushing harder into the kiss Monica savoured the calm it offered. Snaking her arms round Chandler's back she pulled him closer to her, all the while maintaining the kiss. A feeling of safety washed through her body, chasing away the raw horror of the nightmare she had just endured. Reluctantly he pulled away from the kiss. Chandler opened his eyes slowly to see Monica staring at him intensely,

"Chandler, make love to me."

He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times silently as if struggling to grasp the right words to say. Monica just smiled and kissed him affectionately. Soon the kiss became more passionate, her tongue pushing into Chandler's mouth as she tried to forget her dream and immerse herself in the familiar feeling of love and happiness that Chandler created in her. As she slid her hands up underneath his t-shirt and along his chest Chandler moaned into her mouth. Forcing himself to break away whilst he still could, Chandler looked into Monica's eyes searching for some clue to explain her sudden change of heart. Knowing he had to, but dreading the answer none the less, he asked,

"Mon are you sure?"

She stared straight at him and answered immediately in total confidence, "Yes. I trust you."

TBC

Okay that was the longest thing I've ever written (which is quite sad really) so please make it worth my while and review! I'll give you candy *passes out the bribes*