The Evil Author

By Anime Queen

Joey's Girl: I just couldn't resist poking fun at Joey! He's the funniest character in the series! (Well, him, and Tristan ^_^) So I don't hate him or anything – he's really quite essential to the story! Hope that you won't get mad for later... I'm really making fun of all the characters, not just him! ^_^

Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi, Rurouni Kenshin, or Yugioh... I also don't own the concept of Yami's. (but the twist at the end of the story is my original idea! Just felt like saying that ^_^)

That said, onto the fic!

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Part VII: Search for the Evil Author

Tristan: So what are you guys doing in our cave, anyway?
AQ: //Your// cave? o.O
Joey: Yeah, we got trapped in 'ere, so we were thinkin' of making dis our home! ^_^
Hotohori: *whisper* AQ-sama, I think we'd be better off without these... erm...
Mitsukake: ... idiots?
Nuriko: ... loonies?
Chichiri: ... freaks?
Kenshin: ... Oro?
AQ: We'd better go.
Tea: Go where?
AQ: None of your business, but I'll tell you anyway.
Tea: o.O None of my business?
Joey: Whadda ya mean, none o'er business?
Yami: I'm sure she didn't mean any offense.
AQ: *eyes turn to hearts* Yami-chan is so cool!!!
Kenshin and Hotohori: o.O
Hotohori: I thought she only called //us// that!
Kenshin: *whine* AQ-sama doesn't like me anymoooore!!! *cries*
AQ: o.O?
Kenshin and Hotohori: *puppy dog eyes*
Joey: Is dis another puppy joke? *glares*
AQ: Who wants a pet on the head?!
Kenshin, Hotohori, Nuriko, Mitsukake and Chichiri: WE DO!!!
Joey: Geez, when dis puppy dog thing gonna end?
AQ: *pets everyone on the head* Good boys!
Tea, Tristan and Yami: *sweat drop*
Kenshin, Hotohori, Nuriko, Mitsukake and Chichiri: =^___^=
Tristan: They actually like it? -_- *shakes head*
Joey: Okay, who's de author 'ere?
Yami: It seems as if she was *points to AQ still petting everyone* But not anymore.
AQ: Ooooohh!! Yami-chan is cool, cute and smart!!!
Kenshin and Hotohori: *wince*
AQ: *pets them on the head for an extra minute*
Kenshin and Hotohori: ^___^
Joey: So who da hell is writing dis thing??!!
Nuriko: That's what we were doing before you boneheads showed up!
Tristan: Don't call them that.
Tea, Joey and Yami: ?? Them??
Tristan: ^^U Yall know what I meant.
Tea, Joey and Yami: _! Tristan!!!
Tristan: What? *innocent look*
AQ: ARGGHH!!! See what's happening here??
Everyone: ... *blank stares*
AQ: THE EVIL AUTHOR DOESN'T WANT US TO FIND HIM SO HE KEEPS PUTTING IN ALL THESE DISTRACTING SCENES!
The AQ gang: AQ-sama is so smart!!
The Yugioh gang: ... -_- ...
Joey: I wanna piece o'that creep! Lemme at 'im! Lemme at 'im!
Tea: *sweat drop* Um... I think what Joey's trying to say is we wanna look for the evil author too!
Joey: o.O? I am?
Tristan: B-but Joey! They called us boneheads, and idiots, and... and...
Joey: ?? Really? I think I woulda heard that if they did.
Tristan: They did!!!
Joey: Did you guys?
AQ's gang: *innocent look* Who, us??
Joey: See? Dey didn't do it.
AQ's gang: *wipes sweat*
AQ: Well, now that we're clear with that, let's go get the evil meanie!
Everyone: Yeah!
*start walking*
Kenshin: *whisper* Hotohori-san, have you noticed how little attention we've been getting from AQ-sama?
Hotohori: *looks at AQ looking at Yami* Have I ever.
Kenshin: What are we going to do? If she's going to continue calling him "Yami-chan" we're not going to be the heroine's main characters anymore!
Hotohori: It's that evil author... How I want to get him! _
Nuriko: Me too! *fumes*
Mitsukake: Nuriko... so... you've turned straight for AQ-sama?
Nuriko: What? *blush* Of course not!
Mitsukake: You can tell me ^_~
Nuriko: *picks Mitsukake up by his shirt*
Mitsukake: Hey man, I was only kidding!!!
Nuriko: ... fine. *puts him down*
Chichiri: Why are we in this story, anyway? Everybody knows AQ-sama isn't interested in us, no da.
Nuriko: o.O That's right.
Mitsukake: She threw Tamahome out of the story, and Tasuki, too. Why are we still here?
AQ: You know, I'm hearing everything you guys are saying about me back there!
Nuriko, Mitsukake and Chichiri: o.O
AQ: Wanna know why I keep you guys?
Chichiri: Why?
AQ: You're the protection back-up! ^_^
Nuriko, Mitsukake and Chichiri: Protection backup???
AQ: In case Kenshin-chan and Hotohori-chan don't feel like! ^_^
Nuriko, Mitsukake and Chichiri: *sweat drop* Don't feel like...?
AQ: And then there's the obvious duties! To lift everyone off roofs, to guard the doors, easy, fast and cheap transportation, first aid and intensive care! ^_^ You guys are gold!
Chichiri: ^__^ AQ-sama thinks we're gold! ^__^
Nuriko: To lift everyone off of roofs?
Mitsukake: ... I haven't healed anyone this entire journey...
AQ: That's because Kenshin-chan and Hotohori-chan didn't let anyone get hurt!! *glomps both*
Kenshin and Hotohori: =^_^=
Hotohori: *whisper* We're definitely staying main characters!
Kenshin: ^_^
*fifteen minutes later*
Joey: Dis is a big cave! And dark, too! It woulda bin the perfect home!
Tea and Tristan: *sweat drop*
Tristan: You remember when they called us loonies?
Tea: How can I forget?
Tristan: Joey here sure proves them right.
Joey: There's no place like home!
Tristan: *mutter* I sure would love to make this your home forever.
Tea: At least Yami's keeping his cool.
AQ: Come on, Yami-chan! You know you want to be petted!
Yami: -_-U How did I get myself into this?
Kenshin and Hotohori: I want to be petted! I do! I do!
AQ: ^_^ Plenty of petting to go around! *pets Kenshin* Good boy!
Joey: ...
AQ: Joey, did you want one too?
Joey: Huh? Me? I'm no dog!
AQ: *turns on a tape recorder*
Duke Devlin's voice: Now bark like the dog you are!
Joey's voice: *barks*
AQ: *turns off the recorder* See? Now come here like a good doggie!
Joey: -_- *goes over to be petted*
Tea: I'm disgusted with you guys! Tristan, let's go and loose these weirdoes.
*no answer*
Tea: Tristan? *turns around and sees Tristan being petted* O.o?
Tristan: Heeey, this isn't so bad! ^_^
Tea: *sweat drop* All the guys have gone over to the dark side...
Yami: I haven't!!
Tea: *eyes light up* Yami, you've got to save the fic!!!
Yami: *starts thinking*
*petting continues*
Yami: *still thinking*
Tea: Yami! You've got to think faster!
Yami: You try it! With the number of chambers my mind has, it takes some time to search all of them!
Tea: *sweat drop* Just hurry up and think of something.
*five days later*
AQ: *still petting everyone*
Everyone (except Yami and Tea): *still being petted*
Yami: I've got it! I know how to stop this madness!
Tea: *wakes up* Huh? Well that's great!
Yami: *concentrates on his Millennium Puzzle*
*scene changes to the Shadow Realm*
Tea: That was your bright idea five days in the making? Send us to the shadow realm?
Yami: Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tea: Have you considered running away to save your sanity?
Yami: Well if you're so smart, that should've been you thinking back there and not me!
AQ: Hey, wait a minute, how did we get into the Shadow Realm? *stops petting*
Joey: The Shadow Realm?? Whaaa??
Tristan: That's where there are ghosts and stuff, right?
Mysterious Voice: Ah, can it, you silly fuck.
Tristan: Who said that? Come out and face me, you coward!
Mysterious Voice: Coward? I'm no coward! *figure steps out from the mist*
Tristan: A mirror? That's really original.
Mysterious Voice: I'm no mirror! I'm you Yami!
Tristan: My... what?
Yami Tristan: Your Yami, you imbecile! If you were smart enough to get your eyes on the Millennium Puzzle instead of that wimp, I would have cool powers too! *has a fit of rage*
Drunk female Voice: Hey, you!
Yami Tristan: What the hell do you want?
Drunk female Voice: Now is that any way to greet your whatever I am to you?
Tea: Eeeep! She looks just like me! (But I would never wear a dress that revealing)
Yami Tea: And who the freak are you?
Tea: *shocked since no one ever speaks to her like that*
Silly Voice: Wheeee-heee-heee-hee!! I'm the best duelist ever! *pounces on Joey*
Joey: Get 'im offa me! Get 'im offa me!
Tea: And no one notices that someone's insulting me??!!
Yami Tea: Hick... *passes out*
Joey: Get 'im offa me! Get 'im offa me!
Yami Tristan: *punches the figure off of Joey*
Joey: Thanks, Tristan. *notices Tristan looks different* Whaddid ya do to yer face??
Yami Tristan: ... !
Tea: *stares in shock at her passed out Yami* And everyone is still ignoring me? What kind of friends are you?! Friends are always supposed to be there for each other! *breaks down crying*
Yami Tristan: She always like that?
Tristan: Hey, can't blame her for having friendship issues.
Joey: Newayz, who was dat freak? He scared the shit out of me! *turns around and looks* Eeep!
Figure: Wheee! I'm your Yami, Joey!
Joey: Yami?
Yami Joey: Wheee! Yey! I'm the best duelist ever!!! *all his cards fall out of his pocket*
Joey: Cards! *kneels down and starts picking them up*
Yami Joey: *dances around, not noticing anything* I'm the best! I'm the best!
*more figures pop out of nowhere*
Kenshin: Oh, no! It's the Battousai!
Battousai: Heh, prepare to die!
Kenshin: I don't wanna fight! *hides behind AQ*
AQ: There there, Kenshin-chan! *pets him on the head* Hotohori will protect us!
Hotohori: Oh, Suzaku, why do you condemn me with a Yami that's so completely butt ugly!
Yami Hotohori: Where all them hot chicks, huh?? *looks around frantically* I want to be looooved!!!
Hotohori: ... And a complete idiot, too...
AQ: Don't worry Hotohori-chan! *pets him on the head* We all know you're not like that!
Hotohori: =^_^= *blush*
AQ: Nuriko's, Mitsukake's and Chichiri's Yami's are much worse!
Yami Nuriko: *holding up the other two*
Mitsukake and Chichiri: We don't wanna die!!! *suck thumbs and grab onto each other*
Nuriko, Mitsukake and Chichiri: *mutter about evil authors*
AQ: *glares*
Nuriko: Errr... only SOME authors are evil... heh *sweat*
Mitsukake and Chichiri: *too embarrassed to speak*
AQ: Everyone's Yami's are here... Where's mine??!! *cries*
Yami: Not everyone's... My Yami's not here.
AQ: That's cuz //you're// the Yami, duh!!
Yami: That's right... heh... Well what do you know...
Everyone: ...
AQ: First they take away my authors rights! Then they take away my Yami!! *cries harder*
Nuriko: For the sake of this fic, we'd better find the evil author quick!
Joey: *still picking up cards* Huh? Oh yeah, I wanna get 'im too!
Tea: Why won't anyone even look at me!!! *her Yami is passed out on top of her, drooling*
Tristan: *whispering* Maybe that's why! *wink*

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Well, that's it for this part! Wow, that was a long one! Okay, I swore off saying if it was long or short! XD So Please Review!! ^_^