Pretend you're just another name

By Mileena

I don't own anything. Jhonen Vasquez owns the character, Lifehouse owns the song just another Name, and Social burn owns the song Pretend. Yay Tenna Angst! I own Ten's brother, and my version of how spooky came about. Yay.

I feel like shit

Did all these clouds around you break your fall?

As you came crashing to the ground

Did you learn anything at all?

You climb back up just to come back down

Everybody knows your name

But they don't know who you are

But to them it's just the same

Yeah you're just another name

She said fame will bring you down

At least that's what she used to say

Before they handed her the crown

She said it would never this way

Yesterday she was just a little girl

Pretending she was queen

She didn't know it would change her world

Didn't know what this would mean

Which mask would you wear today?

How about the one with the pretty smile

To you it's just another day

In a life you haven't lived for quite awhile

Everybody knows your name

But they don't know who you are

You are but to them it's just the same

Yeah you're just another name

To them it's just a game

And think it's gone too far

You've got the most familiar face

But you're just another name.

The toy known as Spooky hits the floor leaving a small squeak and several more as it bounced a couple times. The door slammed shut, and the girl walked into the kitchen, first franticly searching for something to eat, but then giving up and pounding her fists on the kitchen counter. Her elbows support her weight as her hands hide her eyes from the light, and the headache that she had gained on her way home.

She always came down like this.

It wasn't as if she were on a drug, Tenna was deathly afraid of them. She was completely unsure as to how people could willingly inject themselves with needles, how they could deliberately snort something up their nostril, and she couldn't even tolerate the smell of the "non drug." Tenna, she was something else, something that not even Devi could expect.

"I do anything to make them happy, and they think I'm some sort of annoying pixy." She moaned. She had only been happy for their support, she was suffering just like the rest of them. "Devi isn't the only one with problems." Tenna glanced over at the Spooky doll; it's where she drew her happiness. The toy wasn't like a voice; it was much more like a vessel, like a good luck charm. Like a fond memory of your childhood.

Which mask would you wear today?

How about the one with the pretty smile

To you it's just another day

In a life you haven't lived for quite awhile

She had heard a hyper version of the song by Lifehouse, some band called "Bats need Friends Too." Did it in the dance version, and when she was at the club a few nights back, it hit her hard. She had become something of a nuisance in the people's lives she tried to comfort. All she was a psychotically happy person.

"You don't know what's wrong with me, Tenna. You never will either." Devi had retorted back to her a while back, but she didn't stop there. "You will never know what its like to be alone, to feel

You just want to kill yourself." Tenna left, and Devi had claimed it was because she couldn't handle the truth.

Tenna wanted to die, but she couldn't realize, like drugs, how anyone can willfully do any of the shit to themselves. She had really been alone all her life, her parents were excessive drug addicts, and she constantly had to take care of her and her brother.

Sully Adrien was his name, and he was like any other kid, he didn't deserve what their parents put him through, but it had happened anyway. Tenna couldn't stop the abuse, but she could help make him better, and support him when their parents spent all income on speed.

They had always talked about leaving. Together, they'd get out of the state, when they had enough money saved. Then, just one night, he disappeared without a trace. The cops never investigated, (*and everyone knows how well the cops work in Devi/Johnny's world*) the blamed it on one of the mysterious murders, but there was no proof that he was murdered.

Sully had given Tenna Spooky a long time ago. Tenna had never told Devi about Sully, she hadn't mentioned her family at all because she was trying to bring Devi to that higher place where she denied.

Tenna climbed onto the counter. She finally did leave, but she had left the house, and met Devi around the time of the torso man.... in the little red wagon. She just happened to be a passerby. For some insane reason, she kept Tenna around. They had the same interests; 'she just regards me as psychotically happy...'

Did you see the sky tonight; it was covering a world so bright

Hiding from a place inside you could never really see the light

But I'm having trouble sleeping cause I know no ones awake

I wish that I was dreaming cause then I could see your face

And I wish I knew a place to hide

I wish I knew a place to hide

Where I could

Pretend you're the only one

Pretend you're the only one

Pretend that you're the only one

That's never far away

But you're having trouble breathing

Cause the world takes your breath away

And you're hiding from the demons

That attack you everyday

And I wish that I could be there

To help take away the pain

But looking in my mirror, I could never see your face

But if I could see your face tonight

I would give away my worthless life

Crawling on my hands and knees I beg you

I beg you

I beg you

I beg you

Tenna slept, but not often, when she wasn't sleeping she was roaming the clubs, the usual Tenna thing. She bowed her head, a fugitive tear sliding down her cheek. She wanted it all to go away, but didn't have enough bravado to do it herself. She didn't have the courage to waste her life away, and she could do it right now easily.

There was nothing inside her that could muster the strength to pick up that steak knife and cut her wrists.

She remembered a time when she was cutting an apple for a snack, and she sliced her pinky up quite a bit, she couldn't stand the sight of blood pouring from her finger, and she panicked, not wanting her parents to see the blood on the sink.

It had bled forever, and that was more of a pain then having your hair ripped out.

'God if anyone only knew...' She wandered to the back of the apartment, with Spooky in hand. The pathetic excuse for a balcony was thin, but the cool air touched her from head to toe. The night was so beautiful, with the stars glimmering above her.

She knew few people appreciated the beauty of the night skies so. Devi had told her about the date she had with that Johnny, on that little cliff, looking over the city and stars Tenna almost wished that was her memory, being with a nice guy (*for the most part*) looking down at everyone like they deserved, the wind tickling their exposed skin and the stars above.

Tenna squeaked Spooky out of habit; the feeble grip on him didn't create a loud squeak but a soft one.

'I need to let go of such memories, I need to quit wishing it was me.'

The moon was only half; the stars were vast and beautiful. The wind had slowed from a calm to almost dead. Tenna could hear the crickets, people, and cars. The world was so awake at nearly midnight. Tenna smiled a weak smile, and squeaked Spooky. As if they were saying a mutual goodbye.

Spooky soared over the waist high railing, soaring for a few seconds before gravity took affect, and the doll crashed down fading into the darkness between the other buildings. Tenna smiled more full. 'Goodbye Sully.'

She turned to go in, hearing her phone ring. The caller ID read DEVI D, she answered in a usual perky voice.

"Tenna?" Devi's unsure voice called her name..."They are showing A Clockwork Orange on the midnight cinema tonight, you wanna go?"

Tenna's nose scrunched up confused. "What about fearing Johnny. Don't you have a lot of work to do?"

"Not tonight, Tenna. I'm over it."

"I'll meet you there." She picks up her keys from the counter, and is on her way singing.

"We try so hard cause we don't know what we're looking for. You try so hard because you don't know what you're looking for. Yeah I try so hard because I don't know what I'm looking for, but yeah I'm happy. I'm happy I'm happy yeah"

End

Song Run Down

[1]Just another Name - Lifehouse - Stanley Climbfall

[2]Pretend - Social Burn- Where you are

[3]I'm Happy - Social Burn - Where you are