Computer Warp
By Orionna Aurora
Chapter 3
Disclaimer: It's the same as the two in chapters one and two. I don't own any copyrighted materials mentioned in this fic. You know I never realized what a hassle these things are until I had to write one. (Llyr: Then why are you doing it.) So, J. K. Rowlings won't sue my broke ass for what little I have. (Llyr: Oh…^-^ ok.) What's your complex lately? It's not like you to even agree with me much less be happy about it. If I didn't know any better I'd say you've had coffee. (Llyr: ^-^ I have.) What? (Nadia: I'm afraid it's my fault I gave it to her to cheer her up. She was feeling a little down.) YOU DID WHAT?!?!?! (Nadia:[speaking cautiously and looking around for a place to hide when I threw something at her.] I'm sorry.) Nadia, do you remember what happened the last time you gave Llyr coffee? (Nadia: No. why?) Oh boy, Nadia, you're supposed to be the responsible one around here. I'm surrounded by incompetents. Merlin, help me. Nadia, you should know by now that when you give her coffee she has these very extreme mood swings. She could go off at any moment. (Nadia: Oh.) Ok, I'd better wrap up this disclaimer before I have a psychotic muse on my hands so. Enjoy.
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Recap time. In chapter 2, I "disrupt" Professor McGonagall's class and replace her with Lupin when she finally gets on my nerves, and Harry, Ron, and I are headed to the North Tower for Divination. 0:) This should be fun (for me anyway).
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(When Harry, Ron, and Orionna get to the North Tower, they find the class ascending the ladder to the classroom.)
Ron: After you.
Orionna: No thanks, I'll take the elevator.
Ron:(looking puzzled) What elevator?
(Orionna snaps her fingers, and an elevator door opens on their right.
Ron: Oh! That elevator.
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Orionna:(looking around Professor Trelawney's classroom) Interesting.
Trelawney:(in her weird, misty voice) Welcome, my dears, to another year.
Orionna:(whirling around to face Harry and Ron) This is the first day of the year?
Harry: Yeah, didn't you know?
Orionna: Well, real time and your time are two completely different things. I mean, I could leave right now and come back, and it could be two years in the future or maybe three years ago.
Ron:(looking confused and a little bewildered) Both? Is that possible?
Orionna: No, you stupid git. On or the other. (smacks her forehead with her hand again) Oi!
Ron:(sounding a little hurt) I didn't know.
Orionna: Sorry, I know you didn't. I keep forgetting how little you know about this warping thing. Wait a minute…how do I know about that?
Harry:(shrugs)
Trelawney:(still in her weird, misty voice) And who, may I ask, is this fine young…person?
Orionna:(bubbly) Hi! ^-^ I'm the author. I just got warped here through my computer.
Trelawney: Through your…what?
Orionna:(smacking her forehead) Oh yeah, I forgot. You don't know what that is, do you? It's a piece of Muggle equipment.
Trelawney: Oh well, nice to have you, dear. Sit down, my children; sit down.
Orionna:(leans over to Harry and Ron and grins evilly) This should be great fun.
Ron:(leaning over to her) What are you going to do?
Orionna: (still smiling maniacally) You'll see.
Trelawney: Welcome back, my dears. As I recall, we were learning the art of crystal ball gazing the last time we were together, and my inner eye tells me that we will be continuing this.
Orionna:(raising her hand) Do you have sunglasses for your inner eye because if you don't, the sun's radiation could cause permanent damage.
(The class laughs loudly at this. Well, everyone except Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil who give the author evil looks and Professor Trelawney who looks very…er…disgruntled at the moment.)
Trelawney:(looking annoyed) No, my dear, why do you ask that?
Orionna: Just trying to look out for you, Professor Tre.
Trelawney: Trelawney, please.
Orionna:(obviously enjoying herself) Why?
Trelawney:(looking angry) Because I don't like being called Professor Tree.
Orionna:(shaking her head) No, one E.
Trelawney: Excuse me?
Orionna: Not Professor Tree and in the plant. I just shortened your name. That's all.
Trelawney:(looking very angry) Well, if you please, address me by my full name.
Orionna:(grinning) What? Professor Sibyll Trelawney?
Trelawney: No, my full last name?
Orionna: Oh! So, Trelawney, then?
Trelawney:(in a rage) No! Professor Trelawney!
Orionna:(looking at her darkly) There is no need to yell.
Trelawney:(now shouting) Why Not?!?!
Orionna: Ok. I was just playing around, but you've pissed me off now. (She snaps her fingers and turns Trelawney into an emu)
(Parvati and Lavender jump up and go for their wands)
Orionna: Hold it! Do something like that, and I'll turn you two bird brains into crystal balls.
Harry:(looking very amused) Wouldn't want to get on your bad side.
Ron: No kidding.
Orionna: Well, she didn't have to yell at me . I was just joking.
Harry: The professor didn't seem to take it that way.
Orionna:(still fuming) Well, she needs to get a sense of humor.
Harry: She doesn't have one.
Orionna: Don't piss me off!
Harry:(smiling) Wouldn't dream of it.
Ron:(laughing) Still, I wouldn't want to piss you off. Even with her inner eye, I bet she didn't see that coming.
Orionna:(grinning) Well, sounds like she needs to have her inner eye examined. It may need glasses.
Narrator: That joke was terrible.
Orionna: Shut up, you, or you won't get paid.
Narrator: You're not even paying me now.
Orionna: Oh! Sorry about that old chap. I'll see what I can come up with when this is all over.
Ron:(looking around apprehensively) What was that?
Orionna: The Narrator.
Ron: Oh…wait, who?
Orionna: Never mind. (stands up) Since your teacher is currently a bird brain, class is dismissed.
(The class cheers and starts for the ladder. They stop abruptly.)
Seamus: How are we supposed to get down from here?
Orionna: Oh yeah! Sorry. (She snaps her fingers, and the ladder descends to the floor below.)
Ron: That's better than a wand.
Orionna: What?
Ron: That thing you do with your finger.
Orionna: Yeah, I could use a wand. In fact, I've got one right here, (she pulls the wand out of the pocket of her robes) but I find that my way's better.
Harry: You really need to come more often.
Orionna: Yeah I do, but first, I've got to find out how I got here.
Harry: True.
Orionna: So, do you think I should turn "feathers" over there (she point to Trelawney) back to normal?
Harry:(pretends to consider it) Nah. Leave her like that.
Orionna: Ok…So, where to next?
Ron: My favorite time of day…Lunch.
Orionna: Figures.
Ron: A just what is that supposed to mean?
Orionna:(innocently) Nothing.
(They proceed to the Great Hall for lunch.)
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To be continued. I think anyway. This is all I have written at the moment. I haven't tortured, pissed off, or otherwise annoyed all the people I've on my list, yet. I also haven't gotten my muses in on it, yet either. That could prove terrifying. (Llyr: Just what exactly are you saying? *L) Oh dear, I see a mood swing coming on. Nadia, I'm going to kill you for this. (Nadia:[pleadingly] I'm sorry, Orionna; I didn't know.) I'm so sure. *L (Llyr:[in a very deadly voice] You didn't answer my question.) Nothing…uhh…bye. [And I run quickly out of the room.] (Llyr: I love doing that. ^-^)
