The initial reaction of most teenage girls who suddenly find themselves falling into randomly located abysses while attempting to escape the wrath of a psychotic teacher is to scream their heads off. Certainly there was a fair amount of that after our six Catholic schoolgirls realized that they were plummeting uninhibitedly through space, but even worse, they were plummeting uninhibitedly through space in their uniforms!! Fortunately for the eardrums of whatever creatures dwell in gaping time warps (and there must be some!) the screaming stopped after ten minutes or so.
Emily, who instead of screaming had begun the trip muttering "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…" through extremely tightly clenched teeth, managed to get her aching jaw back in working order (clenched teeth for ten minutes hurts… try it some time.) "Alright," she said in the most passive voice she could muster, "Who yelled 'JUMP!'? 'Fess up."
Everyone denied that it was she who had yelled.
"Not that it matters. We're all going to die whether or not you admit it that it was you who sent us to this gruesome demise. Splat!" she said, failing to maintain passivity.
"Not necessarily, Em… we could just fall forever without end," reasoned Kathleen.
"There has to be a bottom somewhere… we might die of dehydration before we hit it, though," said Julianna, trying to pry Paula off her, where she had been clinging since the jump into the ravine. "And I thought pretty much everyone yelled 'JUMP!' together. We're lemmings!"
"The Princess Bride, guys, The Princess Bride," Emily persisted, "Even if there was no bottom and we were to have food, water, and hygienic facilities fit for kings…"
"QUEENS!" Mrs. Tocci corrected.
"Kings," continued Emily, "The fall itself would kill us before we actually ever hit anything…"
"THREE QUOTES!" yelled Mrs. Tocci, interrupting any further comments that could have been made on the subject, "THREE QUOTES TO SUPPORT THAT IDEA!! CITATION, CITATION!!"
"Citation? It's not like I carry the book around with me! Well… yeah… I do… but that's not the point! We're all falling to our dooms and you expect me to cite a quote that proves we will die?"
"Otherwise it's plagiarism!" warned Mrs. Tocci, "And plagiarism is a crime! If you commit it, I will turn you in to the authorities without hesitation, mostly because you wrote your midterm essay on how Heathcliff was a bad person with no redeeming qualities. Once the authorities have you, the consequences will be swift and permanent…"
"Alright, alright…" the irritated student interrupted, "It's from the part on the Cliffs of Insanity just after Vizzini, Inigo, and Fezzik get to the top, when Vizzini cuts the rope that the man in black is climbing on. By cutting the rope, he thinks the man in black will fall off the Cliffs, but he says that he'll be dead before he even hits the water, the fall is so great. Of course, the man in black doesn't fall at all. Happy?"
"No. That was only one example, and you didn't put quotation marks around it. I do not think that it's possible for any of us to believe you without quotes to support your point."
It was surprising that Emily wasn't foaming at the mouth at that point. "We're… all… going… to… die!" she managed to pant out. "I'm… not… doing… homework!"
"Hey, come on!" Laura smiled, "This is better than Lunch Detention!"
(Love Me, Love My Disclaimer: I don't own creatures that dwell in gaping time warps, The Princess Bride, lemmings, feminist teachers, or Lunch Detentions. That said, none of that is plagiarized, because I disclaimed it!)
