"Evincio," Sirius muttered the word under his breath but Remus heard, and
narrowed his eyes.
"What was that?" he asked.
"What was what?" Sirius blinked at him.
"What you just said... something about your foot."
"Evincio?" Sirius shrugged. "It's a spell."
Remus punched him lightly. "I know that, you twat. What does it do?"
Sirius looked at Remus incredulously, and the shorter boy repressed the urge to feel his head to see if he had grown horns.
"You don't know?" Sirius managed to choke out.
"Of course I don't bloody know. I wouldn't be asking if I didn't know, would I?"
"I guess. Um... it, you know, ties up..." he trained off, twisting his fingers together and sticking his foot out. "Your shoe."
"You use a spell to tie your laces?" It was Remus' turn to look incredulous. "Are you serious?"
"Oi," but Sirius was curious. "How do you do it?"
Remus coughed slightly. "With my hands." He refrained from saying the normal way.
"How?"
"You want me to show you?"
"Yeah, sure. I'd like to know how to tie stuff up myself--just in case I ever lose my wand."
"All right then. Put your foot up here." Sirius put his foot on the bed. Remus tugged at the lace, but it stayed in its neat bow. "Untie your shoe," he said, and Sirius muttered another word. The laces untied immediately.
Remus sat next to the shoe on the bed. "Now--and don't you tell my mother I taught you this--but there's a rhyme that one of the other boys taught me in primary school." He had the grace to blush. "Not that laces are really phallic in nature, but it's funny anyway." He put his own shoe on the bed and untied it as an example, holding the laces. "You put the right dick under the left dick," he began. Sirius giggled, but followed Remus' example, crossing the laces.
"Right dick under the left dick," Remus muttered, keeping his place, "then you put the right dick around the left dick. Got that?" Sirius nodded. "Then you pull it," Remus continued, and Sirius snorted back his laughter.
"Do you have a problem?" Remus asked. Sirius tried to look contrite through his giggles.
"No no, not at all. Please continue." Remus raised his eyebrows.
"Um... finger the right dick," he looped the lace around his finger, "and thumb the left," he wraped the left lace about his thumb, "which makes a..." he lowered his voice, "vagina." Sirius could barely contain himself.
"Then what?" he choked.
"Pull the left dick through the vagina, but not too hard or else you're fucked." Remus finished in one breath, pulling his laces into a perfect bow. Sirus mimicked Remus' actions, but pulled too hard, leaving only one loop.
"Looks like I'm fucked," he said mournfully. Remus fell backwards onto the bed and just laughed at him.
"What was that?" he asked.
"What was what?" Sirius blinked at him.
"What you just said... something about your foot."
"Evincio?" Sirius shrugged. "It's a spell."
Remus punched him lightly. "I know that, you twat. What does it do?"
Sirius looked at Remus incredulously, and the shorter boy repressed the urge to feel his head to see if he had grown horns.
"You don't know?" Sirius managed to choke out.
"Of course I don't bloody know. I wouldn't be asking if I didn't know, would I?"
"I guess. Um... it, you know, ties up..." he trained off, twisting his fingers together and sticking his foot out. "Your shoe."
"You use a spell to tie your laces?" It was Remus' turn to look incredulous. "Are you serious?"
"Oi," but Sirius was curious. "How do you do it?"
Remus coughed slightly. "With my hands." He refrained from saying the normal way.
"How?"
"You want me to show you?"
"Yeah, sure. I'd like to know how to tie stuff up myself--just in case I ever lose my wand."
"All right then. Put your foot up here." Sirius put his foot on the bed. Remus tugged at the lace, but it stayed in its neat bow. "Untie your shoe," he said, and Sirius muttered another word. The laces untied immediately.
Remus sat next to the shoe on the bed. "Now--and don't you tell my mother I taught you this--but there's a rhyme that one of the other boys taught me in primary school." He had the grace to blush. "Not that laces are really phallic in nature, but it's funny anyway." He put his own shoe on the bed and untied it as an example, holding the laces. "You put the right dick under the left dick," he began. Sirius giggled, but followed Remus' example, crossing the laces.
"Right dick under the left dick," Remus muttered, keeping his place, "then you put the right dick around the left dick. Got that?" Sirius nodded. "Then you pull it," Remus continued, and Sirius snorted back his laughter.
"Do you have a problem?" Remus asked. Sirius tried to look contrite through his giggles.
"No no, not at all. Please continue." Remus raised his eyebrows.
"Um... finger the right dick," he looped the lace around his finger, "and thumb the left," he wraped the left lace about his thumb, "which makes a..." he lowered his voice, "vagina." Sirius could barely contain himself.
"Then what?" he choked.
"Pull the left dick through the vagina, but not too hard or else you're fucked." Remus finished in one breath, pulling his laces into a perfect bow. Sirus mimicked Remus' actions, but pulled too hard, leaving only one loop.
"Looks like I'm fucked," he said mournfully. Remus fell backwards onto the bed and just laughed at him.
