Disclaimer: JAG belongs to DPB, Paramount, CBS et al. This is for fun, no copyright infringement is intended.

---

THE PRESENT

I shake my head. It's still amazing what an effect Harm's words had on me. 'I'm not going to make the same mistake again' - amazing because there shouldn't have been a first time to make this mistake at all - and especially not a second time. I must stifle a laugh. What would I have done if he had suggested a 'back to the beginning' again? Very likely I would have thrown the cup. But instead he said what he said and things went on. Easy. It had been so easy to fall back in old habits - to work, to chat, to banter - with everyone including Harm. I needed it. I needed the security of my old life, I needed to know that there was still something that hadn't changed and I wanted that thing to be my love for Harm. Poor sailor - Chegwidden really made good on his words. Harm was running like a burnt cat during the following weeks but it was never good enough for the Admiral. Nevertheless he found the time to ask me to have dinner together on two or three occasions. He called it working-dinners but still - dinner. I couldn't believe it - for the first time my dreams seemed to be within arms reach ... but I never agreed. Paraguay was too close. My confusion as I ran out off Clay's hospital room was too close. And the way I was acting - the way I was treating him or better was *not* treating him - was making me sick. I was such a coward. By the time I had gathered the courage to call Clay he had been moved to a specialized clinic in New York. And I took this as a sorry excuse to avoid seeing him. I told myself it was the best for both of us. I told myself he had set me free and I should respect his wish. I found a hundred reasons to stay away - and sometimes I avoided looking into the mirror because I couldn't stand seeing my guilty face. I called his mother twice and asked her to give him my best wishes. She thanked me - very polite, very civil and very cold. I deserved her anger. I knew I deserved it. And then - just as I was in another round of scolding myself for acting like a jerk - I saw Clayton again ... with *that blond* clinging to his arm. It was an official dinner, hosted by the SecNav, and AJ ordered Sturgis and me to represent the JAG corps...

***

FLASHBACK

- House of the SecNav

"Oh, come on, Mac. It isn't that bad," Commander Sturgis Turner grinned at the sour expression on the face of his company. He nodded towards a man he had never seen before. "You meet interesting people, have a free meal..."

"... and get cramps because you have to smile the whole evening," grumbled Mac, nodded too and flashed a false smile. Sturgis took her now cast-less arm and directed her in the direction of the dining table. He chuckled.

"At least it seems like they're ready to start dinner. Maybe you feel better with some very expensive food inside your stomach."

"Don't be too sure of that." Mac allowed him to hold her chair while she was sitting down. "It depends on the food they're serving. And on the speeches. You've forgotten those long, boring speeches to be delivered before we're allowed to eat, haven't you?"

"You don't have to listen. And it's the same thing all over the world: You have to work hard for your living. Mac? Mac? You're still with me?"

Mac just stared to the opposite end of the table. Where a common figure was about to sit down. Though he definitely had lost weight he looked good - not at all like a man who had nearly died just a little more than a month ago. His suit was back in place ... and so seemed he. She saw him turn and ask something and then - he held the chair for a blond beauty, his hands grazing her shoulders in an intimate gesture, and sat down beside her. Mac's jaw nearly dropped. She continued to stare in shock as the blond leaned forward to him and brought her lips to his cheek.

Webb smiled dryly. His eyes wandered the row of the sitting people, met briefly Mac's, went on and snapped back to her. An expression of disbelieve flickered over his face. For a moment he stared back then dropped his gaze to the table and turned away.

'Oh, God! Oh, God, how dare he -!' The thoughts flashed through Mac's mind. 'I'm feeling bad, wondering how he's doing, if he's in pain and he ... he - he's playing with some blond bimbo! How *dare* he! Telling me he needs me! Ha! Making me feel like that! HA! And now - now - HOW DARE HE!'

Sturgis had meanwhile found the goal of her intense glare. Looking back and forth between Mac and the spy he shook his head. 'Oh my. Maybe the evening is going to be more exhausting than I've thought.'

Throughout the course of dishes Mac kept glaring over the table in Webb's direction, mechanically shoving the excellent food into her mouth without tasting it. Every time the blond bent forward to Webb, touched his hand, whispered something in his ear, it added to her anger. She was far beyond her boiling point as the SecNav finally got up and ended this part of the evening.

"Mac. Mac, wait..." Sturgis' voice was fading behind her as she made a head start out of her chair. Webb saw her coming and tried to maneuver the blond to the next door but he was too slow. Giving in he turned to face her.

"Uhm, hello ... Mac."

"Clayton," Mac pressed out through gritted teeth. The blond chose this moment to slide her arm around Webb's waist and snuggle up to his side. Her aquamarine-blue eyes checked Mac with a quick once-over.

Webb looked uncomfortable and at a loss of words. He rescued himself to the rules of social life. "Ah - Mac, Commander Turner ... meet Petra Bloomer. Petra - Colonel Sarah Mackenzie and Commander Turner of the Navy's Judge Advocate General's Corps."

The blond offered a neat hand. "Nice to meet you." Sturgis took the hand, Mac ignored her. The blond waited a moment longer and then put it on Webb's arm.

Mac intently searched Webb's face for a sign of the man she had seen in Paraguay, the man who had confessed to be in love with her. But he avoided her gaze. She wasn't able to find him. Even his injuries seemed to have disappeared, no trace was left of the cuts and bruised his face had been covered with. It hurt - and the pain she felt was unexpected in its intensity.

"Excuse me. I have to - excuse me." She stormed past him and dove into the crowd. Sturgis shot Webb a dirty look, nodded towards the blond and followed suit.

The remaining couple turned and followed them with their eyes. The blond raised a brow.

"Something I should know?"

Webb shook his head. "No." He sighed. "It's maybe better this way."

The blond just rolled her eyes.

***

THE PRESENT

Wow, I was so mad at him. I felt so betrayed. The next day I ran through JAG and needed no reason to explode. Everybody was ducking to avoid my rage. Just Harm was brave enough to talk to me and when he invited me to a working-dinner again - I agreed readily. Harm was so sweet. So loveable. It was what I needed right at this moment. I start picking up Annabelle's dresses and re-fold them unnecessarily. Then I settle down beside her bed. Yes, I needed it. But for the wrong reasons. If I hadn't been so upset the evening very likely would not have ended the way it did...

***

FLASHBACK

- Harm's apartment

"No, Harm, you can't build a defense around *that*!" Mac laughed out loud and popped the last piece of bread into her mouth. Harm smiled at her.

"Why not? I mean, it doesn't look like I have a choice."

"You always have a choice. You... What?" Mac was still smiling but got a little nervous of Harm's earnest gaze. "What? Do I have broccoli between my teeth? Why are you looking like this?"

"It's just ... what you've said," answered Harm slowly. "That there's always a choice."

"Well, that's the way it is, you..." Mac trailed off, captivated by his wonderful blue eyes. He moved closer to her and took her hand. He had pondered his decision long and hard. He had pondered everything that had happened in Paraguay. Yes, he was in love with her. He knew she hadn't seen Webb in the past weeks - and Sturgis had told him everything about yesterday evening. It just confirmed what he had always known: Webb wasn't the right man for her, he had let her down. He had tried for weeks to find an opening to talk to her in privacy and this was his chance. And he was determined to take it.

"Yes, that's the way it is," whispered Harm seriously, "I've learned my lesson, Mac. I just - I just want you to give me one more chance."

Mac swallowed hard. His body was so close to hers, she was able to feel the warmth coming off of him. She smelled his scent - this mixture of aftershave and a little sweat and something else she always associated so much with Harm. She leaned in a few inches, afraid he would draw back but instead he followed her lead and moved closer. They hesitated just a second before their lips met. Soft and testing at first then deepening the kiss as neither of them backed off.

Mac's head spun, she slowly raised a hand, bracing it against Harm's arm in an attempt to steady herself. As she did, she felt Harm drawing her closer, digging his fingers into her hair. And still the kiss went on and on until they were forced to break apart and come up for air.

Panting they stared into each others eyes then kissed again, impatiently this time, hungry.

"Harm," whispered Mac between the kisses, "Harm, I've loved you for so long - so long."

Harm embraced her tightly. "I love you too. I know that now. You're safe. You're home. I protect you. I love you so much."

And even as Mac threw caution to the wind and pressed herself against him, there was a tiny spot in her soul that was shivering at his words.