Disclaimer: JAG belongs to DPB, Paramount, CBS et al. This is for fun, no copyright infringement is intended.

---

THE PRESENT

I'm looking down at my daughter. She's so beautiful in her sleep. Having her is worth the pain and sorrows I've been through. Clayton's words had been the last straw. Driving home I knew what to do. I had to draw the line. I needed to draw the line. I was tired of feeling guilty or sad or rejected or whatever. I needed a cut, plain and clear - well, as plain and clear as possible being pregnant. I needed some distance. Both - mentally and physically. I needed time to think, to make my own decisions ... and I wanted to get rid of this mistake of fraternization. So I drove home, changed my uniform and went to JAG. It was the hardest thing I ever did...

***

FLASHBACK

- JAG Headquarters

Mac stepped out of the elevator and right into the bullpen. Bud saw her coming and hurried over. He didn't even get a chance to greet her.

"Bud, where's Commander Rabb?" inquired Mac in a hard voice to mask her nervousness.

"He - He's been sent to Norfolk to start his investigation into the Miller case. The Admiral told him yesterday to go immediately and not to come back until he got some sense and consideration into his head," Bud grimaced. "The Admiral was pretty mad after we left."

"I see," murmured Mac. Those weren't the best circumstances but it had to do. And maybe it was better to deal first with the Admiral and then with Harm than vice versa. She headed to Chegwidden's office.

"Uhm, Ma'am? How's Mister Webb?" a startled Bad called after her.

"He'll live. It'll take some time but he'll live," she answered over her shoulder. Then she set her jaw in determination. There was a battle to win.

***

- JAG Headquarters, Admiral Chegwidden's office

"YOU HAVE WHAT?!" Chegwidden's bellow shook the room. Mac stood even more at attention and repeated quietly:

"I have to report an offence against the rules of fraternization - my own offence against the rules of fraternization. I've had a personal relationship with another officer in this chain of command."

"Rabb! How-"

"Sir! I've never said its Commander Rabb, Sir."

There was a loud silence.

"Tell me the name of the officer involved," ordered Chegwidden finally in a frightening voice. Mac swallowed hard.

"No, Sir."

"What was that, Colonel?!" Chegwidden shoved his chin almost in her face.

"I'm the senior officer in this matter. I'm the one responsible."

"This is unacceptable, Colonel! And if it's Rabb you're a senior officer by barely two months!"

"I'm the senior officer, Sir," repeated Mac unwaveringly, "And I'm taking full responsibility for everything that has happened."

"This isn't *your* decision, Colonel! This is -"

"Yes, it is, Sir!" Mac interrupted grimly her eyes still set straight ahead. She continued before Chegwidden could blow up again. "I've made a mistake, Sir. I should have known better but anyway I've made a mistake. And in doing so I betrayed the Marine Corps, I betrayed the Navy and I betrayed your trust in me. I'm very sorry about it. And I can't think of a more honorable way to tell you than to tell you right away what has happened and to take whatever punishment you may consider appropriate. Sir. But I will not involve the officer in question. I'm taking full responsibility and I'm taking it alone. Sir!"

Chegwidden pressed his lips together. He turned sharp, walked back behind his desk and sat down.

"*You* are taking full responsibility," he stated finally. "How long has this ... *personal relationship* ... lasted?"

"A little bit more than a month, Sir."

"So it started after your assignment in Paraguay."

"Yes, Sir." Mac closed her eyes for a moment. She knew what he was doing. He was searching for a way out. Probably considering her state of mind after she came back or pondering the fine grades in fraternization because she and Harm were in the same chain of command but not exactly of different rank and not exactly in the same unit. Her heart was aching at this evidence of how much he cared.

"Well, Colonel, I surely *don't* approve what has happened! And I'm very disappointed in your behavior. But -"

"I'm pregnant, Sir."

Chegwidden inhaled deeply and slowly breathed out. His face hardened even more.

"Well," he said carefully, "That's changing matters a bit." He pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers. "Tell me, Colonel, what exactly did you have in mind when you've come to my office?"

Mac swallowed hard. "Sir, it's common to transfer one of the persons involved in fraternization."

"You just told me you're expecting."

"Yes, Sir."

"So you're running away? That hadn't changed anything the last time."

For the first time Mac's gaze flickered off its 'straight ahead' position. But she recovered quickly.

"With all due respect, Sir. But I'm not running away. If I'd run away I'd quit the Marines and leave JAG. But I don't. I've made a mistake but I'm ready to face the consequences. In fact I'm doing something I should have done years ago: I'm bringing some distance between me and my problems - my feelings - to sort them out."

"Brave words, Mac," Chegwidden shook his head, "But you know what this means for your career. Both - the transfer and the fraternization."

"Sir, right now my career is one of my minor problems." Mac blinked but refused to lower her eyes. She gulped twice. "Sir, if you don't mind ... I don't want them to know of my pregnancy."

Chegwidden frowned. "He doesn't know?"

"It's my decision, Sir. Things are ... complicated enough."

Her CO sighed. Why did he deserve this? He considered the woman in front of him. So petite and so stubborn. He wanted to yell at her - but on the other hand he had given her a promise not so long ago. The promise to be there for her.

"You'll be informed of my decision. Dismissed."

"Sir, thank you, Sir." Mac's back was ramrod straight as she turned precisely and walked out of his office.

***

THE PRESENT

Admiral Chegwidden's offer was clear: Cut of salary for half a year, because I refused to name the officer involved, and a transfer to Pensacola - and it would be over and done with. I agreed immediately. God only knows what strings he pulled to make it possible. Probably waving a big 'look- what-she-just-did-for-this-country' flag right under the SecNav's nose. And of course he knew exactly that the officer in question was Harm. But he didn't ask again. He even agreed to keep my pregnancy a secret at JAG headquarters - grumbling but doing it. This was the only thing I wasn't strong enough to face yet. Telling Harm about our child. And so I told none of my friends about my relationship with Harm or our child too - because it wouldn't have been fair. They still had to work with Harm and inevitably there would be a slip of the tongue and then I could directly see Harm running to my rescue again. But this time I didn't want a knight in shining armor. I wasn't sure if I'd have been strong enough to resist. So I wrote a letter in which I begged him to stay away from me, to give me the time I needed to find clarity of what I wanted. And then I packed my stuff, said a tearful goodbye to Bud and Harriet and all the others at JAG - and went off to Pensacola before he returned from Norfolk. Cowardly? Yes, maybe. But the only thing I was able to do just then. Settling down in Pensacola was rather easy. The work kept me occupied. I liked most of the people I had to work with and busied myself getting comfortable in my new apartment. Once a week I talked to Harriet on the phone and she kept me updated about the ongoing world at JAG headquarters. It was hard to refuse to come and see their newly born son Christopher Martin. But I started to show and - I still wasn't ready to face Harm. The months went by and I celebrated a lonely Christmas and New Year. There were parties on both occasions and they sure were nice but ... I missed the spirit of Washington covered in snow. I missed the special atmosphere at JAG headquarters through Christmas season. I missed Bud and Harriet and the Admiral and all the others ... and Harm. I wondered what Clayton was doing on his first Christmas without his mother. I wondered what he had done as she was still alive. I once more realized how little I really knew about him. After I came out of my Christmas-depression I refocused on my daily changing life. My belly was still growing bigger and the acrobatic gymnastics of my baby rose to an amazing level. And out of the blue an unexpected visitor knocked at my door...

---

Author's note: Well, I've done some research about 'Fraternization in the Military' but I'm far from being an expert. So I handled things rather freely and knocked it a little into shape to fit in my story. 'Writers-privilege'.