Never fall in love with a Werewolf
Chapter One - Counting Up The Demons
"Oh!" Remus leaned against the front door breathing heavily, he placed his weary hand on the handle to shut it. "Oh my…" He whispered, he felt sick, his stomach was churning, his head was spinning, all he wanted to do was shut out the world and never have to face anyone again. Remus slid down the door and landed with a thump on the wooden floor. He dropped his wand, and brought his trembling hands to his pale face. He had finally succumbed to grief. Sirius was gone. Gone forever.
Remus didn't know how to handle death this time round. When James and Lily were killed, he at least had hope in the shape of baby Harry. Now what did he have? How was Harry going to cope? Remus didn't want to think about it at all, he just wanted to shut out the night's tragic events, pretend they didn't ever happen, and he'd go upstairs and he'd see Sirius hanging out the doorframe to the first floor bathroom, a yellow toothbrush in his mouth singing a summer song to himself.
However, when Remus did get up to go to bed, he didn't see Sirius hanging out the doorframe, he couldn't hear him breathing heavily from his bedroom, and he didn't smell his familiar aroma drifting from the drawing room where he'd sit and read Muggle novels until late in the night. Realising this, and drawing to the conclusion he'd never see Sirius again, Remus dragged himself up to the second floor, silent tears streaming from his pallid, lined face. He slowly pulled himself into bed, in the old silent house, still fully clothed.
Remus was woken up at about 6 O'clock in the morning. The sun had risen, and a single beam was illuminating the dust flying about the room. Remus looked around the room to try and find what had woken him and saw Tonks towering over his bed.
"Remus…" Tonks said sympathetically, looking down at Remus, her dark eyes twinkling, and her hair black in respect for Sirius.
"Why are you here?" He grumbled, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
"To see you silly! You can't stay in this house alone…" Tonks muttered looking around at the dank, dark blue room.
"I can manage perfectly fine, Tonks." Remus said indignantly, Remus smiled at Tonks and ruffled his hair. "Really, I can manage on my own." Remus threw the pale blue duvet off the bed and hopped out. Tonks shook her head.
"You're still fully clothed!" She shrieked looking at Remus with wide eyes. "You're not fine, Remus." Tonks muttered, she shook her head again.
"I think, Tonks, I think I know what I'm feeling." He frowned at Tonks, and pulled on a frayed beige dressing gown over his robes.
"I'm not stupid Remus!" Tonks groaned, following him out of the bedroom, almost tripping over her long indigo mohair robes. "You and Sirius lived together, he was your best friend-"
"Tonks, I know you care, I was away most weekends, so we weren't together that often…" Remus's voice trailed off, he now regretted doing weekend jobs when he could have spent more time with Sirius.
"Remus?" Tonks's voice echoed in his head, he wasn't quite sure of what he was doing, he shuddered and moped off to the bathroom.
"I, need the toilet." Remus muttered, as he walked away from Tonks. Tonks stared at him once again wide eyed.
Remus clamoured into the bathroom, and shut the door behind him. He was shaking, his hands trembled as he took them off the brass door handle. He looked into the mirror across the room, he didn't see a young man in his mid-thirties, but he saw a man who had lost another friend because of the evil of Voldemort… Remus started to feel anger rising in his veins, and an absolute hatred blistering under his composed façade. Remus knew he had to stay calm, he always had to stay calm, people would be scared if they saw him angry, he knew it, thy would probably be scared that he'd bite them…
"You were a while Remus." Tonks said disapprovingly, now sitting at the kitchen table with two mugs of tea.
"Yeah, had a shower, sorry about that." Remus muttered distantly. He sat down opposite Tonks and took a sip of his tea. "Delicious, perfect Tonks." Remus smiled over the rim of his mug.
"So?"
"So, what?" Remus put down his mug and looked intently at Tonks.
"Are you OK? Don't tell me you are, or change the subject, because I know you're not fine, you're far from it! Look at you, falling asleep in your robes, you don't do that, and nor do you change the subject and trail off to the bathroom." Remus dropped his gaze, and stared at his hands.
"I just wanted to be left alone, I now see that's not such a good idea, you're right Tonks. I'm not fine." Remus sighed heavily and now turned to face the grey ceiling. "Nothing is fine anymore."
"Remus…" Tonks whispered, rubbing his hand soothingly. "It's normal to feel like this."
"How would you know? Ever lost your only, oldest and best friend?"
"Excuse me? Only? Remus, I think you'll find that you have many friends. But I did loose my best friend when I ten." Tonks said gravely, now clutching Remus's warm hands.
"You did, what was her name?"
"His, name was Oberon. He was leaning out the window of his house, got a fright from his family's house elf, Camille, and fell out."
"I'm sorry." Remus muttered, wholly apologetic about not knowing about her friend. "Never knew."
"It's OK, it was twelve years ago, made new friends, better friends since then." Tonks smiled at Remus. "Your turn."
"I lost my best friend, when I was twenty four, his name was James Potter, his wife Lily, another good friend of mine, was also killed. Only Harry survived." Remus sighed. "I wonder, how Harry is coping…"
"Poor boy, first his parents, now his godfather. Life's been cruel on him. He has you now."
"Harry, has me? I seriously doubt I'll be of any use to him. I cannot fill the hole in his heart that Sirius one filled."
"Harry has a space in his heart for you! You'll never be able to replace Sirius, but Harry needs someone to look up to, be that person Remus." Remus barely had time to marvel at this side to Tonks, all he did was smile softly at her and nod. Remus let go of Tonks's clutch, and swallowed some more tea.
"Last night, I lost my best, and oldest friend Sirius Black." Remus continued, breathing heavily and gravely. "H-he, he was killed," Remus was now shaking. "Killed by Bellatrix Lestranges." Tonks swore under her breath, Remus looked up.
"Forgot we were related?"
"Oh, yes. That."
"I'll try to forget. I have done many times before."
"I hope you do. I cant imagine how it would feel."
"And I don't want to." Tonks spat, her eyes darting to the stone floor. "Continue Remus, the only way for the pain to go away is to talk about it."
"Oh, yes." Remus muttered, he didn't really want to pour his heart out, not now, not ever. "Where was I? Oh yes." Reluctantly, Remus started to talk to Tonks once again. "He was killed, last night. Murdered like James and Lily. Killed like James and Lily. He's gone, like James and Lily." Remus's voice broke. He stopped talking and stared into oblivion. He turned away from Tonks taking another sip of (now cold) tea. He now felt ready to tell Tonks everything.
He started off telling her about when he received the bite, his fears, his doubts. How he wished he would die every time he saw the full moon, and started to feel the excruciating pain, just staring at this silvery orb in the sky.
Remus told her how he made friends at Hogwarts, Sirius, James and Peter. He told her how he wished they would never find out, because, if they did he as sure they would hate him, leave him, abandon him. He told her how fantastic The Marauders were when they found out about his condition. He told her the pain he had, now that all his friends were gone, and that now he was only left with memories.
Remus told her his fears for Harry, and his fears for himself. How would he manage without Sirius? How was a life without his best friend going to be bearable?…
Disclaimer
All characters belong to J K Rowling, obviously, although, I am trying everything to make Remus mine… Not working though!
