AN: Thank you to Catherine for reviewing this story. Thank you so much. You
have no idea what it means for me.
By the way, // denote thoughts and ### is for flashback.
Chapter 3: Decisions.
Alfirin grumbled angrily. How is it that Fíriel could come with the company while she had to come back to the kingdom? It's unfair. After all, she had also come all the way to find the elves. And she was the one who *found* the elves. Without her, Fíriel would be the wolves' lunch by now.
Maybe that was also the reason why Fíriel had kept her identity secret. Maybe, if she had told them of Fíriel's true identity, Fíriel would not be able to come too. //How smart,// she thought inwardly. //Should I know, I would've done the same. But how?// the realisation did nothing to calmed her heart. She has to come with the elves. She could not let *him* to go alone. What if something happen? And now Fíriel's also coming with him. Two reasons for another sleepless night. Again.
Alfirin, although young in the eyes of elves, had her share of pain and sorrow. Her father died years ago while fighting a band of orcs. These orcs seemed to have taken great interest with the elves' dwelling. They would love to take control of the elves that they had envied for so long for their beauty and the fact that they did not lived under the slavery of such a cruel master. Her mother had not married another ever since, and Alfirin had taken her uncle to filled the position of her father. But she would never forget her beloved father. And now, having to face a fact that he had to leave also, filled her heart with dread. What if she loses another that has a special place in her heart? What if she loses the one she loved? Again?
But this could also be another reason why she was not to come. Her father had died while protecting her mother. Or so they said. And it seemed that they did not wanted her to get in the way. //Well then, if I could help by not coming then perhaps I should not come after all.// The thought rest her heart's turmoil as she walked to where Fíriel sat.
Fíriel sat furthest away from the elves, in the darkest part. The light touched her but a little and still she had her hood up, covering her head. She looked at nothing in particular and seemed to be deep in her own world. Alfirin looked at her and her thought wandered back again.
#####
"Who is this person you wanted to show us Alfirin?" Legolas said. The mere sound from him had made her trembled slightly. This was the son of King Thranduil, her Lord, and to be addressed by him was a great honour. She blushed nervously and was going to answer him when Fíriel interrupted.
"I am an apprentice of Radagast. My master had sent me to ask for your aid in the war against Sauron in Dol Guldur." Fíriel had spoken in a totally different voice altogether. Her voice had sounded like a man's voice. Alfirin suspected that she must have done something quite as unnatural as turning into a crow. Or maybe turning into an elf from being a crow.
Suddenly, Alfirin found herself to be even more afraid of this lady. If she is a lady. Or she could be a totally different being altogether. Maybe she was sent by Sauron to attack the elves before they could do anymore damage to the war.
#####
"Then I would have attacked right now, young one." A voice whispered in her ear. Alfirin looked around to see the face beneath the hood. She gasped as she saw Fíriel looking at her with that gaze that seems to penetrate her mind. "And indeed I could." Fíriel said, reading her thoughts. "that is why I had showed you my true identity. I know you intended no harm."
"And as for me being Sauron's servant, you could not possibly put me in a worse state. I am what you see me now." Seeing that Alfirin still did not believe her, she continued, "I could not stay in another form for very long for it will slowly sap my energy. I won't be able to even moved by now and you should be able to see through it."
Yet still, Alfirin did not trusted her. "But of course you would not attacked for you cannot fight and still weakened from the journey."
Fíriel looked at the young elf and sniggered. Seeing that Alfirin was offended, she explained, "Weakened? Nay, my curious friend, I could not easily *weakened* from such a short journey. I could use my power should I choose to and even if I could not, I have other ways. Many other ways, my friend."
Alfirin looked at her and saw that she told the truth. Her heart wanted to trusted the lady in front of her yet her mind still could not fully do so. "Then why did you not tell them of your true identity?"
"They would not let me come." Fíriel said simply. "You know of their decision with you. There is no doubt that they will do the same to me and I cannot afford that. My master will be most displeased. You knew of this I see. You should trust your intuition more."
Fíriel started to walk away but Alfirin caught up with her. She needed to know more of this lady. "Then am I right that you know of...of...?"
Whether or not she heard what Alfirin said, Fíriel did not stopped and the young elf walked together beside her. Just as she thought that the lady would not speak to her anymore, a voice came from under the hood. "Yes, I know of it. I'm not trying to read every person's life but some things are just too clear to be missed. I knew how it feel, Alfirin, perhaps better than you do. After all you still have Er-Galadh."
Alfirin looked at her with surprise for the lady had said her uncle's name yet she had never told her of it. But something else that she said nagged her.
"You said you know what it feel...what it feel to lose a father?"
Fíriel sighed at this and said in a poignant tone, "Yes. I believe I said those words. I've lost mine, you see, quite some years ago. How long has it been? Three thousand...two thousand years? I cannot remember clearly. I could not even remember how old I was. Fourteen...or was it fifteen? Human years that is," she said after looking at Alfirin's expression.
Alfirin was taken aback by Fíriel's words. How young she was. Young not just in the eyes of elves but also in the eyes of man. "I'm sorry." Alfirin thought of leaving her alone as she feared that she had unwillingly brought back what must have been a painful memory back but Fíriel simply looked at her and smiled. And as she looked deep into her doe-like eyes, she founded no sorrow, just deep longing. And somehow, she had also saw compassion in them. And so she braved herself and said, "Do you miss him?"
"Of course. It was so long ago, yet it was so close. But I suppose I can accept it now. After all, he would've not lived 'till this time in any case."
"Why not?"
Fíriel was about to answer when an elf walked towards them. It was Er- Galadh from what Alfirin could gather. His silver hair marked clearly against the dark surroundings, contrasting with the darkness on her side. Fíriel stopped, again, in the darkest part possible. Something that had always made her so afraid of the robed figure.
The elf regarded Fíriel closely before greeted her as formally as possible. Alfirin smiled as she realised that he also feared her. Perhaps more than her. Somehow, this also amused the lady for she smiled from under the hood before she replied with the same courtesy. Her unusual voice was back, much to the young elf's discontent yet somehow she felt her fear ceasing. She wandered at this, not knowing why but it seemed that she trusted her. Even though she was still surrounded in darkness, it seemed to Alfirin, that a light shone beneath the shade of her hood.
//Maybe because I had found out more of her,// she thought, //Maybe because she had shared the same experience, the same pain with me?// It was a unique way of building a trust but it seemed to had worked with them.
Her thought was interrupted as her uncle, having done the formalities, spoke to her. "Alfirin, we understand why you have come and we thank you for it." He cast an displeased look at Fíriel who seemed to have ignored them completely and continued, " But you must leave tomorrow yet we cannot leave you alone. for although you know of this wood, it is still dangerous for you to thread along without a companion. One of us will accompany you back ."
At this, the irritation that was cooled down inside of her was set afire again. Who is he to know that she could not even go back safely. She was not that incompetent. Somehow, her fear of losing was replaced by anger and it showed in her eyes.
"Why can't I come? I will be able to help. You know of what I can do. I'm skilled in the art of healing. I can and I want to help."
Er-Galadh glances at his niece worriedly. He knew her for too long to ignored this behaviour. He knew that once she had set up her mind, she would never change them. Her determination, although could be inspiring, sometimes could create more problems in an already complicated situation. He sighed at her stubbornness.
"Worry not, young one, for I am also skilled in such art." The voice taken both of them by surprise. It appeared that they have forgotten about the silent figure beside them. "Should you come, it will not only put yourself in danger but also others around you for their concentration will be split from you and the task ahead of them."
"But it would be the same should you come." Alfirin protested. She was to come with them no matter what.
"Nay, it won't be the same for they cared more of you than they are of me. If there is any." she added sardonically. Er-Galadh flinched at the words and was about to object but Fíriel held out her hand and continued, "in any case, Er-Galadh is right. You will be in constant danger should you approach Dol Guldur with or without company. Have you not said that Dol Guldur is an accursed place?" Er-Galadh cringed at the mention of Dol Guldur.
Alfirin also cringed at the sound of the name that has brought horror to her dreams and suddenly realised how terrified she really was. She glanced a hurtful look at her uncle and nodded in agreement.
Er-Galadh sighed in relief at her niece's change of mind. He thanked the robed figure hastily before leaving the two of them alone to continue with their previous conversation.
"He appeared to be pleased to leave us be." Fíriel spoke, "Or perhaps to leave me be."
Alfirin ignored her sarcastic words and said instead, "Why did you stopped me? You are as inept at using weapon as I am."
Fíriel looked at Alfirin and thought for a while before answering, "Perhaps…perhaps. But remember that I am a magic-user. I am capable of protecting myself should I am threatened."
"Like the time with the wolves?"
Fíriel ignored the remark and kept on going as if nothing had been said, "In any case, as I have said, they care naught of me. They will not be distracted should anything happen to me."
"That…" Alfirin could not brought herself to say that she cared also for her. I was ridiculous the way she felt about this lady. After all, she was still a mystery for her.
Fíriel gazed at the girl intently and saw the worry in her heart. She smiled reassuringly and said, "Believe me when I said that those wolves could not harmed me. But the elves had come before the fun begin."
Alfirin stare at the face beneath the hood and saw that it was telling the truth. She lowered her gaze, not daring to asked of her heart desire.
But Fíriel have seen it and said," I will do what you whished me to do. No harm will come upon him. Not as long as I live."
Alfirin was shocked by the statement that Fíriel made for her wish. She rested her gaze on the grass, tears welled in her eyes. "I…I don't mean to be…I…It's just, I…"
"Hush." Fíriel looked at the young elf, compassion in her eyes. "I understand how it felt. I've been there, remember?" Alfirin looked up to be held by a loving gaze. The gaze that had reminded her of her mother yet somehow it was different this time. There were understanding in it the way her mother's will never have. She let herself into her warm embrace and realised suddenly how much she missed her mother.
Fíriel hugged the young elf in front of her and her memory wandered back. She remembered how reluctant she was when Elen had cried and hugged her. But this time, it was her who hugged the grieving girl though it was and will never be Elen. She was gone from her life. Time had claimed her many years ago as it has taken her father and perhaps also her mother. Her mother, whose voice were the only memory she had of her. How much she longed to see her face or to feel her presence. Something that she had never experienced in life.
"Sleep now," Fíriel whispered against the sobbing and started to sing the only elven song she knew and lulled Alfirin to sleep just the way it has lulled Elen, her daughter, to sleep. And slept she had, her dear daughter. An eternal sleep.
By the way, // denote thoughts and ### is for flashback.
Chapter 3: Decisions.
Alfirin grumbled angrily. How is it that Fíriel could come with the company while she had to come back to the kingdom? It's unfair. After all, she had also come all the way to find the elves. And she was the one who *found* the elves. Without her, Fíriel would be the wolves' lunch by now.
Maybe that was also the reason why Fíriel had kept her identity secret. Maybe, if she had told them of Fíriel's true identity, Fíriel would not be able to come too. //How smart,// she thought inwardly. //Should I know, I would've done the same. But how?// the realisation did nothing to calmed her heart. She has to come with the elves. She could not let *him* to go alone. What if something happen? And now Fíriel's also coming with him. Two reasons for another sleepless night. Again.
Alfirin, although young in the eyes of elves, had her share of pain and sorrow. Her father died years ago while fighting a band of orcs. These orcs seemed to have taken great interest with the elves' dwelling. They would love to take control of the elves that they had envied for so long for their beauty and the fact that they did not lived under the slavery of such a cruel master. Her mother had not married another ever since, and Alfirin had taken her uncle to filled the position of her father. But she would never forget her beloved father. And now, having to face a fact that he had to leave also, filled her heart with dread. What if she loses another that has a special place in her heart? What if she loses the one she loved? Again?
But this could also be another reason why she was not to come. Her father had died while protecting her mother. Or so they said. And it seemed that they did not wanted her to get in the way. //Well then, if I could help by not coming then perhaps I should not come after all.// The thought rest her heart's turmoil as she walked to where Fíriel sat.
Fíriel sat furthest away from the elves, in the darkest part. The light touched her but a little and still she had her hood up, covering her head. She looked at nothing in particular and seemed to be deep in her own world. Alfirin looked at her and her thought wandered back again.
#####
"Who is this person you wanted to show us Alfirin?" Legolas said. The mere sound from him had made her trembled slightly. This was the son of King Thranduil, her Lord, and to be addressed by him was a great honour. She blushed nervously and was going to answer him when Fíriel interrupted.
"I am an apprentice of Radagast. My master had sent me to ask for your aid in the war against Sauron in Dol Guldur." Fíriel had spoken in a totally different voice altogether. Her voice had sounded like a man's voice. Alfirin suspected that she must have done something quite as unnatural as turning into a crow. Or maybe turning into an elf from being a crow.
Suddenly, Alfirin found herself to be even more afraid of this lady. If she is a lady. Or she could be a totally different being altogether. Maybe she was sent by Sauron to attack the elves before they could do anymore damage to the war.
#####
"Then I would have attacked right now, young one." A voice whispered in her ear. Alfirin looked around to see the face beneath the hood. She gasped as she saw Fíriel looking at her with that gaze that seems to penetrate her mind. "And indeed I could." Fíriel said, reading her thoughts. "that is why I had showed you my true identity. I know you intended no harm."
"And as for me being Sauron's servant, you could not possibly put me in a worse state. I am what you see me now." Seeing that Alfirin still did not believe her, she continued, "I could not stay in another form for very long for it will slowly sap my energy. I won't be able to even moved by now and you should be able to see through it."
Yet still, Alfirin did not trusted her. "But of course you would not attacked for you cannot fight and still weakened from the journey."
Fíriel looked at the young elf and sniggered. Seeing that Alfirin was offended, she explained, "Weakened? Nay, my curious friend, I could not easily *weakened* from such a short journey. I could use my power should I choose to and even if I could not, I have other ways. Many other ways, my friend."
Alfirin looked at her and saw that she told the truth. Her heart wanted to trusted the lady in front of her yet her mind still could not fully do so. "Then why did you not tell them of your true identity?"
"They would not let me come." Fíriel said simply. "You know of their decision with you. There is no doubt that they will do the same to me and I cannot afford that. My master will be most displeased. You knew of this I see. You should trust your intuition more."
Fíriel started to walk away but Alfirin caught up with her. She needed to know more of this lady. "Then am I right that you know of...of...?"
Whether or not she heard what Alfirin said, Fíriel did not stopped and the young elf walked together beside her. Just as she thought that the lady would not speak to her anymore, a voice came from under the hood. "Yes, I know of it. I'm not trying to read every person's life but some things are just too clear to be missed. I knew how it feel, Alfirin, perhaps better than you do. After all you still have Er-Galadh."
Alfirin looked at her with surprise for the lady had said her uncle's name yet she had never told her of it. But something else that she said nagged her.
"You said you know what it feel...what it feel to lose a father?"
Fíriel sighed at this and said in a poignant tone, "Yes. I believe I said those words. I've lost mine, you see, quite some years ago. How long has it been? Three thousand...two thousand years? I cannot remember clearly. I could not even remember how old I was. Fourteen...or was it fifteen? Human years that is," she said after looking at Alfirin's expression.
Alfirin was taken aback by Fíriel's words. How young she was. Young not just in the eyes of elves but also in the eyes of man. "I'm sorry." Alfirin thought of leaving her alone as she feared that she had unwillingly brought back what must have been a painful memory back but Fíriel simply looked at her and smiled. And as she looked deep into her doe-like eyes, she founded no sorrow, just deep longing. And somehow, she had also saw compassion in them. And so she braved herself and said, "Do you miss him?"
"Of course. It was so long ago, yet it was so close. But I suppose I can accept it now. After all, he would've not lived 'till this time in any case."
"Why not?"
Fíriel was about to answer when an elf walked towards them. It was Er- Galadh from what Alfirin could gather. His silver hair marked clearly against the dark surroundings, contrasting with the darkness on her side. Fíriel stopped, again, in the darkest part possible. Something that had always made her so afraid of the robed figure.
The elf regarded Fíriel closely before greeted her as formally as possible. Alfirin smiled as she realised that he also feared her. Perhaps more than her. Somehow, this also amused the lady for she smiled from under the hood before she replied with the same courtesy. Her unusual voice was back, much to the young elf's discontent yet somehow she felt her fear ceasing. She wandered at this, not knowing why but it seemed that she trusted her. Even though she was still surrounded in darkness, it seemed to Alfirin, that a light shone beneath the shade of her hood.
//Maybe because I had found out more of her,// she thought, //Maybe because she had shared the same experience, the same pain with me?// It was a unique way of building a trust but it seemed to had worked with them.
Her thought was interrupted as her uncle, having done the formalities, spoke to her. "Alfirin, we understand why you have come and we thank you for it." He cast an displeased look at Fíriel who seemed to have ignored them completely and continued, " But you must leave tomorrow yet we cannot leave you alone. for although you know of this wood, it is still dangerous for you to thread along without a companion. One of us will accompany you back ."
At this, the irritation that was cooled down inside of her was set afire again. Who is he to know that she could not even go back safely. She was not that incompetent. Somehow, her fear of losing was replaced by anger and it showed in her eyes.
"Why can't I come? I will be able to help. You know of what I can do. I'm skilled in the art of healing. I can and I want to help."
Er-Galadh glances at his niece worriedly. He knew her for too long to ignored this behaviour. He knew that once she had set up her mind, she would never change them. Her determination, although could be inspiring, sometimes could create more problems in an already complicated situation. He sighed at her stubbornness.
"Worry not, young one, for I am also skilled in such art." The voice taken both of them by surprise. It appeared that they have forgotten about the silent figure beside them. "Should you come, it will not only put yourself in danger but also others around you for their concentration will be split from you and the task ahead of them."
"But it would be the same should you come." Alfirin protested. She was to come with them no matter what.
"Nay, it won't be the same for they cared more of you than they are of me. If there is any." she added sardonically. Er-Galadh flinched at the words and was about to object but Fíriel held out her hand and continued, "in any case, Er-Galadh is right. You will be in constant danger should you approach Dol Guldur with or without company. Have you not said that Dol Guldur is an accursed place?" Er-Galadh cringed at the mention of Dol Guldur.
Alfirin also cringed at the sound of the name that has brought horror to her dreams and suddenly realised how terrified she really was. She glanced a hurtful look at her uncle and nodded in agreement.
Er-Galadh sighed in relief at her niece's change of mind. He thanked the robed figure hastily before leaving the two of them alone to continue with their previous conversation.
"He appeared to be pleased to leave us be." Fíriel spoke, "Or perhaps to leave me be."
Alfirin ignored her sarcastic words and said instead, "Why did you stopped me? You are as inept at using weapon as I am."
Fíriel looked at Alfirin and thought for a while before answering, "Perhaps…perhaps. But remember that I am a magic-user. I am capable of protecting myself should I am threatened."
"Like the time with the wolves?"
Fíriel ignored the remark and kept on going as if nothing had been said, "In any case, as I have said, they care naught of me. They will not be distracted should anything happen to me."
"That…" Alfirin could not brought herself to say that she cared also for her. I was ridiculous the way she felt about this lady. After all, she was still a mystery for her.
Fíriel gazed at the girl intently and saw the worry in her heart. She smiled reassuringly and said, "Believe me when I said that those wolves could not harmed me. But the elves had come before the fun begin."
Alfirin stare at the face beneath the hood and saw that it was telling the truth. She lowered her gaze, not daring to asked of her heart desire.
But Fíriel have seen it and said," I will do what you whished me to do. No harm will come upon him. Not as long as I live."
Alfirin was shocked by the statement that Fíriel made for her wish. She rested her gaze on the grass, tears welled in her eyes. "I…I don't mean to be…I…It's just, I…"
"Hush." Fíriel looked at the young elf, compassion in her eyes. "I understand how it felt. I've been there, remember?" Alfirin looked up to be held by a loving gaze. The gaze that had reminded her of her mother yet somehow it was different this time. There were understanding in it the way her mother's will never have. She let herself into her warm embrace and realised suddenly how much she missed her mother.
Fíriel hugged the young elf in front of her and her memory wandered back. She remembered how reluctant she was when Elen had cried and hugged her. But this time, it was her who hugged the grieving girl though it was and will never be Elen. She was gone from her life. Time had claimed her many years ago as it has taken her father and perhaps also her mother. Her mother, whose voice were the only memory she had of her. How much she longed to see her face or to feel her presence. Something that she had never experienced in life.
"Sleep now," Fíriel whispered against the sobbing and started to sing the only elven song she knew and lulled Alfirin to sleep just the way it has lulled Elen, her daughter, to sleep. And slept she had, her dear daughter. An eternal sleep.
